Monday, April 30, 2007


Your Mama has spent part of today chatting with someone from deep inside the DJ AM entourage who gave us some fun and inneresting updates on the Bev Hills house the famed record spinner purchased back in May of 2006 and we discussed here not too long ago. Here's what we learned:

The formerly fat, now gorgeously slim hipped DJ to the stars purchased the house for around $3,200,000 after a long seven month search. AM proceeded to put "A LOT" of money into renovations that include a movie theater. But has yet to actually occupy the house. Our little tipster tells us AM is just "too lazy" to move from his Hollywood Hills house.

And he may not have to move. While the place is not officially on the market, AM has received a few offers to purchase the renovated property, but none have come up to the BIG number he's looking for to make it worth his time, effort, and bank account.

All Your Mama got to say about this is that gawd bless a spinner who can afford a multi-million dollar house high in hills of Beverly.

UPDATE: Kelly Wearstler

This is not good. Today the good people over at Curbed LA tell us that interior designer Kelly Wearstler, she-ra of the funky outfits and hair don'ts on the Bravo's Top Design, was illegally operating her K.W.I.D. offices out of a residential bungalow located just off Melrose. We featured the property on our little blog after we first read about it on Curbed back in late March.

The Curbed folks even posted the text of the petition where Miz Wearstler begs for forgiveness and ask for a 6-month extension in order to comply with the LADBS Order to Comply, blah blah blah.

We do feel a little badly for Miz Wearstler and her troubles with the zoning peeps. But with all her moolah, surely she can find new and legal digs for K.W.I.D. that she can fill up with orchids and Hollywood regency furniture.

UPDATE: Avril "The Spitter" Lavigne

We L.O.V.E. this one.

Seems Avril Lavigne, everyones favorite faux punker who is as famous for copping a 'tude with reporters and paps as she is for her watered down pop-punk music, DENIES she and huzband Deryck Wibley purchased the Travis Barker / Shanna Moakler mansion up in the guard gated Bel Air Crest community.

As first reported in In Touch Weekly, than on Mr. Big Times' celebrity real estate extravaganza, The Spitter reportedly told some audience or some person that, "Recently I’ve heard that I’ve bought this new house in L.A. and I didn’t. But people say things, and it goes away a week later.”

Yeah, it all goes away just a week later unless The Spitter keeps it alive by continuing to talk about it. Just who does she think she's kidding? Not only was the purchase reported, here, there and everywhere, including the LA Times, public records indicate she was the buyer.

Gurl might have been better off just keeping her spit producing potty mouth shut. You know, fame is fickle hunnies, and it may not be long before no one cares where The Spitter lives, so maybe she should just be happy all us crazy real estate gossips are still yakking about her.

And please, someone buy her old house up in the Mulholland Estates so she can deny ever living there too.

Lionsgate Revisted

SELLER: Nancy Davis
LOCATION: Nimes Road, Bel Air, CA
PRICE: $23,950,000
SIZE: 9,369 square feet (per assessor), 7 bedrooms, 12 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: "Bel-Air'S Finest Trophy Property", Lionsgate is one of the most sought after properties in the city. It features 7 brs and 12 bts w/ a guest hse & a separate structure w/games room and full disco being converted into a screening rm. The property is situated on 1.6 acres, running street to street on Bel-Air's most prominent street. Features include; tennis court and pavilion, disco/media room, elevator, putting green, library, and 200 foot driveway.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: A hush falls over the room. Yes babies, this is the very home that greasy night club denizen and notorious foul mouthed Brandon Davis called home when he was a wee tot and not even a glimmer in the tabloid eye. "Lionsgate," a very famous home among the many famous homes in Bel Air, has long been owned by Brandon's mommy, Nancy Davis. That's right hunnies, she would be one of the daughters of corpulent billionaire Marvin Davis who died in 2004 amid rumors of trust looting and dwindling financial circumstances that have resulted in lurid lawsuits filed by Patty Raynes, one of the Davis daughters.

Not long after his death, Marvin's wifey, the lacquer haired charity circuit broad Barbara, who famously chairs the Carousel of Hope Ball, sold off the family pile in Bev Hills. Dubbed "The Knoll," the 25,000 square foot house sold for a reported $46,000,000 to a bizness man named Eric Schmidt. Miz Barbara moved to a low maintenance bungalow at the Beverly Hills Hotel, which was, of course, once owned by her dead huzband.

Anyhoo, back to "Lionsgate." The 1.6 acre property was once owned by bearded country crooner Kenny Rogers, who has recently had some unfortunate plastic surgery. But for many years the house has been home to Miz Nancy Davis, one of daughters and benefactors of Daddy Davis' big bank account and who was still in good graces when the old man kicked it. Incidentally, Mister Kenny Rogers also once owned "The Knolls." Hmm.

Located on one of Bel Air's most prestigious streets, "Lionsgate" is approached down a long driveway that keeps it completely hidden from the prying eyes of the paps and other nosy Bel Air residents. Perfect for a super rich celebrity. As even the most stoopid among us can glean, the house was named after the two large felines statues that grace and guard the entry gates.

As y'all might imagine, we're not fond of the fussy decorating scheme with the flesh colored pool table and the pink flowers stencilled on the walls of the dining room. And seriously, we don't know what is going on in that bedroom. We're guessing it's the bedroom of a child, but what Bel Air child wants drapes that look like something out of one of Saddam's palaces or a row house in Queens? Please.

So what do we like you might ask? The stone driveway is spectacular, the chandelier in the dining room is wonderfully opulent, we only wish it were larger. The bone chandelier in the room with the pool table is also pretty cool. And we LOVE the lions and security cameras at the front gates. All the children should be so lucky to be greeted by a pair of Simbas after a long day on Rodeo Drive.

The location is impeccable and the privacy is guaranteed. The old-schoold architecture has a certain appeal and the terraced backyard pool has no doubt seen many interesting pool parties.

In addition to the dance studio, art studio, game room, gym, putting green, tennis court and swimming pool, "Lionsgate" features an in-house disco (!!) for getting your groove on without suffering the embarrassment of public hip gyrations and head flings. Perhaps wisely, the disco is being converted to a screening room according to the listing. And 12 bathrooms. Twelve! The bill for Comet alone requires a significant income.

For just over $20,000,000 the lucky buyer will have neighbors such as Steven Bollenbach, President and CEO of Hilton Hotels, and Miz Joanna Carson, who still lives in the big house on St. Cloud Road she shared back in the 1970s with her ex huzband Johnny Carson.

Your Mama hopes the Crooz clan checks this place out. We feel that if the vertically challenged big-man is going to spend a fortune on a home, he really ought to buy something legendary. Crooz is a legend in his own mind, so really, shouldn't he own a home that carries a Hollywood history and prestige? With 7 bedrooms, 12 bathrooms, and a guest house, there might be just enough room for all the Scientology "minders," Crooz family members, and nannies that live with the tabloid beleaguered couple. Seriously Crooz, check this one out.

