Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Jennifer Nicholson's Historical House of Mirth

SELLER: Jennifer Nicholson
LOCATION: Georgina Avenue, Santa Monica, CA
PRICE: $7,995,000
SIZE: 3,437 square feet, 4 bedrooms 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Totally renovated gorgeous 1911 home on amazing apx 20,600 sq. ft. lot. Prime Georgina Ave. blocks from from the beach. 4BD, 3.5BA w/ plans & permits passed by the city & historical committee. Featured in House & Garden. Updated kit w/ tope of the line appliances, breakfast room & entertaining bar. 2BD up w/ sleeping porch, 2BD down. Exquisite LR, fam rm & ofc/sun room. Formal DR w/ French doors opens to extra-lg lush bkyd. 20car garage & artists studio. Completely remodeled designer home w/ Old World charm.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Jennifer Nicholson is a fashun dee-ziner who has enough capital and cajones to present her sorta sexy collections on an army of skinny bitches at the once mighty, now not quite so mighty, Bryant Park Tents in New York City. She also happens to be the eldest daughter of age-ed Hollywood Lothario Jack Nicholson who recently dropped her historical and well placed Santa Monica house on the market for an eye popping $7,995,000.

Property records reveal that Miz Nicholson purchased her symmetrical and soigne French Colonial style Santa Monica residence in July of 2003, right about the same time she sold a small ocean view house on Via De Las Olas in Pacific Palisades. Records to not disclose what Miz Nicholson paid for the Santa Monica property, but given its stellar location just spitting distance to the beach and walking distance to the 3rd Street Promenade and the charming and freaky amusement park on the Santa Monica Pier, Your Mama imagines that she paid handsomely for the 3,437 square foot landmark residence which historical information indicates was first located around the corner on San Vicente Boulevard before it was moved to its current location in 1952.

According to listing information, the good sized slightly shy of a half acre lot includes the lovely and charming main house, that in addition to the 4 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms, includes formal living and dining rooms, an office/sun room, a top of the line kitchen with breakfast area and entertaining bar (whatever that is), and a family room. One of the more interesting and desirable features of the house, at least as far as Your Mama is concerned, is the upstairs sleeping porch which we imagine to be an excellent place to catch some afternoon shut eye with the smell of salt in your nose and the sea air on your skin. Completing the property is a detached two-car garage with an artists studio.

Clearly Miz Nicholson has a real flair for decorating. We're quite certain her verve and zest for ornamentation and exuberant texture is not every one's cup of tea. But we love it. We could never live among Miz Nicholson's organized chaos without having to be on a daily dosage of Diazepam, but we adore a house that has been infused with so much vibrant and individual character. This is not just any person's house, this is a custom made confection tailored to the current owner's interests, whits and whims. Brava Miss Thing!

Of course, Your Mama would go out of our ever loving mind trying to direct even Ezmerelda and Svetlana, our ferociously competent house cleaners, to properly dust that funky birdcage chandelier-thing in the dining room. And we are concerned that our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly would live in absolute fear of those leopard print Lewees, constantly worried they were tomcats on the prowl ready to devour their hot dog bodies at any moment.

But Your Mama is crazy in love with Miz Nicholson's happily insane sun room with the shell backed chair and the magnificent shell encrusted pedestals that look like something dredged up from the bottom of the damn sea. The kitchen cabinetry is a mite fussy for our favor, but the mirror patterned marble floor (is that marble?) has Your Mama peeing our pants with glee. Say what you will about Miz Nicholson's slightly disturbing Mao Tse Tung painting with the hot pink background or that wonderfully fucked up ship chandelier, but do not speak an ill word about that dee-voon kitchen floor or Your Mama will go all sorts of berserk on your tasteless ass.

A little research on the internets tells Your Mama that not long after purchasing the property Miz Nicholson drew up plans for a large extension at the back of the house. Because of the house's historical status, all sorts of preservationist hoops were required to be jumped through to gain approval for any sort of renovation project. It would appear from both the listing information and records we dug up online that Miz Nicholson and her team of people cleared all the necessary hoops and the long extension was approved and permits were issued.

The extension asked for would have included tearing down the existing detached garage and building an new one and then connecting the new garage with the residence via a long extension from the back of the house. Apparently the new square footage would have included a large(r) sun room. Presumably it would have housed rooms with other uses too, but Your Mama didn't end up get that bit of information sussed out.

Your Mama can't imagine why Miz Nicholson would go through all the damn trouble and considerable bother to get plans and permits for this rather extensive extension and then decide to sell the house. But people are funny and unpredictable, and who are we to question the fickle ways of a princess to one of Hollywood's most royal thrones? We imagine one of Your Mama's children knows the why, where, and who, and if you'd like to share, please email Your Mama and start sharing.

According to a snitch who like to whisper in Your Mama's ear, Miz Nicholson also maintains an ocean front condominium in Malibu, and we presume the lady has access to at least one of the four houses her father owns up on Mulholland Drive near Coldwater Canyon Lane, including big, fat and dead Marlon Brando's residence (all due respect) and scene of the murder that ripped the Brando family to shreds.

Wherever Miz Nicholson lands, whether it be on the east or west coast, we dearly hope she'll invite Your Mama over to view her new digs, because we know in our bones it's going to be a clever and captivating home that will have us swooning and sighing.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

A Little Cup of Fun

One of Your Mama's little buddies, a fine gentleman in lower Manhattan whom we'll call Mister Glass, sent us a link this morning to a genius post on the insanely sassy and New York centric blog Gawker. The high-larious post about high brow real estate brokerage Brown Harris Stevens (with luxe outposts in New York, the Hamptons, and Palm Beach, natch), reveals how the brokerage employs a coterie of well bred and well married agents to pull in the big bizness of the rich and filthy rich in some of the swankiest zip codes on the east coast. Here's a sample of one agent's bio:

Arabella Green Buckworth: "Arabella loves travel, literature, languages, art, classical music, and chess. She is married to an Australian philanthropist, and is step-mother to four handsome English gentlemen."

That's really her bio children. Really! Chess! That's just gorgeous.

Have fun.

Britney Gurl, You Oughtta Just Sit Tight

Lately there has been some stirring and disturbing tidbits about perpetually problematic pop star Britney Spears looking for a new damn house. In Manhattan Beach. Manhattan Beach!

Gurl, Your Mama does not know why you've got ants in your pants about where you want to be bunking down at night, but we do know your indecisive nature is a problem when it comes to those kids of yours. Between your Bev Hills house, your expensive lease job in Malee-boo and all the various and many hotels you book and don't sleep in, Your Mama thinks you would be all happily housed up. But alas...

Word of caution hunny gurl, you might want to consider looking elsewhere because from the sound of things those Manhattan Beach folks are not going to be rolling out the welcome wagon for you, your suspicious sounding entourage, or your fleet of Mercedes Benz's with all those paparazzi photogs attached to the bumper.

