Monday, December 29, 2008

Another Housewife Bites the Real Estate Dust

SELLER: Bob and Sheree Whitfield
LOCATION: 5525 Long Island Drive, Atlanta, GA
PRICE: $2,850,000 (off market)
SIZE: 8,903 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 8 full and 2 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Benecki built resale home on large private gated lot. Quality throughout, nanny suite with separate entrance located over garages.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Listen children, we know what you are thinking and we do not want to hear it. Your Mama is well aware we are scraping the bottom of the celebrity real estate barrel here. But, see, we just can't help ourselves. Unfortunately for y'all, we woke up with a burning need to discuss the real estate doings of a smarmy Georgia peach named Sheree Whitfield who recently listed her suburban Atlanta mansion with an asking price of $2,850,000.

If the children will put on their reality tee-vee thinking caps they will recall that Miz Sheree Whitfield–whose claim to fame is that she is the ex-wife of pro-footballer Bob Whitfield–recently appeared on the hair raising boob-toob pièce de résistance The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

During each episode of this masterpiece of reality television, we were treated to Miz Sheree prancing her over-sized ego all around Atlanta in her her giant Range Rover acting as if she was the classiest and most dignified high society bee-hawtcha that ever walked the damn Phipps Plaza mall. Pleeze. And do not even get Your Mama started about Miz Sheree and her nascent "She by Sheree" clothing line because we would hate to burst Miz Sheree's self-indulgent bubble by saying that being a hardcore hobby shopper does not a fashion designer make.

Well children, the laws of gravity say that goes up must come down and according to the gossip grapevine, poor Miz Sheree is going down. Not only is she in effect being booted from her Atlanta mansion, some Atlanta-based scuttlebutters are snickering that she's bouncing checks all over Atlanta. Oh dear. Now puppies, we don't know if that shit is true or if it's just a bunch of wagging tongues, but it is what folks are whispering about Miz I'm So Much Better Than You.

Property records for the Whitfield's 1.81 acre estate on Long Island Drive NW show it was purchased in August of 2000 for $2,395,000 and the snarky children will note with some righteous eyebrow raising that the property was owned solely by Mister Whitfield and that Miz Sheree's name never appeared on the paperwork for the property. That's right puppies. Neh. Vah. Which means, of course, Sassy Sheree never actually owned the house and was merely squatting there until her dee-vorce was settled. Well, ain't that interesting?

Anyhoo, listing information for the house Sheree calls home shows it measures in at a good sized 8,903 square feet and includes 6 bedrooms and 8.5 bathrooms, a count which we assume includes the nanny quarters above the garage.

In addition to the ballroom sized living room with its elaborately stenciled ceilings, dark stained wood floors and King Arthur-esque furnishings, the sprawling English cottage style mansion includes a modest sized dining room with a faux paint treatment, all manner of crystal lighting fixtures and, gack!, red velvet curtains that look to Your Mama like something she purchased at a yard sale of an upscale bordello in Reno, Nevada.

Besides the copious knickknacks cluttering up the counter tops, the bronze colored ceiling, all that stoopid crap shoved up in the ceiling corners and the bird's nest up in the chandelier, the fully equipped kitchen really isn't so bad. The stainless steel appliances includes twin dishwashers, a mac-daddy Viking range and a double wide SubZero refridgerator/freezer, all good things.

The commodious but low ceilinged family room features more faux paint treatments, a giant beige sectional sofa, an intricately carved and ass uglee coffee table and and even uglier pool table with crazy carved up legs. Somewhere in the house is a home gym with all manner of exercise contraptions of the sort Your Mama scrupulously avoids, a fully mirrored wall where Miz Sheree can admire her toned and tight middle-aged boo-tox, and another faux paint treatment on the walls. Listen Miz Sheree, let Your Mama give you a word of deco-raytin' advice. Just because you like the faux paint treatment your nice gay decorator did in the dining room does not mean you should have him do up the entire house that way. Your Mama's boozy pal Fiona Trambeau calls that sort of thing, "Flooding the car." Think about it.

The gated grounds include a crushed stone driveway which terminates in a small motor court where the front door stands opposite the four-car garage. Out back is a large and attractive rectangular shaped swimming pool surrounded by a stone terrace that includes an outdoor fireplace and peek-aboo views of a small pond.

Listing information now shows the Whitfield house is currently "off market." We don't know if that means Sheree is stayin' put or if, more likely, it means she's a little peeved about the publicity she's getting for having to so publicly downsize her lifestyle. Them's the breaks when you put yerself on tee-vee Miz Sheree.

Naturally, Your Mama does not have a clue where Miz Sheree will reside when and if this house gets sold but we're pretty sure that her be-weaved blond gurl friend Kim Zolciak would let her and the kids shack up in her 3,396 square foot condo on Bent Tree View in Duluth, GA that records show she purchased in January of 2006 for $486,000.