This is not the first time "Lionsgate" has been on the market in the very recent past. Only back in July of 2006 Miz Ruth Ryon wrote in her Hot Properties column that the house had been listed "at just under $30,000,000. Guess there were no takers at that price so it's been hugely reduced to it's current ask price of $23,950,000 which should bring a few more interested parties who pine for living in a house only a Hollywood honcho could love.

Sources: LA Times, Forbes, Real Estate Journal, Star Pulse

Sunday, April 29, 2007

UPDATE: Sexy and The Spice Gurl

BUYER: Sexy and The Spice Gurl
LOCATION: Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $22,000,000 (list)
SIZE: 13,149 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: In regards to all the emails and commentary we've received on this regarding addresses and locataion. We're not blaming anyone. We're as interested in the addresses as anyone else is and can understand people just wanting to know." But there are real and legal issues at play here, and in this case, with threat of kidnapping and all that, we went as far with the location description as we felt comfortable. We're quite sure that if it's vitally important you know the address to this house, you can suss it out on your own or find it on some chat board somewhere. If y'all want to post the address and/or location specifics, elsewhere, do what you will. But we're kindly requesting that our very loyal and lovely readers don't do that here. We're doing out best to bring you information on this stuff that is both compelling and interesting, but there are limits. And if you can't understand that, well, then you need to spend some time thinking about that. Thanks for the support by comment and email and to the anonymous commenter who started this, you're cool. we're not trying to lambaste you at all and hope you will continue to enjoy our little blog.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: One of our British pals tells us all the tabs and newspapers are reporting on the purchase of the immigrants Bev Hills house and, as you might expect, it's the very same house we told you about the other day.

We had long heard the couple wanted to spend between $12 and $15 million, but it looks like they've blow the budget with this one having paid, we're told by a tipster right around $20,000,000.

So we're going to pop up a few photos of peripatetic couple's new digs which y'all can see are far from modest in size, but has a teeny little pool. Maybe the couple and their kiddies don't like the water much?

We'd like to wish the couple happiness and health in their new home. Seriously we do. Your Mama would also like to say we are so relieved this couple have FINALLY purchased a home and we can stop writing about them.

Next up...The Spice Gurl's reality television show, which we predict is going to bomb. Sorry doll, Your Mama just thinks you might be over-estimating your celebrity pull in the States. You might indeed be better served taking a turn on that mind blowing and puzzling Dancing With The Stars, which every week leaves Your Mama slack jawed and aghast.

Brad Garrett's Hidden Hills Hideaway

SELLER: Brad and Jill Garrett
LOCATION: Jim Bridger Road, Hidden Hills, CA
PRICE: $9,250,000
SIZE: 10,223 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 8.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Gorgeous French country estate! Beautifully finished w/ plank hardwood stone floors, leaded galss windows, volumn ceilings, granite hand painted tiles, true slate roof. Rare downstairs master suite, state-of-the-art theatre, magnificent study, gym/bonus room, wine cellar guest house, 6-car garage, cov. patio, BBQ center, huge grassy yard. Wow!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Today Ms. Ruth Ryon at the LA Times tells us in her Hot Properties column that funny and tall actor Brad Garrett has put his humongous Hidden Hills house on the market for a whopping $9,250,000. Y'all are most likely to remember the lunky funny man from his turn as the big brother opposite Ray Romano on Everyone Loves Raymond. where he won three well deserved Emmy's. More recently you've likely seen Garrett acting his big heart out on a show called Til Death... with Joely Fisher, who Your Mama finds to be very funny. But long before Mister Garrett was a household name making big money on syndication residuals, did y'all know that Mister Garrett was the first winner of the $100,000 prize for comedy on Star Search in 1983? Well, he was.

What is it with this Hidden Hills place? This tiny enclave crawls with celebs like Matt LeBlanc, who's selling his monster Mediterranean, Denise Richards, who is selling her shabby chic house amid not so nice rumors, her ex-bestie Heather Locklear lives up in this area, as do one of the world's favorite lezbeean couples Melissa Etheridge and her baby maker wife Tammy Lynn Michaels. Who knew actors were such a suburban group of people.

Anyhoo, like most of the mansions up in the suburban wilds of Hidden Hills, Mister Garret's French Country house sits behind guarded gates which certainly helps to keep all the looky-loos from driving by. The Garrett couple purchased the 1.2 acre vacant lot in February of 2004 for a staggering $6,384,000. That's the vacant land price children.

The couple proceeded to custom build a 6 bedroom, 8.5 bath, 10,223 square foot house with high ceilings that would comfortably fit the Mister's 6'8" frame. The house has a grand foyer with a curving staircase, a huge kitchen with two islands and high end appliances, and and plenty of room for the Suburbans, Range Rovers and minivans in the 6-car garage. According to the listing and Ms. Ryon, the house also includes everything anyone would ever need living out in the boondocks including a state-of-the-art theatre, gym, wine cellar, and a BBQ center, whatever that is, a play room and a play house for the kiddies, and a 1 bedroom guest house for visitors who stay too long.

Obviously these sprawling homes out in Hidden Hills are highly desirable and it seems rich folks line up to pay upwards of $10,000,000 for a big house that requires a full time maid to keep dusted and a team of landscapers to be clipping, mowing and pruning several times a week.

But these houses in the outlying reaches of Los Angeles are not for Your Mama. We appreciate the no holds barred construction and finishes such as the slate roof on this house, which we guarantee cost the Garretts a staggering amount of money. We appreciate the house pride that has these Hidden Hills denizens spending fortunes landscaping front yards no one will ever use. We love the high ceilings and the real wood floors as opposed to the silly composite and laminate that looks like wood that people use nowadays. And we have no doubt this is a well built house that will withstand the test of time...and it should for 10,000,000 smackers.

But, with all due respekt to Mister Garrett, who Your Mama thinks is incredibly funny and talented, we just find this sort of suburban opulence disconcerting , bo-ring, and if we're being honest, a little depressing. These big houses with their beige carpeting, beige tiles, and beige walls look like middle class tract houses in Des Moines that have been injected with steroids and seriously need a good gay decorator to get up in there and make something special out of what's essentially a big beige box.

Don't get Your Mama wrong. We have no illusion about the attractiveness of these big beige houses to the bulk of the wealthy people. Rich people, particularly those with offspring, LOVE houses like this. They are just not our cup of tea.

The Garretts, who are reported to be dee-vorcing, previously lived in the Mister's hometown of Woodland Hills where they lived in a 4 bedroom, 5 bathroom, 5,873 square foot house they bought in 1998 for $1,625,000 and sold in May of 2005 for $2,300,000. In August of 2004, the couple also sold an 8,000+ square foot house in Lake Arrowhead for $1,850,000.

No word on where the tall man is going, but we imagine it'll be someplace suburban with very high ceilings.

