Friday, December 19, 2008

Paris Hilton's House Robbed

Listen puppies, we are somewhat loathe to discuss hotel heiress Paris Hilton, because she and her breed of celebrity are so completely over (o-vah!) that we can't stand it. However, the L.A. Times reported this morning that Miss Hilton's mansion in the guard gated Mulholland Estates community was robbed last night and that the hoodie wearing heister made off with two million dollars worth of jewelry and other belongings.

Two millions dollars worth of jewelry? We absolutely do not condone robbery nor do we think Miss Hilton deserves to have all her bling burgled from her Bev Hills home, which is really in Sherman Oaks but has a 90210 zip code. But seriously children, what moron keeps two million dollars worth of jewelry at home? That shit belongs in a safe deposit box, or at very least stashed away in a hidden, camouflaged and well secured safe behind a credenza in the dining room.

The robbery is reported to have occurred at 5am this morning and Miss Hilton was not home at the time of the break in. Wonder where she was at 5 o'clock in the a.m. on a wintery Friday morning?

Given that Miss Hilton's home–which has been outfitted with its own private nightclub in the basement–is equipped with video security as are the communities gates, it's quite likely the brazen burglar will be identified and have the axe of the law brought down on him right quick. Or not.

The break in is not believed to be related to the long string of robberies that have plagued the swank West Side communities of Bel Air, Beverly Hills and the Holmby Hills the last number of years.

Other residents of the Mulholland Estates are rumored and reported to include former boy-bander Robbie Williams, former Beach Boy Brian Wilson, former letter turner Vanna White and former john Charlie Sheen.

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

THAT NUMBER IS INFLATED LIKE THE VALUE OF HER HOME AND EGO. INSURANCE WILL COVER IT..

Stu Tru-Blue said...

All the residents are a right load of non-entities! And as fer which moron keeps all that bling around just to refract a few more light rays from the old xmas tree lights - er well I can name u one without no more forethought - PARIS! Who in the name of the lord, spirit, holy ghost and the total dipshit walking Hollywood boulevard, is the DUMBEST celebrity to have ever lived? Hope the creditlycrunched insurance refuse to chuck the sozzled slapper a dime. Tough love, but it will work in the end.

Anonymous said...

i bet its one of jon alagem's friends that cased the joint. its someone whos been there and knows where it is and whats up. 100% .... you got great friends Paris.

Venice4504 said...

It's saying something when I am more concerned that Mama thinks that Vanna is a former letter turner! Did she retire??

Anonymous said...

12:15 PM, I think you're on to something there. 10 to 1 the burglar has either been in her home as a guest, or knows a big mouth friend of hers who has.

stpaulsnowman said...

I am wondering how hard it would be to fence the rhinestone studded pink cell phone case.......to quote LGB......"OY!"

Anonymous said...

it was joe francis. shh

Anonymous said...

I hope it was a life long employee of Hilton Hotels, who worked their ass off to create a successful hotel brand.

Only to have that brand be reduced to that of a cock sucking whore.

One day she will over dose, one day........

bentley said...

Yes, she had family backing to get her started, but in the world of socialites, Paris Hilton, whether you agree with her version of 'fame' or not, works a hell of a lot harder than most in that swim.

I'm sure she kicks herself daily for her capricious youth, because she can't even back down her driveway without the flash bulbs going. If you're already rich, you must be somewhat doltish to want famous.

Why am I defending Paris Hilton? I'm not sure, but anon 1:18 rankled me.

stpaulsnowman said...

Go ahead......she needs defending...from herself and others.

Schwarzman said...

She wil get a bailout by the TARP.

Anonymous said...

Vanna didn't retire but she doesn't turn letters anymore, she touches them. Turning is too much work.

Anonymous said...

It isn't fun to have your house broken into, no matter who you are.

average joe :[) said...

I KNOW! A truck backed over the curb and crushed my whole house! Lucky I was boning my piggy bank and it stuck when I ran to get out of the way or I would have lost my life savings!

Anonymous said...

Nicely put bentley, and thanks for taking the initiative to dilute the venom.

Anonymous said...

In totally unrelated news, where is Winona Rider?

brooklawn dr said...

My parents, who live right off Bel Air East Gate, were robbed and security cameras caught nothing. A motion detector went off but my Mom thought it was a cat or small animal. When BA Patrol arrived, only a non-alarmed corridor door was broken into and very little stolen.

No one in their right mind would keep jewelry out of a safe when not wearing it. Too easy to snatch and grab.

Anonymous said...

Paris really does not know who to give a blowjob.

Also her fanny is very "plan" looking - basically a slit which is not long.

Paris get some surgery and get some labia lips.

Anonymous said...

Paris should overdose. She has embarassed the Hilton name by trying to suck cock. She's hopeless at it too.

Ex b/f says she is a terrible screw - dry vagina and impossible to stick your dick in her ass - too tight.

Anonymous said...

I did it

SitDownKaren said...

She was probably an easy target. People say oh she's really smart in real life. Um, ya....

StPaulSnowman said...

Oh........thank God she has a real life.....I would never have guessed.

Anonymous said...

Its probably one of her BFF from the show she had filmed there..

Anonymous said...

Paris, invest in a good SAFE.....
and hire your own guards.

Anonymous said...

Saw somewhere that she left the front door unlocked. I am not surprised. What I wonder about is whether this was done for the insurance and she is in need of money.

gwen said...

there i wuz all wiggy about the economy. and global warming. and mumbai. then THIS has to happen.

paris. oh baby girl. i feel yo pain.

dc_publius said...

"Two millions dollars worth of jewelry? We absolutely do not condone robbery nor do we think Miss Hilton deserves to have all her bling burgled from her Bev Hills home, which is really in Sherman Oaks but has a 90210 zip code. But seriously children, what moron keeps two million dollars worth of jewelry at home?"

First, it's at least partially insured.

Second, rich people tend to use their stuff instead of hoarding it. She probably wears the jewelry.

Third, 2 million isn't necessarily 2 buckets full. Big diamonds are expensive. For all you know, 2M is actually 5 rings.

Lastly, unlike most rich kids, she has actually made more money than her Hilton inheritance. I look at the multitude of entertainment ventures she's involved in and I'm impressed. Not every businessman has to be a widget maker to be 'reputable'.

Anonymous said...

It was probably Benji getting all his love trinkets back when he was going out with Hilton lol.Must of sent the poor bugger broke after that hick I mean hitch up.