Seriously gurl, if you won't listen to your mama, than maybe you should listen to Your Mama and pick a damn house and stay there for a bit of time. You might find it does you some good to have an actual home rather than just a multi-million dollar crash pad. Think about it.

Tony Danza's Golden Extravaganza

SELLER: Tony Danza
LOCATION: Longridge Avenue, Sherman Oaks, CA
PRICE: $6,150,000
SIZE: 6,778 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Truly the Crown Jewel of Sherman Oaks! Stately Cape Cod traditional perched on a knoll & sited on 2.3 acres in sought after Longridge Estates. Completely rebuilt from the ground up in1997. Impeccable attention to detail, far too many amenities to list here. Very private, gated property includes guest house, pool/spa, pool house gym. Tennis court & batting cage. Perfect for the most discriminating of buyers seeking privacy.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Recently we received word from Scuttlebutt Sam, a San Fernando Valley denizen who pointed Your Mama at a Sherman Oaks listing the belongs to Mister Tony Danza. Remember him kids?

Just because we don't care for his right leaning politics, does not mean we would wish lunky and hunky Republican actor Tony Danza's house be knocked over in an earthquake. Which is exactly what happened in 1994 during the devastating Northridge Earthquake. Well, Your Mama doesn't know if the place actually fell over, but multiple sources report that the Sherman Oaks house he bought from actor Robert Urich in September 1986 for $1,556,180 was indeed destroyed. What a damn drag that must have been.

According to listing information, the house was rebuilt from the ground up in 1997, which we imagine was necessitated by the severe earthquake damage. An article from the late 1990s reported that he claims to have rebuilt the house to ve virtually earthquake proof and he was quoted saying, "In an earthquake, I shouldn't run out of the house–I should run into it." Your Mama does not know where Mister Danza and his family lived from 1994 to 1997, but perhaps it was up with gun toting Republican Charleton Heston in his colossal contemporary crib off of Mulholland Drive. Now babies, we don't have any proof of that Mister Danza and scary Mister Heston know each other at all, so don't go spouting any of that shit off to yer friends.

Mister Tony Danza, who became famous, and probably rich, playing a series of dumb guys named Tony in the 1970s and 80s (Taxi, Who's The Boss?), has recently become a thespian with his recent run on Broadway as Max Bialystock in The Producers. A wee bit of research on the internets tells us that he's continuing that role at Paris Las Vegas, which Your Mama presumes is one of those disturbing and flashy fantasyland casino hotels in Las Vegas where thousands upon millions of numb skulls smile and laugh and open their wallets and bank accounts for all the fat-cat casino owners to reach in and steal their hard earned middle class income that would be better off spent taking their children to museums. But that's a gripe for another day and another blog.

Anyhoo, Mister Danza has recently put his big and rebuilt Sherman Oaks estate on the market for a surprisingly high $6,150,000. According to listing information and property records, the 6,778 square foot "Cape Cod" style residence sits on a private 2.3 acre parcel in desirable Longridge Estates. Your Mama does not care how desirable Longridge Estates is, $6,150,000 for a house in Sherman Oaks seems ludicrous. All you San Fernando Valleyites simmer down. Your Mama is not knocking Sherman Oaks. We know that the quintessential suburban city is full of famous and well to do people living in lovely and expensive homes. But it ain't no Beverly Hills. Food for thought, the next most expensive Sherman Oaks house listed on the MLS is just four doors down from the Danza extravaganza, and it's priced at $3,750,000.

Listing information shows the family friendly property includes a gym in the pool house (the better to help middle aged Mister Danza keep his chest bulging and young looking), a guest house (always a nice feature for stashing the inlaws), swimming pool and spa (note the old school slide and diving board which must have survived the quake), tennis court, and a batting cage. Batting cage? How macho.

Inside the "Cape Cod" style house, which looks suspiciously un-Cape Cod like to Your Mama, we find a house bathed in gold fabric. We see gold sofas in the formal living room, a whole army of gold chairs standing around the dining room table, beige-y/gold colored furniture in the family room for watching Taxi reruns, honey gold colored butcher block counter tops in the kitchen. Gold, gold, gold! We did not manage to locate any photos of the master bedroom, but Your Mama would bet one of our long bodied bitches Linda or Beverly that there's a gold sateen duvet on the bed and dee-luxe gold terry cloth towels in the bathroom.

Despite the overdone gold color scheme, the 5 bedroom and 5.5 bathroom mansion still manages to look like a cozy family style a place where people actually live. Not a place Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter would want to live, but a place that real people actually live. So while the sad little wet bar in the family room makes Your Mama depressed and we have an unpleasant and inexplicable desire to know what that gold fabric on the dining room chairs feels like on our nekkid and prodigious booty, we give the Danza clan props for living in a house that does not look like an obscene decorator show house or a completely generic hotel room at a second tier Four Seasons Hotel.

However, one note about the backyard fencing, railing and chain link. All those ticky tacky barriers gives the place a white collar jail vibe, which isn't so good for getting well over 5,000,000 clams out of a super rich Sherman Oaks buyer. Surely a well paid landscape designer could come up with a better solution.

Your Mama wishes the Danza clan all the luck in the world unloading their rebuilt Sherman Oaks dream house. We think you're going to need it at it current asking price.

UPDATE: Well, it does appear that the Danza's have split. While we can find no indication that the soon to be ex-Mrs. Danza bought a house in Fryman Estates as was noted in the comments section, that does not mean she didn't, just that we cain't find it with our weary eyes and tarhd mind. However, property records do reveal that the erstwhile couple do own a 1,349 square foot 2 bedroom and 2 bathroom ocean front house on Malibu Road in, well, in Malee-boo of course.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Ring Around Parker Posey's Place

SELLER: Parker Posey
LOCATION: East 10th Street, New York, NY
PRICE: $1,175,000 / maintenance $1,344 per month
SIZE: 3.0 room, 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom
DESCRIPTION: Quiet and serene, this loft-like home occupies the entire top floor of a Greek Revival / Italianate landmark townhouse built in 1845...soaring ceilings, wide plank floors, exposed brick, a 15' skylight, a 6' high wall of multi-paned artist studio windows, a new kitchen and bath (with a claw foot tub), excellent closet and storage space and a washer/dryer. There is also a working, carved marble fireplace and the exclusive use of the roof. Pets welcome.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Ever since Mister Max Abelson, boy wonder of the New York celebrity real estate gossips over at the NY Observer, wrote about indie film goddess Parker Posey selling off her long time East Village apartment, Your Mama has been inundated with emails and phone calls asking us for more information.

Well, we could hardly provide more information about Miz Posey or her very chic and arty little East Village flat that wasn't already covered by Mister Abelson, so we'll simply add our own little bit of nothing to the conversation about the actresses' top floor artist's aerie.

