Monday, August 20, 2007

Jessica Simpson's House of Rotating Celebrities


OWNER: Jessica Simpson
LOCATION: Lime Orchard Road, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $5,275,052 (sale price)
SIZE: 5,500 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Simmer down now children, we are well aware that Jessica Simpson buying this house is news as old as Your Mama. But we were not discussing celebrity real estate back in late 2005 when she bought the house, and we figgered that since Bling Queen Kimora Lee Simmons just purchased the house directly next door, it might be nice to have a look around Simmons' celebrity laden neighborhood, starting with the House of Jessica Simpson.

Some properties just seem to attract the Hollywood elite like fish to water, and the Lime Orchard Road house that bubble brained Jessica Simpson bought in the aftermath of her dee-vorce from ex-boy band singer Nick Lachey is one of those houses.

Your Mama watched the first season of Newlyweds just like everyone else. And of course, just like everyone else, we were mortified by just how dense Miss Simpson appeared to be, and how boring Mister Lachey seemed to be, despite his rather appealing beau-dee. Even more shocking and upsetting to Your Mama, however, was the fact that the young couple chose to live in a big and suburban mansion in Calabassas. Now children, we do not want to hear about what a lovely community Calabassas is and how scores of rich and famous live there. We have heard it all before, and we know. None the less, we found it odd and striking that a young and rich newly married couple in their very early twenties would choose to live in a house and location more suitable to a pharmaceutical executive, his stay at home mommy-wife, and their three children.

As a result, we were a little surprised back in late 2005, in the aftermath of the couple's very public split, when both Nick and Jessica went on to purchase gorgeous and celebrity worthy homes. Nick headed to Bel Air where he purchased a confection of airy white boxes with staggering views from Seal and model mommy Heidi Klum. Jessica relocated to the Hills of Beverly where she purchased her house from one of Hollywood's most talked about young power players, celebrity manager Rick Yorn. The big house in Calabassas was, of course, purchased by another young celebrity, this time teenage television actor Justin Berfield.

Starting in the mid-1990s, the Lime Orchard Road house began its history of owners that reads like a who's who of Hollywood. First there was funny lady Jami Gertz and her huzband Tony Ressler, a finance man with a lot, we repeat, a lot of money. Next came bigwig television executive Tom Freston, who lived in the house for a couple of years before moving to another and larger house on Lime Orchard Road in 2001. Mister Freston sold the house to another funny lady, Ellen Degeneres.

As is typical of the always on the move lady lover, Degeneres kept the house only two years before selling in 2003 to Rick Yorn, uber-manager to celebrities such as Leonado DiCaprio, Cameron Diaz, Martin Scorcese, and Benecio Del Toro. Although the photos above show the house as it looked when Mister Yorn put it on the market in 2005, Your Mama presumes that it was obsessive renovator Degeneres who did the updating, upgrading, and spectacular remodel of the house.

Which brings us to the property's present owner, Miss Jessica Simpson, who purchased the 5 bedroom, 6 bathroom house from Mister Yorn in December of 2005 for $5,275,052. Occupying an unusually shaped lot, the property includes a courtyard entrance with flagstone terracing, a 5,500 square foot house, and a long private back yard with a lap pool.

Your Mama would like to congratulate Miss Jessica Simpson for mustering the brain power to buy such a lovely and well located home. Not only does it's landscaping provide extreme privacy, but the house is located in a gated enclave which ensures that Miss Simpson will not step out her front door to find a rented car full of teenage tourists from Kansas screaming and snapping photos as she loads up her Range Rover with whatever it is she loads in her Range Rover.

Since Miss Jessica Simpson has not yet invited Your Mama over for a tuna sandwich, we have now way of knowing if she and her team of nice gay decorators have kept the lovely white walls and the dark floors. We hope so. Your Mama already knows all you paint freaks out there are going to say that the house needs to have some color put on the walls, but we disagree. This house sits in a shady spot and the white walls help to harness the filtered light and reflect it into the corners of the rooms.

Personally Your Mama would liked to have seen a little more color utilized in the rugs and furniture choices, but even still, it is our humble opinion that this house was thoughtfully, carefully, and successfully decorated. Except for that damn juke box in the family room. That can go.

Your Mama sincerely hopes that Miss Jessica finds some deserved peace and calm in this house, particularly since she's had a rough go of it since becoming a dee-vorcée. Her movie career is in the terlit, her on again off again tabloid relationship with moody singer John Mayor appears to finally be over, and her little sister Ashlee and her sexually ambiguous boyfriend Pete Wentz are eclipsing her celebrity more and more every day. Well, at least Miss Jessica has a lovely and safe house in which to lick her wounds and plot her next career moves. Maybe she could call Rick Yorn for some advice.

Sources: The Blemish, New York Magazine, Deadline Hollywood Daily, US Magazine

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

love that house

West Coastian said...

If Chestica was running true to form, it was probably Daddy who had the smarts to pick up this house.

I just can't see her mustering up enough brain power.

Anonymous said...

that house is in the movie "just friends" when the fat Ryan renolds runs out of the high school party right?

Anonymous said...

I've liked this house since Ellen lived there. Despite being old news, I had no idea that Jessica Simpson lived there.

so_chic_darling said...

