Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Your Psychic Reader's Dollars At Work


SELLERS: Steven Feder and Lou Thomas Trosclair
PRICE: $15,850,000
LOCATION: 25 Columbus Circle, New York, NY
SIZE: 3,050 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Hold on to your brittle britches children, Your Mama knows that 99.99% of you don't have a clue who Misters Feder and Trosclair are. Bear with us, we'll get to letting you know, but first we have got to vent just a little...

Do y'all remember back in the late 1990s and early 200os when all your favorite programs on the T.V. were constantly being interrupted by commercials for some big mouth Jamaican psychic sister named Miss Cleo? Y'all remember Miss Cleo, right? We surely do. There she was, constantly showing up on our television, flapping her jaws, working her turban and working our last nerve with that fake accent trying to get people to ring up some organization called the Psychic Readers Network and cough up a credit card number so Miss Cleo or some other "psychic associate" sitting in some God forsaken office park could run your cards or read your beads or whatever nonsensical service Miss Cleo was purporting to sell.

It just makes Your Mama utterly dee-pressed to think that we live in a world where anyone would think it was ever a wise idea to call up some psychic hotline they saw advertised on the damn boob tube. What in the world is wrong with people? Honestly. If you ask Your Mama, and of course no one did, those lame brain callers deserved to get ripped off for being stoopid enough to pick up their damn telephones and call Miss Cleo like she had all the answers to their existential questions, crises and woes. Please! Have some sense people!

Anyhoo, Is it any surprise to the children that round-about 2002 Steven Feder, the man responsible for setting up and operating the Psychic Readers Network, was investigated by the FCC who outed Miss Cleo as some lezbeeun ladee from California named Youree Harris and forced Mister Feder shut down his ridiculous but obscenely profitable scheme? No, it shouldn't be.

What may be surprising, however, is how much money remains in Mister Feder and his man-friend Lou Thomas Trosclairs's Gucci wallets from the now defunct and fraudulent enterprise. According to real estate gossip boy wonder Max Abelson at the NY Observer, in January of 2008 Misters Feder and Trosclair dumped a fat $24,480,000 to purchase a 4,454 square foot, 75th floor combined unit condominium in the South Tower at the Time Warner Center, which looms over Columbus Circle at 59th Street and and 8th Avenue in New York City.

But children, this is not the first time the two mega money queens from Florida have been to the real estate fair at the Time Warner Center. Oh no. Property records reveal that back in September of 2006, the couple picked up Puerto Rican pop star Ricky Martin's 3,050 square foot unit on the 65th floor of the South Tower for $9,750,000. Mister Abelson also reports that the two gentelmen have since sold the 4 bedroom and 4.5 bathroom condo (pictured above) to a neighbor for $15,850,000, a staggering $6,100,000 profit in just over one year of ownership.

As Mister Abelson noted in his report, the two gentleman spent lavishly on artwork including several pieces that should be quite recognizable to all the arty farty folks. Big name artwork aside, we think the place looks like a caricature of what a sexy New York City apartment owned by two out of town gays is supposed to look like. Blech!

Today Your Mama will spare the children too many more of our notions about the interiors and floor plan issues, but the one bête noire we can't seem to get past and simply must piss and moan about is that windowless kitchen with the stacked washer and dryer shoved into a closet that should be a pantry. Now children, Your Mama has certainly been around the New York City real estate block enough times to know that windowless kitchens are far from rare, particularly in all these new "luxury" high rises. However for this this amount of money, we want at least a small window to air the place out from the stink of last nights Chinese take out that sat on the counter while we watched the new season of Big Brother. (Iffin any of you children care, that awful and exploitative American Idol is out and the tawdry Big Brother is in).

Before we sign off to take a big fat nerve pill, let's touch on that stacked washer and dryer in the kitchen. Yes, of course we know that the super rich residents of this building are unlikely to be doing their own laundry, but Your Mama thinks it's a cruel and inhuman punishment to make Marta the maid fold your nasty skidmarked underwear on the stove, even if it is a baby Viking. We're sorry, but for $15,850,000 that is inexcusable. Was there really no better location for the washer and dryer?

Now we got to go and get our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly outside before they start piddling on the good rugs.

Seeing the Future–or Just Dollar Signs (Court TV)

26 comments:

Alessandra said...

The stackable w/d is horribly located and I think any professional chef might just cringe at that kitchen layout.

