UPDATE: Randolph Duke

Back in December of 2008, red carpet dress dee-ziner and HSN habiliment hawker Randoph Duke listed his cantilevered and aggressively cuspidated Los Angeles house with a searing asking price of $8,250,000. Later, in June of 2009, Miss Duke slashed the price tag of the 3 bedroom and 3.5 pooper property to $6,500,000.

It was shortly after that that Your Mama schlepped our fat ass through and around the 3 bedroom and 3.5 pooper XTEN Architecture designed house in the Hollywood Hills. Here's what we recall from our visit: The street on which the contemporary crib is located–anorexically narrow Fareholm Drive–offers residents undeniably spectacular views but cosmetically it's not a very attractive or particularly upscale appearing street despite its most famous fat livin' inhabitant, attention craving Kanye West who resides in a multi-floor modern a few curves down the street.

We also recall the angular residence had a driveway far to small to turn a car around–although one just wide enough for someone to back out a gleaming, white Rolls Royce Phantom, that most of the glass walls slid open making for a truly seamless integration of the interior spaces with the exterior terraces, patios, swimming pool and spa and that the master bedroom, despite its lack of an actual door for privacy, is a Sybarite's paradise with huge views, a fireplace for romantical evenings, plenty of storage for an entire wardrobe of his SPIRITED line of ladees duds, a large bathroom and several private terraces including one tucked up behind the house that connects to the outdoor dining room located off one end of the living room.

Anyhoo, thanks to Emily Emailer and confirmed with property records, Your Mama can tell you that Miss Duke finally sold the house in early December 2009 for–drum roll please–$5,300,000. Now chickens, five and some million bucks is a lot of damn dollars but a few flicks of the well worn beads on our bejeweled abacus reveals that it's also just 64% of the original asking price. We're certain Miss Duke and all his accountants and real estate people are thrilled the house sold, but surely it stings just a little to get so much less than was desired.

Steve Booshehmee Lists Sunset Strip House

SELLER: Steve Buscemi
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $6,250,000
SIZE: 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Sited on one of the premier promontories above the Sunset Strip, this European Architectural feels as if it floats among the stars. All major room overlook a dramatic pool and grassy lawn to an unbroken, unobstructed sweep of view across the Los Angeles basin to the Pacific Ocean. The just completed renovation and expansion have created a remarkable two-story residence which combines contemporary luxury with a respect for the details of a distinguished origin.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: While Your Mama was sipping gin spiked egg nog with the Dr. Cooter's family we received a missive from Big Dave over at Celebrity Address Aerial who let us know that snaggle-toothed actor/director Steve Buscemi–that's pronounced boo-SHEM-ee–listed a house high above Los Angeles' Sunset Strip with a sky high asking price of $6,250,000.

Mister Buscemi, well known for playing creeps and criminals on screen (The Sopranos, Miller's Crossing, Fargo, The Big Lebowski) also has a handful of nice credits on his IMDB for directing multiple episodes of Oz, The Sopranos, 30 Rock and, most recently, 4 episodes of the wicked and wonderful Nurse Jackie on the HBO.

Anyhoo, property records are a wee bit confusing on this one to Your Mama's holiday hacked and gin saturated mind, but as best as we can tell Mister Buscemi–a dead ringer for John Waters in a dark alley–bought the property in July 0f 2006 for an undisclosed amount of money. It could also be that he's owned the property since sometime in the 1990s. We don't know. The property consists of at least three–and possibly four–adjacent parcels sited on a small but significant promontory allowing for knee buckling views of the glittery lights of Tinseltown from downtown to the Pacific Ocean.

Property records show the recently rehabbed residence was originally built in 1942 and measures 1,956 square feet with 2 bedrooms and 2 poopers. However, listing information indicates the "European Architectural" includes 3 bedrooms and 3 poopers. Your Mama does can't say with certainty why the discrepancy, but we suspect it might have something to do with the recent renovation and expansion mentioned in listing information.

Sitting at the very tip of a hair pin curve on a cul-de-sac off dizzingly swervy Sunset Plaza Drive and fronted by an itty-bitty motor court and 2-car garage, the little-windowed front facade gives few clues to the exploding views that slap you in the damn face at the back of the house which is all floor to ceiling sliding glass doors that open to the back yard.

Listing photos don't reveal much of the interior spaces but, let's be honestly children, whomever buys Mister Booshehmee's Sunset Strip property at whatever price it eventually sells for probably will care little about the interior spaces with it's polished and reddish wood floors, 2 fireplaces and oddly configured but well appointed kitchen. For better or worse and like it or not, in Los Angeles, a house like this is all about that glittering carpet of lights and the small but flat back yard with its infinity edged plunge pool, spa, fire pit and patch of grass just big enough for a couple long bodied bitches.

