Friday, December 12, 2008

Who?

SELLERS: David Garfinkle and Maira Suro
LOCATION: Royal Oak Road, Encino, CA
PRICE: $3,699,000
SIZE: 2,953 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: The 4 bd/4.5 bth combines the best of mid century dsgn w/ top of the line technlgy in sought aftr Royal Oaks nghbrhd. Walls of glass thru out allow for great indr/outdr flow. Sparkling pool & water sculpture fntn make for entertainers dream. Prvt mstr suite has tree-top & pool vws, walk-in clst & striking mstr bth w/ spa tub & over-sizd shwr. Walnut flrs, exotic wd cabnts, skylights, media rm, epicurean kit w/ Viking & SubZero appls, security t.v., plasma & LCD tvs, srnd snd & btf lndsp.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Take a chill pill children, Your Mama recognizes that unless you're in "the bizness" of tee-vee y'all probably haven't got a clue who these David Garfinkle and Maira Suro people are. While you may not know their names, we can assure you that you've seen some of the television programming they've produced.

Mister Garfinkle works as a reality tee-vee executive producer who has a long list of credits that include such glorious boob-toob trainwrecks as Gone Country, Mobile Home Disaster, Let's Make a Deal and the always eye popping and dee-lishusly entertaining reality tee-vee extravaganza The Surreal Life where the formerly famous go to earn a few easy dollars so they can keep making the payment on their automobile and, hopefully, breathe a little life into their moribund careers.

Miz Suro works her tee-vee magic as an executive at the MTV. In fact, she was an executive producer for the recent publicity ploy Britney: For the Record during which Miss Spears rather conveniently failed to reveal anything about her more bizarre behaviors over the last year or even mention her recent tangle with mental instability.

Listen puppies, Miss Spears does not owe any one any kind of explanation about nuthin'. However, we find it deeply disingenuous to promote an hour long television interview as her attempt to set the record straight about her life and then NOT talk about the juicy bizness like being forcibly removed from her Beverly Hills home and checked into the psych ward Cedars Sinai. Or her rumored battle with bi-polarity, the acknowledgement of which, if true, could really help a lot of people. And, perhaps most appalling was for her to say shaving her damn head was no big deal and that lots of other people do the same thing when they get stressed out? Pleeze. Your Mama's last nerve gets worked every damn day but you don't see us ducking in to some dirty looking hair parlor in Tarzana and shaving our head.

No children, that television special was clearly not meant to be a window into Miss Spears' strange world of mega-celebrity. Let's cut the crap and just call it what it was, okay? Despite a few tears and some almost poignant moments, the interview was a puff piece meant to garner attention for her newly released (and hugely successful) album Circus. All due respect, because we do not think Miss Spears has it easy, but gurl should have just stayed home if she wasn't going to speak on any of the important issues that her fans really want to know about.

Anyhoo, as usual, we digress. Let's get back to the contemporary crib in Encino that Mister Garfinkle and Miz Suro have recently listed with an asking price of $3,699,000. Property records show the couple scooped up the Royal Oak Road residence in October of 2006 for $3,095,000. It is unclear to Your Mama if the Garfinkle/Suros are responsible for the complete overhaul of the property or if those accolades belong to someone else.

Although we'd bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that there was nothing architecturally significant about this house when it was built in 1950, the recent renovation has clearly taken what was probably a very ordinary ranch house and turned it into a warmly modern home with a properly conceived space plan. Listen, we know that some of you are gonna say that a pig with lipstick is still a pig, but we happen to like this house. Even if it is in a good part of Encino. Ain't a thing wrong with Encino children, but Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter would rather live in the 10th circle of hell than Encino. It's just a personal preference.

Anyhoo, listing information shows the house measures in at 2,953 square feet, which is a perfect size for this Goldilocks. Any more square footage and we'd just have to pay our bossy house gurl Svetlana extra to clean rooms we did not use. Listing information also indicates there are 4 bedroom and 4.5 bathrooms, a bed to bath ratio that makes the Dr. Cooter swoon with dee-lite.

