Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Rev Run's Piece of Reality Television History

SELLER: Joseph and Justine Simmons
LOCATION: Saddle River, NJ
PRICE: $5,500,000
SIZE: 2.03 acres, 6 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Located in the prestigious High Ridge section of Saddle River, this stately colonial exemplifies fine suburban living within the vicinity of New York City. Formal entertaining and gracious family living are splendidly accommodated in this classic colonial.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Late in the night Your Mama received an email from Mister Elvis Presley who excitedly tipped us off to this house up in the wild woods of suburban New Jersey. Do the children recognize the name Joseph Smith? No babies, we're not talking about the kooky founder of Mormonism, but another man of the cloth who goes by the name Rev Run.

The Queens raised Rev Run is the younger brother of hip hop mogul Russell Simmons. More impressively he was one of the founding fathers of hip hop having been the lead singer for the enormously popular 1980s trio Run D.M.C. Remember them children?

Recently the Rev, his family, and this big house were featured on a reality show called Run's House on the MTV. While Your Mama confesses to having a sickness for reality shows, Run's House was not one we watched regularly. But we did see enough of the program to tell you that our personal opinion is the house looks a lot better on the boob tube than it does in the photographs.

It appears from property records that the Rev and his wife purchased this house in 2003 for $1,600,000 which means they will be sitting on a gigantic pile of paper if they get anywhere near their $5,500,000 asking price.

The children may recall that Rev Run's brother Russell and his soon to be ex-wifey Kimora Lee also have their disturbingly opulent Saddle River house on the market, although that house is much larger and much more expensive.

Maybe we just don't understand suburban New Jersey money. But seriously children, Your Mama would need to be on a large dose of the Lexapro to live up in this house.

Do we start with the depressing dining room set that looks like something out of a Chinese food restaurant in Ohio? Or do we begin with that vast plain Jane family room with the sky-high ceilings? And the kitchen? Oh dear. Please do not get us started on the kitchen and those stools? Where would someone even buy stools like that? Seriously. Where?

It may be customary, and even expected, for a man of the Lord to have a giant crucifix on the hearth, but that thing scares the skin right off our body. Your Mama does not need to be looking at a man nailed to a big piece of wood while we're trying to have a romantic evening by the fire.

Children, Your Mama is conflicted about hating on this man's house because we sincerely think he's a good man who works hard to raise his big ass family. And even though we did not care for the reality show, it's clear those children are being taught decency and respect. So we want it known for the record that we give the Rev Run and his lady wife Justine all the props in the world for their stellar child rearing. Which is ultimately far more important than good decor.

But hunnies, please, go hire yourselves a nice gay decorator to get up in your next house and do something befitting of people of your stature. Rev Run you are going to be eligible to be inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 2008, and it is our humble opinion that when that happens you need to be living in a crib that will not have folks furrowing their brow, scratching their head, and writing bitchy blogs like this.


Anonymous said...

Yes, it definitely looks like an oversized suburban home. Nothing special.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I wonder what that fool who wrote this previous post lives in! Anyway, I live very close to this home in a surrounding town, and you are not only paying for the home BUT the location. Most homes are 3 or four bedrooms, similarly to apartments in Manhattan, space is precious and very costly. Six bedrooms is pretty good for the price. Most people cannot afford to live where we live, and you pay for the proximity of New York City (about 20 minutes from Manhattan), and having neighbors that share the prestige of living in Bergen County. The education in NJ is the best, with the highest graduation rate the best in the country. Most people in this area are upper-middle class and up. You cannot live comfortably without making at least $100000, in Bergen County! Our family lives on $280000 annually, and we are considered middle class here. It's much better to own a home here, than somewhere out west, where there are red necks and simpletons. People here are ambitious, business minded and highly educated. That's why it's hot to live in Run's neighborhood.

ireallylovemoney said...

It's bigger than an oversized suburban home, but not as large as it looks on TV. It is definately a million dollar home, but it doesn't appear to have much property in comparison to the rest of the homes in the neighborhood. It actually just seems like a practical mansion as opposed to extravigant. However, I understand the listing price. It's now a famous home which also has the latest everything. I honestly think the house is listed as such to weed out stalkers and attract people who are actually serious about buying it. It's been on the market for years now and I don't think they really intended to sell anytime soon. The listing coincided with the show premiere.

Anyway, I agree with the above poster. You are paying for the location, however this house would never sell for this price or even be listed for this price if it wasn't Runs House. I could see it sell as a 3 million dollar home because they did a significant amount of work on it. There is a basketball court inside if you doubt its size. There is also a pond/lake, in the back, though I don't know if Run's House actually has access to it. It's a nice quiet neighborhood and one of the newer neighborhoods. A house around the corner sold for about 3,300,000 and it appears to be larger and have more property. I love that house. It's the one with the landscaped Giraffe in the front? If anyone knows, WHO LIVES THERE! I love that house, are they famous? Anyway, as someone who is also from the area, I must say that you haven't seen huge homes until you drive around Saddle River, and that is concidered the poor side of town. Upper Saddle River is where the money is. It's incredible. As far as the area goes, it also is just a suburban area filled with so many different types of people. It is on the border of NY, and not only are you 20 minutes from Manhatten, but you are 20 minutes from Westchester and you have Upstate New York and Pennsylvania in the other direction. So it is not quite country or suburban it is in the middle.
Also just to add, I am one of those people who loves to drive around looking at houses and did so out in LA. Trust me when I say you haven't seen huge homes until you drive around Saddle River NJ. Not to mention, many of them have a significant amount of property which can't be said for LA.

Anonymous said...

Upper Saddle River is not where the money is saddle river is

Anonymous said...

saddle river is not where the money is....... paterson is lmao a little humor!

nickhewson said...

Oh well, its a massive house and its awesome...its probly better than all your houses put together.

Anonymous said...

what everybody needs to do is thank god for where ever they may live. it's a blessing to have something no matter where the place maybe. i don't know mr.simmons nor his family but some people have it and some people don't... if everybody would take there mind off other's it would be a better place. yes i do agree that the home looks alot bigger on the stupid tube, but atleast they had the time and the patience to invite you all in thier home.... i dont live in a fancy home and i don't even live in saddle river i live in antelope valley,ca. here in the a.v we all have a little something, some are alot better than others but we all call it home.... so the next time any of you decide to talk say something kind and you might get a better understanding about life... some people have and some don't... remember it's always someone out there worse off than you, so lend a hand and help someone today, it's better off in the long "run".

Anonymous said...

"remember it's always someone out there worse off than you, so lend a hand and help someone today, it's better off in the long "run".

I totally agree with you, & I tell my kids that all the time. I try to give them lessons as well as the talk! We live in a nice suburb just outside Green Bay. My kids are blessed that my bf has been thier dad for 15 yrs now, after thier own dad abandonded us.Because of his love & hard work, they have all they need. The other day, as we were pulling into Walmart, there was a family sitting out in the hot sun, holding up signs that they'd do anything to eat.
when we got in the store, my kids asked out of the blue to et the family some food and toys for the little ones instead of them getting thier school stuff.
it turns out the family recently lost thier home, live in a tiny apt, and because of dad looking for another job after a few plants closed here, they had no food at home.
i've taught my kids for yrs, giving always feel so much better than getting...& God DOES notice!

As far as Rev Run & his family, we've watched thier show for yrs. A very God fearing, loving famly. I felt so terrible when thier baby girl Victoria died after birth, she was born with her organs outside her body. So the next time you open your mouth to whine & complain, someone DOES have it worse!

Deb in WI