Sources: LA Times, Internet Movie Data Base

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Another Friends House

SELLER: Michael Skloff and Marta Kauffman
LOCATION: Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $20,000,000
SIZE: 9 bedrooms, 9.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...Two parcels totaling approx. 2.71 acres w/ approx. 250' of bluff frontage. Existing 3 bedroom, 3 bath Buff and Hensman home w/ pool, plans and pending approvals for a 7,565 square ft. main home and guest home on separate legal parcel. Architectural plans for new home designed by renowned architect Mark Rios. includes immediate access to fabulous private cove. A truly breathtaking location and opportunity to complete your own private beach/bluff estate.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: On a few occasions we've discussed houses that have been purchased by the mountains of money that were made from the Friends sit-com juggernaut including the gargantuan house Adam Chase built and sold up in the birds, and Matt LeBlanc's monster mansion in Hidden Hills. Today we bring you another, this one on the bluffs of Malee-boo.

In case you have never read the credits of Friends, (and let's face it, why would you?), let Your Mama educate you. Marta Kaufmann was one of the creators and executive producers of the enormously popular show. Given those titles and credits, Your Mama prolly does not need to tell you the lady made bank. Seer-ee-us money. Huzband Michael Skloff wrote the little ditty theme song for the show, for which we are sure he was paid handsomely and likely makes mad royalties from the huge syndication deals.

In June of 1998, right in the thick of the Friends popularity, this couple, who have many other film and television credits as well as Friends, purchased a 4,481 square foot house on 1.84 acres way up in the Northern reaches of Malee-boo for an undisclosed sum of money. The lot runs from the Pacific Coast Highway to the bluff overlooking the angry Pacific. The property appears to also contain a guest house and a small riding ring as well as rolling lawns and private stairs to the not very sandy beach. This property is not the house shown in the photos.

In March of 2003, public property records show the couple purchased the ocean front house next door on a lot measureing just under an acre, also for an undisclosed sum of money. This property features the cool Buff and Hensman house seen in the photos above.

Given that the listing states the sellers have plans for a large Mark Rios designed compound, we're guessing their intention was to knock everything down. Which we can understand on the one hand. But on the other, if you ask Your Mama, and of course no one did, the Buff and Hensman house is worth saving. Besides the vintage Panton light fixture over the dining room table, we wouldn't save a stick of furniture that we see in the photos, but the low slung house with the courtyard swimming pool holds up design-wise and would really make an excellent beach house for someone who is not looking for a hotel sized getaway.

Your Mama has no intel on why the couple has decided not to pursue building their dream compound. Perhaps they've decided to take the money and run to a property that needs less work? Or perhaps they've decided they don't want or need a house in Malee-boo. Whatever the case, the two single and separate lots are being offered as a package along with the architectural plans for an uber compound.

Maybe someone will come along, buy the lots, build on the larger one and keep the B and H intact. We dream.

Anyhoo, the Friends couple still own the 7 bedroom, 6 bathroom, 8000+ square foot house in Hancock Park they purchased in late 1998 for $1,465,000. So be assured they'll not be homeless once they get this place sold.

P.S. We presume the 9 bedrooms and 9.5 bathrooms shown on the listing is the total for all the structures currently on both parcels.

UPDATE: Ashley Olsen

Remember a few weeks back when Your Mama told you that itty bitty Ashley Olsen was house hunting for a modest and private little place to call home?

Well, we hear she has not purhased anything yet, but has in fact leased a house up in the hills of Hollywood. We were unable to wrangle much information from our source close to the tiny tycoon but were told it's a great house with a great view and a swimming pool. And maybe most important, it's pry-vit.

Guess this means our favorite mini mogul isn't going back to New York to finish up her education?

Friday, April 27, 2007

UPDATE: Sexy and The Spice Girl

Your Mama is hearing that the report in People is indeed accurate and the immigrant couple have finally reached an agreement to purchase a big ass house. We sincerely hope it's true so that we can all get off the Beckham house hunt crazy train.

Our little tipster told us the address of the property he heard they are purchasing. But as we said before, that address stays under lock and key in our vault. This couple does not need a thousand teenagers camped out at the end of their driveway even before they sign the contract to purchase the damn house.

The house we hear they're purchasing is indeed located in Bev Hills and has a very long gated driveway that leads to a recently built house that has way more than 10,000 square feet and more bathrooms than bedrooms. And it's ex-spen-sive.

We'd sooner have our tongues cut out than release the address, but, as the crow flies, it's not far from David Geffen's mammoth estate or the Versaille-like Saperstein pile that was recently listed at $125,000,000.

UPDATE: Sexy and The Spice Gurl

People is reporting that the immigrants are expected to sign contracts this weekend for big house in Bev Hills that is "modern, airy, very light and spacious with lots of windows" which is decidedly NOT the Meg Ryan mansion it was reported everywhere, including here, they were negotiating for.

Apparently the house still needs a "little bit of work" which could mean it's a fixer or it's a new house that has not been completed yet. And the report states the house is not huge, but it is large enough for their big family and visiting family and friends.

The celebrity friendly publication also reports that The Spice Gurl has appointments with interior designers to discuss the finishes and flourishes.

One of our tipsters actually gave us an address for a property, but neither he nor I can confirm the good looking couple is purchasing that particular house. Yet.

Another of our tipsters, who often produces reliable information, tells us it's probably bullshit.

So go figure. It's all a mystery to us still.

When we get anything more concrete, we'll let the children know. But hunnies, we're keeping the address in our vault so don't even ask.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Xorin Balbes Does It In The Bird Streets

SELLER: Xorin Balbes
LOCATION: 9248 Swallow Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $6,800,00
SIZE: 5,200 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Modern oasis in coveted "Bird" streets w/ white terrazzo floors, soaring ceilings, free-flowing spaces and walls of glass. Situated on nearly half-acre (per assessor) mostly-flat, luxuriously-landscaped lot. Dual-island, pro kitchen spills into family room; fully-equipped outdoor kitchen/dining area; swimmer's pool & spa; large yard w/firepit; 3 fireplaces; off-street parking for 8; wired for today's technologies.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: If you do not live in Los Angeles, we're not sure if design diva Xorin Balbes ranks as a celebrity. But if you do live in Los Angeles or give a whit about house flipping at the high end, you should prolly know who this man is. Because he is the queen of the high end house flip in L.A.

Miss Balbes takes houses with some sort of architectural merit, buys them at a good price, and injects them with a dramatic, new-fangled sort of modern. He himself lives up in Los Feliz in an extraordinary house designed by luminescent architect Lloyd Wright, son of Frank. The intricate and complicated stone work on the exterior gives the house a distinct look of a Mayan temple and the interior has been kitted out with all the modern amenities a rich gay decorator could ever want including a sleek kitchen and a heated swimming pool.

Miss Balbes has blazed an incredible, enviable, and highly profitable path through need-to-be-rehabilitated Los Angeles real estate including the recently completed re-do of the famed El Cabrillo bungalows in Hollywood which the high priestess of real estate gossips Ruth Ryon discussed in her Hot Properties column some weeks back.

But that was not the only project Miss Balbes has lately been bizzy making fag magic and trying to sell for a considerable profit. Balbes purchased this house, located up in the bird streets above Sunset Boulevard on the unfortunately and nearly vulgar named Swallow Drive, in October of 2005.

