Sunday, August 26, 2007

Rafael Furcal's Townhouse of Horrors


SELLER: Rafael Furcal
LOCATION: S. Oakland Avenue, Pasadena, CA
PRICE: $1,159,000
SIZE: 1,860 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Fantastic "Celebrity" owned newer one of a kind 3 level incredible "Venezian townhouse. Shows like a model. May be Largest unit in complex. Mahogany flrs, custom stone work, ganite & custom tiles, master suite with fireplace, open cooks kitchen, Viking appliances outside Viking grill, Private elevator, 3 bedrooms, 5 baths, Great bonus/billiard/media room, 2 car private garage, Flat sceen TV & sound equip & some furniture is available. Great unit!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama knows about as much about baseball as Prissy knew about birthin' babies in Gone With the Wind. Which is basically nothin'. So quick now, boil up some water and get me a pile of clean towels because Your Mama is going to attempt to tell you something about Rafael Furcal, who the internets tell us is a short stop for the Los Angeles Dodgers, and the Pasadena condominium he has on the market for $1,159,000.

Now babies, ordinarily Your Mama can not be found combing the condominium listings in Pasadena. We know that Pasadena has some gorgeous Greene and Greene residences and we are well acquainted with the so called Suicide Bridge that spans the Arroyo Seco in Old Town Pasadena. But that is about it for our paltry knowledge of pretty Pasadena. However Your Mama received an email from a gentleman we'll call Lenny Loudmouth who tipped us off to this listing.

Of course, before chatting with Lenny Loudmouth, Your Mama had never iven heard of this Mister Rafael Fucal. A quick search on the internets and Your Mama learned that Mister Furcal, a native Dominican, goes by the naughty sounding nick name "Fookie," has a couple of DUIs under his belt, performed something rare called the "unassisted triple play, and a quick look at the photos provided with the listing for the condo Mister "Fookie" calls home, tells Your Mama that the short stop stops short of having good taste. This well developed athlete could certainly benefit from a nice gay decorator to getting up in his townhouse condominium to work some serious magic.

According to property records, Mister "Fookie" only purchased this 3 bedroom and 4 bathroom townhouse style condominium in April of 2006 for $1,139,000. Which means that with the current asking price of $1,159,000, Mister "Fookie" will be losing money on the transaction after the real estate fees are paid. Which is pretty tough to do in the greater Los Angeles real estate market, even with the mortgage markets in turmoil.

We can all thank the baby jeezis that this three floor townhouse comes with it's own private elevator servicing all floors, because not all Pasadena townhouse lovers have the physical abilities and stamina that a professional baseball player like Mister "Fookie" surely has.

No babies, your eyeballs are not going bad, the photos of the interior are indeed fuzzy with some sort of dizzying pattern, but if you squint your eyes, you'll find it's not worth the effort to do so.

Your Mama has got two questions that perhaps the children can discuss:

1. What is it about heterosexual bachelor men that makes them want a pool table? You don't find these felt covered monstrosities up in the homes of single homosexuals. And do not tell Your Mama that the gays don't play pool. Because if you say that then clearly you have never been to bar where the homosexually inclined congregate. Fierce pool competitions children, fierce.

2. Who is the bikini clad babe in the big photograph hanging on the back wall of the bedroom? Please tell Your Mama that is not Mister "Fookie's" mama.

Note to Lenny Loudmouth...you got any additional information on Mister "Fookie" that you would like to see discussed on Your Mama's little blog, you be sure to give us a shout.

20 comments:

smiley said...

stunning..

:)

Anonymous said...

The fact that the agent says, "may be the largest unit" shows what an unreliable flake they are.

AND this place is fugly.

Anonymous said...

Mama, the reason Homoseuals don't have pool tables is because IKEA doesn't sell them.

I am sure that when the R&D department at IKEA decides that it is chic to have a pool table. The Homosexual community will be quick to respond to thier style masters.

so_chic_darling said...

