Saturday, June 23, 2007

Eddie Murphy Has Got Troubles

SELLER: Eddie Murphy
LOCATION: Poughquag, Dutchess County, NY
PRICE: $5,995,000 (reduced from $8,995,000)
SIZE: 205 acres, 11,500 square feet (approx.), 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Deep, clear 7+/- acre lake. Caretaker and Guest housing. Equestrian facilities. Tennis court, pool complex. Acre + zoning. Near proposed Town Center. Suitable for conference center. Pristine.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Poor Mister Eddie Murphy. Just when his career is hitting all the high notes with the success of Dreamgirls and Shrek, he gets slapped with a pesky paternity claim by another of those publicity hungry Spice Gurls.

First we had Posh, otherwise known as Vicki Beckham, who wreaked havoc on high end real estate agents all up and down the posh streets of Beverly Hills and Bel Air looking at every high priced estate on the market, formerly on the market, pocket listed, or possibly to come to the market. The gurl done wore Your Mama out reporting her comings and goings. Praise jeezis she finally chose a damn house to live in. We hear the family will be moving in very soon.

Then we got Scary Spice, also known as Mel B, who had the foolish misfortune of laying up in the bed with notorious lady killer Eddie Murphy and winding up with a baby on board. Well, Your Mama does not need to tell you that that Mister Murphy was having none of that shit. So he dumps the scary gurl on Dutch television, denies everything, tells anyone who will listen that it ain’t his child, and quickly gets himself a new lady friend without enough sense to stay away from trouble.

Nine months later, after much public squabbling, denials, accusations, and a court ordered paternity test, turns out Scary Mel was speaking the gospel all along. We expect she will soon be smacking the father of eight around the courts with gigantic child support requests.

But baby mama drama is not the only trouble Mister Murphy has. The comedic actor with a penchant for large and lavish homes is having trouble unloading two of his large and lavish east coast spreads. Now that Murphy mints money for movie makers, he lives primarily in his 18,598 square foot, 10 bedroom, 17 bathroom Beverly Park palace. As y’all know, the guard gated Beverly Park development is chock full of the famous and shockingly rich and Mister Murphy occupies a large corner lot next door to actress Jami Gertz and a few doors down from Rod Stewart and Martin Lawrence.

Some time back, Your Mama discussed Mister Murphy’s 5 acre, 25,000 square foot Englewood New Jersey estate, which goes by the name Bubble Hill. The white elephant of a property was first put on the market back in December of 2004 with a staggering $30,000,000 price tag. But a recent report by the NY Post’s illustrious celebrity real estate gossip Braden Keil tells us that the price has again been lowered to it’s current asking price of $19,500,000, almost half the original asking price.

In the same report, our Mister Keil tells us that naughty child denier Mister Murphy also recently lowered the asking price for his Upstate New York getaway, which goes by the name Clove Hill. According the Keil, the 205 acre property was first listed at $12,750,000, later reduced to $9,900,000 and then again recently to it’s current asking price of $8,995,000.

Clove Hill includes an 11,500 square foot house with five bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms according to the listing information. Also on the property, a 7 acre pond, swimming pool with pool house, tennis court, movie theater, guest quarters, horse barn and, strangely, a game arcade. Imagine the number of people it takes just to keep this farm running. Those arcade machines need to be dusted, the tennis court swept, the swimming pool skimmed and the horse stall cleared out on a regular basis. Seriously, this is a huge expense for a property that probably gets used about as much as Queen Elizabeth visits India, which is not very often.

The interior of the house, which was built in 1972 according to the listing, has heavenly sky high wood ceilings and wall after wall of floor to ceiling windows for taking in the sweeping and bucolic views.

We imagine the lack of furniture and lighting is due to the fact that Mister Murphy no longer uses this property, and except for the big grand pie-ana, we see that Mister Murphy, more of musician that he is usually given credit for being, has left but a few pieces of furniture in the vast living room. The room is not without appeal, but it really does look more like a conference center in Colorado than a cozy living room.