Of course, Your Mama has no idea what condition this house was before Balbes got his hands on the place, but we do know it was a pretty ordinary hip-roofed ranch house before he gave the place an extensive overhaul inside and out. Although they do indicate he took a $2,000,000 mortgage on the fixer upper, property records do not show what Balbes paid for the property. But let's do the math babies. Let's say Balbes paid $3,000,000 for the fixer upper and put another million into it. At it's current price Balbes would pocket an impressive couple million even after the real estate fees and carrying costs.

Hunnies, you know we can't confirm those numbers so don't go shouting them from the rooftops like it's gospel. Okay? But if Miss Balbes would care to fill us in on the actual figures we'll be sure to pass them along.

Now, on to the house itself. Located just off N. Doheny Drive and spitting distance from Byron Allen's flip on Nightingale, the house does not have the explosive views often associated with houses up in the birds. The photos show nice views out the front of the property, but nothing to shriek and blather on about.

The house is approached by crossing over a wooden bridge that spans a shallow water feature with soothing black stones resting on the bottom. Now, this is all very dramatic and interesting, but Your Mama worries about the drunk guests having to navigate that thin little strip of wood when they arrive for even more cocktails and party favors.

We like the wood ceilings for keeping the house grounded, the terrazzo floors are exquisite, the floor to ceiling glass pivot doors have us swooning, and the large master suite wrapped in windows is a nice feature. The kitchen is large, functional and modern. We're always concerned about shockingly expensive and uber modern kitchens looking dated in a few short years. Balbes has smartly used neutrals in here which helps us breathe easier and should help it stand the test of time.

But the room that has Your Mama peeing in our pants is that delicious persimmon extravaganza. Gor-gee-us. We're not sure what Margeret Russell from Top Design on the Bravo would have to say about this room, but we don't care because we love it and are bowing down to Balbes. The designer has wisely toned down the radical orange color by balancing the room with identical pieces of furniture covered in muted colors. The avocado sofa against the orange walls a smart choice and made even more intelligent by the small yellow pillows. Brazilliant. And the little stools with the tiger stripe fabric? We'd steal them if we could fit them in our tote.

We like the off street parking for eight cars, but we're always a little disconcerted by houses that have half a dozen bedrooms. Are there really that many Brady Bunch sized broods that require all those bedrooms? Not to mention the half dozen terlits that need scrubbing a couple times a week which the maid will not have time for keeping all that glass finger print free.

Overall, Your Mama is loving this house. It's a classic mo-derne Los Angeles house that is sited privately enough for a celebrity to live in comfortably and without the paps being able to snap their pics through the windows.

Sources: Unreel Locations, LA Times,

The Kennedy Family Triple Play

In his always good read Gimme Shelter, Braden Keil at the New York Post has titillated and intrigued Your Mama with several Kennedy properties the last few weeks. So we thought it might be fun to post them here with photos so that the children can see how one of America's premier, but fading, power broking families live.

SELLER: Estate of Pat Lawford
LOCATION: First Neck Lane, Southampton, NY
PRICE: $12,500,000
SIZE: 2.1 acres, 10,467 square feet, 10 bedrooms, 12 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Dubbed Chrisyviro after Lawfords foru children and located on fancy pants First Neck Lane near the village of Southampton, the rambling house sprawls out over 10,000+ square feet and has more than enough bedrooms for a good chunk of the Kennedy clan to bed down after a long summer Saturday of touch football on the front lawn and gin on tonics on one of the many patios and porches.

Approached down a gorgeous tree lined drive which terminates in a drive court where visitors are confronted with a confusing mish-mash of architecture. A pretty little tree is the only indication that one should proceed through the door-filled courtyard in hopes of entering the abode. But which door? There is a stair hall that is probably the official entrance to the house, but the door to this space is tucked into a corner, so it's much more likely guests will enter through a set of french doors and directly into the vast living room.

The "estate condition" house means it needs to be ripped up and have the kitchen and numerous bathrooms replaced. No small feat considering there are enough terlits for a baseball team to all urinate at the same time.

Your Mama expects this house will be bull-dozed. We're not saying we want it bull-dozed. But unless some old-school family with a desire to sleep in the same rooms that Kennedys have done gawd-only-knows-what buys this house, it's highly probable someone will want to replace it with a gargantuan shingled Hamptons style "cottage" with a media room in the basement and a kitchen covered acres of granite, cherry wood, and stainless steel. A piece of Hamptons and Kennedy history gone like the tide.

SELLER: Estate of Pat Lawford
LOCATION: 1 Sutton Place South, New York, NY
PRICE: $12,750,000 (maintenance: $8,601/month)
SIZE: 4 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: (shortened from listing agent's website) Majestic 11 room duplex in Sutton's most prestigious building. There are beautiful River views from all major rooms. A dramatic gallery with a grand staircase leads to the magnificent 31 foot living room with a wood burring fireplace and French doors leading to a Juliette balcony...The splendid eat-in family kitchen is adjacent to a laundry room and three staff rooms with bath...The Upper Floor of the duplex has an enormous master with his and her baths and a paneled library; both with French doors leading to a lovely balcony which runs the length of the apartment...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: These Kennedy's were not old money, but they were certainly blue-bloods by taste and style. The mammoth duplex apartment, owned by Pat Lawford since her dee-vorce from rat pack actor Peter in 1966, expresses the ee-pit-o-me of 1960s New York grace, grandeur, and fat bank accounts. Sure, it's a little old-fashioned. But remember, Miz Lawford was in her 80s when she passed late last year, so you know that back in the day, when the lady bought this apartment and had it decorated with it's Chinese inspired chairs, baby grand, and swagged curtains, it was right in line with the decor of then en vogue and Jackio O' decorator Sister Parish.

The Lawford apartment is located in one of the most exclusive buildings in New York, and certainly the finest building on swanky Sutton Place. Built in 1927 for the famous Phipps family, who for quite some time occupied the tremendous penthouse which was surrounded by 6,000 square feet of wrap terraces, the Rosario Candela designed building's most prominent feature is the triple arched driveway. That's right, you heard correct, a driveway. This most unusal feature allows the building's rich and powerful occupants to comfortably enter and exit their chauffeur driven town cars without having to worry about being run down by a wildly driven taxi cab or being seen by "peeple" on the sidewalk.

Another notable feature of 1 Sutton Place South is the vast green lawn that stretches from the back of the building out towards the murky East River. Below the private park rushes traffic on the F.D.R. Several years ago the building's lease on the "land" that gave the building a large and meticulously maintained backyard lapsed. A bitter feud ensued between the well-healed residents and the city who wanted to reclaim the land as public space. Although the residents, who include Alien ack-tress Sigourney Weaver, fashion diva Caroline Roehm, and billionaire Ann Cox Chambers, rarely set a Jimmy Choo or a Ferragamo on the lush lawn out back, they were and are loathe to allow the common folks access to the park claiming it would compromise their property values and privacy. Cry us a river rich people.

