Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Ladies and Gentlemen, Miss Diana Ross

Seller: Diana Ross
Location: Greenwich, CT
PRICE: $39,500,000
SIZE: 12,562 sq. ft., 11 bedrooms, 8 bathrooms.
DESCRIPTION: (much shortened from the lengthy description provided by the listing agent) The stonewall enclosed property is tucked away in a private gated enclave amid confident old estates yet minutes from downtown Greenwich...Terraces lead from each room to broad lawns that gently roll to the waterfront...The living room with its 18th century paneling is a fine example of the work of design firm Parson's and Wait. A spiral staircase where Rembrandts have adorned the walls swirl from the basement to the third floor...The grounds and gardens are complete with tennis court, pool, and two carriage houses. A Pastoral Haven and a once in a lifetime opportunity to purchase her.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Children, give Your Mama a moment, because we are just exhausted by listing agent Kathryn Clauss' extremely thoughtful description.

This property is located in the community of Belle Haven, the richest and most exclusive corner of Greenwich. You may remember Belle Haven as being the part of town where Martha Moxley was murdered by Kennedy cousin Michael Skakel.

This is also the neck of the woods that George Bush The First grew up. Now babies, we know what you're saying, but let Your Mama give you a little history lesson. Those Bushes like us all to think they're just some down-home folks from the prairies of Texas, but in reality, their roots are in Belle Haven, Connecticut, one of the most outrageously wealthy communities in the whole of the U.S.

More recently, Greenwich in general, and Belle Haven in particular, has become a hide-out for spectacularly rich hedge fund managers. So perhaps it's no wonder Miss Ross is looking to move on now that the "new" money is moving in.

All that aside, the only thing Your Mama has to note about this property is thank Gawd the houses around this estate are "confident" and "old." Because, you know people, there is nothing worse than living next door to an insecure, new house.

P.S. Your Mama would apologize for the lack of photos, but, all due respect to Miss Clauss, the listing contained only fuzzy, blurry, black and white pieces of shit.


Anonymous said...

I do happen to know this property comes equipped with a full-on, big time guard gate.

Your Mama said...

Oh hunny, send Your Mama another email with some more information about this house. Better yet, take a picture of that guard house and send it to us.

Anonymous said...

I want it.

Anonymous said...

i live next door. very secure