Sunday, January 20, 2008

Guess Who Will Be Bunking In Brentwood?

BUYER: Conan O'Brien
LOCATION: Tigertail Road, Brentwood, CA
PRICE: $10,750,000 (sale)
SIZE: 6 bedrooms, 8.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Truly unique New England Traditional gated compound offers formality, romance & every amenity. Gracious public rms, 10 ft ceilings, 6 fireplaces, 6 en suite bedrooms inc guest suite, sybaritic master w/sitting, balcony, dual baths, huge fitted closets, screening room, 1500 bottle wine rm, paneled library w/ bar, 60 ft veranda, pl, spa, pavilion w/ fireplace, exterior kitchen & magical canyon views--all just completed on one of Brentwood's most prestigious streets.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Well, god bless celebrity real estate high priestess Ruth Ryon at the Los Angeles Times. For weeks Your Mama and our team of (usually crack) tipsters and informants have struggled to sort out the buyer of this Brentwood property on posh Tigertail Road. At first we thought maybe it was Britney Spears, who was rumored to have toured this property just before it went into escrow. But of course, the poor, dissembling Miz Spears sometimes has a tough time finding her own house in Bev Hills and her leased Malee-bee mansion, so we figured she wouldn't really be in the market for a third house she'd not likely be able to locate without the assistance of her paprazzi pals.

Then we thought it might be Tobey Maguire. It had also been whispered to Your Mama that Spidey Maguire, who sold his bachelor pad on Thrasher Avenue last year for $10,800,000, was shopping around Brentwood for a new estate and it was Your Mama's humble and meaningless opinion that this one just might fit the young family's needs. Besides, the Maguire/Meyers can't stay shacked up in Leo DiCaprio's house forever. No babies, they're not squatting with Mister DiCap and whatever moe-dell he's fornicating with in that fortress like remodel in the Bird Streets, but rather in the other DiCap owned house on Oriole Way.

A few other names came through the gossip grapevine, but lo and behold, according to Miz Ryon's most recent Hot Properties column, the buyer is none other than the red-headed late night talk show boy wonder Conan O'Brien. Given that Mister O'Brien is set to take over The Tonight Show in 2009, it makes perfect sense he'd want to set down some real estate roots in Los Angeles, but Your Mama confesses that Mister O'Brien was not on our short, long or even our stab in the dark list of potential buyers.

Anyhoo, according to listing information Mister O'Brien and his wifey Liza's new West Coast crib features 6 bedrooms, each with it's own private terlit, a "sybaritic" master suite with sitting room, private balcony, large, fitted closest, and two terlits so the Mister and Missus can poop privately and at the same time.

The small packet of information we received from our Fairy Godmother in Brentwood does not include the square footage of the obviously huge and newly built New England Style mansion. However, it does include the purchase price of $10,750,000. The children will note that the purchase price is MORE than the asking price of $10,495,000. Perhaps the sagging market has yet to affect the small pool of buyers lucky enough to have seriously deep pockets.

We don't love the Brentwood location. (That is not a complaint about or snipe at Brentwood per se, just a personal preference, so don't all you Brentwood lovers send Your Mama a thousand emails telling us we don't know shit and would be lucky to live in Brentwood and all that crap.) Nor are are we thrilled about spending more than ten million clams to see the glossy black garage doors as the primary feature on the admittedly wonky front facade. And, clearly, the photos show the house dressed up in a cymbals crashing, choir singing sort of staged. (Please note the disturbing and ant inviting basket of fortune cookies in the media room).

None the less, Your Mama is a big fan of Mister O'Brien's new digs. Classy. Dignified. Restrained. We know already that some of you children are going to whine about how you like your East Coast traditionals to be on the East Coast, and that builders should be strung up by their private parts for building out of vernacular style houses in sunny Southern California. But, come on! Think about that for a moment before you get all architecturally righteous on Your Mama. Do you really think EVERY damn house in California should be a low slung Cliff May type house, a tile-roofed adobe, or a glass walled modern? Because that's just silly kids. By those rather limited rules, Mister Philip Johnson ought to have kept his iconic Glass House out of Connecticut and Your Mama does not think any of you East Coast architectural snobs would declare that kind of sacrilege, would you?

But we digress...Additional features in the new O'Brien house are six fireplaces, a speck-tack-u-ler paneled library, a 1,500 bottle wine cellar, a 60 foot booze-friendly veranda stretched gracefully across the back of the house that overlooks the heated swimming pool, expansive decking with a pavilion that hangs over the wooded canyon. That little pavilion, by the way, includes an outdoor kitchen and fireplace where Your Mama can happily imagine lounging with our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly while the Dr. Cooter works the wild salmon and fresh asparagus on the barbecue.

