Thursday, January 17, 2008

Jeana Keough Selling Off Shane's Condo

SELLERS: Matt and Shane Keough
LOCATION: Secret Garden, Irvine, CA
PRICE: $849,000
SIZE: 2,300 square feet (approx.), 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Elegant corner townhouse, travertine floors, granite kitchen with maple mocha woodwork, wood shutters, designer paint and carpet, stainless appliances, refrigerator, washer/dryer, dual masters (1 up, 1 down) with walk in closets. Third bedroom/office on lower level.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Hold on to your boots children because there's real estate trouble brewing behind the Orange Curtain, and it looks like it's just going to to get even hotter in that suburban oven. Not too long ago the residents of newly built gated communities all across inland Orange Country we're giddily gabbing to each other about how much their big ass tract houses had gained in value as they sat around their ridiculously lavish backyards sipping cocktails and counting their money. Those days seem to be coming to an abrupt end as is evidenced by the real estate difficulties being faced by several of the folks featured on the Bravo's reality T.V. train wreck The Housewives of Orange County.

First, Hummer driving beau-hunk Slade Smiley tried to unload his over-leveraged love nest behind the gates of Coto de Caza on Meadow Wood Lane for nearly $1,700,000. The house and its acres of craptastic white carpeting went through several price reductions, but found no serious buyers. It is currently priced at $1,290,000, which is far less than what is owed on the property, and according to a recent article in the Orange Country Business Journal (thanks B.S. Beaverman), Housewife real estate agent queen bee Jeana Keough (sorry Tamra, you haven't ripped that crown from her head yet) is reportedly negotiating a "short sale" on the swimming pool-less property.

The next Housewife to put an O.C. property on the market was Lauri Waring, who may well be the sweetest gal in Orange County, but children, Your Mama worries something terrible about this ladee. This woman appears to have so much plastic in her body and face that we are concerned she might melt like the Wicked Witch of the West in the blistering Orange County sunshine. Anyhoo, once richie rich fiancée George bought Miz Waring a Mercedes and a big diamond ring, she put her single mommy condo in Mission Viejo on the market for $599,000. Interestingly, she did not choose Miz Keough as her listing agent. Again according to the O.C. Business Journal, the 3 bedroom 2.5 bathroom condo was taken off the market due to lack of interest. Your Mama presumes (but has NO confirmation) that Miz Waring's daughter is living there again because even though she's in her early twenties, she seems reluctant to get an education, a job, or to pay her own way in the world.

Then came the high drama that is Vicki Gunvalson's real estate nightmare on Altamira. With both Gunvalson children in college (good for them!), the high strung, high earning insurance broker and her mellow huzband Don bought a 4,000 square foot house behind the gates in Coto. Although the new house is still quite large, it's smaller than their current digs, and the idea was to move to the house on Altamira to empty nest. However, before that Frankie dude could finish "decorating" the place, Vicki decided that scaling down felt like failure. So the Gunvalson's called Jeana, who listed the 5 bedroom and 6 bathroom property at $1,780,000. At least one price reduction later, the house remains unsold and now Slade Smiley is apparently storing his belongings in the house. The property no longer appears on Jeana's website and Vicki appears frantic about the situation on the show.

Honestly kids Your Mama can't blame her freaking out. Yes, she took on all that debt willingly, but with two big mortgages, a sagging real estate market, a house in Lake Havasu to maintain, a newly rented office, two kids in college, and a fleet of luxury automobiles to pay for, she's got a mammoth monthly nut. Your Mama would be falling to pieces too if we had to write that many checks. So while she's ka-razy as a loon, we feel for her pocketbook.

Late last night, thanks to the kind tip by Mister Tom Thumb, Your Mama learned that Housewife Jeana has also listed one of the family's properties for sale at $849,000. Jeana once boasted on the T.V. program that she had bought a house for each of her children, and this one appears to have been for the often shirtless and diamond stud wearing semi-pro baseball playing son Shane.

Property records reveal that Mister and Missus Keough purchased the 2,300 square foot (approx.) condo in October of 2004 for $767,000. The 3 bedroom and 3 bathroom end unit condominium was later transferred into Shane's name along with that of Mister Matt Keough, who is currently serving 180 days in the clink for a parole violation. More reality that you won't see on that particular reality program. Poor Jeana. Dee-vorce and drunken family drama is never that funny kids, and Your Mama has an honest to goodness soft spot for Jeanna and we sincerely hope this family is able to move on and right their topsy turvy boat.

Given that hawt-stuff Shane lives in Arizona, or some other place where he gets paid to swat little white balls with a big stick, Your Mama presumes that the hideous beige decor in the photos does not belong to Shane or the Keoughs, and that the place is leased out to some tasteless tenant with an unhealthy affinity for gargantuan sectional sofas and faux topiary.

