Thursday, January 10, 2008

UPDATE: Slade Smiley

Former Housewives of Orange County beau-hunk Slade Smiley is back in the real estate gossip columns. The LA Times' celebrity real estate high priestess Ruth Ryon recently reported in her Hot Properties column that the former reality television stud purchased a unit in the much publicized and bally-hooed Eastern Columbia loft building, which happens to be located in a still scrappy and crappy part of downtown Los Angeles.

Yes kids, this is the same freshly converted condominium conversion where LA based designer du jour Kelly Wearstler did up the lobby (her huzband happens to own the company that developed the building), and where a-list actor Johnny Depp plunked down $2,100,000 for a penthouse unit. No one seems to know just why Mister Depp, who owns a lavish and storied estate above Sunset Boulevard, would want or need a modestly sized loft downtown. Your Mama sniffs a publicity ploy, but we're cynical that way.

Anyhoo, the new condo isn't the only new piece of real estate gossip about Mister Smiley. The former mortgage broker (isn't that what he did?) has long been trying to unload his 4,800 square foot mess of a mini mansion in Orange County ever since his former ladee friend Jo dumped his ass so that she could live in Los Angeles and pursue her heart's desire to be a pop star.

Originally priced at $1,725,000 and listed with Housewife Jeanna Keough natch, the price was reduced several times and was recently karate chopped to just $1,290,000. Which, quite honestly, still seems like a lot of paper for a house with white carpet, questionable architectural integrity (at best), and no swimming pool. Then again, what does your Mama really know about the real estate ambitions of all the too tan and plastic boobed behatchas who marry high earning and emotionally absent husbands so they can live behind the glitzy gates of Coto de Caza? Ouch. Did we say that?

We also heard recently from someone we'll call Timothy Tattletale who whispered to Your Mama that Mister Smiley's house is in default, which we heard once before from a gal we call Connie Crossyerheartandhopetadie. But our quick little bit of research did not turn up any evidence of that, so perhaps Mister Smiley has made good with the tax man or the lender or whomever it was that wanted money from him.

Whatever the case, Your Mama looks forward to being invited for gin and tonics over at the Eastern Columbia where Mister Smiley can fill us in on all his new and exciting ventures.

33 comments:

lil" gay boy said...

I can't believe that fool of a control freak will make a penny on that Coto de Caza mess - it always looked like a furniture showroom with no inventory.

Not only that, but the house completely lacks any architectural charm; if Jenna manages to dump this (like her husband), she's a miracle worker.

We all know that Jo was an empty-headed piece of arm-candy, but the one smart thing she did was drive her bird-brained ass away from him at 90MPH.

pch said...

I Tivo'd an episode of this after the last discussion. Talk about people who take themselves really seriously. You almost hate to tell them Coto de Caza isn't that impressive.

Sandpiper said...

Speaking of RHWOOC real estate...ouch!

Steve Sickler, OC Register scribe says:

"...Vicki gets bit by the real estate bug. She decides to invest in another house in Coto de Caza. She was thinking of "downsizing."

What they don't tell you on the show is she bought at the peak of the market – with 10 percent down - from a guy that was desperate to sell. Vicki immediately put it back on the market and, seven months later, it's still for sale. One of my real estate friends tells me it would likely sell now for about 30 percent less than what she paid – a loss of more than $450,000."


http://www.ocregister.com/news/real-estate-market-1923233-one-housewives

Anonymous said...

Wonder how much the income of Coto
Super Agent(real housewife of O.C.)
has dropped in this market.....

caveman said...

damn, i love that show, not one person i actually like, which makes for great tv.
that newest dizzy blonde with the future homicidal kid is kinda hot tho.

Anonymous said...

mama i don't like this one... usually i like lots of bright and light but something about this just seems so empty and sterile. no soul to it... where's that girl with the fun & funky NYC loft to come spice this one up? she had such eclectic/kooky cool taste... he could sure use her help...! big virtual hugs to you as always, sunny

lil' gay boy said...

Caveman, which ditzy blonde are you referring to?

The one married to the tight ass that works at the Mercedes dealership, or the one who dates homicidal children?

caveman said...

the one married to the tight ass, she looks like fun after a few drinks

lil' gay boy said...

There ain't enough alcohol in the universe for me, but I'll bet you one thing . . .

. . . she'll never drown.

pch said...

Went to the website to figure out their names. Tamra's pretty hot -- I assume she's the one Caveman means. And that Lauri looks like she has some decent cougar potential...

Sandpiper said...

Your baseline is interesting. Really, are you serious?? Her? Ewww. Here's an honest question: Lauri attractive to men? Are relationships that shallow? As a woman, to me, she's an embarrassment, or am I missing the point.

Going to hell in a hand basket said...

Lauri's face has had more needles stuck in it than my great aunt bea's pin cushion!

Tamara calls herself the hottest mom in Coto. She must have said that during a perimenopausal hot flash.

Pickles said...

This is a horror movie set isn't it?

pch said...

Hey Sandpiper -- based only on the photos, and I wasn't really thinking about relationship potential. I'm sounding like a total schmuck, so I'll shut up now.

sandpiper said...

Oh, no, please! It's okay. I wasn't going off on you, pch! Honest.

I sort'a guessed you couldn't have been real familiar with this show.

lil' gay boy said...

Despite the number of needles in her face, Lauri strikes me as the only one who knows how to count her blessings; she's been up, down and up again and those children of hers are dreadful, but still she slogs on with a smile (albeit surgical) on her face.