Located in a pretty row of Victorian townhouses, the nicely maintained but fairly non-descript celebrity friendly building sits East 10th Street at the western edge of the East Village. For those who don't know the East Village, the location is particularly prime as it's very close to the subway and the East Village dining institution Veselka is a two minute walk away. The excellent independent book store St. Mark's Bookshop is just around the corner and the impossibly cool St. Marks Church in-the-Bowery is just down the block where one can watch out of this world and non-mainstream poetry and dance, if you like that sort of thing.

Miz Posey's floor through 1 bedroom rides atop the same building that houses a couple other famous folks with downtown street credibility. Big Love second wife and East Village high priestess Chloë Sevigny owns the garden apartment, and former Smashing Pumpkins' James Iha owns one of the other coops in the small townhouse building that dates back to 1845 and does not include any luxury amenities such as a doorman or concierge service. The lack of dee-luxe services makes Your Mama wonder why the monthly maintenance, a somewhat steep $1344 per month, is so damn high. Given the modest size and modest neck of the woods, we would have expected monthly building costs to be under $1,000/month.

Your Mama is very pleased and impressed with Miz Posey's funky downtown decor. It looks like a pleasant and well curated mish-mash of items from the Avenue A flea, Las Venus (the old and wacky Las Venus on Ludlow Street and not the mid-century modern outpost), and any number of assorted thrift shops located in church basements around lower Manhattan. I don't care what anyone says, that gnarled wood coffee table is flawless, even if it is murder on the chins after a few drinky-poos at Parker's place.

The well-resolved floor plan works well for a single gal about the East Village or possibly a painfully hip couple who walk their dog to the filthy Thompkins Square dog run and spend weekends at their slightly disheveled and in need of repair farm in upstate New York, where incidentally, Miz Posey recently purchased a house from Tatum O'Neil.

Apparently there was a line a mile long to purchase Miz Posey's petite penthouse, because even before old-school East Villagers could stomach the loss of one of their most cherished residents, the itty bitty apartment, listed at $1,175,000, went to contract. No word on whether Miz Posey and her cute litte dog are leaving the East Village altogether or if the actress is simply trading up to larger digs in the 'hood. We hope the later, because once the old guard East Village artists start leaving the once boho neighborhood, it means that days of buying dime bags of weed on St. Marks and going on the nod in Thompkins Square Park are truly numbered.

P.S. Parker doll, if you're getting rid of the fabulous orange swivel chair, please let Your Mama know, because we are in love with that particular piece of second-hand pricelessness.

Mike and Irena Medavoy's Beverly Park Mini-Mega-Mansion

SELLERS: Mike and Irena Medavoy
LOCATION: Beverly Park, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $21,500,000 (reduced from $23,500,000)
SIZE: 10,769 square feet, 5 bedrooms 9 bathrooms (as per listing)
DESCRIPTION: Exceptional Hampton-Style Beverly Park Estate. Beautifully set on nearly 2 acres of rolling lawns. The best value in the area. Beautifully decorated & designed. Extraordinary 2-story entry. Fabulous living rm/projection rm. Study, double powder rms, sensational kitchen/family rm, & wonderful loggia out to the lush gardens, swimmer's pool, & guesthse. Amazing master suite w/beautiful dual baths. 3 add'l spacious family bdrms & maids. Excellent privacy in the most sought after gated community.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The children just looove to hear about the residents and humongous houses of Beverly Park and when we can, Your Mama likes to feed the children just what they're asking for. So today we bring y'all some Beverly Park goodness to chaw on.

Only in uber posh and guard gated Beverly Park, where 20,000+ square foot steroidal houses are the rule rather than the exception, is a nearly 11,000 square foot house considered a cozy mini-mansion. But that's what Your Mama would have to say about big time film producer Mike Medavoy's modest by comparison mansion that Your Mama hears from our Fairy Godmother in Beverly Hills will soon be hitting the market with an ear piercing asking price of $23,500,000.

There's no question a man like Medavoy can afford to own and maintain a house in hyper manicured Beverly Park, where the lawns are always meticulously mowed, the hedges impeccably clipped and the swimming pools glisten like sunlight itself. After all, he's responsible for bringing any number of block buster films to the screen such as One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Rocky, The Terminator, The People vs. Larry Flynt, The Thin Red Line and many, many more.

So the man prolly deserves his vast riches that in the year 2000 allowed him to build his dream house in one of the most exclusive and expensive developments anywhere in the world. The white clapboard and black shuttered East Coast traditional style with 10,769 square feet, sprawls across it's 1.8 acre lot that includes a double gated driveway, large parking court, and swimming pool and guest house complex, and an expanse of perfectly green grass. There is not, however, a tennis court, which for $23,000,000 would be a deal breaker for Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter who like to swing a racket now and again.

No official or new listing exists for the house that we've been able to locate, but thanks to our Fairy Godmother in Beverly Hills we managed to get a hold of a few photos and information from when the house was on the market a few years ago for $14,500,000 (reduced from $15,750,000). The pretty center hall quasi-Colonial 5 bedroom house includes 8 bathrooms (or nine according to old listing information), 6 fireplaces, a living room that converts into "one of the best screening rooms," and "one of the loveliest master suites" (again according to an older listing).

Your Mama is quite impressed with the bold color that the Medavoy's nice gay decorator used in the dining room. Never before have we seen or heard of a hot pink formal dining room, and honestly, we'd never have imagined we would have anything positive to say about a dining room with screaming pink walls. But we do. Maybe it's because we're having an off day or maybe it's because Your Mama has an unhealthy attraction to bright colors. We are not in love with the execution of this room, but children, try to imagine the space pushed beyond traditional towards something kooky and contemporary. Keep the ka-razy chandelier and the side table with the too cute topiary and the wacky sea sponge looking thing underneath. Whatever that thing is, we're coveting it. We don't understand the abstract artwork hanging on the wall, but it too can stay unless you can afford a subtle Rothko or glorious Gary Hume painting to replace it. Lose the carpet, paint the moldings and doors the glossiest white paint you can find, replace the very expensive but ordinary table with a big tacky Lucite thing and cover all those faux-Louis chairs in an even tackier shiny white patent leather. Now that would be a fucked up hot pink dining room even Your Mama could love.

We don't feel as forgiving of the study/library. Somehow the room appears remarkably bright for a room with coal black walls and Your Mama is quite certain every single object in this room cost at least $2,000, but it's a strange hodge-podge that isn't quite working for us. Could be the grainy photo or it could be that upsetting scroll/map thing on the wall? Your Mama is well aware that art is subjective, but we can only hope that particular piece was done by one of the Medavoy's grandchildren (if they have any). Please don't someone tell Your Mama that chicken scratch depiction of the earth is worth more than a Mercedes.