To be honest, little is more dee-pressing to Your Mama that the notion of living in a "luxury" condo development in the suburban wilds of Irvine, so we really can't fathom why anyone would even consider paying upwards of $800,000 to buy this place. But for Jeana's sake, we hope someone does buy it, and quick.

P.S. Your Mama thinks the house owned by Housewife Tammy Knickerbocker might also be for sale...Anyone?

33 comments:

DR.VEGAS said...

I caught 1 episode of this show last year.Everyone was soooo smug & feeling rather bulletproof.What a difference a year makes.I dig OC more than I do LA...but it's hard not to feel a sense of SCHADENFRUEDE at the sharp correction going on down there.

lil" gay boy said...

Sad that this was supposed to be an investment in the future of "which way does he bat" son Shane; Jenna was right to dump that lazy-assed, uninvolved husband of hers. At least her smart-as-a-whip daughter seems not to be headed directly to welfare, but little son Colton is cutting it awful fine with no backup plan if he can't cut it following in big bro's footsteps.

Lauri nice; Lauri tough love; Lauri sweet; Lauri plastic. Welcome to So Cal.

Vicki had a lovely meltdown about Slade's "stuff" (garbage, I'd call it - did you see that "artwork?") The house was in no shape to show and who was Jenna kidding? Nobody looks at the garage? C'mon.

Anonymous said...

Whew.. my head is spinning. Give me the simple life.

pch said...

I'm not sure if I could buy a house on a road called Secret Garden. What's the cross street? National Velvet? Little Prince? I suppose the Irvine Company is running out of names, but they're starting to sound especially retarded.

so_chic_darling said...

What's happening behind the gates of Coto and in OC in general is just a snapshot of the national situation.Very sad.

Anonymous said...

Talking about mega-buck monthly expenses, this Keough family must be writing more then a few checks each day. They will need to sell a lot of homes, once those divorce atty bills start coming in.........

Viva! said...

A few thoughts: Good on Jeana for dumping that horrid husband of hers, what an uninvolved loser! And at least her daughter isn't an idiot, must have gotten her smarts from mommy. Lauri is the most genuine of the housewives because she says what she means; case in point she says that having money makes life easier, thanks for the honesty Laurie, may you be showered in diamonds for all the days of your life! And poor Vicki seriously screwed herself, financially, with that second house filled with Slade's shit. I hope she dumps the house, I feel for Vicki!

lefty said...

before we jump/dump on matt keough, lets try to remember that all of his erratic behavior began after he was clocked by a foul ball while scouting a few years ago. dude's melon got dented and his personality changed.

caveman said...

i've always liked the angels promotional "matt keough night", free beer to anyone who gets hit in the head with a foul ball.

Ryan said...

I think Shane is a fan of fake topiary:
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4161/1545/1600/shane7.jpg

FayeBaby said...

I'm not feeling well Mama and I needed laughter. Thank you Mama!

And what the hell is going on with these nasty ho's? It's not real. Can't be. Who's paying and supplying the perks?

Keep it up Mama. U Da Woman!
Frankie (no..not the decorator on Houseliers of OC)

Anonymous said...

Wow! Informative yet very entertaining, not to mention juicy gossip. lol! LOVE YOUR WRITING!

I am a REAL Orange County Housewife! Please don't think that these people represent us. They are FAR from an accurate representation of any housewives here that I know. But, honestly, they do make for some GREAT T.V., imo.

GE said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Columbia Lions said...

Is anyone curious as to what each of the 'cast of characters' is being paid? Hopefully, with upcoming season #4 on the horizon, they will receive a cost of living increase. :-)

Anonymous said...

someone told me Shane was working at GUESS in Tempe, AZ.

Rehotelity said...

I hope you start tracking the Real Housewives of New York City too. Some of these families seem pretty stretched in the old real estate department.

Shane said...

Interesting site

Anonymous said...

Vicki is a wound way TOO tight. She's a NUT case.She wants more material thiings,yet she's driven away her hubby and kids. She a VERY insecure,needy woman.She needs to spend some of time in THERAPY. Her hubby Donn needs to really fill her "love cup" asap,or they're headed to divorce court,ala the Keoghs.These people may have money but they're so disconnected in their gawd awful boojie nouveau riche houses. And Lauri aka Miss Too Much Plastic Surgery , is another Orange County mess. No wonder her son is doing heroin. These people have NOTHING in the internal wealth department.They're all shallow,vapid,banal sad,SCREWED up suburban train wrecks. And Slade Smiley: what an amateur douche bag. And Ding Bat Jo de la Rosa. You're 15 minutes of fame was over in Season 1.You don't have talent dear: just the use of ok remixing via a recording studio. And the Housewives of NYC and Atlanta are ALL messy bitches too. Boojie nobodies who just are inane and drivel on about their sad,shallow,plastic " lives " . And these people DO NOT have real money. The real money would NEVER open their lives and homes to TV cameras. Its intrusive and a big security risk.

Anonymous said...

