Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Kristen Kerr's Carthay Circle Commoner

SELLER: Kristen Kerr
LOCATION: Hayes Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,995,000
SIZE: 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Exquisite custom renovation on a prime tree-lined Carthy Circle St. Keyless entry & all nu dual glazed wndws & drs; Nu state-of-the-art kit w/ Terrazzo, custom cabinetry & all stainless; 24x24 hand selected Italian honed slate, cork and T&G flring; Hand selected Iranian marble in mstr ba; Pre0wired for all wireless & full audio/video sys; Cstm alarm; Nu plumb w/ tankless water htr, nu electr'l & nu HVAC w/ air purifier & built-in humidifier. Nu salt pool w/ raised spa w/ salt filtration system.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: I know children, we're really scraping the bottom of the celebrity barrel here, but they can't always be a-listers so sometimes Your Mama has to dip down into the deep morass of lesser known. Plus, Your Mama needs to start clearing out some of the information we have in our archives on properties owned by the lesser known celebrities who haunt the Hollywood casting offices and velvet rope hot spots like Villa where brighter stars and celebutards quickly and easily slip past the sourpuss door men while all the hope-to-be celebs linger out front like lost sheep.

One of the many slim hipped pretty faces that may (or may not) be on the way up the slippery ladder of fame is former moe-dell and rock star gurlfriend turned ackturuss Kristen Kerr. Now children, Your Mama had never actually heard of the pretty ladee either, but the big boobed brunette bombshell has had enough bit parts and small roles on enough television programs (Desire on MyNetworkTV, Dexter on Showtime) and enough films (Black Dahlia Movie, Inland Empire, Flight of the Living Dead) to have a resume on the Internet Movie Data Base. And, yippee for her pocketbook, it looks like she's got a few more cinematic tidbits headed to the big screen including a film called Strictly Sexual, which is apparently a comedy and not a pornographic film.

Miz Kerr and her husband, a talent manager of some sort, have recently listed their Carthay Circle residence with a $1,995,000 asking price. Property records reveal that Miz Kerr purchased the 2,022 square foot, 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom ranch-like house in June of 2005 for $1,150,000. Listing information indicates all sorts of custom upgrades were made including Terrazzo counter tops on custom cabinetry in the kitchen, cork flooring, all sorts of pre-wiring for all sorts of electronic gizmos, new plumbing and a "nu" salt water swimming pool and spa. All good things that might appeal to a multi-million dollar buyer.

Here's the thing kids, Your Mama just doesn't have much to say about this house. We do appreciate that many of the services have been upgraded and we dig the salt water swimming pool, even if we don't care for it sitting at a cock-eyed angle in the yard. If those disturbingly diminutive Cheetah print chairs in front of the fireplace were hauled off to the dump, we'd would find the living room with it's fireplace, dual window exposure and happily haphazard collection of sofa cushions to be a nice place to settle in for a long night of reality television.

But otherwise, it's just a house. A house with out of scale windows, a strange motel-like courtyard out front, a bathroom so beige and boring it gives Your Mama the hives, and a dining room set that looks so much like the one Your Mama's dead granny had in her dining room that it gives us the shivers.

Your Mama prefers not to get into the state of the market all that much because that's not what this blog is about. However, we do worry about average sized and ordinary looking houses like Miz Kerr's that have two million dollar price tags. Because let's be honest, that's a lot of damn money to spend on anything and Your Mama genuinely wonders with furrowed brow if the once scorching and currently cooling Los Angeles real estate market can or will sustain such high prices for lack luster and common houses...even recently and decently renovated ones like this.

Only time will tell kids, but in the meantime, Your Mama wishes Miz Kerr the best of luck in getting her career off the ground and her house sold off at a price she can write home about.

32 comments:

lil" gay boy said...

They had to go all the way to Iran to find marble that boring? Why? Was Home Despot closed?

There's just something off-kilter about the whole place, not just the salt-water pool. Like a classroom for Staging 101.