The long and low house is accessed up a long, curving and gated driveway that terminates in a small motor court. If you're going to own a house with a front facing garage, it might as well be one of these frosted glass numbers, right? The front facade offers little more than straight lines and solid walls and certainly does not hint at the fa-boo floor to ceiling walls of glass at the back of the house which nicely blur the lines between inside and outside.

Ordinarily Your Mama does not care for an open plan layout...we just go crazy when we have to look at the dang dishwasher while we're bizzy concentrating on shoveling food down our gullet at the dining room table. None the less, the "L" shape configuration of this house allows each living area to have its own separate space while still participating as a part of the whole, not an easy architectural trick.

The living room features a fireplace and a wall of custom cabinetry and shelving where the Garfinkle/Suros have quite wisely not overloaded with knick knacks and family photos. We might like to see a few books up in there, but we'll give them a pass on that. This time.

We find the dining room table to be too small for the room, but we do appreciate the conical tortoise shell chandelier which tosses off the sort of soft yellow light that makes everyone look younger and beautiful even while chomping on big piece of meat. The kitchen sits in the corner of the "L" and connects the "formal" spaces with the family living spaces which include a family room with a gigantic white sofa, some shiny tables and a white super-shag rug that would indicate to Your Mama that shooz are not to be worn in this house. We do note a lack of books in here, a decorative oversight we can not over look twice. Beyond the family room is the windowless media room where, for better or worse, all the reality tee-vee stars can be seen life size. Your Mama's back aches just thinking of settin' down in a bean bag, but otherwise we find this to be one of the better media rooms we've come across in a long time. Not to big, not too small and none of those black out curtains that just collect dust.

Upstairs, the large master bedroom has a long, low cabinet running the entire length of the wall opposite the bed. A window seat has been cleverly built in which we imagine our mean ol' pussy cat Sugar would find an excellent spot to soak up some sun and dig her claws into the very expensive fabric covering the cushion. He's a bitch that way. We find the master bathroom strikes an appropriate chord between luxurious and functional with heaps of storage space, a large walk in shower and a steam room where Your Mama could sweat out the booze toxins on a regular basis.

The modestly sized back yard includes a large rectangular shaped swimming pool surrounded by privacy hedges. We'd prefer a little more shaded area out here since the Encino sun can be a blistering nightmare in the summer. A small grassy area (not shown) is tucked back behind the media room where–if one must–a swing set and sandbox could be installed for the kiddies.

To be honest children, Your Mama can't imagine why the Garfinkle/Suros want to sell this house. But sell they are. We presume with their tee-vee successes they'll be moving to bigger and better digs. Well, at least bigger.

27 comments:

ms_wonderland said...

It's beautifully done out. Just needs a line of muddy paw prints to complete the picture.

Hippie Canyon said...

This is one gorgeous pad. Just my style, in fact. I love everything about the house 'cept Encino does get into the low 100s during the summer, quite often in fact! That said, I suspect the list price will go down to around $2.9by March... given the way things are going these days.

Anonymous said...

This house was done by The ID group. These guys have done some amazing homes.. they are great. They also did the house on Valley Vista that was sold recently to the producer of that show with chandler from friends.. i think it was called studio 60.. it was sold for about 4 million. Anyhow.. great detail.. great finishing.. great house. Just maybe over priced for todays market..

Viva! said...

I hate the house, but that's just a matter of taste. I simply don't enjoy the stark lines. If you do, that's fine, enjoy.

Anonymous said...

This house is perfect and I wouldn't change a thing - except maybe the kitchen range. My preference, especially in a sleek kitchen like this one, would be a cooktop and separate stainless wall ovens - not a freestanding range. I'm sure the range in the photo cost a small fortune but I still think it's clunky looking. Overall, however, the house is wonderful.

Alessandra said...

I think it is the photos, but the house looks a bit smooshed to me and that bugs. Otherwise, I like it and just have it imagine it less squashed. It certainly appears to be well done and very consistent in its design choices.

Anonymous said...

I love this house. The blond wood, the open floor plan, the walls of glass... SWOON.

lil' gay boy said...

Alessandra, your instincts are correct. I went looking for it on Live Maps and missed it several times before I found it ––– here.