If MY son told me he wanted to hit me with a ball bat I would Quit giving him money and make him support himself and see how he likes it!!! WHAT A JERK!!!!

Anonymous said...

Shane really showed his ugly self
in the restaurant. He's the worst
son to speak to his mother that
way, especially when she was just
so proud of his baseball playing
skills.
Shane, get over yourself. Your
an average player that had a
good day but a rotten son!

Anonymous said...

Shane is an asshole and I hope Jeana leaves him nothing. He is an ungrateful moron who is barely getting by in the minors. I am a coach in the league and I can tell you that his team and his coach are fed up with his prima donna attitude. He's worthless as a player and is a shitty friend to his teammates who secretly hate his guts. He'll be done next year - no team wants him.

Mama said...

Shane is the nastiest little shit of a son I have ever seen. I think he should be bitch slapped for speaking to his mother (who carries his ass and loves him for some reason) the way he does. Shame on him. I hope a woman comes along and breaks his non-existent heart for being such a complete disrespectful jerk to the woman that raised him. He doesn't deserve a dime.

KerRemax said...

Hello Mama

Think of this .. this was on national TV- just think about he treats her off camera! What a total ass he was to her on that show when she went to visit him and se him play! I would never allow my son to talk to me that way ... STOP GIVING THIS GUY EVERYTHING HE WANTS JEANA - I really like Jeana and I can understand that her success as a Real Estate agent ( I am one too in DC) has made her able to take care of her family and lead a lifestyle that is gracious. I understand she does the things she does becuae she loves her children- but money will not buy happiness or buy respect. The standard of living her childred "expect" is too high and they seem to be a bit spoiled and ungrateful! I also see how terrible her ex husband was to Jeana and how if the kids grew up with this behavior that they may have grown to beleive that it was ok to treat their mother this way. Well guess what ...IT IS NOT! (Shane)HOW DARE YOU TREAT YOUR MOTHER WITH SUCH DISRESPECT! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF HOW YOU SPOKE TO HER AND TREATED HER! YOUR POOR GIRLFRIEND! DO YOU TREAT HER WITH THIS KIND OF DISRESPECT? WILL YOU TREAT ALL WOMEN WITH THIS KIND OF DISRESPECT? YOU NEED COUNCILING! Sorry I had to get this off my chest as ever since I saw this show as few weeks ago I wanted somewhere to write how angry I was to see how he treated Jeana. I feel better now.

Anonymous said...

Thank goodness someone also seen SHANE show his true self. Its true he is below averege at everything and I mean everything!! He used to get his kicks beating up Colton and embarrising Kara and how rightous about being a virgin. I was uncomfortable watching Jeanna take such verbal abuse from those ungrateful sons. Oh yes Colton wants to be just like him. Im sure he has cashed all the checks ha recieved from appearing on those episodes. Shane I hope you are cut off from your Mothers hard earned money. My fellow scouts dont for see you playing in the Bigs so maybe that very unatractive girlfriend has money and you can really follow in your fathers footsteps. Use his injury and failures to be abusive drink to much and expect everyone else pay your way. Im just glad you will never play for my CUBS!

Anonymous said...

Shane is the biggest a-hole, and his brother is following in his footsteps. Someone better give these guys a serious a** whupping and attitude adjustment.

Anonymous said...

If jeana were to drop dead (god forbid) those kids shane and colton would cry like little girls,,,that mom of theirs gives them the world!! they dont know how lucky they are,,,Dont know what ya got till its gone seems like the right words,,,jeana is a great mom and a wonderful lady,,i wish her the best!! i hope she goes out me!! i would make her happy!!

Anonymous said...

The funny thing is that most people just don't get that on a "reality" show, the producers will cut, edit and show the worst side of people to create false drama. The "exchange" between Jeana and Shane after the game in Chicago was friendly banter between them and everyone, including Jeana, laughed and joked about Shane's "threat". The producers cut the scene up, like they do with many episodes and adventures, to make it look worse. Come on peole, start watching these types of shows with with your brains as well as your eyes and you will see that most are "soft scripted" and not "reality" at all.

Anonymous said...

Bravo!

Anonymous said...

Where is the good million dollar son when you need him? eh Jeana

Mario D said...

Hi I love watching Real Housewives of Orange county. I think that Jeana Keough is a beautiful women & hope she finds a man that would treat her with respect & love her for who she is.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure glad I don't live in Orange County anymore. I can tell you, I KNEW those women. Maybe not exactly THOSE women, but they are a dime a dozen in that snake pit.

I feel sorry for them all.

LeftOC

angloam said...

I agree. Shane is rude. Please send him to me so I can punish him and teach him right.

hehehe (dirty giggles)

OwlGirl said...

Stop living through TV!!! The kids obvioulsy love their mum Jeana and what is shown on TV is for pure entertainment purposes. You shouldn't simply judge a perosn because they have cameras shoved in thier lives.