Friday, August 3, 2007

Jeff Lewis is Flipping Out

SELLER: Jeff Lewis
LOCATION: 3427 Ben Lomond Place, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,349,000 (reduced from $1,525,000)
SIZE: 1,989 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Tastefully renovated 2-story character Span w/ 1920s charm. Great floor plan w/ 3 bds, 3 bths w/ Ann Sack tile, hdwd flrs, original stained glass windows. Step-down lvg rm w/ fp, beamed ceilings, built-in plasma tv, French drs. Formal dng rm w/ beamed ceilings. High-end kit w/ bkfst rm, honed granite counters, custom cabinets & Viking range. Outdoor space incl pool, fountain, new landscaping granting privacy. New systems incl central a/c & heat, plumbing, electrical seismic bolting & roof!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: By now y'all know that Mister Jeff Lewis is the psychic loving and excessively neurotic house flipper with huge bee stung lips that is featured on the Bravo TV's new reality program Flipping Out. If Your Mama is being honest, we're a tad reluctant to discuss this property. Why? A couple of weeks ago we were approached by some of the PR people for the show who asked us to plug the show on our little blog. For free.

Naturally, we were pissed. Don't get us wrong. We love Bravo TV. Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter spend far too many hours sitting in front of the boob tube staring at Bravo's long line up of reality programs. We mention their bloody shows week after week after week on this blog, and then they have the nerve to ASK us to plug their new show for free. FOR FREE!

Well don't you now that we got ourselves all in a snit screaming to the neighbors and any stranger who would listen that if Bravo TV wanted to plug their show on this blog they should BUY some damn advertising. And we still think they should buy some advertising. But, despite our inner turmoil and ongoing seething, we got down off our high horse and decided to discuss one of the houses that was featured on the premiere episode of the program.

Mister Lewis, who is the poster boy for obsessive compulsive disorder, is a highly leveraged, stressed out and slightly delusional parody of a classic Los Angeles freako who consults psychics on business decisions, employs an "animal integrator," whatever that is, and sends his cat named Monkey to acupuncture. Despite treating his employees like children, Mister Lewis purchases their companionship through wages which may in fact be the only way that people will tolerate his sometimes bizarre and pedantic behavior.

And what a dysfunctional little family he and his employees are. How many people does it take to clean the cat box at Jeff Lewis' house? Five. One to put it on the "to do" list (Jeff), one to refuse to do it (Jenni, the dry witted and acronym loving first assistant), one whose list the task is NOT on (Zoila the housekeeper, even though that's the obvious person to do it), and two more male assistants to squabble over who is going to scoop the cat poop.

Mister Lewis purchased this house in June of 2006 for $975,000. Located in the flats of Los Feliz, the Spanish style house sits on the up slope of a very small lot that leaves little room for a yard. From the photos shown on the television program of the house pre-renovation, the house was a T.D. (total dump) when he bought it. Let's figure he put $200,000 into renovations (max) and another $50,00o in carrying costs, Mister Puffy Lips stands to make a couple hundred thousand clams even after he pays the real estate fees. This is a lot of money to make on a flip property until you consider how fast $200,000 goes when you have several other high end properties to carry costs for, and half a dozen employees who you pay to do everything but wipe your ass.

Your Mama appreciates that Mister Lewis does a much better job renovating, landscaping and decorating the properties than to do most house flippers. We commend that he uses finer materials (ie Ann Sacks tiles) and takes care of some of the big structural stuff (ie seismic bolting), But here's the thing. Even though we like the way the houses look, they are a bit generic feeling and each one feels just like all the others that he flips. Sort of like McDonalds or Starbucks, you always know exactly what you're going to be getting when you go to a fast food joint.

We don't mind so much the generic interiors, because really, that's easily changed with a red rug or a great painting from one of our artist friends. But Your Mama is concerned with that backyard pool. Nobody, and we mean nobody, appreciates a backyard swimming pool more than Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter. But this pool takes up just about the entire yard leaving only a small sliver of space for outdoor living and chaise lounges. Not too mention that the walk spaces around the pool are so narrow that only the sober and those with very, very good equilibrium are able to successfully navigate the area without tipping over into the pool.