Mister Keil tells us the apartment has gone to contract for close to it's asking price. Whatever happens to the backyard, Your Mama sincerely hopes the apartment remains mostly intact and is being purchased by someone looking to retain the dignity and old-school layout of this apartment. We don't, however, mind if the new owner gets rid of the three staff rooms and installs a giant media room. Who lives with staff nowadays? It's much better and far more modern to buy another apartment nearby than to have one's staff living up in your crib and privy to the ups, downs, ins and outs of your private life. If you can't exist without a chamber maid who lives like a sardine in an obscenely tiny room behind the kitchen and brings you midnight snacks you're too lazy to go get yerself, then you are far too rich and spoiled.

As usual, we digress.

SELLER: Ethel Kennedy
LOCATION: 1147 Chain Bridge Road, McClean, Virginia
PRICE: $12,500,000
SIZE: 7,332 square feet, 12 bedrooms, 10.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Hickory Hill, Robert F. Kennedy's Home for over 50 yrs., was previously owned by President and Mrs. John F. Kennedy. This handsome 19th Century residence sits on almost 6 acres w/ majestic trees and rolling lawns. The residence has 12 BDRMS, 10.5 BATHS, 12 FPs, a 38 ft living room, pool and pool house, tennis court and stables.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Oh my. Twelve fireplaces means having to employ a full time chimney sweep. And 10.5 bathrooms means having to employ a couple of full time terlit washers. Six acres of lawns mean a small army of landscapers and lawn mowers, stables mean groomsmen, and a pool means pool boys.

Lawhd children, more staff is required to keep this estate running smoothly then there are people in Angelina Jolie-Pitt's ever expanding family.

Braden Keil tells us this history filled house has been on the market since 2003 and was originally priced at a whopping $25,000,000. Recently the price was reduced for the THIRD time to just half of the original price. Children, what does this say about the pedestal putting attitude America has traditionally had for the Kennedy clan? It seems like not so long ago people pined and dreamed of being associated with all things Kennedy. But scandal after scandal have clearly hurt the the prestige of the family, and now they can't hardly give the suburban Washington D.C. house away that surely hosted many of the world's most well known despots, dignitaries, and power brokers.

Property records show the house at just over 7,000 square feet, which seems a little small to Your Mama for 12 or 13 bedrooms unless they are of the teeny tiny variety. Like all the other Kennedy properties we're discussing here today, this one is also chock full of traditional decor and furniture and the place looks like it's not been touched since the late 1960s. Not that Your Mama would ever paint our living room Pepto-Bismal pink or stick a big, phallic flag pole in the front yard, but somehow the dated decor and historical dignity of the house holds up nicely.

Given that Miz Ethel only paid $125,000 for the house when she purchased it from then Senator John F. Kennedy and Jackie, we don't feel so bad that she's had to lower the price so much. Even with a hugely reduced priced Miz Ethel is going to walk with far more money than most people earn in a lifetime.

Sources: NY Post, Wired New York, New York Times

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Brian Grazer in Malee-boo

BUYER: Brian Grazer and Gigi Levangie Grazer
LOCATION: Malibu Colony, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $16,000,000 (list)
SIZE: 6,067 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: One of a kind 3-story Mediterranean villa situated on the sand in the exclusive gated community of Malibu Colony. Master bedroom has a terrace and separate sitting room with full ocean view. Dual bathrooms, dry sauna, private indoor heated lap pool and spa. Elevator. Perfect entertaining home.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Back in September of 2003 when Mister and Missus Brian Grazer were happily married, they purchased a large ocean front house in the swanky guard gated Malibu Colony. Property records to not indicate a purchase price, however the house was listed at $16,000,000 and back in 2003 the market was so scorching it was burning people in Arizona, so we suspect and speculate that the Grazers paid close to asking, and we would not be surprised to know they paid more than asking.

Y'all know who Brian Grazer is, right? That's right, he's the spiky haired, enormously successful film and television super-producer who founded Imagine Entertainment with pal and bizness partner Ron Howard. In addition to acting as the executive producer for boob tube hit 24 and the ill-fated Arrested Development, Grazer also produced the Russell Crow vehicle A Beautiful Mind, and Tom Hanks vehicles Apollo 13 and The Da Vinci Code.

Anyhoo, earlier today we discussed the stupendous Pacific Palisades house the Grazers have recently put on the market for $27,500,000 and we figured we'd do a double whammy and post a few snaps of the Grazer's Malibu Colony beach house. As far as we know, the house is not currently for sale, but given the Grazers look like they're headed for dee-vorce court, the listing could pop up any day.

Long gone are the days when rich folks were happy with a shack on the beach that provided shelter from the sun, a shower to rinse off the saltwater, and a stove for boiling up the lobster. Nowadays super rich Malee-booans want all the same lavish luxuries and amenities in their disconcertingly expensive ocean front retreats as they do in their primary residences located less than 20 miles away. Case in point, the Grazer beach house with a swimming pool in the basement.

The Grazer's house stands three stories tall with garaging for three cars which is extremely valuable in a community with a serious shortage of parking for residents and their lucky guests who are privilaged enough to pass through the hallowed gates.

The basement level offers utility rooms, a bedroom or two and unexpectedly, a heated swimming pool. Your Mama knows the Pacific is cold enough to shrivel the naughty bits in seconds, but we still find it extravagant and excessive to have a lap pool in the basement of an ocean front house. Somehow it's both incongruous and unseemly.

The third floor den has a fireplace and spectacular views of some of the most exclusive sand in the world. Fortunately the house has an elevator, otherwise Your Mama would never be able to haul our big ass up that high to see the nice view.

If any of you children are ever lucky enough to get on the sand out in front of the Colony, you'd be able to spot the Grazer house by the sea of red umbrellas that dot the small backyard and sun deck.

The house is located on one of the larger ocean side lots in the Malibu Colony which we're sure y'all recall is where Miss Britney Spears caused a kerfuffle when she rented shabby chic queen Rachel Aswell's house after she first fled her Malee-boo marital house of horrors up the road in the Serra Retreat. Other Colony residents with big names and big pocketbooks include Tom Hanks, Sting and Trudie Styler, Jim Carrey, and aging sex pot and notorious beach bunny Pamela Anderson, who had her garden side house on the market last year for $6,500,000 until she rented it to Billy Bob Thornton's ex-wife Pietra.

Your Mama would like to say that we hope the Grazers are able to work their way through their issues and dee-vorce with grace, dignity, and mutual respect. Dee-vorce ain't easy, especially when there are such tremendous assets involved.

Brian Grazer Cashing Out in Pacific Palisades

SELLER: Brian Grazer and Gigi Levangie Grazer
LOCATION: San Remo Drive, Pacific Palisades, CA
PRICE: $27,500,000
SIZE: 8,798 square feet, 9 bedrooms, 14 bathrooms (total on property)
DESCRIPTION: Absolutely remarkable Cliff May Ranch on over 3+ private gated view acres with west city to ocean views. Completely renovated & designed by Michael Smith. Main house with 4 family bdrms + master suite w/ his & hers, fireplace and treehouse views. Best projection room in L.A. Incredible new guest house consisting of 2 bdrm suite + billiard room + craft room + 3 baths. Another structure consisting of office, art studio + gym w/ 2 baths. Huge garden & pool. Must prequalify + give plenty of notice.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Children, we are very, very bizzy this morning heading out to meetings and what not, but we wanted to bring you some new information about this house. Back in December we told you there was some question about whether this house was or was not for sale.