A much narrower & shallower house than in the photos.

brooklawn dr. said...

I wonder how close this house is to the Jackson house in Encino.

I'd hate to wake up on a lazy Sunday morning to find a boa or Bubbles lolling around the pool.

Anonymous said...

I'm from NYC and don't know much about LA, but isn't Encino a little trashy? I could be wrong...

Anonymous said...

Encino is poor mans Westside LA. Alot of retired porn stars live here. Also there are alot of clinics nearby to treat disorders including AIDS.

Flora said...

I like it. Its clean and well thought out. I wish we had the floor plans, I'd love to take a peek.

Anonymous said...

the outside cladding looks cheap.

whats with all the tv's?!?

and why the fuck did the agent take pictures on a overcast day?!?

Overall the dining area and kitchen look cold.

$2.3 tops in this market - greedy developers!

luke220 said...

Open house tomorrow, 1-4.

A couple of reactions from me:
I don't like the front yard pool, why didn't the agent remove the pool skimmer before taking the pic, and please center the dining room table under the chandelier!

The house looks almost too perfect to be lived in. Is it staged?

Anonymous said...

That media room has windows, they just aren't shown, you can see the outside light on the beanbag. And i wouldn't consider that a backyard since its in the front of the house.

Anonymous said...

Cold and boring - but I can't put my finger on why that is. I love warm Modern - when it's well done, it can be incredibly comfortable and inviting. But this just isn't ... Perhaps someone with a professionally trained eye can offer some insight?

Anonymous said...

I like this house, though it could use some color. Price seems a bit high, but I don't know the locale well enough.

Anonymous said...

Also, I don't need a t.v. in every room.

lil' gay boy said...

Luke, I wonder how many people are going to show up at the open house asking, "Where is the house in the pictures?"

Front yard pool (with no back yard to speak of), a driveway that slashes across the lot, and as Anon 4:05 said, the cladding looks cheap.

All this for $3.699mm? I don't think so ––– $2-2.5mm tops.

Edwina Monsoon said...

Very poor job of realtor stageing.

For that price, couldn't they invest on a poolside, outdoor umbrella between the 2 chaise loungers?

Colorful potted plants to line the entrance, some white spa towels in the bath, center the dinning table and get rid of the white plate, a stainless steel blender or toater to warm up the kitchen and hide the electrical outlet......

Who lives here??? Betina and Max???

Eric said...

If you rotate on the MSN link that LGB provided, (thanks, as always...), it looks like this house was totally rehabbed...one of the views shows no landscaping and empty pool. So Mama, when was this re-habbed and did Garfinkle/Suro buy after rehab and seems to me, that someone may be losing some serious coin even at this price, which is doubtful they'll get...inquiring minds want to know!

Anonymous said...

Encino isn't tacky. You're thinking of the Westside.

But as this house is on Royal Oak, you'll be to the Westside quickly as it's really near the 405...

Mars said...

Dude - I mean Mama....

I have to say it's also what bugged me about that Britney interview (and I cannot believe I watched pretty much the whole thing). It was not horrible but, yes, it was disingenuous because she failed to mention mental illness. Let's be real: she most likely has a mental illness and it's nothing to be ashamed about. The girl's probably on meds too, which explains the subdued, flat behavior. For her to portray her life as some uber controlled prison "just because" is untruthful. There's a veeeery good and important reason the girl's kept on a short leash, and God bless her papa for taking control.

Anonymous said...

Mama,

why do you write about these bullshit homes occupied by B-grade celebrities?

Is there nothing more worthy?

Broman said...

I hate houses that look like medical clinics.

Anonymous said...

All these Lala land houses are pictured against azure blue skies with fleecy white clouds floating in them. How long do they have to wait to get such a picture? Or has smog disappeared from LA?

Anonymous said...

THE DAY FOR THOSE WHO CAN....

AM: Alcove Cafe for coffee and muffin. Hillhurst Avenue, LA
LUNCH: Holi Moli Ravioli, Poway Road, San Diego, CA
DINNER: Nob Hill Cafe, San Francisco, CA
NIGHT-CAP: Aboard the new G-650