First it's HO MO SEX UALS,and second just because IKEA once had an ad with them in it doesn't mean they want to shop there.IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
Just like the infrastucture of this great country IKEA furniture has a tendancy to colapse,and we don't want to loose that collection of priceless mid century vases do we children?
Fookie is from the Dominican Republic so ALL is forgiven they really are some of the most beautiful men in the Western Hemisphere!There is not a long history of interior design there unless you count Ms Oscar De La Renta as a design diva.

so_chic_darling said...

I just googled him,yes children he's a STUD!

Anonymous said...

If you want to see some nice homes in Pasadena, look on South San Rafael Ave. LARGE homes,old hollywood/old money style. Across the freeway from Brookside golf course, South West of the Rose Bowl.

http://local.live.com/?v=2&sp=Point.ppq6fv54k37q_San%20Rafael___&encType=1

so_chic_darling said...

"style masters"Oh no don't even go there child!
I could give you a very long list of them,but what's the point?You wouldn't have heard of any of them anyway!
Hello Tommy Parzinger!

so_chic_darling said...

No I don't want to see any large homes in Pasadena,I want my driver to take me straight to the Norton Simon!

Anonymous said...

All I ever see coming out of the Burbank IKEA are hetero couples. The wife is screaming "start the minivan, start the minivan" because she thinks the store didn't charge right and the husband is scratching his ever widening crack trying to figure out whether the furniture she bought is going to collapse through the floor of their double wide.

so_chic_darling said...

see what the urban dictionary lists for "fookie"
urbandictionary.com a great place for all the slang.

Anonymous said...

This townhouse sure is dark and garrety. I hope Furcal is merely making paintings as a hobby and not ... well...the setting of the condo (the outside) is nice. Did he get traded? I think he was in a game tonight, though.

West Coastian said...

I don't care for townhouses and this one is a good reason why.

I think Mr Furcal is quite nice looking but it's hard to tell for sure from this Mug shot

Can't find out why there's one. This site doesn't give the dirt.

so_chic_darling said...

Oh my he's got a mug shot!
I love a bad boy!

Anonymous said...

MAMA:

Let a straight-baseball lovin'-
man enlighten you:

1)The nickname is FURKY...not
FOOKIE.I've heard it pronounced
countless times in post-game
interviews where team mates
usually have effusive praise
for his game-saving defensive
skills.

2)Straight ballplayers use pool
tables for SEX WITH HOT
STRIPPERS.A closer
examination of the spotted
green felt would confirm
this.Makes for interesting
chat when the fellas come
over for a round & some cold
ones.Sometimes they try to
see how many people can fit
on the table.This of course
requires the removal of all
clothing for purposes of
accuracy.

The townhouse is neither here
nor there stylistically
speaking.Just another
"McTownhouse"...and outside
the rarified Pac Pal/BH/Bel
Air RE world is typical of what
happens price-wise these days.
Not that FURKY cares.
Ballplayers are'nt in the habit
of putting down roots.

so_chic_darling said...

Furky sounds much better,more masculine,I like it!

Miami Architect said...

All of that in 1,900 sq ft!!!! Mama, publish the floor plans!

Anonymous said...

Mr. Furcal is not a bachelor. He is married with a toddler son. Where did all the bachelor stuff come from? As far as the bad boy stuff, he was arrested for a couple of DUIs, but he has since changed his lifestyle. And the townhouse isn't that ugly. It's dark and stuffy looking, but I've seen worse. Give the guy a break.

Anonymous said...

Rafael is a bad ass he is so hot

Anonymous said...

Rafael is HOT, has a bubble butt to die for, and I have whacked off many many many times looking at his pictures.

BRAVES Fan said...

Sorry Anonymous, his nickname is "Fookie." I'm a huge Braves fan, who lives in the ATL and has watched many games, as well as behind-the-scenes coverage.