Back in April of 2006, the Mister and Missus Grazer were headed for separation and dee-vorce and the house was put up for sale. Then the couple made serious efforts to reconcile and the house was taken off the market. Sort of. While the house was not listed in the MLS, it was never taken off the website of the powerhouse brokerage Westside Estate Agency.

At this point in the early am Your Mama does not have time or inclination to go find out if the couple have decided to split or stay together, but what we can tell you is that very early this morning we received word from a big name agent in Los Angeles that the house has officially hit the market again just four days ago. And it's priced $500,000 more than it was back in late 2006.

We don't have the photos we would like at this point, but we can tell you we've seen photos and the place is speck-tack-u-ler. The Cliff May house sprawls out over the hill top with outrageous views across both Mandeville canyon and Santa Monica all the way to the ocean. Very impressive indeed.

Given that the Grazer's are filthy rich, it should come as no surprise that the house is kitted and fitted with every possible amenity a Hollywood honcho would ever want or need including state of the art security systems, an art studio, dance studio, gym (of course), a basketball court, and according to the listing, the best projection room in Los Angeles.

The house is located on a promontory way up in hills above Pacific Palisades in an area called The Riviera. The flag lot ensures total privacy and seclusion. Children, you could roam the three acre property stark nekkid without even the possibility of being seen by the neighbors.

When we get some additional photos of this gorgeous property that we can post, we'll do so. In the mean time sit tight and don't email Your Mama asking for more pictures.

Your Mama thinks this property might be a good fit for the Crooz clan. Sure, it's not in Bev Hills or Bel Air, but the Crooz's should seriously consider this house. There are more than enough bedrooms to house the various family members that live with them as well as provide Miss Katie some necessary space to herself. And it's way more private than their rental on N. Alpine and way more discreet and tasteful than some of the other krazy places we're told he's eyed.

We also think Miss Britney Spears might like this property. Remember it's got a dance studio and lots of space for all the nannies the gossips say she employs. If she could ever get her Malee-boo house of horrors and her Bev Hills party pad sold, she could probably just afford this place.

Later today Your Mama will bring you photos and information about the Malibu ocean front house the Grazers purchased back in 2003 for an undisclosed price. We're not aware of it currently being listed for sale, but we'll keep our eyes and ears peeled. You do the same.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

UPDATE: Did Sandy Gallin Flip Out in Bev Hills?

Yesterday Your Mama had an ongoing conversation with someone we're going to call Mister Cryptic who contacted us to let us know that Mister Sandy Gallin, music manager, entertainment mogul, and house flipper recently sold a flip-house in Beverly Hills.

Mister Cryptic gave us a Summit Drive address right in the heart of Beverly Hills and indeed the house located at the given address was purchased by Gallin in November of 2005 for an undisclosed price. Property records show the house at 5,969 square feet with five bedrooms and seven bathrooms.

Mister Cryptic also tells us the house is a "grey clapboard, New England style house," that was overhauled and decorated "in his customary tasteful faux-English style with leather books and silver framed photos of Dolly and Barbra." Which if true, is priceless information. Price-less.

Mister Cryptic also tells us that he heard Gallin wanted to sell the place furnished and intended to price the property in the low $20 millions. So, according to our tipster, not long after the house reno was finished, Miss Gallin threw a big party and invited all sorts of attractive and rich ladies and gentleman who might be interested in purchasing the re-habbed mansion. And Mister Cryptic tells Your Mama that he heard a buyer materialized a week later who was willing to pay in the low $20 millions.

Wonder if the silver framed photos of the gurls came with the house?

Other than our usual dose of cynicism and mistrust, we don't have any reason to doubt Mister Cryptic. But at the same time, Your Mama has not been able to find any listing information on the house and property records have not been updated to reflect a recent purchase. So we're really just grasping at straws.

So if anyone out there can corroborate and fill in any gaps about this house and it's possible flip sale, be sure to get in touch with Your Mama.

Rev Run's Piece of Reality Television History

SELLER: Joseph and Justine Simmons
LOCATION: Saddle River, NJ
PRICE: $5,500,000
SIZE: 2.03 acres, 6 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Located in the prestigious High Ridge section of Saddle River, this stately colonial exemplifies fine suburban living within the vicinity of New York City. Formal entertaining and gracious family living are splendidly accommodated in this classic colonial.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Late in the night Your Mama received an email from Mister Elvis Presley who excitedly tipped us off to this house up in the wild woods of suburban New Jersey. Do the children recognize the name Joseph Smith? No babies, we're not talking about the kooky founder of Mormonism, but another man of the cloth who goes by the name Rev Run.

The Queens raised Rev Run is the younger brother of hip hop mogul Russell Simmons. More impressively he was one of the founding fathers of hip hop having been the lead singer for the enormously popular 1980s trio Run D.M.C. Remember them children?

Recently the Rev, his family, and this big house were featured on a reality show called Run's House on the MTV. While Your Mama confesses to having a sickness for reality shows, Run's House was not one we watched regularly. But we did see enough of the program to tell you that our personal opinion is the house looks a lot better on the boob tube than it does in the photographs.

It appears from property records that the Rev and his wife purchased this house in 2003 for $1,600,000 which means they will be sitting on a gigantic pile of paper if they get anywhere near their $5,500,000 asking price.

The children may recall that Rev Run's brother Russell and his soon to be ex-wifey Kimora Lee also have their disturbingly opulent Saddle River house on the market, although that house is much larger and much more expensive.

Maybe we just don't understand suburban New Jersey money. But seriously children, Your Mama would need to be on a large dose of the Lexapro to live up in this house.

Do we start with the depressing dining room set that looks like something out of a Chinese food restaurant in Ohio? Or do we begin with that vast plain Jane family room with the sky-high ceilings? And the kitchen? Oh dear. Please do not get us started on the kitchen and those stools? Where would someone even buy stools like that? Seriously. Where?

It may be customary, and even expected, for a man of the Lord to have a giant crucifix on the hearth, but that thing scares the skin right off our body. Your Mama does not need to be looking at a man nailed to a big piece of wood while we're trying to have a romantic evening by the fire.

Children, Your Mama is conflicted about hating on this man's house because we sincerely think he's a good man who works hard to raise his big ass family. And even though we did not care for the reality show, it's clear those children are being taught decency and respect. So we want it known for the record that we give the Rev Run and his lady wife Justine all the props in the world for their stellar child rearing. Which is ultimately far more important than good decor.

But hunnies, please, go hire yourselves a nice gay decorator to get up in your next house and do something befitting of people of your stature. Rev Run you are going to be eligible to be inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 2008, and it is our humble opinion that when that happens you need to be living in a crib that will not have folks furrowing their brow, scratching their head, and writing bitchy blogs like this.