Listen puppies, we know we sound like a catty bitch talking nasty about Miz Sheree. And we are. However, there is nuthin' more loathsome to Your Mama than a person who will (fake) smile at your face and then turn around and wag his or her vicious tongue to anyone with ears. And that's exactly what Miz Sheree did week after week on the first season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. And we can hardly wait until season two begins to see more bee-hawtcha back-biting and learn more about Miz Sheree's lowered circumstances.

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

At first glance, I thought it needed stripped and lightened up. Then I saw the pool crammed up against the house. No excuse for that with almost two aces. Burn it down.

pch said...

I like the exterior, including the muddy color. Very twenties Beachwood Canyon. (Although I'm sure it's very twenties somewhere else, too.) Is that the sole driveway, though? If so, not the architecture's best approach angle.

Anonymous said...

PCH - check out the aerial views. You aren't going to be impressed.

The driveway shot is from the left front corner of the lot. the house sits on the back of the motor court with the garage in front of it (out of view on the right). So from the street you are looking at the back of the garage. The covered walkway in the back of Mama's photo connects the garage to the house and hides the motorcourt from the blue house next door.

If the lot is really 1.8 acres, it must go deep and between two ponds. I bet that area floods and is really unusable.

Google map this - 5525 Long Island Drive, Atlanta, GA 30327

Anonymous said...

That great room with the painted ceilings looks real nice, but the dining room looks like complete shit.

That room with the pool table looks like it was done with all sale pieces from Home Goods and TJ Maxx, not even stuff still at full price.

Anonymous said...

While agree with Miz Trambeau's "flooding the car" analogy, I do like the treatment on the kitchen ceiling. The setting of this house looks very pretty.

Kenny said...

I agree. The setting of this house with the landscaping is very pretty. I love the large great room with the vaulted ceilings.

Visit my website at: http://www.homesoftherich.net

Anonymous said...

Hilarious writeup today, thanks Mama :) I'm loving the living room in this house. The rest of it is just ok.

Anonymous said...

NeNe may have been evicted (reports say one thing -- a message she wrote says another) and Sheree is selling the house.

I am seriously starting to wonder if these folks "pumped up" their lifestyles for the show?

One thing that I never got is how Sheree planned on living like she did on a divorce settlement of under $10 million as she predicted she would receive. Granted, Atlanta is dirt cheap compared to other areas, but she was living rather large.

Speaking off...I had an appointment with my one of my doctors today. He finished his residency earlier this year and is new to making money. Since, business, real estate, the economy and making money are all interests of mine, we spend less time talking about my health and more time talking about the above mentioned things.

I congratulated him without giving a reason for doing so and he gave me a puzzled look and asked why.

I told him that for the first time in quite a few years, people will be able to tell he's a doctor. Finally, when he purchases luxury goods, everybody on the block won't have them. His 5,000 SF million dollar home will now demonstrate his success...as someone making $30k a year and lying on their mortgage application can no longer be his neighbor.

He pondered it for a second, got a big look on his face and said "wow, I never thought of that, I'll have to remember that when I have second thoughts about borrowing that 100k+ I need for school, then going to school for so long and now working such crazy hours."

I think I may have made his day pointing that out.

I cannot wait until people working at WalMart can no longer afford a designer handbag bought with credit. It was never supposed to be that way!

Anonymous said...

oh and btw, her house was always my favorite of the "housewives" homes. It is quite unique which is so rare these days with tract mansions.

I fell in love with what I believe is her office.

I always laughed at how DeShawn rented an office in an executive suite and tried to act like she was running this huge foundation. With the house they have, coupled with how small her foundation was, I never understood why she needed separate office space.

As for Kim's house - the exterior always looked like a town house, but the interior dimensions didn't seem to relate to the outside appearances. The interior looked like a mansion and the exterior looked like a 2000-2500 SF town house.

Look at that dreadful chair said...

I just threw up.

Anonymous said...

I must say that that is what I liked about Kim's townhouse. Despite all of Kim's misgivings, she might have an eye for decor because her home is tastefully decorated, imo.

Anonymous said...

Kenny the cheap ass bastard wrote:

"Visit my website at: http://www.homesoftherich.net"

No Thanks DumbFuck. That was the biggest waste of bandwidth the last time you posted it.

Get a hint - BUY A FUCKIN' AD ASSHOLE!!!

Anonymous said...

Tastefully decorated? Oh no, no!

Anonymous said...

Mama -- what a delicious post! I savored every critique, every photograph. What a phony biatch, that Sheree--could not STAND her, yet watched all her biotchery week after week. Truly, a classic show for the ages.

Anonymous said...

I'm shocked Miz Weavetastic bought a townhouse for $486K. It is a pretty tasteful home, and HUGE, but I heard this lady collects $50,000/ mo from some guy she married living in CT, until her youngest kid turns 18.