Your Mama doesn't have a clue why the Medavoy's would chose to leave the private and secure environs of Beverly Park. Maybe they're downsizing to a house in the flats? Maybe they're up sizing to something larger? Maybe they're tired of looking at the sculpture next door. Whatever the care, it'll be inneresting to see what rich and/or famous person steps up to buy this house.

Now, let's move on to some other Beverly Park bizness. There has been some discussion in the comments section of this blog about a Beverly Park house owned by Jeanette and Robert Bisno, who among other alleged infractions, famously ired their ridiculously rich neighbors with statuary that some Bev Park residents felt was suggestive, possibly vulgar, and simply did not conform to the 70-page homeowners covenants to which all Beverly Park properties must adhere. Well, wouldn't you know, the Bisnos' happen to live right next door to the Medavoys in their own 11,894 square foot mansion. Oh children, the rich people up in Bev Park were all up in arms over the Bisno's gates, garbage cans and motor court statuary. Just imagine the shock and nasty stares as resident slowly rolled by in their shiny Bentleys, the shunning and whispered mortifications. The whole uproar ended up in a convoluted lawsuit that involved such allegations by the Bisnos that the ruling judge was mentally incompetent and as such unable to decide the case effectively. Wow. These Bisno people must really have wanted that damn statue. We're not sure what the outcome of the statue wars was, but it does appear that the very expensive piece of outdoor art is still in place in the Bisno motor court. Which means it's probably still tied up in courts. What a stellar use of our over-burdened judicial system.

An excellent article from the New York Times reports that during the bickering the Bisnos were in the process of getting a dee-vorce. But the article also reports that the couple bought another vacant lot a few doors up from their current residence where they intended to build another dream mansion and take their naughty statue with them. We don't find any evidence of them buying a second lot up there, but then again, the real estate dealings of the super rich are often obscured and difficult to track, so our lack of evidence really means nothing.

One of Your Mama's readers has also suggested in the comments section that the Bisno house is in foreclosure. Your Mama can't find any evidence of that in our rather lax research, so we can't confirm or deny that bit of unpleasantness. It does appear that the house is heavily mortgaged, but honestly puppies, that does not mean a thing. Many, many vastly wealthy people borrow enormous amounts of money against their lavish homes for any number of reasons. We can't comment on the state of Mister Bisno's finances, because we simply don't know anything about them. What we do know is Mister Bisno is and has been a controversial figure anywhere you turn.

Moving on from the Bisno bizness...Of course by now, all the children know that Beverly Park is filled to the gills with the rich and famous including Eddie Murphy, Denzel Washington, Jami Gertz, Reba McEntire, Sylvester Stallone, Paul Reiser, Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, Avi Arad, Eric Schmidt, Martin Lawrence, Sumner Redstone, Barry Bonds, Michael Eisner, Samuel Jackson, Rod Stewart, porn king Norman Zada, Haim and Cheryl Saban, a couple of Saudi royals, Steve Udvar-Hazy, and of course, young Mister Russ Weiner, the Rockstar Energy Drink founder who is one of Bev Park's newest residents.

Mister and Missus Medavoy's little slice of residential heaven for the filthy rich is far from the only Beverly Park behemoth on the market. According to property records, mobile home maven Lee Kort is trying to get rid of a 3.35 acre lot for a shocking $49,000,000 (plans and permits for a 25,000 square foot house also available). Beer baron Adolf Coors owns a 9 bedroom and 9 bathroom monster mansion, dubbed "The Great 78," which backs up to the Medavoy mansion and is currently available for $34,000,000. George Santopietro, Vanna White's ex-huzband and current Bev Park resident, recently plunked a mammoth newly built spec-house on the market for a spine tingling $50,000,000. And the Moeljadi family have long been trying to unload their 20,612 square foot pile for $29,000,000. And these are just the houses Your Mama knows are on the market. You can bet that are at least 2 or 3 others that are quietly for sale for the right price.
YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: We take it back...after viewing more recent photos of the Medavoy mansion (above), we are not so keen on the dining room. It is not, after all, the modern and nutty color scheme we originally thought. The walls are not covered in unexpected hot pink paint, but rather with a light red damask wallpaper. Ugh. Dreadful. And in the study/library, we thought the walls had been painted a very progressive, if not particularly likable black. In actuality, they are green damask. DAMASK! On the walls! Yikes. We know damask wallpaper is not uncommon in a house with an old-guard sort of decor, but with all due respect and apologies to the Medavoys, damask wallpaper always reminds Your Mama of the "better" whorehouses in rural Nevada.

We realize many of the children relish in and prefer this traditional and safe form of interior decor, but Your Mama does not. Yes, it looks cozy and comfortable, which are indeed nice qualities in a house, but Your Mama gravitates to a more modern and eclectic sort of interior where one finds unexpected and quirky bits and pieces of person's life. But alas. That said, Your Mama will say, that to the Medavoy's credit, the mansion looks welcoming and not at all lavish and lurid in the way that many people, including Your Mama, imagine the homes in Beverly Park to be decorated. Remember Rod Stewart's obscenely over stuffed mess?

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Jane Pratt Sells Townhouse

SELLER: Jane Pratt
LOCATION: 58 Downing Street, New York, NY
PRICE: $3,800,000 (sale)
SIZE: 2,560 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: 58 Downing Street is an extremely rare, single family private home to come to the marketplace. Decorated by one of the world's top designers, lose yourself in informal, sophisticated luxury. 58 Downing provides the once-in-a-lifetime fantasy to own your own home in the village; resplendent with original stoop, wood-burning fireplaces, turn-of-the-century woodwork and details, and a sun-filled garden.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Children, Your Mama has been stricken with a flu which is why we did not feed the children any good real estate porn yesterday. And as usual, the children just about killed each other in our absence. Honestly babies can't Your Mama leave you alone for even one day without you turning on each other like a couple of tranny crack hos fighting over the last married man trawling Hollywood Boulevard?

We're still feeling pukey and under the weather, but in the interest of keeping the children from verbally slaughtering each other, Your Mama is going to pop up a little something about a lady named Jane Pratt. Some of you may recognize Miz Pratt's name because of her loose lips which revealed that she had a lesbian fling with Drew Barrymore back in the mid 1990s. Bet Drew was THRILLED to have that bit of news flashed about the radio.

Others of you might recognize Miz Pratt's name because for many years she sat at the top of the heap of the magazine publishing world. Back in the early 1990s, 24 year old Miz Pratt, an upper class hipster with a blue blood education, tapped into the zeitgeist of the burgeoning pre-teen gurl publishing marketplace when she created Sassy, one of the first and arguably best of the pre-teen gurl glossies which aimed at teaching young gurls just getting their mosquito bite boobies how to dress, what music to listen to, and how to innocently flirt with pimply-faced boys.