Monday, April 23, 2007

UPDATE: Lisa Gores

Almost immediately after we posted about the Bev Hills house of Miz Lisa Gores being for sale we received a call from one of our well connected Bev Hills tipsters who told us he heard that Miz Lisa Gores bought the house Paul Anka recently sold up on Clerendon Road in Mulholland Estates. All the children will recall we discussed Mister Anka's silky retreat a couple of months ago.

Guess Miz Lisa missed her old neighborhood and the security of living behind guarded gates.

More Celebrity News About The Atelier

BUYER: Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo
LOCATION: Waaaaay West 42nd Street, New York City
PRICE: Who Cares?
SIZE: 2 bedrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama read about it on Jaunted, who kindly linked over to one of our posts, but yesterday the venerable online tabloid gossip juggernaut TMZ was the first to report that during last week's crazy rain storm, ex-boy bander/ex-Jessica Simpson huzband and his new squeeze Vanessa Minnillo moved in to a 2 bedroom condominium at The Atelier, a huge, new and luxe tower on far West 42nd Street in Manhattan.

We'd feel sorry for the two having to move their shit in the driving storm, but you know Miz Minnillo wasn't schlepping any boxes in the rain, right?

Anyhoo, Your Mama recently heard and reported that these two lovebirds have been shacking up in Lachey's gorgeous Bel Air house that he bought from Heidi Klum and Seal. And now TMZ and Jaunted tell us the couple is living in sin on both coasts.

Well good for them. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby Lacheys in a baby carriage. Look for that news soon children. Not that we know a thing about their marriage or baby plans, but we enjoy speculating wildly.

Many of you will recall that Your Mama reported some time ago that this building, that is located so far West it may as well be in New Jersey, has aggressively courted celebrity tenants like La Lohan and Orlando Bloom. We suspect the developers give the celebs a break on the purchase price or something because why else would a celebrity live over there? Seriously. Have you been there? It's a strange no man's land in Manhattan which is all well and good if you're looking to purchase at a reasonable price, but not if you're on the A or D list of celebrities. Anyhoo, we wish the happy couple a lot of long romantic walks down 42nd Street to Times Square.

Sources: TMZ, Jaunted

Do You Know Who Lisa Gores Is?

SELLER: Lisa Gores
LOCATION: Gloucester Drive, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $3,895,000
SIZE: 6,900 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: (shortened from listing agent's website) Stunning gated 4 bedroom, 5.5 bath in prestigious Deep Canyon has been extensively upgraded with no expense spared...Generous living room and family room with fireplace, media room and music room. Luxurious master suite with office/sitting area, private balcony, vaulted ceiling, stunning master bath with dual sinks, vanity, spa tub and walk-in closet. Private grounds feature an outdoor lanai, fireplace, pool/spa and canyon views.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We're not sure if Miz Lisa Gores qualifies as a celebrity, but her story is trés scandalous so we figured we'd do a little post on her and her for sale Beverly Hills house. It wasn't so long ago that Miz Lisa was married to Mister Alec Gores, who in 2006 Forbes Magazine ranked as the 606th richest person in the world with a net worth of $1.3 billion dollars.

But under that mountain of money lies a sordid story of sex, lies, and illegal wire-tapping. Yes, children, Miz Lisa and her hubby were caught up in the Anthony Pellicano celebrity wire-tapping case which had big name and big money Hollywood types storming lawyers' offices from Los Feliz to the far reaches of Malee-boo. Your Mama is going to give you the reader's digest of what happened here, but we'll link you over to more information if you're interested.

Once upon a time Miz Lisa was married to private equity billionaire Mister Alec Gores and they lived happily up in a 10,000+ square foot mansion the guard gated celebrity enclave of Mulholland Estates. The children will recall this is the very same 'hood where the spitter Avril Lavigne, helmut headed Loni Anderson, and former Beach Boy Brian Wilson currently have their houses on the market. And in fact, the Gores lived right up next door to the house Tom Arnold purchased from wacky American Idol judge Paula Abdul and recently sold for just over $7,400,000.

Anyhoo, our Mister Alec Gores has a Beverly Hills based younger brother named Tom who according to Forbes happens to have even more money than his brother with a 2006 net worth of $1.7 billion. At some point in the late 1990s or early 2000s our Mister Alec became suspicious that wifey was having inappropriate conduct with brother Tom. Uh oh.

So what does he do? He calls one-time celebrity private eye Anthony Pellicano, pays him a reported $50,000 (plus a never repaid $50,000 loan and a lavish trip to Hawaii) to illegally tap the telephones of wifey and brother Tom.

And according to all reports, Pellicano obtained taped phone calls which indicated Miz Lisa and brother Tom were fooling around. Oh dear. Naturally, a very expensive dee-vorce ensues and Miz Lisa decamps from the Mulholland Estates manse to this house in the Deep Canyon area of Beverly Hills, which is basically just on the other side of Mulholland Drive from Mulholland Estates.

Miz Lisa purchased this house in August of 2001 for $2,460,000. Your Mama has no idea why she's choosing to sell now, but our guess is that's she's flush with dee-vorce money and she wants something a little less fancy suburbs and a little more glamorous dee-vorce-ay. But hunnies, that is sheer speculation and we have no proof of that whatsoever, so don't go around quoting that nonsense.

You want to know what we think of the house? Ack. It's a lovely house if you like tiny drive courts and living slammed up against your other richie-rich neighbors. Clearly Miz Lisa had her nice gay decorator up in the house turning it into an Architectural Digest fantasmagoria complete with tapestries, leaded glass chandeliers, and velvet covered furniture with rope fringe around the bottom. A big yawn in our book.

But the backyard, although not large, we are feeling pleasantly in our gut. We appreciate the simply shaped swimming pool and spa with it's lovely green color. The outdoor fireplace is fantastic and we particularly dig the covered loggia with the wood beamed ceiling which is of course a great place to get away from the scorching Southern California sunshine.

Your Mama wishes Miz Lisa all the happiness in the world as she moves on to her next home. A little advice the future, no more fooling around with the in-laws even if they are richer and better looking than your own spouse.

Sources: Fox News, Cal Law, Man Without Qualities, Forbes, The Smoking Gun

Natalie Imbruglia on the Sunset Strip

SELLER: Natalie Imbruglia
LOCATION: St. Ives Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $4,500,000
SIZE: 5,434 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Pvt, gated Mediterranean villa nestled in the hills above Sunset Strip. Grmt kit adjoins a gorgeous, sky-lit casual dining area that spills out onto one of many ent patios w/ city lights views. The lv rm is perfect for entertaining - its scale and openness are elegant yet comfortable. The main fl consists of a screening rm, 2 gst rms and a truly extraordinary Zen-like mst bd and spa quality bath. 2 add’tl gst suites w/pvt entrances -one on the lwr level and one on the third flr. 3 garages.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We ran across this property a couple of weeks ago but the the property records are a wee bit confusing and although we were able to figure out that the property was purchased in April 2002 for $2,140,000 and then transferred several times through a trust with the name of a music manager as the trustee, Your Mama was unable to suss out the actual owner.

Then, out of the blue, like manna from heaven, Your Mama received an email from someone who would absolutely and without doubt know who owns this property. Children we have it on very good authority this house belongs to songstress Natalie Imbruglia.