Inside we find soaring white walls and faboo fenestration in the living room, enviable 10 foot ceilings elsewhere, luscious ebonized wood floors, enough fireplaces to keep the loggers logging the forests of Oregon for years to come, and room after room with simple but impressive custom wainscoting. Your Mama can only hope that Missus Liza O'Brien will hire a nice gay decorator to get in there and do up this place in a proper fashion once all the lovely white slip covered sofas owned by the staging company have been removed from the premises. (Your Mama always loves a white slip covered sofa, we can't help it.)

Although this will not be the first time Mister O'Brien makes a nest in Los Angeles, he currently lives in New York City at The Majestic on Central Park West where he owns no less than three contiguous apartments including an 18th floor corner penthouse with three terraces that he purchased in late 2006 and was reported to have been on the market for $9,950,000.

Now children, have at it...pick the staging apart, complain about the price, moan over the facade. But do Your Mama a favor and at least try to see the forest though the trees on this one because, despite the unfortunate garage situation, this is a big ass house that even Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter could call home.

33 comments:

luke220 said...

One look at the front entry and I thought it was a funeral home. The interiors are lovely but the front is more New Jersey than New England.

Anonymous said...

I think it makes a good family home, relatively nice interiors & the pool area is stunning [You need to see the online tour to appreciate it]

Britney did indeed look at this property - god only knows why but she did.

West Coastian said...

I love this house except for the skylight in the bedroom. That is a skylight, right?

Who in their right mind would want bright, bright sunlight streaming into the damned room after a night of many, many cocktails?

bentley said...

"Truman Show" facade! Love the kitchen, love the pool and decking. What a beautiful house.

pch said...

For this kind of money I'd rather be in Brentwood Park or the Riviera.

The interior layout looks great. But Mama got the word for the facade exactly right -- wonky. The strangely proportioned windows/shutters look like they were borrowed from a manufactured house, as does that little gable/dormer thing behind that tree. And what's up with the double front doors? The funeral home comparison is a riot, Luke.

caveman said...

usually a fan of this style, but not feeling it for the most part.
thats an ugly front end, usually this style has good curb appeal, not this one.
backyard is nice tho.
hope they fumigated after brit passed through.

so_chic_darling said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lil' gay boy said...

Wonder why we all had the same reaction to the facade - wonky AND funereal. It's a pity because it's a lovely home otherwise.

As for the East Coast vs West Coast debate, a house should suit its individual site, and from what I can see in these pictures it does.

I would have preferred the library paneling to be a shade darker, the dining room chandelier is just a tad too much (although I love the wall color), the media room a little blah, but then, hey, that just makes it a good palette for the new owner to work with.

Even being from New England I have never warmed to the colonial style (simple personal preference - too much exposure, I guess); perhaps the added-on-to-over-the-ages look is what they were going for with the front facade; it just didn't happen. I'd redo that with a little more coherence and symmetry and DEFINITELY get rid of those topiary squiggles (no ethnic slam here, please understand; but from where I come from these are called wop pops) by the front door (but keep the color - very New England-ish).

Get rid of the skylight in the master (I too like to sleep late), put in a gravel drive and extend the library shelving to ceiling height and we're good to go . . .

so_chic_darling said...

I get it but I don't love it.

Aquaman said...

like the song says, it's a thin line between love and hate.

basically the place has some great bone structure.

the back of the exterior is lovely, and the pool shape and deck a combo of the idiosyncratic--without tipping over into eccentric--and the restrained.

i'm a sucker for light grey walls coupled with white and then some black (since every room needs some black, right), so the bathroom gets my vote, but what's up with the big fookin' FICUS or whatever it is by the tub?

the palette of the wood in the den or whatever it is might be better in person, but kinda looks to be the color of baby shit. this despite the zebra throw that's supposed to distract the eye.

not only does the bedroom have a skylight, which i actually like the idea of, tho it sounds impractical, but is there a chandelier hanging from it????

the kitchen looks cozy and built for late night talks when friends are visiting for the weekend or holidays.

i'm with pch or the strangely proportioned front. the red doors + the too determinedly kooky topiarys that look straight outta the Z Gallery.

pch said...

LGB is right about a house suiting a site, period. I'm sort of baffled at the thought that anyone would take issue with New England design in Los Angeles. The whole Spanish Colonial Revival thing didn't build steam until the 1920s, and then became incredibly unfashionable for several decades before regaining favor. The Cape Cod cottage, the Connecticut farmhouse and the center hall Colonial, meanwhile, have been steady mainstays all along, especially in places like Brentwood.

fairfield girl said...

I love the mb but not thee sky light.

Love the dining room, the color in the walls is great.

I would not pay this much for vinal siding EVER!

It looks like a big house and decor is ok.
I so want a baby grand like that.....I would love to play it, 9 years of lessons I'd put it to good use.

staging lady with a toyota said...

Mama I was working the full on Feng shui magic here as you can see I mixed in Asian antiques and a lighter contemporary touch with a New England wicker basket filled with real Chinatown fortune cookies.East meets West,old and new,and you didn't like it!