I've seen worse houses; not many, but definitely worse.

Blah.

bentley said...

Sweet baby Jesus.

That is just the worst house. I mean seriously, LA is not the best place to live, especially if THAT is what 2 mil. gets you. I swear the living room used to be the garage.

I have to go wash my hands.

Hi There said...

Oh come one Bentley. You're just being dramatic to be funny and clever sounding.

Seriously. Have you seen many houses? Because, the house may well be over priced, but it's not that bad of a house.

You should have a roll through the MLS at all the truly shiteous houses before making the rather absurd statement that this is the worst house.

don't get me wrong, i wouldn't dream of paying a penny over a million for this place, but it's not the ugliest or worst renovated house in LA.

lil" gay boy said...

Hi There:

No, not the ugliest or worst, but prettydamnclose.

"Shiteous" - love it!

Little Miss Sunshine said...

Shiteous is now my favorite adjective! Thanks, Hi There!

And this is a shiteous house. Just not the most shiteous house out there nor the most shiteous celebrity owned home.

pch said...

When the architecture isn't sure what it wants to be, shoot it in the dark with all the lights on and maybe no one will notice...

average joe said...

can you show the homes estates of

roman abramovich ? oil tycoon

michel litvak

movie producer, oil tycoon

any major billionaire movie producer or oil tycoon, media tycoon will do

Thanks

Anonymous said...

I really expected the bashing to be about the location.

The house is boring, but certainly not the most "shiteous" house on the market in LA at the moment.

What I assume is/was the garage is visible on the pool photo.

A 2000 s.f. 3 bedroom/2 bath that has completely upgraded plumbing and electric? And a newly added pool/spa? 2m isn't that far off for LA prices.

LA not the best place to live? Good. We don't want you here either.

Anonymous said...

no matter what your taste, this house is way overpriced. you cant get 1000 a square foot in that neighborhood. even LA real estate is not that crazy.
reprice it at 1.4 and it will sell -- eventually.

Anonymous said...

I still say they aren't that far off in price. A nearby house without a pool sold a couple of months ago for $800 per sf...

LA prices just aren't for everyone.

bentley said...

Hi there "Hi There"!

I meant in the context of the usual estates shown here.

A roof over one's head and good folks under it is really all that matters. I just get pissy when I see a new posting and it's for a post-war/pre-fab/fugly goddamn house. Call me fickle.

No offense Mama!

b

lil' gay boy said...

"Shiteous" still suits it - you'd have to darken it so much to photograph it flatteringly that all you'd get is a black rectangle, PCH.

Bentley, you're not fickle; at the most perhaps a tad finicky.

Oh, but chilruns, my heart is so heavy; I had the pleasure of lunching in a small Soho bistro today at a table right next to that dishy, unshaven designer Todd Oldman (and his thankfully not-so-dishy, and apparently not-boy friend).

I was so busy trying to not sit in his lap that I forgot to ask him to be on Mama's show!

Quelle tragedie . . .

so_chic_darling said...

I don't think that George Bush would be very happy to hear that we are importing marble from Iran,or did they mean it was marble salvaged from a Persian mansion in Beverly Hills?

Anonymous said...

If it will piss off Bush, I say we tie pontoons to the sides of SLWAPT's Prius and go import some ourselves!

lil' gay boy said...

Funny when you think of the fact that marble was one of the items prohibited for import to Iraq during their Oil-For-Food program; so Saddam just stole it from the ruins of Babylon for his lovely palaces . . .

. . . when he could have just trucked some over the Zagros Mountains from his friends next door.

Viva! said...

I think I might order some Iranian marble that I don't need just to PO GWB. Regardless, this is shiteous house and a total hideosity. The most I'd ever pay is $1.2 and I wouldn't want to live there: it'd be a rental. The kitchen and the pool are just tragic!

pch said...

The problem with the architecture is that it looks like a before, not an after. No one wants to pay a premium for that.