The petite singer with the signature short choppy hair-do got her start acting on a soap opera program in her native Australia before moving to swinging London to pursue a music career. Since 1998 she has had a whole bunch of hit songs and records, none of which does Your Mama have any recollection of hearing. Now, we're sure we prolly have heard some of her music, we just wouldn't be able to pick it from a crowd, you know?

It's unclear whether Miz Imbruglia actually lives in this house, but what is crystal clear is that a team of over-zealous stagers has been up in there lighting fires in the fireplace, putting fresh cut flowers around, and for some unknown and disturbing reason popping popcorn to set out on a tray in the media room.

Excessive staging aside, Your Mama has mostly positive feelings about this Mediterranean villa. The stellar Sunset Strip location just North of Sunset and East of North Doheny Drive means not having to navigate the death trap twists and turns of the Hollywood Hills after a long night boozing and hanging with your celebrity peeps at Les Deux.

The large and lounge-like living room works for us. Matching sofas almost always make Your Mama feel warm inside, and this pair in chocolate brown velvet is dee-vine. Also of note in this room is the fantastic fireplace surround. We appreciate that it was kept simple but still manages to have a strong and dignified presence. Although we love the rug and feel it was an excellent choice to use with the sofas, Your Mama has a couple of little bitches who track in dirt and shed like mohair sweaters. So we have to wonder what sort of vacuum does one buy so that the maid can get that thing clean? Or is that the sort of rug that gets tossed out when it gets soiled and full of dog hair?

The kitchen appears to have been recently updated and we notice and appreciate the dark cabinets, the double dishwashers, and the delicious limestone counters (is that limestone?). We've never been fond of the greenhouse window, so we'd recommend getting rid of that middle brow folly. Too often a window like that gets filled up with Hummel figurines and frog collections, so why tempt and invite bad taste like that?

Also, we're a little concerned about that lonely wok hanging on the pot rack. Perhaps the stagers could come back and either add a few more cooking vessels? Or better yet, just remove the pot rack altogether? Can anyone explain the pot rack phenomena? We don't get it. The Dr. Cooter and Your Mama may have obscenely expensive cookery, but we much prefer to hide our pots and pans from the casual kitchen visitor.

All the children surely know we are very appreciative of the numerous dark doors that open just about every room of the house to the city view terraces on the Western side of the house. And despite the wicker furniture, the covered outdoor space is a most beauteous spot to down a bottle of fine wine while the sun sets. Also note how even the master bathroom has doors that open it to the terraces...that is a serious and desirable luxury in Your Mama's book.

While Your Mama is mostly appreciative of this house, there is one feature, or actually the lack of one feature, that cause us to stop dead in our tracks. Children there is no swimming pool on this property. That might be attractive to those who don't know how to swim or don't like pool boys, but Your Mama is not sure we could pay more than $4,000,000 for a house without a swimming pool.

Perhaps Miz Imbruglia, a water baby and one time surfer gurl, is moving back to Australia, back to London, or just to another house in LA that has a swimming pool.

Sources: Windermere Properties, Internet Movie Data Base

Saturday, April 21, 2007

UPDATE: Tom Crooz Sniffing Around Bel Air?

Yesterday afternoon Your Mama heard from Gina Lollobrigida, an often reliable source for all things Hollywood. In the past Gina has been a vast well of information and gossip about Tommy Crooz and has many times regaled us with twisted and funny tales about shoe lifts, reluctant golf partners, and suspicious doings with ex-wives.

Miz Lollobrigida was getting in touch with Your Mama to let us know what she's recently heard regarding TomKat's house hunt. We confess. While Your Mama finds Mister Crooz to be puzzling and not so pleasantly enigmatic, we also find him and his crazy ways endlessly fascinating.

Now children, this is all rumor, conjecture, and speculation, so don't be going and telling everybody you read the gospel truth here. We're passing along third hand information from a consistently reliable source. Our pal Fiona Trambeau thinks third hand information isn't worth shit, but she's drunk and screwing strangers most of the time so we're going to go ahead and tell the children what we heard.

The first thing Gina tells us is that she hears the Crooz couple has been sniffing around a ridiculously opulent $30,000,000 listing on super swanky St. Pierre Road in Bel Air (pics above). Now this is interesting because earlier this week we heard TomKat had purchased a $30,000,000 house. Hmm. This house is almost incomprehensibly lavish (check the bowling alley and the indoor pool), and it would not be anyplace Your Mama would think the Crooz's would consider. But then again, nothing the man does surprises us anymore.

The next thing Gina tells us is that some of Crooz's peeps recently had a look-see at a very impressive 12.4 acre vacant lot on Stone Canyon that sits directly across from the Hotel Bel-Air. The land was assembled over a period of 8 or 9 years by Liz Hurly baby daddy and billionaire Steve Bing. The rumor mill goes that Bing bought up all the houses, some of which had previously been owned by folks like Kim Novak and Barry Manilow, and bull dozed them with the intention of building his own private paradise.

But we all know these billionaire baby daddies can be so capricious and fickle (remember how Flavio Briatore dumped the preggers Heidi Klum?), so Bing reportedly sold off the parcels for $48,000,000 to an entity called ECG Acquisitions. It's unclear who this ECG Acquisitions actually is and it's possible Mister Bing is in fact involved in that group although we have no proof or indication of that. However, what is not up for debate is that ECG has been tirelessly trying to flip the land at a huge profit. In the Fall of 2006 they put the property up for sale with no price attached in a private auction sort of thing. Reports say they are looking to fetch around $75,000,000.

The vacant estate, dubbed The Park at Stone Canyon, is fully landscaped with acres of lawn, gorgeous gardens climbing stacked stone walls, and spectacular views of Los Angeles. It must be costing these ECG people a fortune to keep the lawns mowed and weeds pulled. In their marketing materials the sellers have even included a plan for a lavish and sprawling "Grand Estate." Good stuff.

If Crooz and Katie were to buy this property, or some part of it, they'd have to build from the ground up. Which might not be a bad thing for a couple that require a virtual fortress for a home. Just imagine the sorts of new-fangled Mission Impossible style security systems Crooz would have installed.

Certainly the one time king of Hollywood would be living among the richest of the rich with neighbors like billionaire Jerrold Perrenchio who lives close by in a tremendous and meticulously landscaped estate. Both Mel and Bren Simon's palatial house, which they have on the market for $17,500,000, and billionaire philanthropist Robert Day's Mediterranean manse overlook the The Park at Stone Canyon. So at least Crooz could be assured the neighbors would not be standing on jalopy strewn front lawns drinking Budwiser, picking their teeth, and adjusting their crotches while their lady friends paint the the dog's toe nails and color their own hair inside.

Who knows where TomKat will end up? Have they already purchased? Are they considering leaving Los Angeles? This saga of the TomKat house hunt continues and we shamelessly admit, we're addicted like a cheap crack whore. We can't help it, we just find Crooz to be like a car wreck on the highway, you just can't help but to slow down and look for the carnage.