Lulu said...

More like something borrowed,something blue!

Bigdaddyj said...

The siding and the front-entry garage just scream Jersey 'burbs...maybe Conan bought it a few years before he actually needs it so he can redo the exterior...probably wouldn't look as bad with some natural cedar, shingles or maybe stonework on the exterior instead of what looks like blindingly white vinyl siding (though I'm sure on a house of this price and quality it's not vinyl, but it damn sure looks like it!)

Anonymous said...

it sold in early '06 for a little over 4, so i'm assuming it was extensively remodeled before this sale, but that's just a guess.

Lucy said...

Mama, I usually love your taste, but I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one.

Hate the exterior (who doesn't?) and the inside just doesn't seem right to me. Wrong proportions, wrong....something, I don't know. Just off. Forced, maybe.

I think the paneling is too light in the "library", too, and the chandelier in the skylight is unsettling.

Having grown up in a historic home, I find myself leery of reproductions. Some are wonderfully done, perfectly updated and executed.....some are just wrong.

The floors are nice, though, and the backyard doesn't suck.

What is it with CA that all the homes seem to have huge paved areas in front of the house? I don't get it.

Alessandra said...

The out-of-proportion window over the front door ruins it for me. It looks like a hopped-up tract home in an aspirational neighborhood in Cincinnati, but perhaps the photos don't do it justice and once inside it is comfortable and elegant.

sandpiper said...

There’s a lot of house on a fairly tight footprint. Love the millwork too, Mama, and the big multi-pane windows. That skylight must be a trademark detail for this builder (Active MLS#: 07-238937, Bonhill Rd. "LA".)

The toned-down staging proves a house can show without $10 lap blankets falling off the furniture. What a concept. (Sorry, staging lady, no offense.) These same pieces are also seen on some of the listing agent’s other high-end properties, incl. the new-build on Bonhill. His designer definitely has a formula going on.

luke220 said...

Good find regarding Bonhill, Sandpiper. Looks like stager used the same furniture and paint colors, and a few more chandeliers in skylights.

pch said...

Lucy, large driveways and motorcourts are largely practical. Many canyon and ridge-top roads are so narrow that it's impossible or unwise to park on them. Couple that with the fact that houses on such streets are generally built very near the road (Tigertail being a prime example) and you wind up with what might seem like a disproportionate amount of paving in the front yard.

Look at that dreadful chair said...

Yes the white things in the dining room.Why is it that so many rich people have these generic Miami Beach Queen Anne meets French provincial monstrosities?

Lucy said...

PCH, thanks for the info. A sibling lives in your neck of the woods, and I guess he just got lucky in his home and lot in that he has a little more leeway for a turnabout. I've driven some of those canyon roads, and I completely understand the need- once it was pointed out!

Anonymous said...

Conan is SO not funny.

bentley said...

I think...hope, that for 10 million, any skylight in any room would have some sort of retractable blind going on to keep out the morning sunshine.

lil' gay boy said...

Bentley, but then what use does the skylight have, except for a nooner?

Anonymous said...

Nice home...quite nice actually. Except how mnay living room type rooms does a house really need? Just a thought that made me chuckle. Thanks again Mama.
Peace
Joel

aussie child said...

in my ideal residence, every person has their own bathroom and their own hideaway that isn't the bedroom, a little living space attached to their bedroom. So that's one per bedroom and 2 per master bedroom.
The interiors are nice, except some of the deep coloured walls. Better to be white, or the pale blue, or the timber. Although that honey timber is bad with the ebony floor.

Bigdaddyj said...

On further examination, I also really don't like the pool and deck out back...looks (again) like something that would be in a cheaply built Toll Brothers tract house in a Jersey 'burb somewhere...for $10 million in Brentwood, you'd expect the pool and terraces to be built into the landscape, gently going down the rolling hillside...just figured I'd bring that up since I didn't see anyone else mention the pool yet I think...;-)

Anonymous said...

I walked this house on caravan and I have to tell you, it is so much better in person. You can't believe the crap that's listed in the $10-15m range and this is actually, by far, one of the best I've seen. As a whole, the house and grounds are just lovely. The only issue I have is that the 2nd and 3rd bedrooms on the second floor are smallish.

Viva! said...

This house, like its new owner, falls short. The rear exterior of the house is beautiful but the front is horrid. The siding looks so cheap. Not my cup of tea at all.

Anonymous said...

I went through this house and I was swooning. The best rooms were the living room with those amazing windows showing the trees and the sexiest kitchen I've ever seen. The dining room was AMAZING--navy blue walls and navy blue chandelier prisms. Does anyone know who these builders are? Do they do commissions? I wish I'd seen this house in time to buy it myself.

Anonymous said...

I got the builder's card at the Bonhill open house. They're called Jaman Properties but I don't know if they do commissions. They redid that house on Kenter that used to be a carriage house. I love their style.