Your Mama also notes the unusual addition of a second grand pie-ana in the master bedroom. Somehow we find this bedroom instrument really icky and disturbing. We can just see a nekkid Mister Murphy running his fingers over the keys and softly singing to a swooning celebrity fucking female who knows deep in her heart she this will be the last time Mister Murphy touches her bare skin.

The well appointed kitchen is, uhm, it’s well appointed and has a nice vaulted and sky lighted ceiling. Otherwise we got nothing nice to say about this room. Way too North Carolina furniture factory for our taste.

Naturally, Your Mama is concerned about the arcade gallery. Where in rural Dutchess County does one find an experienced and licensed fixer of Ms. Pac-Man?

As for the grounds, they are truly lovely, at least those we can see in the photos. Your Mama prefers a seaside location for a getaway home, but we are not so cynical that we are unable to appreciate the beauty of rolling farmlands, glassy pond water, curving fence lines, and pretty red barns.

We expect Mister Murphy will eventually sell both of these properties, even if he has to lower the prices even more. But he better sell them quick before Miz Scary Spice tries to get her paws on them. And she should go after one of them because, if you ask Your Mama, which of course no one did, we are of the opinion that the lady has more than earned a piece of Mister Murphy's real estate pie.

Sources: NY Post, Socialite Life, Perez Hilton, People


Anonymous said...

Ha, good writeup Mama. Eddie's 2 east coast properties were ridiculasly overpriced and explains his trouble selling them. As for the 2nd piano in Murphy's bedroom, with his reputation I'd be willing to wager more piano playing was done with bare behinds than fingers ;)

Anonymous said...

19 beverly park is eddie's. 21 beverly park is jamie's. what is martin lawrence's? Denzel's?

Anonymous said...

I'm going to have to disagree with you, $19,950,000 is not almost half of $30,000,000 $16,500,000 or less would be a more appropriate "almost"

Anonymous said...

1st line: should either be a semi-colon or a period after the word 'you'.

2nd line: same thing after '$30,000,000.

3rd line: should be a period after 'almost'.

Basic premise: when discussing amounts of money that large, for our purposes a $3 million dollar difference one way or the other qualifies as 'almost half'.

Conclusion: please post your perfect realestate blog URL for us so we can all go there to oooh and ahhh, thanks :)

Anonymous said...

Now, now, people. Don't argue and trash up this blog. Seriously. Don't ruin it!

Anonymous said...

Oh cummon.. no one's arguing or trashing. I see opinions expressed, a couple questions, a criticism, a nice rebuttal to that criticism, and now a lecture from you. Loosen up.

deathsweep said...

It doesn't matter to me who says what crap about this blog because the content and the writing is why I'm here. Not to listen to some anonymous chit head trying to one up mama! Great post.


Anonymous said...

mama u know i luv u, i think you need to re-view the movie pretty woman cause that will explain all about the pianio in the bedroom. Boyz like to play and sometimes they like to pretend they is good lookin and act a scene out of a movie, some grls like it some dont.
Mama about u blog, it is the best and u know us suburban grls didnt get no fancy ed u cation so u missd placed commas and colon's is mighty right fine with me. shg

Anonymous said...

hey shg, the commmas and colons critique wasn't about Mama, but rather for the person who presumed to correct her supposed lack of accuracy in a very gramatically incorrect way at that. It was intended in a 'look who's talking' kind of way, just so you know.

Anonymous said...

While looking at those pictures I had a disturbing vision of naked Eddie Murphy singing "my girl likes to party all the time, party all the time..." in a big empty room, Rick James might have been there too.

Anonymous said...

The ceilings are nice in this barn place, but the furnishings are incongruous. The estate is lovely, too. But Murphy's an ass. If you don't want any more children, use a condom, dude.