As usual Mama you are 100% right.This is a lovely house,however you just know that it has been bimboed to death and there is probably some dreadful low class furniture in there now.
By the way,I'm not a hater,just a snob,a great big SNOB!There is nothing worse than common taste.
You know that you can be a champagne socialist.That means that you want the people to have a good life with housing jobs and education,etc etc.it does not mean however that you have to mix in the same social circles with them,or agree with them on furnitute choices!

Anonymous said...

WEST COASTIAN:

It was actually the very 1st house she viewed & fell in love with it immediately & her father was nowhere to be seen.

so_chic_darling said...

"furniture"

nancypants said...

It's a "nice" house...the ceilings are too low but I love the exterior.
Now,I'm sure y'all with think I've lost my damn mind but I've always thought that Jessica's dumb act might be just that...an act.

Anonymous said...

gorgeous!

Anonymous said...

I like this one Mama. Thanks. What do you suppose Jessica is using those bookshelves for?

Anonymous said...

nice...the only comment I would have is that the grout lines of the bathroom floor are too wide for my tastes...

Deven said...

Indeed, this is a lovely house. But the dining room looks more like a train's dining car, and the dining-room table is atrocious, as are the chairs. I like an industrial look when it applies but it just doesn't look thought-about here.

Anonymous said...

Let’s hope Miss Simpson has learned how to clean up after herself, or hired a whole team of maids to do so. The girl is a disgusting slob.

sugarhoneyicetea said...

I like this house. Love the lush landscaping. I still, however, don't get why young single starlets such as Simpson want to buy these gigantic houses in Beverly Hills. Nick Lachey's house seems more fitting for a single person.

Anonymous said...

I realize the pictures are not recent, but seeing all of those books makes me laugh. Like she READS!

Hippie Canyon said...

Lime Orchard is one of the nicer streets in the P.O., though its unfortunate that it became a guarded street not too long ago, thereby cramping my own realespy endeavors. As for this particular house, how shall I put this... its too refined for a bimbo. She would seem to be more at home in Trousdale, in some tacky 1965 cross between a mausoleum and a North Hollywood car wash! I'm sure MISS Yessica, (as I've heard the housekeeper has been instructed to call her), has already placed a call to the thank-God-inimitable House of Phyllis Morris to come by with a team of Liberace-types to give the whole place the Lance Bass once-over. Then in about 12 weeks, she could finally and comfortably curl up in something that is more suited to her taste: a red crushed-velvet & gold leaf chaise from Miz Morris' Lion King collection. With her Enquirer and vibrator (the one the sales clerk at The Pleasure Chest told me was called "the crippler") both tucked neatly into the built-in TV Guide side pocket, MISS Yessica could really start to feel at home for the first time since Studly left her.

Phoenix said...

Wonderful house. I think Jessica sucks however, lol

Anonymous said...

But everyone, just think.

She sits here, with nothin' but a tee shirt on. She never feels as beautiful, baby as she does now.

Hippie Canyon said...

I had a funny feeling she checked out this web site, but now I know. My own sources tell me that the comment copied & pasted below was indeed from MISS Yessica's housekeeper! Take a look:
"But everyone, just think.

She sits here, with nothin' but a tee shirt on. She never feels as beautiful, baby as she does now."

Its sweet, really, how the housekeeper attempts to defend Yess... er.. uh, Jessica. Doubtless she knows "the MISS" has the house MAC monitored to send an alert when it detects blog insults. (Now that's entertainment!)

Anonymous said...

Once the jukebox was removed and the bathroom was redone, I could live in this place quite a long time. I would have to fix that flagstone grassy business, but...wow, pretty nice house.

Anonymous said...

hippie canyon

they're lyrics from her [stupid] song.

it was a sarcastic cut toward chestica.

jeez.

Anonymous said...

Mama if you are open to doing old news, could you show us Ashlee's old house that she sold a year or so ago? Love your blog!

Anonymous said...

you should also know that this house was at one point owned by Paul Hogan (aka Crococile Dundee) - I believe right after Tom Freston and before Ellen Degeners. Can someone tell me when this street became a private, guarded street and how they were able to do it?

Hippie Canyon said...

According to Arturo at the guard shack (and I do mean shack), it became a guarded street sometime in 2005. I guess the speed bumps weren't irritating enough. One would think that if you were going to "gate the street," there would actually be a gate. BTW, I have to wonder where the guard goes to use the restroom, given that the guard shack is all of about 42" square. Talk about class distinctions!

so_chic_darling said...

Chestica should call Bobby Trendy,they were made for eachother!

David Lee Roth said...

You know that book shelve was NEVER touched by Jessica.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe how cruel you guys are. I'm sure if you were a celebrity you'd be upset about people posting nasty things about you. You're probably all jealous seeing as it is a beautiful home. I don't think half of you have read the description that the furniture in the house is not that of Jessica, but of the previous owner. From what I have heard, she has decked out the place in antique furniture, and its meant to be looking pretty sexy. And if you didn't know, Jessica is a big reader and isn't stupid at all. Also calling her 'Chestica' probably only adds to the hidden truth that you perhaps have no tits of your own. Cheerio bitches.

Anonymous said...

I love the house but I really really liked the one they lived in when doing newlyweds (are there pics of it online?). Shes a lovely girl and i wish her all the best with the new house :)

Anonymous said...

The ceilings really are too low.