From the looks of things, Your Mama would guess–and hope–that Mister Booshehmee and family have already moved on to bigger and better digs since there appears to be little in the way of day-core other than a couple of Barcelona chairs, a surfboard shaped glass dining room table with six white chairs and a trio of stainless steel stools pulled up to the breakfast counter in the kitchen. Besides, that orchid sitting on the coffee table in the living room is a dead damn ringer that this place is staged. Or at least, that's what Your Mama thinks.

Property records also indicate that Mister Buscemi owns a 2 bedroom and 2 pooper condo in a tawdry complex on the western side of Las Vegas that was purchased in October of 2006 for $200,000 as well as a house sitting on just more than an acre not too far from posh Park City, UT in the unfortunately named Heber City. It also appears, according to property records, that Mister Buscemi also owns house in the Park Slope neighborhood of his native Brooklyn, NY. which was purchased way back in June of 1997 for $579,000. But honestly butter beans, we're not sure of these things.

The Widda Safra's Real Estate Madness

Listen chickens, today is a travel day for Your Mama so we just don't have too much time to blather on like we usually do so in an effort not to leave y'all completely high and dry real estate wise we're going to drop a tidbit about some recent real estate activity at New York City's high-fallutin' 820 Fifth Avenue, without question one of Manhattan's most exclusive and coveted co-operative apartment houses and also one of the most difficult to get into.

International socialite Lily Safra, the widow of deceased Lebonese billionaire Edmond Safra who perished in a nasty conflagration that swept through the couple's penthouse in Monaco back in 1999, has long occupied the top floor of the ridiculously high-nosed 820 Fifth Avenue. She also, according to several of our better connected New York City sources, owns the smaller of the two maisonette units at 820. Your Mama doesn't know what she uses that apartment for so don't nobody bother asking. If we knew, we'd certainly tell you.

Anyhoo, the long elevator ride to the 12 floor must have gotten a bit annoying for the Widda Safra–or something–because on the 16th of December, according to the peeps at Property Shark, the kohl eyed and wildy rich woman snatched up the 4th floor of 820 Fifth Avenue for a toe curling $33,000,000 and, in turn, sold her 12th floor sprawler to hedge fund honcho Ken Griffin for an even more hair raising $40,000,000. Billionaires clearly weather recessions far differently than Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter do.

This is not–it might flabbergast the children to know–the first time the Widda Safra has owned the 4th floor of 820 Fifth Avenue. In the early naughts, the Widda Safra reportedly paid khaki pants king Tommy Hilfiger somewhere in the neighborhood of $18,000,000 for the full floor unit. As the story goes–and Your Mama has no idea if the story is really true–the Widda Safra purchased the palatial apartment for one of her two daughters who quickly had a real estate change of mind and decided she didn't want to live downstairs from mumsey after all. The apartment was flipped back on the market and eventually sold in 2003 for around $23,500,000, a tidy profit by any standard. The buyers: home builder Ara Hovnanian and his ar-teest wifey Rachel.

The Hovnanians had the 4th floor unit all did up and done over by dee-voon Dutch architect Piet Boon who worked over the 18-room beast into a minimalist vision in white, black and blue with elaborate and intricate moldings painted the same glaring white as the winter white walls, all the better to display their impressive collection of Hirsts and Matisses. Back in the early spring of 2008, the Hovnanians floated their very contemporary apartment on the market as a quiet listing–meaning it wasn't officially for sale, but for those with the right connections and the right number dollars in their bank accounts was indeed for sale–with an asking price widely reported to be a blistering $36,000,000.

The Hovnanians were, natch, no fools when the Widda Safra–the very same ladee who sold them their apartment–made it known she'd be willing to pay $33,000,000 to buy the apartment...again. They wisely saw a gift horse knocking on their finely feathered nest who not only has pockets deep enough to pay thirty-some million for the apartment, but also a gift horse with the necessary clout–not to mention a couple of current addys at 820 already–to pass muster with the notoriously stringent co-op board.

Your Mama hasn't any idea if Miz Safra plans on keeping all the gallery white walls and ultra-modern bathroom fixtures, but iffin she were to ask Your Mama, which of course she will not, we'd tell her she'd be a loon to trade out anything installed by the magnificent Mister Boon.

The Widda Safra is, all the children well know by now, currently entangled in an ugly legal imbroglio with Russian oligarch Mikail Prokhorov over the fifty-five million (or so) clams the billionaire gave the billionairess as a deposit on the purchase of her legendary estate La Leopolda in the South of France. In short, he backed out of the deal and wants his deposit back and she claims he's not entitled to its return according to French law. Their attorneys are duking it out in court and a ruling of the mess is expected in March of 2010.

photo: Property Shark

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter wish all the children the happiest of holidays and an even happier New Year filled with health, wealth and a bottomless pitcher of gin & tonics.