That new chick, Tamra, is another story; woman has a smile like a crack in the walls of hell, from whence the smell of sulfur and the cries of the damned emerge.

Lefty said...

laurie bad. her new husband very bad. worse, in fact. read all about it in the oc register.

http://www.ocregister.com/ocregister/news/columns/article_1574421.php

lil' gay boy said...

Quel drama!

pch said...

Don't worry Sandpiper -- didn't think you were giving me the smackdown :)

Clever as it is, I don't watch Curb Your Enthusiasm because I have to deal with way too many people in my life who are like that. It isn't entertainment to me -- more the annoying reality I try to avoid. Ditto this Housewives show. Just got back from a bar in Newport that was filled with people like that...don't need to watch their lives of unexamined stultification on TV, too. So you guessed very correctly that I know nothing about these ladies -- except that they're easy on the eyes.

lil' gay boy said...

PCH, please get your eyes checked . . . ASAP!

pch said...

Thanks for the chuckle, LGB :)

Don't get me wrong...this is all within the context of casual hook-ups...if I were going to pick someone I find extraordinarily attractive, without qualification, I'd go in the Princess Madeleine of Sweden direction...

Anonymous said...

The bank is taking Slades house, he is absolutely broke. I highly doubt he purchased a condo, he's probably just staying at a friends place there. His credit is ruined and he has no cash. He owes the bank about $1.69m for that Coto place....so I highly doubt he purchased anything else. He's to busy running from all the people he owes money to.

Anonymous said...

Doubtful Jeanna is making much money these days...especially since she has a reputation of not being a very good realtor. Many agents I know won't work with her if they can avoid it, and try and steer their clients away from any of her listings.

Anonymous said...

I recently read that Jeana is negotiating a short sale for Slade to give the house back to the bank and let him off the hook instead of a full forclosure. Slade is not only losing on his house but his career and income is tied to real estate as well- he's bankrupt- but still a good looking guy who will bounce back. It now explains why Jeana let him put stuff in Vicki's house, as Slade couldnt afford storage. What kind of real estate agent is Jeana to let a clinets house be used and abused by Slade/ These woman are entertaining but do they relaize they are sabatoging their careers with this show. Who would buy a Coto insuance policy or hire Jeana to sell a house? When the new Real Houswives of new york city comes out OC woman will look so lame and dated, not to mention functionally illiterate ( think miami ink vs LA ink- the sequel killed the the original)

OC woman are a guilyy pleasue, but their time is about to pass and they will have lots of debt and screwed up kids to deal with when the cameras are turned off.

lil' gay boy said...

I for one worry about what this whole experience is doing to their children; with the exception of one or two of them, they all seem to be a bunch of immature dysfunctional brats, low-achievers with an enormously overinflated sense of entitlement.

They are one sorry legacy to leave behind.

lil' gay boy said...

BTW, I'd be proud to be one of Mama's poor little chilrun, lining up in our freshly scrubbed faces in the green room for our daily bowl of gruel before slipping on our lederhosen and doing backup for Mama than one of those spoiled Coto brats.

euphoriquensc said...

just remember, and empty can makes the most noise.

Joshua said...

haha, i found it funny that he was losing his house, since he should be a little bit smarter since he was involved in the real estate industry. I decided to check real quick and sure enough the house is going to trustee's sale, which means he has limited time to work out a solution. He is over $120K delinquent on his first mortgage (of $1.28M which was an ARM) and has a slew of smaller loans against the property as well. And i believe he headed LandSafe title, not a mortgage brokerage as thought in the article.

Anonymous said...

Slade is a poster boy for what went wrong in real estate. He thought his house was an ATM machine. Jo then used her hot twat to seduce him into borrowing to support her pathetic alcoholic lifestye. Slade is left with her smelly fluffy slippers, and a disgraced reputation. I bet someone would bid on ebay for those slippers, and you know Slade saved them and smells them to lift his spirits.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if when slade went on that show he could have known it was going to end so badly. It would be funny in season four to show Slade curled up in his new place pleasuring himself while smelling fluffy slippers and panties that use to belong to Jo. Now that would be good TV!

Anonymous said...

Most people in Newport Beach, Newport Coast and Laguna Beach think Coto De Caza residents are a bunch of wealth pretenders.

Anonymous said...

LOL! Well said, Slade is the poster-boy representing that dumbest 0.01% of people who went broke in the real estate market, particularly in California. I remember watching that show and thinking - this guy is living way beyond his means, it was obvious that he wasn't earning much money. He was basically like a used car salesman caught up in a bull market. So he borrows way more than he can afford, and now he loses it all and will spend the rest of his life paying back his creditors. That whole show was pathetic but he was the most pathetic amongst them. At least his wife didn't go into tremendous debt and have a negative net worth like he does. That whole show reeked of people trying to pretend they were rich when they weren't. They might have seemed rich to the trailer park crowd but anyone else just shook their heads. My guess is that was what Bravo was going for, the best kind of reality TV in terms of ratings have been shows that focus on self-destructive morons who don't care about looking like fools on national TV.

jacob83 said...

Ok, who CARES where he lives, or what he did or didn't do to his house.

I just totally want to blow him.

Or at least make a bad porn called "ManSex 101" that ends up in the clearance aisle of the gay section.

Yea, I said it, what u gonna do.

And um, what the HECK is up with this girl being all like blah blah blah I'm a girl blah blah blah I want to go pursue a music career even though I have no talent blah blah blah im from Peru blah blah blah

Call me Slade! Who cares if she won't wear the dumb costumes? I'll dress up like Elmo if I have to.