The positive side of the swimming pool issue is that the new homeowner will save many thousands of dollars on their landscaping and gardening bills. Just a few potted plants to water back and the occasional trimming of the privets. But then again, how would one trim those privets behind the swimming pool? That shit looks like a landscaping lawsuit waiting to happen. We can see it now, "illegal immigrant drowns in pool while trimming privet hedges." Please.

Anyhoo, whether Bravo TV (wisely) decides to buy advertising on our little blog or not, we confess we'll be tuning in to watch the Flipping Out shenanigans every week. Because Your Mama loves a train wreck, and if you saw the show then you know it's just TGTM (too good to miss).

47 comments:

Anonymous said...

I haven't seen the show yet - meant to check it out.

I agree the house is well done and I like that he goes higher-end on the renovations and supplies.

SO glad you mention the lack of outdoor space (besides the too-big pool). After looking at the photos, all I could think was, "Does NOBODY in LA have a yard?" I really don't understand how many of these properties' owners cope with the lack of outdoor space. Don't they have kids, dogs, friends who want a little fresh air every now and then??

so_chic_darling said...

Jeff Lewis's face is just like his houses,everything redone to within an inch of it's life.If only he could get a little siesmic bolting himself!

smiley said...

think of all the people who live that way in NYC anon 9:41!

i could never..

unless of course i lived in the penthouse at trump tower with a grassy patio!
:)

Yes I AM Making Fun of You said...

Ohhhhh...tell the truth, aren't you secretly hoping Jeff, aka, OCD Boy, jumps off the deep end when none of his properties sells and he has to go bankrupt (I know I am)...wouldn't it make great Tv?

I do know one thing for sure, "genius" or not (as First Assistant Jackie claims he is), if Jeff spoke to me the way he does some of his employees he'd be picking his smile up from the ground with his nose.

Anonymous said...

I saw the first show and would love to work for Jeff. The more neurotic the better! I want more background on his past love life. I couldn't imagine dating (or kissing those lips) but it would be complete hysterics to be an employee.

luke220 said...

Thank you, Mama, for giving us some more information on this nut job and his elegant flips. I sell real estate, but have never seen anyone else "fluff" a property prior to closing just for the sake of an appraisal (so that he can borrow more money than the property is worth?).

sugarhoneyicetea said...

I like this house and the simplicity of it. The kitchen and bath are both very nice but not too overdone. I agree about the pool. Too big for that yard.

Anonymous said...

smiley - yes, that is part of why I left NY! My parents followed years later - sold their co-op, quit their jobs, and joined us in lovely O-HI-O.

Much slower, nicer, and greener here.

10:47 - okay, I kinda do want to see him fail, as mean as that is.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if the Flipper carries Workers' Compensation Insurance for his employees? That guy is going to drive his employees to file Stress Claims. If they do, he will have to foot the bills.....unless he has Insurance for the employee.

Anonymous said...

I bet he does pay someone to wipe his ass, as well.

Anonymous said...

Mama, Those PIGS at Bravo! They advertise on Perez' site. They need to bend over and cough -up some $$

Anonymous said...

I LOVE this new show. I'm sorry but I like the guy!

His houses are vanilla, but sometimes vanilla tastes good. He is (safely and tastefully) flipping houses in a much better way than many. So what if they all look like Pottery Barn visits Santa Barbara?

P.S. did any of you notice his assistant looks a lot like Elaine Bennez on Seinfeld?

Phoenix said...

Glad you brought this show up Mama. Jeff is a self-important, abusive drama queen, and now that he's got his own show, he's probably beyond redemption. One can only hope that it gets cancelled quickly because Bravo is better than this.

Yes I AM Making Fun of You, your sentiments echo mine exactly. Less than 2 episodes was all it took for Flipping Out to reach 'not even in a dire emergency' viewing status for me.

Leightonc said...