Anonymous said...

don't know if it's just gossip, but....I heard ms. kim has hr house listed as well.

average joe :[) said...

maybe these postings are more entertaining hmm ???????

:)


Basketball star Kwame Brown lists his 6,329-square-foot house in Playa del Rey, CA for $2.999M — less than he paid for it in 2005!

Basketball star Kwame Brown — who plays center for the Detroit Pistons and who played for the Los Angeles Lakers from 2005 until early 2008 — has placed his four-bedroom house in Playa del Rey, Calif. on the market for $2,999,000.

Alessandra said...

I like the landscaping.

so_chic_darling said...

Very, very funny Mama. The show is a complete train wreck and don't you think that all that buying expensive shit act they all put on is just staged for the cameras and product placement?

Anonymous said...

I love the kitchen & vaulted great room - but the rest of the house? Not so much.

Atlanta was the first of the 'housewives' shows I followed regularly and I thought it was great. Just when I thought the show couldn't get any better, I can now look forward to Nene visiting her husband in jail for tax evasion, and Sheree living in the projects. I only hope we won't have to listen to Kim sing again next season.

Have a Happy New Year Mama.

sandpiper said...

Well said, so-chic.

Hey 5:47 ...
I think this link of Kimmie's place (pretty sure it's hers) won't stay live for long. Found it in October. No indication it's still a GO, and Mama -- who would know for sure -- doesn't see it active either per her always trustworthy fact checking and hilarious post on Sincere (watch your back) Sheree.

Oh, and 5:47, check out Kimmie's tombstone lawn ornament out front at the old listing. Final resting place for old weaves? Meow.

Nene's hubby in the klink for tax evasion? But he has such a kind face. I like him best.

organizedblogroll said...

I like Kim's house, all except that whore house looking bedroom.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Sandpiper for the link!

Kim's place is actually pretty nice although the kiddie bedrooms are just too sweet for my taste. I got news for you Kim - just because you surround the girls in pink and fluff doesn't mean they won't smoke joints or do the nasty with their boyfriends there while mom's out carousing.

lil' gay boy said...

As I see it, what might come across as pretty at first glance just looks swamp-like to me; and once again, the neighbors are toodamnclose!.

I think Anon 3:08 hit it on the head ––– with everything crammed up against the house on 1.8 acres, the rest of the lot must be unusable. That back yard looks bald & forlorn.

Anonymous said...

I do like Kim's home, but it looks very Ballard Designs

http://www.ballarddesigns.com

Anonymous said...

mama!!!! please don't classiy this trash as celebrity...... although, the real housewives of atlanta is sadly entertaining to watch... these women are such fine georgia peaches... they are a disgrace to women in the south...

Anonymous said...

Would seem the reason the house was de-listed so fast is someone found out that she did actually own the place (her husband still does).

Anonymous said...

Hope this show doesn't get another season. NY Houswives show was much better. O.C. is going downhill fast......

Won't be long before Sheree hooks up with another millionaire athlete or exec....then she can move into another mansion.

Anonymous said...

The comments are wildly entertaining here today!! I'm going to digress more..has anyone figured out who Kim's Big Papa is? I always thought he was the one fronting her lifestyle..ie the Escalade, etc...???

And to Anonymous 5:32 BRILLIANT thought, your conversation with the doctor! Cheers!

organizedblogroll said...

Word is he was a married man, and they broke up shortly after the show filmed.

Anonymous said...

Mama -Some bitch on the Television WIthout Pity boards is claiming that this is an old listing and the house isn't on the market. I love you Mama and know that this is not the case. And I love the updates on those phoney baloney housewives.

xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

that is 100% kimmy's house. Nice job finding it! Kim actually has really great taste. I know it's hers cause the curtains.

Anonymous said...

NY is the worst show. Ramona is nasty, and LuAnne. ATL is now the best, followed by OC.

Anonymous said...

Lurrrrved Mama's comments about this housefrau. I also think Kim is either on "the game" or has some man by the short and curlies who pays her way. Sheeemale Sheree's house would be nicer if she didn't go OTT on the faux everything. Surprised the children weren't covered in the stuff too. I did notice while watching one episode that the rugs were a bit beat up.

As for Kimmie's abode, well that certainly is hers. I did think that Nene was the nicer of them all so its a shame if the rumors are true about her (literally) "old man" being in the klink.

I hate to wish bad karma on anyone but I gotta about Lisa. Gurrrrl needs a bitch slap and round house kick to the neck. She's more fake than Kim's hair.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone have info on nene's house? Address? Wonder how much they paid...

Anonymous said...

I agree i would like know how much Nene's paid for her house. Also how does anyone know her hubby is in the slammer?

Anonymous said...

uuuckkk
tacky tacky
it looks lkie something Hugh Hefner would have
Can you imagine the utilities for 8000 sq ft