When that went belly-up, she teamed up with the Condé Nast, the Cadillac of magazine publishers. Her eponymous Jane Magazine, aimed at stylish and hip young women never quite achieved the cult following or street-cred success of Sassy, but the job paid her enough money to buy a downtown townhouse in 2001 for around $2,200,000.

Time rolls on and Jane Magazine is now defunct and Miz Pratt has a Sirius Satellite radio program. The mother of one with a longtime male companion recently sold her Manhattan townhouse for $3,800,000. Lest anyone be under the impression that the mortgage crisis is having much effect on the current Manhattan real estate market, you should know that the the not very well located four floor house was purchased for $150,000 MORE than it's asking price. Lucky Jane.

Listing information for the house says it was decorated by one of the world's top designers. And perhaps it was. We're certainly feeling okay about the parlor floor living room space, but the family room on the fourth floor is making us queasy. Let's hope the pinky/fleshy color is the result of a bad camera because Your Mama could not stomach living up in a room the color of tongue.

Although Your Mama finds the less than desirable Downing Street location is only good for its proximity to the Film Forum theater and the 1/9 subway, we happen to like the layout of the petite house. The English basement includes a large eat in kitchen with a street entrance which is perfect for getting the food deliveries from Fresh Direct right into the kitchen without having to schlep them through the house. The Parlor floor, while narrow is nicely laid our for entertaining. The lack of a terlit on this floor is a minor inconvenience unless you're a mobility impaired dinner guess, then it's a tremendous inconvenience to have to climb a flight of stairs just to relieve oneself.

The third floor, devoted entirely to the master suite is nicely laid out except for that bathtub in the dressing room. Honestly, that's just silly. Who needs to bathe while looking at the Jimmy Choos and Prada suits? We'd rip that water barrel out right away and replace it with more custom fitted closets.

The two bedrooms on the third floor are rather small, but how much room do children really need? None the less, if this house were to belong to Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter we'd combine those two bedrooms into one nicely sized suite for guests...well at least guests that have the lung power and leg strength to get up and down all the stairs to the kitchen.

According to records on file with the city, the skinny 16 ft wide 3 bedroom and 3.5 bathroom house was purchased by political risk management guru Ian Bremmer, a youngish intellectual and brilliant political scientist who heads up the Eurasia Group. We imagine these rooms will soon be filled with all sorts of chatter about global finance, proliferation treaties and the potential positive and negative implications of a senator's pork barrel requests.

According to Media Bistro (via Curbed), Miz Pratt is rumored to be starting a magazine with Gwen Stefani. So does this mean that the Pratt clan is headed to the west coast?

Friday, October 26, 2007

Never Say Never About the Sale of Neverland Ranch

More reports are trickling out about Michael Jackson's flagging and sagging finances. According to a thorough and thoroughly compelling report on Fox News, the once black man, who looks an awful lot like a white lady now days, has defaulted on a $23,000,000 loan that was guaranteed by "Neverland Ranch," his 2,700 acre Santa Ynez Valley playpen for the kiddies. Uh oh.

If the former King of Pop does not cough up the cash to repay the loan, and the near quarter million dollars in interest too, the creditor can and will foreclose on "Neverland Ranch" and force the sale of the property to pay the debt. Oh dear. Most people have read that Miss Thing has financial issues, but it appears things have become dire and the article reports that the child lover may in fact file for bankruptcy within 90 days to get out from under his considerable financial debt and burden.

Many times since Miss Jackson's last legal tangle over an alleged inappropriate relationship with a young boy, the ranch has been rumored to have been sold or just about sold. In April of this year The NY Post reported that "distressed debt guru Bill Huff is in serious negotiations to buy the property." But the sale never happened. Other rumors included tall tales bout the massive ranch being sold on a reality television program. That obviously never came to fruition either.

Since being acquited of child molestation charges, Miss Jackson has been gallivanting across the globe living in in far flung locales such as Bahrain, where he was a guest of a filthy rich royal/patron, and also in Ireland, where he was rumored to have been a guest of Lord of the Dance Michael Flatly. More recently the beleaguered former superstar and father of three very blond babies was living in Las Vegas, where he first shacked up in a leased 16,461 square foot pile a couple miles off The Strip. It was later reported that the Jackson clan moved to another even larger and more lavish Las Vegas estate reportedly owned by Prince Jefri Bolkiah of Brunei.

Jackson's relationships with his Middle Eastern potentate patrons seems to have gone awry. His prince (Abdullah of Brunei) is now suing the pop star for $7,000,000, and the Jackson four plus handlers have decamped from Prince Jefri's Las Vegas estate and are reported to be holed up in a luxury rental in Maryland. Maryland?

Everyone knows that Miss Jackson continues to own the heavily mortgaged Jackson family house on Hayvenhurst in Encino where his parents currently reside, no doubt living on the dwindling dollars of their one time cash cow son. (It's actually been gossiped to Your Mama that big mean daddy Jackson does not actually live at the Jackson family house anymore.) It's also been widely rumored and reported over the years that the the pale faced singer also owns an Upper East Side townhouse in Manhattan as well as a Beverly Hills mansion. Your Mama doubts that very much though. The man can barely pay for the make-up on his face let alone the maintenance on properties he does not use.

But then again he hangs on to the scene of the alleged crime in Santa Ynez, so what do we know?

Should "Neverland Ranch" be sold, either voluntarily or as part of a foreclosure proceeding, Your Mama has no doubt the entire mess will be torn down. What mega rich mogul wants Michael Jackson's broke down and leftover Ferris wheel and tarnished Tilt-a-whirl, not to mention the hordes of crazed and deluded fans that camp out on Figueroa Mountain Road?

Let's Talk About the Languishing Marketplace

Some real estate soothsayers say the "bubble" is about to burst. Some say it has already popped and are expecting dramatic drops in the price of housing over the next 12 months. And some others say it's all nonsense and the sky-high prices will hold even if fewer folks can afford to buy. Your Mam doesn't have a clue what's to come, but what we do know is that even the rich and famous are not immune to the fluctuations in the housing market. This morning Your Mama is going to look back at three celebrity owned properties that we've previously discussed and which continue to languish on the market, perhaps victims to the upheaval in the mortgage and lending industries and perhaps an indication of a slow down in the electric Los Angeles market.

1. Let's start with one of Hollywood's queens of kookiness Sharon Stone. In February of 2006, the acturuss, who was once offered $1,500,000 to make a "short visit" a Russian tycoon's house, went and bought a big Beverly Hills (Post Office) estate at the tippy top of N. Beverly Drive. For whatever reason, our favorite capricious minx never moved her questionable clothing or children into the place. Just four months after purchasing the 6,640 square foot house for $10,995,000, someone encouraged lovable Miz Cray-zee to put the place back on the market for $12,500,000.

