Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Pamela Anderson Heads for the Hills

RENTER: Pamela Anderson
LOCATION: Morning View Drive, Malibu, CA
PRICE: We don't know
SIZE: 4,584 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: The Jewel of Zuma is an amazing gated estate, reminiscent of the finest homes in Europe. This magnificent home, with easy access to the beach, is on approx. 3 ocean vew acres w/rolling lawns, pool & gorgeous sunsets. Richard Landry's "Chateau Ortolan" combines classic architecture w/ modern amenities. Grand Salon w/ soaring ceilings, gourmet kitchen, 7 fireplaces, wood, stone and antique terra cotta floors & antique wood beams.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The hills of Malee-boo that is. Yesterday we were contacted by a little birdie who we'll call Ermaline Festerling who kindly and thoughtfully provided us some information on the recent real estate doings Pamela Anderson, she-ra of the monumental mammaries. Ermaline tells Your Mama that Miz Pamela Anderson and her children have recently leased this big chateau style house up in the hills of Malee-boo. Now, keep in mind that leases care very difficult for Your Mama to verify, but Ermaline has provided us with very accurate information in the past, so on her good record we're going ahead with this post.

Your Mama does not really need to tell you, but we are going to anyway, that former Playboy Playmate Pamela Anderson rocketed to fame during her stints as the "tool" girl on Home Improvement and the queen of Baywatch in the 1990s. Week after week men around the world sat glued to the television touching themselves as Pammy ran down the beaches of Malee-boo wearing a red bathing suit, boobs all akimbo.

It was not long after Baywatch was canceled that the world witnessed the release of a porn video that graphically showed this mother of two as she and then husband, Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee, fornicated on a boat and talked durty to each other. Keep in mind that at the time, Pammy and Tommy Lee sued to keep the video from being released commercially.

There were plenty of impressive and prodigious parts on display in the amateur porn video, but what Your Mama finds the most interesting about the entire bruhaha is that Pammy's extensive and impressive resume INCLUDES the home made porn video and lists her as the make-up artist, cinematographer, producer, AND the "actress." Now children, that is funny.

Say what you will about this stereotypical blond babe with behemoth breasts, but we must all recognize her uncanny ability to make boatloads of money on the merits of her of her boobies alone. Because let's face it, we've watched a few episodes of VIP and Stripperella and Stacked, and it's clear to anyone with eyes and ears that the lady is not getting jobs because of her finely honed acting skills.

Anyhoo, let's move on the real estate. Pammy owns a lovely shabby chic style home in the exclusive, guard gated Malibu Colony where she and the children could be living if she wanted. But last year she put the land-side property on the market for $6,500,000. Before anyone was willing to pay that price for a postage sized lot with no view of the ocean, Pammy leased it out. No doubt at a monthly rent only matched by her humongous ta-tas.

We were told by Ermaline that Pammy moved to this house after giving up another Malibu rental, a tiny ocean front house on Escondido Beach, which happens to be a few doors down from the ocean front compound Courtney Cox and David Arquette recently purchased (scroll down to bottom of post). We have no way of verifying that Pammy and family were renting a shackety-shack on Escondido Beach, but again, Ermaline has NEVER steered us wrong.

Although Ermaline tells us Pammy leased the property, perhaps after living in the shouse for a spell she'll like it enough to pony up $6,495,000 to buy the place. The house has been listed for sale at that price for quite some time. No doubt the owners would prefer to sell, but Your Mama is sure the owners are thrilled to have it leased, even if it's just for the short term.

The house is located way out in Malee-boo, north of Point Dume. Not exactly convenient to Los Angeles or the studios even if you drive over windy Kanan Dume Road to Agoura Hills, so we find it hard to believe this will be Pammy's only residence.

As for the house itself, well, it's lovely, but we'd like it a lot better if it were actually in France rather than overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Clearly the owners have taken great pains and spent considerable money recreating their French fantasy. And good for them. But it's not for us. Given that she appreciates a romantic and shabby chic sort of decor, this house actually seems like a good fit for Pammy and the boys. We're guessing, guessing children, that Pammy is on the hunt for a house to call home and we'll certainly keep our ears low to the ground for rumblings of a purchase.


Anonymous said...

But Mama ...

You failed to mention her oceanside Malibu Colony home - she perhaps leased her landside home in the colony but whatever happened to her oceanside home at the south end of the street?

Anonymous said...


she owns the 3rd home from the left [oceanside]

Anonymous said...

I've seen this house on aerial maps before, and I hate it! The pool is so far away from the home. I think it's just ugly.

Anonymous said...

what is the adress like the house number

Anonymous said...

She has hills on her chest lol