Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Ali Landry Says Goodbye to Los Feliz

SELLER: Ali Landry
LOCATION: Holboro Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $2,395,000
SIZE: 2,899 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: This home exudes elegance, charm and Latin vivacity. Reminiscent of another era, this home features vaulted ceilings in the living room, a gourmet kitchen, four bedrooms, three bathrooms, and an outdoor area that magically flows which features a pool, barbeque, and lawn surrounded by swaying palms and wonderful breezes. This home has been remodeled.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Unfortunately for her, the only thing about Ali Landry that Your Mama can pull from the cobwebs of our memory is her embarrassing 19 day marriage to that even more embarrassing Mario Lopez back in 2004. So we had to do a little research to learn that the former Miss USA is married again and getting ready to birth a baby. Miz Landry, who has a long list of film and boob tube credits we've never heard of, met her current huzband at a bible study at her church. Now children, how often do you think that happens in Hollywood, right down in the belly of the sinning beast?

Property records indicate Landry purchased this house in late December of 2004 for $1,655,454. This was back when she was still licking her Mario Lopez wounds and shortly before she met her current Latin lover/huzband, the impressively named Mexican film director Alejandro Gomez Monteverde.

The couple are expecting their first bebé in July and a quick look over the photos and Your Mama knows why the couple is selling this Los Feliz beauty. Children, trust Your Mama when we tell you there are enough stairs from the street level garage the front door of this house to leave even the most fit breathless and gasping for air. So you know Miz Landry, as fit as she appears to be, could not ask the new nanny to navigate and climb all those stairs carrying the new baby, the diaper bag, and the stroller without having to pay the gurl extra.

Your Mama would require an oxygen tank and an E.M.T. to get to the top of the stairs, but it appears the long climb is worth the effort. Now before all you design queens get your panties in a bunch, we should clarify that it is not the "Latin vivacity" or the romance novel decor that Your Mama likes so much about this house. It's the bones babies. This house house has some exquisite bones that reveal themselves at the entrance hall. We're not a big fan of the basket weave floor, but the limestone staircase and wrought iron banister leave us feeling all warm inside. Your Mama also appreciates the whimsical touch of the blue painted niche in which we can see Landry has placed some sort of religious figurine.

The living room with it's mile high beamed ceiling and wall of towering French windows speaks to another era when architects and builders knew how to properly design an build a house with vaulted ceilings. Nowadays we get these crazy cold places with super-vaulted ceilings and zero charm; High ceilings simply for the sake of high ceilings. Remember Slade Smiley's Orange County mess with the ridiculous ceilings in the living room?

Your Mama appreciates that the dining room can be opened up to the yard and has a view of a courtyard fountain, and we even like the intricate and complicated chandelier. But the table and chairs make us feel squeamish and we imagine this is exactly the sort of decor Barbara Cartland had in mind when she wrote all of her crazy romance novels.

Upstairs in the master bedroom we see more romance novel decor. Your Mama could never sleep in a room with that much fabric draped over the windows, and we imagine Señor Monteverde may not feel this room is masculine enough to contain his South of the border machismo. Your Mama does appreciate the large size and shape of the room, and we particularly appreciate all the windows and the shiny, shiny, shiny floors.

The backyard climbs up the side of a hill and we adore a swimming pool surrounded by "swaying palms and wonderful breezes." Who doesn't, right? We are very pleased to see the simple rectangular swimming pool rather than an upsetting and confusing shaped thing with a waterfall, fountain, or heaven forbid, a water slide.

Your Mama would like to see this house purchased by someone with a gym membership and an appreciation of old-school Hollywood Mediterranean architecture. We'd also like to see the new owner replace the kitchen with something that is trying a little less hard to be "remodeled."

We would also like to offer our sincere and best wishes to Miz Landry and Señor Monteverde on their soon to be child. We expect we'll be seeing pictures in People magazine soon enough.

The house is listed with Mauricio Umansky of Hilton & Hyland, whose name you may recognize as being the uncle of party princess Paris Hilton.

Source: Hilton & Hyland


Plain_Jane_Too said...

Mama! Barbara Cartland...LOL now I know you're an old girl like me - who would remember Ms. Cartland but old broads like us?

Keep up the great work!

Anonymous said...

Ali can afford a $million plus home? Wow, a little girl from Breaux Bridge, Louisiana?

Anonymous said...

Must be St. Joseph in the bright blue niche...hehehe