Now babies, we don't know if Miz Stone ever intended to live up in this house or if her bizness manager (or another of her many people) thought she should try to cash in on an exploding real estate market in the Platinum Triangle and encouraged her to buy the place as a flip investment. But what is clear is that the vajayjay baring AIDs activist is going to lose at least a million clams on her impulsive and not well timed real estate maneuver.

After taking the house off the market in the Spring of 2007, Miz Stone put it back on the market over the summer at $11,500,000, a full million dollar price reduction. But alas, no buyers came a-runnin'. Recently, she again lowered the asking price for the 5-acre estate to $10,495,000, a full $500,000 LESS than she paid for the place. Take out the real estate fees, which are likely to be in the neighborhood of $500,000, and poor Miz Stone will be dipping into her Hermes pocketbook to to the tune of $1,000,000. You know she's all sorts of pissed. Maybe she should have taken the Russian tycoons more than generous offer after all.

2. Dirty looking comedian Jack Black should be sitting on top of the world. He's got hit movies, rakes in piles of cash, and has a new-ish wifey and baby. However, his real estate world is not so happy. Yes, the funny man did recently sell a Laurel Canyon house he once owned with his previous lady friend, and yes, he's got a $3,000,000 celebrity worthy new house on Monte Cielo Drive in Beverly Hills which he recently renovated and happens to sit next door to John O'Hurley's optimistically priced house.

But he's also got a N. Beachwood Drive house that he can't seem to unload. The freshly renovated, 2,694 square foot house first appeared on the open market in May 2007 with an asking price of $1,699,000. At one point over the summer it appeared that the house had found a buyer, but the deal must have fallen through because it's still sitting on the market with a reduced and current asking price of $1,529,000.

We're quite certain Mister Black put considerable money into renovating the place, but given that he paid only $720,000 for the property in 2001, there's perhaps a chance he can make some money on this transaction.

3. Staying in the Beachwood Canyon area, we move to Danny Masterson's quaint cottage on Holly Mont Drive. When this property first hit the open marketplace in late April, it had an aggreessive asking price of $1,595,000. It appears that on more than one occasion the actor/Scientologist/DJ/real estate investor had the place sold. But apparently the deal(s) fell apart, because the modest house remains on the market for $1,480,000. We can only imagine that Mister Masterson is eager to unload the place given that he and his gurlyfriend, the once wild child Bijou Phillips, bought the old Chuck Berry house a few blocks away for $2,995,000.

Like Jack Black, Mister Masterson may have some wiggle room before he is forced to take a loss on the transaction. He paid just $580,000 for the house back in 1998.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

More Ellen Real Estate Intrigue

Poor Ellen Degeneres. Not only did she catch a lot of flak and break down in tears on her talk show over those nasty adopted dog doings, the glossy tabs are now reporting that she and her lesbian lover Portia di Rossi are headed towards splitsville. Say it isn't so. Seriously, Your Mama does not want to see these two lovebirds bust up. Your Mama has no inside sources with Miz Degeneres and we don't even pretend know a thing about either of those matters that has not already been reported far and wide.

More intriguing to Your Mama than whether Ellen did the right thing with the dog (we fall on the side of the dog's best interest), or whether she and the Missus are getting a dee-vorce (we hope not), is the ever changing make up of her Southern California real estate empire.

Yesterday Your Mama briefly discussed the newly renovated Beverly Hills house that the talk show queen and her acturuss lady friend have recently purchased from Will and Grace co-creator Max Muchnick,which got us looking into some of the other properties the real estate maven currently owns, sold and/or has on the market.

The last of Ellen's Woodrow Wilson Drive collection of properties was recently sold off to 25 year old soap stud Adrian Bellani who took over the role of Miguel when uni-brow Jesse Metcalfe left the jaw dropping daytime drama Passions in a not very successful attempt to move on to bigger and better things. The sale price was not disclosed, but the asking price for the modestly sized and envy producing house was $1,995,000. Another of her Woodrow Wilson properties was sold to dee-vorcing couple Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams, so it'll be interesting to see if that place comes back on the market as part of that settlement.

Just a few miles from Oprah Winfrey's $50,000,000+ fiefdom, Ellen and Portia are still attempting to cash in on their massive Montecito mansion which remains on the market for a spine tingling $24,000,000. The children will recall that the couple reportedly purchased this house for $15,750,000 (property records do not disclose the purchase price) in late 2006 and before they could even get their bras and panties into the dressing room drawers, put the place back on the market for $8,250,000 more than they paid for the meticulously renovated and landscaped 4-acre estate.
A little father north, Ellen and Portia owned two Santa Ynez ranches. According to property records, Miz D. purchased the 20 acre bucolic and picturesque getaway ranchette on Roundup Road (pictured above) in December of 2005 for $2,800,000 and sold it 13 months later, in March 2007, for $3,050,000 to a couple of infomercial entrepreneurs.
Now children this is where things get complicated and interesting. Property records indicate that Miz D. had purchased another much larger ranch in Santa Ynez in May of 2005 when she paid an undisclosed amount of money for a 119 acre property on Armour Ranch Road (pictured above). The sprawling complex includes a 2 bedroom 2.5 bathroom main house, a 1 bedroom and 1 bathroom guest house, a 2 bedroom and 1 bath manager's house, equestrian facilities, a lap pool, and and entertainment pavilion overlooking the tennis court. It has been widely reported, including by Your Mama on this very blog, that Miz D. sold this equestrian estate, which had been on the market for $11,900,000. And indeed property records do indicate a sale in December of 2006 to an business entity in Gig Harbor, Washington for an undisclosed amount.

Interestingly, the gor-gee-us hideaway is back on the market for $16,500,000, and even more interesting is that it's being marketed with all the same information, photos and magnificent interior design as when it was sold by Miz D. Hmm.

Here's were things get really perplexing. In November of 2005, Miz D. purchased a Marmol Radziner designed quasi-ranch style house on Zorada Drive on a private knoll in the Hollywood Hills for an undisclosed sum of money. It is widely believed this is the house Miz D. and her lady friend Portia called home for the last couple of years.

In March of 2006 Miz D. purchased an adjacent property, also with a Zorada Drive address, and also for an undisclosed amount of money. The 2,755 square foot house was given the usual and spectacular Ellen D. interior make over and was back on the market in May 2007 for $2,300,000. The listing disappeared from the MLS after several weeks and Your Mama presumed it had been sold.

And it appears that is has. Property records reveal that in September 2007, ownership of BOTH Zorada Drive properties were transferred to a business entity in...are you ready kids? Gig Harbor, Washington. In fact, they appear to have been sold to a business concern with the very same Gig Harbor address associated with the Santa Ynez property on Armour Ranch Road.

Which is strange and puzzling. Could it be that Miz D. simply transferred all the properties to another private trust? Or could it be that all three properties were purchased by the same person or business concern? That would certainly appear to be the case. Which of course has Your Mama wondering, why? And who? An investor? A super rich fan? A Microsoft executive? Bueller? Bueller? Anyone?