It can be fixed, though. Basically, it's like the facade had a stroke and the right side can't help drooping. If you even out the roof line -- matching the pitch above the living room -- and rework the dining room walls/windows to mirror those of the living room, you'd have a perfectly acceptable ranch house with a little mid-century flavor.

lil' gay boy said...

PCH, that would definitely help, but the outsize dimensions of the dining room would always make it feel like a former garage from inside.

sunny in san jose said...

The house is blah and a house w/windows like that should be spectacular. That bathroom is double blah.

I love the analogy of PCH "it's like the facade had a stroke", too funny.

Mama, when you gonna tell us more about the show? Huh Mama? Me an LGB and another of the good chilruns are gonna do a duet accompanied by a kazoo of heart and soul for the party! Aren't you proud of us Mama???

Bigdaddyj said...

Carthy Circle? What F@%king neighborhood is that? Don't know if I'd pay nearly $2-million for a house in ANY city if I have to mapquest the address to figure out where the neighborhood is...Hell, I'll take Grosse Pointe, MI or Shaker Heights, OH or Villanova, PA, etc. over some LA neighborhood I never heard of for $2-million (LOL)

Bigdaddyj said...

OK, just got back from finding the address on Live Search...and no, sorry, wouldn't pay $2-million for a place in that crappy neighborhood, not considering what $2-million will buy in other, better LA 'hoods (Hollywood Hills, Los Feliz, Hancock Park, Encino/Sherman Oaks/Studio City) that have plenty of nicer homes for the same price...good luck whoever the nobody who owns this place is getting that price for it!!! This is '08, not '04, houses in marginal neighborhoods aren't doubling in price in a matter of 2-3 years anymore...LOL

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who considers roof lines worthy of contemplation and condemnation or praise as may be. The facade onto the street of this house is truly horrific. The kitchen is that difficult width, too narrow for a central table, yet too wide for an empty space. I see the stager has acknowledged and emphasised this fact by inserting a ludicrous round what-not stuffed full of half-empty booze bottles, and a couple of dinky bar stools. That really gives a good impression to potential buyers, does it not?

Flora

lil' gay boy said...

Flora, you took the words right out of my mouth - you have a good eye for spatial relation.

The roofline also reinforces the impression that this was not a gut remodel, but a lousy add-on.

pch said...

I thought all that booze was the joint's best asset, Flora :)

Big Daddy, my man, with all respect, a community's fame (or lack thereof) isn't an accurate gauge of desirability. Having been to Carthay, I can say I'd take it (but not this house -- and we all agree $2 million is nuts) over a few sections of Beverly Hills, certain neighborhoods in Los Feliz and Hollywood, and any town in the Valley.

pch said...

Oh, and LGB, I'm way too entertained by your disgust for this dining room.

Anonymous said...

carthay circle is a prettyy neighborhood of smallish 1400 sq footy houses. it was the first neighborhood my then boyfriend now husband wanted us to buy in. at the time, 2002, houses were around 7 to 800,000. I think this is priced kinda high for an area with loads of lawn pooping homeless people! buy a nice something in westwood or los feliz instead.

lil' gay boy said...

Viva; would you really do that to a tenant? Cruel.

PCH - the facade had a stroke? Way too funny AND accurate. As for the dining room, why don't we just sling some dishes on the hood of Bentley's Bentley and be done with it?

A garage will ALWAYS be a garage; I have never, and I mean NEVER, seen a successful garage conversion (unless it's detached).

Virginia Girl said...

I would certainly hate having those huge windows and being close to the street. I don't want everyone able to see my bizniss.

Anonymous said...

location, location, location, people! Carthay Circle is very well located between Beverly Hills and Hancock Park. It's a location of choice for people who cannot afford the other two and want a safer neighboorhood than trendy-yet still scary in the dark areas like Hollywood, Venice or Los Feliz.

Viva! said...

L'il gay boy: hell yes I'd do that to a tenant. It's all about the Benjamin$.

Anonymous said...

Not worth the money.

sandydude said...
This comment has been removed by the author.