Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Wednesday Madness

Children, Your Mama regrets to inform that we are running WAY behind schedule today and have so many obligations to take care of that the morning has yet to pass and we're already hitting the sauce and downing the nerve pills to steady ourself. So don't get your panties all in a ruffle and send Your Mama a bunch of snotty emails...we do not want to hear about your impatience. Your Mama will will get to you later. So stay tuned. Bye now.

18 comments:

Ms Frivolity said...

Leaving the children to pick over the dry bones of Coto de Caza and gossip about the possible affair between Aunt Mary and Caveman,say it isn't true,possible alien abductions and anal probes,Mama stumbled out onto the bright morning glare of the beach with her two long bodied bitches the gin and nerve pills now working to full effect;collapsing onto the warming sand Mama was beat and as she fell into a deep sleep with beverly and Linda licking her face she floated off and dreamed of.................
the bright lights of television the glamour of show business,the throbbing excitement of her new career under the spotlight,makeup,wardrobe(Armami's people had already called)and a personal assistant to make runs to starbucks in Mamas big black BMW.Endorsements,a book,lawsuits,guest spots on Oprah.Martha Stewart............
Oh the pressure the deadlines the gets.Would Ellen let Mama in?What day of the week was it?............
Mama woke up with a shock "THE BLOG" she screamed as she huffed and puffed back to the cabana to start typing for the restless children.The show must go on.

aunt mary said...

Oh, ms frivolity, nobody does it better.

CheekyChops said...

Mama, sometimes you just need to take a deep breath and let Ms. F narriate your day for you.

Enjoy!

P.S. Thanks for the giggle Ms. F.

CheekyChops said...

Mama, sometimes you just need to take a deep breath and let Ms. F narriate your day for you.

Enjoy!

P.S. Thanks for the giggle Ms. F.

Ms Frivolity said...

"Excuse me Madam"said Mama's new pool boy Alex"but there's a young lady here by the name of Pickles who wants to see you."Oh shit it was bound to happen Mama though to herself stalkers were an inevitability once you had that first whiff of fame."OK Alex show her in"said Mama in her must I voice.Alex had that certain musty citrus smell that young men have,and mama loved it"Rub my shoulders would you Alex and get me another gin and tonic please,oh and bring her in through the back entrance please,and don't leave me alone with her".
Oh God Mama could tell from the moment she saw pickles that she wanted money the poor girl was dressed all in Walmart's own label purple and teal jogging suit and no brand sneakers.Mama shuddered as she reached for her check book,it would be worth the price to stop the photos making it to the tabloids.

Anonymous said...

No worries Mama and enjoy your day, but lay off the sauce and nerve pills, lol. The housing slump isn't exactly fueling alot of noteworthy breaking real estate news lately anyways.

Ms Frivolity said...

Mama gasped as she shuffled though the photos TOE SUCKING!Oh my God it wasn't exactly porn but it was too shocking to let the tabs get a hold of.However that whole toe sucking scandal had not hurt Furgie,the royal one not the pop one,after all.
Oh but it was all so sordid and Mama did not want any photos of her in a two piece Brazilian bikini out there anyway!
Mama was sure she would never hear from Pickles again,she had paid dearly for the photos,and Pickles was made to understand that if anything surfaced her van down by the river would be torched!Alex would do ANYTHING for Mama!

Anonymous said...

You go do your THANG Mama! The rest of us may be obsessed, but we understand when one is busy or needs to just chill.

aunt mary said...

Well I hate to get on the gloom and doom bandwagon, since it's carrying so many scruffy looking characters, but my dears, I thought I might have to pawn a brooch to buy a bottle of olive oil at my market. That said, I think we need to be calling the hospitals for Caveman. Truly, I have not seen him. His tastes run to big plastic boobies and long blonde hair extensions. And as flattering as it is, the men stooping to recover my scented handerchief are already dead or should be.

aunt mary said...

Caveman, you can come out now. I've salvaged your reputation.

Hippie Canyon said...

Well... as it so happens, and let's face it - from time to time it does HAPPEN... one of my own sources heard a story was about to break on TMZ about a certain no-body that goes by the name Caveman (!) who had been seen being thrown out - no, make that rolled out - of the back of a black 750i somewhere around Santa Monica and McCadden (its all cheap hookers & drag queens territory, or so I'ved heard). Now far be it from me to start rumours, really - I'm just saying. Very interesting. Perhaps someone can spill the refried beans on this one?

aunt mary said...

But, oh dear, what about Mama's reputation! I for one will boycott any tabloid showing Mama's toes being sucked by anyone other than Beverly or Linda. The idea! Or of course, the good doctor. But as he is a medical man, he knows too much to be putting other's toes in his mouth, even our sweet Mama's.

Hippie Canyon said...

... especially with that horrid staph infection that were just showing on CNN. No more toe sucking kids. Okay, I'll have to check in later. I've got to get ready to do some picket-time in Studio City this afternoon and this hair won't weave itself. Which reminds me: every TV viewer should be sending nasty emails to the studios demanding that the contract issues be resolved now. Oh just think of all the insider news I'm not able to spread to Mama's waiting ear, without being able to work! Can you imagine?!

caveman said...

to borrow a page from hwood couples, deny, deny, deny the rumored "cavemary", right aunt mary?

Anonymous said...

Ahhh! PLEASE WRITE SOMETHING!

Anonymous said...

please

LAPD Tipster said...

Hippie,

I've checked the overnight logs and although there were a few..."gentlemen"..tossed out of cars in the general vicinity of Santa Monica & McCadden, none appear to fit Caveman's description. In other news, there was a sting operation in the area to cut down on the tranny hookers and one of them turned out to be a real woman. Louella something or other...in her eighties god bless her but apparently able to do wonderful things when she takes her false teeth out.

lil" gay boy said...

Since he's back I can spill the beans . . . Caveman has been "laying low" at Chez Gay Boy until Aunt Mary's hot flashes pass.

Lordy, does she get unruly when one of them comes on; it's not so much the sweating or that she turns redder than a boiled lobster, it's that uncontrollable dry humping that's just so undignified.