Whatever the case in term of why and who, it supports the information we received earlier this week about Ellen and Portia moving to a never on the open market and newly renovated house in Beverly Hills. Bitches gotta live somewhere, and the Montecito mansion is waaay too far for Ellen to commute to her talk show day in and day out unless by helicoptor. And everyone knows Ellen drives a Porsche and not a helicopter.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Thursday Morning Mishmash

Your Mama has a few updates and old news items that we figured we'd put in one morning mishmash rather the take the time and spend the excessive energy required to discuss each update separately.

Back in the mid-1990s, when Miz Julia Roberts' primary residence was on lower Fifth Avenue in New York City, Your Mama used to see the $20,000,000+ per film acturuss at the Bowery Bar, which used to be a quite chic downtown eatery and drinkery. This was in the post-Pretty Woman days when Miz Roberts was not the box office babe she became after My Best Friend's Wedding and long before her Oscar Winning performance in Erin Brockovich. Your Mama wishes we could say Miz Roberts was all bubbly and big toothed grin-like, but the poor thing was not on top of her game in those days, and more than once we saw the gurl slumped in a booth looking like a squint eyed and nappy haired hot mess.

Although Miz Roberts continues to maintain a New York City outpost (a Gramercy Park penthouse), nowadays, the mother of three lives mostly on the West coast with her cameraman baby daddy Danny Moder. When she and the family are not hunkered down at their big ranch in Taos, New Mexico, they are shacked up in a small compound on Nowita Place in a modest, but very desirable section of Venice, CA.
But, as anyone who has ever read a glossy tabloid knows, the environmentally conscious couple have recently completed a gargantuan "green" built house on the cliffs of Point Dume in Malee-boo (pictured above). Although property records we accessed do not disclose the purchase price of either of the two lots that were purchased late in 2003, many reports say Miz Roberts and her man paid $20,000,000 for the properties. Sounds like a lot of money, but then again Johnny Carson's cliff top compound sold earlier this year for a reported $38,000,000.

Your Mama hasn't a clue about how big Earth Mama Miz Roberts' new house is or how many bedrooms and bathrooms have been included in the craftsman style structure. But given that she's got three youngin's who all need nannies, we imagine the house has to have at least 6 bedrooms. If anyone would like to clue Your Mama in, please give us a ringy-dingy.

UPDATE: We hear from the Jack of Clubs that the house measures a relatively modest 6,144 square feet with 6 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms.

Yesterday, Mister Max Abelson at the pink paged NY Observer gives us the update on the West Village townhouse that crazy rich Johnson & Johnson heiress Libet Johnson purchased from Academy Award winning actress Meryl Streep back in October 2005 for $9,100,000. Your Mama discussed the property back in April.
Mister Abelson not only tells us that Miz Johnson never moved into the West 12th Street townhouse (pictured above), but that in fact she "lent the house" to Diandra Douglas, who happens to be the ex-wifey of Michael Douglas. Lent? Seriously? The children might remember that lucky ex-Mrs. Douglas was granted a reported and rumored $45,000,000 in her dee-vorce settlement, so even if we had the piles of cash that Libet has, we'd have charged ex-Mrs Douglas and her guitar making new husband Michael Klein some steep ass rent.

Five time married Libet, who has had a very public and tumultuous romantic life including being famously and formerly hooked up with tonsorial tycoon Frédéric Fekkai, had her five floor townhouse on the market for nearly $16,000,000. While no one seemed eager to pay quite that much, Mister Abelson reports that the centrally located house did in fact sell for $12,800,000 to an investment trust.

Mariska Hargitay has finally unloaded her TriBeCa penthouse for much less than it's asking price. According to all the real estate gossips, the approximately 2,500 square foot Beach Street penthouse sold for $5,100,000, which is considerably less than the $6,495,000 that was being asked when Your Mama first discussed the property back in February.
Your Mama has received multiple and eager requests about where Miz Hargitay has moved since vacating the 3 bedroom and 2.5 bathroom building topper on Beach Street, but you know what? Your Mama does not know. Given that Law and Order continues to film incessantly around New York City, including in front of Your Mama's building earlier this week, we presume the pedigreed acturuss and new mommy has moved to a larger New York City apartment that better fits her growing family.

Sources: Pacific Coast News (Roberts' photo)

José Eber Hangs His Cowboy Hat Here

SELLER: José Eber
LOCATION: St. Ives Place, West Hollywood, CA
PRICE: $4,295,000
SIZE: 3,387 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Live the Hollywood lifestyle in this stunning high-tech luxury view home. Owned by renowned celebrity hair stylist José Eber, property features a spacious floor plan with tasteful upgrades in the most prime of neighborhoods. Seclusion is assured because of the private cul de sac. This ultimate entertainer’s home is a delightful place to retreat. Mix in the perfect Hollywood location and the glamour of its celebrity background and you have an unbeatable combination!!!

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: Okay babies, we smell a rat. First of all we found a listing for the house that had it priced at $5,350,000, which means that the current price of $4,295,000 is more than $1,000,000 less than Monsieur EeBear originally wanted for the house. This is not a new listing, it's a re-priced listing.

Secondly, from the pictures it is clear that Monsieur EeBear does not currently LIVE in this house. A source we contacted claims that the long haired hair maven has not lived in this house since 2002, PRIOR to the re-build/renovation. Property records do show that the tonsorial trimmer does own the property, but we hear he moved years ago. Someone named Joe-ZAY is hoping to make millions on his renovation project.

Your Mama does not have a clue as to where the tonsorial trimmer actually lives, but we'd love to know because Your Mama is nosy like that.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The listing agents for hairstylist to the stars José Eber have made it easy for Your Mama. Not only did they name the home owner in their description of the property on the MLS, they posted a comment on our little blog announcing that the hairdresser's Hollywood Hills contempo has hit the market at $4,295,000.

Now babies, before we begin, let Your Mama give y'all a lesson on how to say the long haired coiffure's name. It's Joe-ZAY Ee-BEAR. It helps if you use a pretend French accent. Say it with Your Mama children, Joe-ZAY Ee-BEAR.

Monsieur Eebear, who has touched, twirled and twisted the hair of just about every Hollywood hussy and diva from the 1980s including Farrah Fawcett, Cher, and Elizabeth Taylor, continues to be a force in Hollywood hairdos and hair-don't's. But his fame and influence seems to have ebbed among the young celebutards who prefer to have their locks cut and colored by younger and hipper hairdressers like reality television friendly Jonathan Antin and/or Jessica Simpson's hair bitch Ken Pavés (pronounced Pay-ves if you please or care).