I loved seeeing this pop up as a Jeff Lewis flip
because I flipped this house with a friend long ago in 1987. This was your minimal flip where you wax the flors but dont refnish them, take out the immediate death-trap code violations like unvented heaters, landscape, paint it reasonable colors and resell. The kitchen had one of those hearty neo country european rustic tile workovers. We couldn't afford to touch it, though if left alone long enough it could have value as a 1970s period environment.
The flip was hardly worth it as the profit margin b4 resale was somewhere like-- buy for 250 or so and sell for 350 or so.
The people we bought it from were Scientologists
who left all their stuff there which was both fascinating and repellent since it much of it consisted of stuff I would think you wouldn;t want anyone else to see-- topless photos cavorting in pool, insulting correspondence, the works. maybe they were so pissed off at each they just walked out of the house without botherig to sort through anything. After my flip partner and I had the house for a while the husband broke back into the backyard and took some of his plants. I always thought it would make a lot of sense for some one to take out that
all water backyard known as the pool.
My least favorite feature of the house is the stairway to the second level, which is a kind of claustrophic rabbit hole. I hated going up and down the stairs. Nicest feature was
room over the garage which makes a fantastic study, and I remember as having exposed ceiling beams and looking kind of rustic and den like.
I can't wait to see what this house sells for this time and will be zillowing it at regular intervals.

Anonymous said...

This place is a tad generic, but I like the bathroom.

I watched the show. It does amaze me how people like President for Life Lewis are able to get people to cater to his every need while allowing themselves to be treated like people who wouldn't exist without his recognition. That assistant is funny, though. The guy's lips annoy as much as his personality annoys. I like the kitchen in the house he lives in on the show. But, oy oy oy, this flipping business is tres stressful.

Anonymous said...

[Ohhhhh...tell the truth, aren't you secretly hoping Jeff, aka, OCD Boy, jumps off the deep end when none of his properties sells and he has to go bankrupt (I know I am)...wouldn't it make great Tv?]

Yes, yes, yes. I can smell the Schadenfreude simmering in the background.

Anonymous said...

yes, Schadenfreude describes the nature of Jeff's lack of character perfectly. In simpler terms, he's a malicious sicko.

Anonymous said...

Jeff Lewis looks like Janice Dickinson in drag.

Same creepy lips....same abusive personality.

They're both delusional and create "Crate and Barrel" blandness (he with houses, she with models).

Is it possible they were separated at birth?

Anonymous said...

Here's the thing, everyone. Jeff Lewis is completely aware that he acts out of the ordinary. He tries to deal with it, and recognizes it. I think many of you should just relax and enjoy the damn show.

Anonymous said...

Well, if he was normal it wouldn't make for good drama. What amazes me is he is so vain that he puts his reputation on the line for a tv show that focuses more on the train wreck he is and not the work he does.

Anonymous said...

anonymous 2:12 PM:

How do you relax and enjoy watching someone mistreat people? Don't tell me. You're Jeff, right?

Anonymous said...

i agree.. it's not like he's an actor and his character is fictional.. abusing people for real isn't entertainment..

Anonymous said...

Well, you say he's not an actor...but I have friends who have been on these "reality" type shows, and many events are played up, and some are even re-shot. And I haven't seen Jeff be completely awful yet.

Really, though, it's not like he's taking out a baseball bat and physically harming people.

Anonymous said...

omg, who are the few people defending this a**hole? abuse is only if you attack someone with a deadly weapon? that's called assault. jeff is a bad example, poor TV, and a worse human being using the term human loosely.

Phoenix said...

All those tall leafy plants across and overhanging the back edge of the pool have to go. You'd have to pick leaves from the water on an almost hourly basis to keep the water looking like it does now. Either that, or the filter would be constantly clogged.

blogsurfer said...

I really love
"Flipping Out"
especially "Tori" the psychic. When I watched it, I thought that the psychics near me were as hot as Tori, I’d be visiting them everyday. If Tori lived in my city, I’d listen to whatever she said. I wonder what else she’ll predict for him? Maybe she’ll marry me... LOL.

Anonymous said...

nice try blogsurfer but it's pretty obvious your little Flipping Out commercial complete with link to the Bravo TV site is just that.. a Bravo TV commercial, and not genuine.. as if a straight man is going to profess his love for a brand new TV show featuring a nasty ass gay man because the gay man has a psychic that's had a grand total of 5 minutes air time, lmaooooo

Anonymous said...

This show is so ridiculous it has to be staged. I'm bored.

Anonymous said...

no way this is real- it's way too over-the-top. did bravo make this blog page to sell the show. i smell the blair witch. we'll see i guess.

Anonymous said...

