Thursday, August 2, 2007

Rachel Ray Heads to the Hamptons

BUYER: Rachel Ray
LOCATION: Tuckahoe Lane, Southampton, NY
PRICE: $2,900,000 (list)
SIZE: 2,800, square feet (approx.), 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: The 3 bedroom / 3 bathroom main house has been stylishly updated throughout, with gracious doors opening out to a heated gunite pool surrounded by a bluestone patio with pergola. Guests can enjoy their own separate 2 bedroom / 2 bathroom bath house with its own kitchen and sauna. A third cottage with its own bath can be used for additional guests.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The other day, celebrity real estate demigod Mister Braden Keil dropped an item into the Page Six gossip column of the New York Post which reported that 30 minute meal chef Rachel Ray has gone to contract to purchase a house in the Hamptons. Which was a really nice thing for Mister Keil to do, because let's face it, the lady could use some press of the good variety lately.

Poor Rachel Ray. She finally reaches the pinnacle of success and fame, gets her own show on the Food Network, and KABLAM! Some woman tells the freaking National Enquirer that Mister Rachel Ray, a dude named John Cusimano, has a few not so savory sexual fetishes that include being spat upon and having a woman's feet rubbed in his face while he's nekkid. Uh oh. And, the woman claims, Mister Rachel Ray has PAID her to perform the degrading acts since the year 2000. More Uh oh.

Well, just as Your Mama don't know nothing about birthing no babies, we don't have a clue if there is any truth to the rumors. But we can tell you these types of fetishes are far more common than most people would ever guess. About a hundred years ago Your Mama knew a slip of a man with a girl's face who got paid the big bucks to lock up a high powered Japanese businessman in a little wooden box the size of a children's toy chest. Every now and then our pal would walk by, kick the box, and scream mean and hateful things to the man in the box. And for that he got paid $500 clams. True story kids.

Anyhoo, the house Miz Ray is said to be purchasing sits on 6.2 acres of land wedged between a couple of golf courses in Southampton, which we hear is the new East Hampton because nobody wants to be dealing with the traffic and drama of getting in and out of East Hampton anymore.

The house has 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms as well as a 2 bedroom and 2 bathroom pool house / guest house. On top of that theres another building with a bath where the less favored guests can be stashed. This is obviously an excellent set up for keeping guests out of ones' hair early in the morning and late at night when you're wanting to be spitting on each other.

We're surprised to see a lady who makes a considerable living cooking buy a house with such a small and ordinary kitchen. Or maybe, that kitchen in the photo is the kitchen in the guest house? That would certainly make more sense.

We have to be honest kids, we find Miz Rachel Ray to be a real snooze. We know the world thinks she walks on water and is the best thing to hit the airwaves since Oprah Winfrey, but we don't get it. So for all you Rachel Ray fans, and there are so, so many of you, enjoy the photos and dream of lazing by the pool and having Miz Ray bring you some easy to whip up delectable.

Sources: NY Post, Tabloid Whore

14 comments:

Mel said...

The house is cute and the grounds are gorgeous, but I thought the same thing about the kitchen. It looks small and ordinary. Like something in an apartment. (And do you think they could have hidden the Rubbermaid trashcan in a cabinet for the pictures? I mean, sheesh!) Who knows....it looked like she'd have room to expand the kitchen and give it a nice makeover.

Anonymous said...

Mama - it's a 5 bedroom 5 bath house. Typo perhaps? Just thought you'd like to know!!!

Anonymous said...

Completely underwhelmed by the house, but love the grounds. I'm a West Coast girl, so my knowledge of the Hamptons is from the media and Mama. The house just seems so small and uninspired. Agree with all on the kitchen, but the bedroom is also very odd.

When I think Hamptons, I think Ina Garten's house, not this house, which (with the exception of the trees and grounds), looks like a house you'd find in the San Fernando valley.

PS I am not a fan of Rachel Ray...find her common...perhaps that is overshadowing my remarks.

Phoenix said...

I'm not into cooking shows or fetishes, but the house is adorable and the property luscious like a park. The kitchen shown has to be in the guest house.

nancypants said...

Lawd Mama, I'm no fan of R.R. either. Between the loud, overdramatic act and gnarly accent and the hair swinging all above the food, I could 'bout lose it every time I see her. Besides, I'm no fan of anyone who is a fan of Pitbulls--and she is.

As for the kitchen; since she cooks for a living, she probably doesn't cook much at home.

Anonymous said...

This place is the size of most Hamptons garages / staff quarters!

Mama, u know ur my fave blog but can we have more manhattan posts - I know we've had the noah one lately but I'm bored of the hamptons & l.a ... surely some celebs are buying & selling in n.y?

what about a little follow up on 92 jane street? it's still on the market - why why why?

Kimmie said...

Yeah, the kitchen HAS to be the guest house--but who knows. I like the property, beautiful lush grounds--but as mentioned by anon@7:41am, I do picture the Hamptons homes like that of Ina Garten's. Not a big fan of any of RR's recipes, but I think she's okay--when I saw her on Conan a while back, she wasn't as charming as she appears to be in her shows. I don't know, maybe it's just me.

Anonymous said...

I can't find any pics of Ina Garton's Hamptons Home. Can you post some, Mama?

Anonymous said...

Mama thanks for the rr post. I think it's refreshing to see a 3 mil house in the hamptons. While the house is small for the hamptons i still thnik it's not to bad.

nancypants said...

Just as a sidenote; the radio show I listen to each morning (here in Denver) recently talked about meeting and working with RR a while back and they said she was very rude and not at all the "personality" she projects on t.v. Also, I caught a bit of her talk show when Mr. Morgan Freeman was a guest and I thought she was rude to him...talked to him facing the audience and so on as if she were still alone in the kitchen studio. I don't like her and I agree that the few recipes of her's that I've tried weren't very good.

Anonymous said...

http://www.newsday.com/classified/realestate/local/ny-bzray0801-story,0,4318857.story?coll=ny_business_util

Ray's spokesperson denied that she's buying just yet in this article from Newsday

Anonymous said...

I loathe Racheal Ray and all her shows. This house is a bit dull. However, it seems a good price for all the guest houses.

She can always have the kitchen redone. Maybe by the winner of Design Star. She must suffer somehow.

Noelle said...

Hello: I am the original owner of this house. I have beautiful pictures of every room. This house was decorated by a top Interior designer and was viewed in House Beautiful magazine moones ago, Rachel's decorator is a a bad amateur, this house was French provincial... It is also a house that was not finalized in my divorce, a judgement from the court states that I am the owner but I still dont not know how my attorney and the bank failed to notify me on this illegal sale. My documentaion would make this house even more famous if the media would like to know the history of this house in details... This is a great house many dignitaries where my guests here too many to mention and very interesting. Marie

Hi There said...

Well Marie, that certainly sounds intriguing. Perhaps you should email Y.M. directly to have your story aired.