According to property records, Monsieur Eebear bought this property in February of 1990 for $867,720, which was a lot of gawd-damn money in 1990 for a little fixer in the hills. Current information indicates that the house measures 3,387 square feet with 4 bedrooms and 4.5 bathrooms. It appears that Monsieur Eebear has done a fairly recent head to toe make over of the place since he purchased the vertically inspired house. There are gorgeous views of the Los Angeles all the way to the ocean (on a clear day, anyway) and the private drive is shared with just four other houses. Not only is the close to Sunset Boulevard location convenient to all the swanky shoppy-shops along Robertson, the end of the private drive location means a celebrity could unpack the groceries from the Range Rover without being pestered by the paps.

As of today, the listing agents have not included many photos of the house, so we really can't say if the floor plan is spacious or if the upgrades are tasteful. What we do know is that Monsieur Eebear, whose long, loooong hair falls down his back, is never seen without a cowboy or Australian bush style hat that is often laden with feathers, medallions or some other adornment. Can we expect the same sort of over the top interior appointments? Time will tell as the listing agent promises more glorious photos soon.

But more than anything, what Your Mama rather callously and cattily wants to know is if Monsieur Eebear has a full head of hair under his hat. Hmm.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Ellen and Portia On the Move. Again.

Late yesterday afternoon, one of Your Mama's most reliable sources whispered in our ear that talk show queen Ellen Degeneres and her Sapphic partner Portia di Rossi have vacated their Marmol and Radziner designed house on Zorada Drive in the Hollywood Hills and moved West to the Hills of Beverly. According to our source, and a little elbow grease and research, Your Mama has learned that the high-powered lezbo duo have moved into a recently renovated Buff and Hensman designed house above Coldwater Canyon Drive that once belonged to none other than acturuss turned tell-all novelist Joan Collins.

As of today, Your Mama can't confirm any of this rumor, gossip and innuendo with property records, but our source is always reliable and has excellent resources that we can't reveal lest we expose her identity. Of course, we'll keep our eyes and ears open for more information and confirmation.

Tanya Tucker On Our Minds

SELLER: Tanya Tucker
LOCATION: Patton Road, Arrington, TN
PRICE: $11,500,000 (approx. sale price)
SIZE: 500 acres, 22,600 square feet (reported)

***It's a bit difficult for Your Mama to be pithy and snarky at a time when all of Southern California seems to be ablaze. Although we will continue to try to entertain and amuse (everyone needs a giggle, even in dire times), please know that we are deeply concerned for everyone affected by the devastation in San Diego, Lake Arrowhead, Orange County, and Malibu. Your Mama totally understands that our little sassy little gossip blog pales in comparison to what's really important during a time of disaster. Health and safety to all, and don't forget the many pets and livestock that are also affected by the overwhelming situation.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: In addition to the wildfires ripping through Southern California, Your Mama has Tanya Tucker on our mind this morning. Strange as it may sound, we often have old-school country crooner Tanya Tucker on the brain, and the iPod.

Tanya Tucker's riveting rendition of Delta Dawn is one of Your Mama's first musical memories. As a wee thing, Your Mama and Sister Woman rode around in our mama's suped-up chocolate brown Oldsmobile with Tanya Tucker blaring on the 8-track and singing our little hearts out. Nowadays Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter have traded up to a big BMW, but we we're often singing our little hearts out as we ride around with Delta Dawn blaring from the stereo that is hooked up to a cute little iPod.

Multiple recent reports say that Miz Tanya Tucker finally sold her 500-acre farm in Arrington, a speck on the map about 30 miles south of country capital Nashville, Tennesee. According to one report, Miz Tucker has been trying to unload her big farm since at least 2001 when she put the place on the market for $13,500,000 as a FSBO (for sale by owner) so she could save herself the steep real estate fees.

At some point the lauded singer must have pulled the place off the market because the palatial Plantation style pad, which sprawls over 4 floors and 22,260 square feet, was recently featured in the family's reality show called Tuckerville. Good heavens children, does everyone have a damn reality show? Your Mama confesses that despite our somewhat embarrassing fondness for reality shows, we never watched a single episode of Tuckerville.

Deer Park Farm, which is the name Your Mama has been told Miz Tucker named her 500 acre estate, sits in the boonies of suburban and rural Nashville and her closest celebrity neighbors were the flawless counter singer Jeane Pruett, new country's Kenny Chesney, and rocker Sheryl Crow is rumored to have a big spread on Cross Keys Road in College Grove, which is about 15 miles from the old Tucker farm.

Property records we accessed were slim on details so we haven't a clue how many bedrooms and bathrooms the place had, but given it's tremendous square footage, we assume there were many of each. However, the Tennessee Tatler, who sweetly provided Your Mama with the few photos we have of the farm, says that the lowest level of the four floor behemoth housed Miz Tucker's fleet of trucks and the top floor is where she stored her music memorabilia including all her old beaded and spangled costumes.

Several reports say that Miz Tucker's 500 acre estate sold for "nearly $11,500,000" to an Earle Ridge Investments, an Ohio based company that plans on converting the wooded property, along with an adjacent 160-are parcel, into a golf course development. Miz Tucker's humongous house is expected become the centerpiece and clubhouse of the planned 18-hole golf course community which is expected to have almost 500 homes. Are there that many people in rural Nashville who are ready, willing, and able to buy 500 houses with sale prices expected to start at $550,000? In the current sagging marketplace? Good luck to 'em.

Miz Tucker has famously relocated to Malee-boo after a tumultuous cross-country drive where she was allegedly robbed by her feuding former fiancee Jerry Laseter and a female co-conspirator.
There has been some confusion about which house on Carbon Mesa Road Miz Tucker and her family have leased. However, several sources, including one who knows about the doings on Carbon Mesa Road, confirm that the Tuckers have leased a 4,646 square foot Monterey Colonial merged with a classic California ranch style house (pictured above) on 2.8 acres with a somewhat sophisticated western decor, 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, panoramic ocean views and a 100 foot backyard water slide. Do we even need to tell the children what we think of back yard water slides?

Both the street and Miz Tucker's temporary digs are no stranger to the rich and famous. Our Carbon Mesa informant tells us that perpetually troubled Britney Spears once leased the house as did Jude Law and Siena Miller during one of their many attempts at reconciliation. Our informant and property records reveal that Sean Penn owns the property next door that burned to ground in the 1993 Malibu fires and where his Airstream trailer burned in the fires this week. Ed Harris and Amy Madigan's ocean view compound is just down the hill. Your Mama was also told that David Duchovny and Tea Leoni have a Carbon Mesa outpost, but we've not been able to confirm this with property records.

Your Mama can't imagine why Miz Tucker, who has a regularly performs in Las Vegas, would shack up in Malee-boo, but we hear from more than one source that she's filming another season of the family's reality show at the house. Tuckerville By the Sea?

Due to the fires in Malibu, Miz Tucker's teenage daughter Presley and the four family dogs were evacuated from their leased house. Reports say Miz Tucker was in Las Vegas at the time of the evacuation.