I've seen this show. I've lived this show. I am a real estate agent in the LA area and I was the buyer's agent for a top producer who is a much bigger freak than Jeff Lewis. Him, I could deal with and understand. She was a complete nightmare.

That said, I'd like to add a big shame on you to Bravo. How dare they ask you to plug without compensation? It's one thing when you are doing it in blogosphere, but quite another when they actually approach and bring it all out on the table that they are watching you as you watch them and they are aware there are others who watch you, so couldn't you just? Shame, shame, shame!

I wish I could take Jeff Lewis around to see some truly amazing design and architecture in my neighborhoods. Perhaps they would inspire him. I also think his style is a wee generic. It's top of the line generic, but still. Perhaps he's being a little too careful because he's trying to appeal to a broad audience of potential buyers. It's frustrating, because the masses are asses and I'm wondering what would happen if he broke free with color and lines.

I feel bad for his assistants. I've felt their pain. It's a trap. The money is too good sometimes. It's almost like being in an abusive relationship where your boss puts you on a pedestal, then under a microscope. I remember the rants, the rages, the bonuses afterward.

I, too, will continue to watch this show. I hope that all his houses sell and that he's able to keep going. He certainly seems to do far and away more than any other dolphin out there.

Anonymous said...

i ADORE jeff lewis. i adore the way he sometimes says ben lomond like "bin ladin" and sometimes like "ban lamand." he is in business to make money. and is a role model in that respect. and the people he is "abusing"? uh, they can quit anytime. but if that's abuse, bring it on, honey.

Anonymous said...

THIS SHOW SUCKS, PULL THAT ANGRY DRAG QUEEN OFF THE AIR ! SELFISH ABUSIVE AND BITTER....!

Kevin Tomlinson said...

This show rocks. I'm the Jeff Lewis in Miami. He's great. Doesn't take crap from stupid people. He wears great oxford shirts. Jeff where do you get them?

Anonymous said...

OMIGAD what a freak he is! Control queen, egotistical, and treats other people like trash. I would last about 2 seconds around this arogant sonumabitch. HIS LIPS HAVE BEEN INJECTED WITH WAY TOO MUCH COLLAGEN!!! His lips are grotesque!!! what a fucking asshole. I hope the show tanks and he goes broke with no friends and a whole lot of debt and big ass ugly fat lips.

Anonymous said...

How many reality shows does one person get to be on. I saw his assistant Jenni on another show where she and her husband were getting a surprise party for their first anniversary.

TonyV said...

He's lowered the price to 1,485,000. Still a little over-priced for "south of the blvd."

Heidi said...

Does anyone know his astrological sign? I swear he's an Aries. My second guess would be a Virgo.

joseph3001g said...

Jeff is great. The show is great. I would love to work for him and learn how to do this myself on a smaller scale. If he lived in Minnesota I would for sure work for him. I hope the show continues and he is successful. Good luck Jeff.

Aethlos said...

…when you stuff 932 pounds of collagen in your lips they actually invert (forming a crease in the middle) and turn into a giant ass on your face. attention jeff lewis, STOP WITH THE COLLAGEN… YOUR LIPS LOOK LIKE DOM DELUISE’S ASS… i can’t even stand to look at jeff lewis’s face because his lips are so mutilated… disgusting.

Anonymous said...

I think Jeff Lewis is one of the funniest people I have ever seen on TV. He is definitely successful for many reasons and people are drawn to him.
I live in Northern CA. and seriously wish I could find out a way to get him here to help me do some flips. I want to buy his house on Ben Lomond--I think he has an incredible eye for detail. I love Ryan too--Chris rocks and Jenni is the best. I am jealous of how much fun they have together. Always eating El Pollo Loco...I die laughing. I hope they do another installment of the show.

TonyV said...

Now it's down to $1,399,000. That's too bad. It really is a cute house.

Anonymous said...

wait is it still for sale????? Should I call Carrie and say I will give you 975k HA HA

Anonymous said...

Is that a wig on jeffs l's head?

Anonymous said...

Jeff Lewis is not just OCD, he's obviously a sociopath and needs help, fast.

Anonymous said...

I hopes someone fuks him in his big azz lips and shoots cum into his fukking brain.

Anonymous said...

I think Jeff is GAY.

Anonymous said...

Did this house ever sell? Zillow.com has it valued around $1.19 million.