Otherwise, it looks like a reasonably livable space.

Mr. Feder proves the point that there's a sucker born every minute, however. I do miss the Psychic Network commercials, though. They were so tawdry that I imagined women with excessively big hair and long finger nails dialing frantically while lazing on the sofa with a wine cooler and a pack of Virginia Slims.

pch said...

There's just a little marketing overkill going on when the windowless 10x16 space alloted for food preparation and laundry is called a "Professional Chef's Kitchen" on the floor plan. As if there needs to be a differentiation from the "Amateur Chef's Kitchen" and the "Museum of Untouched Appliances Kitchen" in other models.

lil' gay boy said...

I say we make 'em turn their gay cards in for that travesty of a "kitchen".

Not to mention the DOZENS of cheap track lights all over the damn place . . . is there no better way to illuminate priceless art? GOOD GOD!

And NO fireplace . . . for $15.85M???

BTW, I always wanted to know - if she was really a psychic, how come she couldn't tell you what your damn credit card number was?

;-)

Hippie Canyon said...

WTF are they thinking? $15M for a kitchen-laundry room set up? I've seen similar things in France but those were lower class affairs (literally!), and about what one would expect. But for $15M? These guys be fuckin' crazzz-zy mahn!

luke220 said...

I'd open the living room up by taking the library wall down. I'd turn the extra hall bath into a laundry room. And of course, get rid of those dreadful can lights.

With views like this, it's easy to forgive other deficiencies of this floorplan.

It's what Oprah should have bought for Gail.

sandpiper said...

Mama,
Your 2/3/08 Tom Bradly piece predicts his Time Warner place being back on market soon. I think TB's floor plan has a lot more going for it. A Few less s.f., but way better layout & CP views. Still no kitchen window, but it's brighter, wider--& more work space.

What IS UP with the overkill track lites? Meant to fry art faster?

so_chic_darling said...

The biggest problem here is the location,who cares if it faces the park?It's midtown and for some reason the place where out of town residents love to buy expensive apartments.

lil' gay boy said...

So_Chic, darling they keep hoping "CATS" will come back.

washer woman said...

it is perfectly fine to have laundry machines in your kitchen, get with the times people, it's london chic.

lil' gay boy said...

Washer Woman,

With all due respect, this ain't LONDON, chic as is undoubtedly is; for close to $16M, I want at the very least a pantry for a stackable washer/dryer, at the most a wing for the laundress.

I don't need Inez folding clothes on top of the Miele dishwasher . . .

lil' gay boy said...

Popeye,

I just had to say how tickled I was by your comment about us "enjoying our seat in the kitchen."

How true.

Looks like we'll just have to wait a little longer before we get to sit at the "grown-ups' table . . . "

Jay said...

Dear Mama,
You are soooo right! This is hideous!
I'm amazed at the number of track lights and the fact that they are a prehistoric incandescent style, instead of the newer, sleeker halogens.
The heat from those lights must make that apartment roasting hot! And you're so right about the service area! Where does Consuela fold the clothes???

I've been in three apartments in this building and they are all awful! Really!! Look at all of the angled walls!! An apartment can never be pretty without nicely proportioned rooms!!!
Jay

lil' gay boy said...

Amen, Jay, amen.

Anonymous said...

"it is perfectly fine to have laundry machines in your kitchen, get with the times people, it's london chic"

What London have you visited? Perhaps in a £900K terrace house in Clapham but if you're talking about an £8M/$16M apartment in central London then I think not, there would be a laundry room.

I really don't get why people buy in this building. I really don't like it. Who wants to live atop a shopping mall? The only things going for it are the services, views & it has the best underground garage in Manhattan - elevator from your apt to the garage - perfect! The thought of not having to schlepp a couple of blocks to my garage would fill me with happiness!

Mama, you made a typo ... the South Tower is 25 Columbus Circle - not 10!

Anonymous said...

It's certainly not ideal, and just shows you that just about every apartment in NY, regardless of price, has compromises, but I'd bet NO ONE will ever see the housekeeper doing/folding laundry. It will be done while you're out. Sure, calling the kitchen a "prof. chef's kitchen" is ridiculous, but nobody's buying these for a big kitchen. If they're into cooking, they'll do it in their bigger houses.

Out of towners like midtown because it's central, you can just go out and walk around and there's a lot that's nearby or not too far, or you get in a cab or BLS car and you're on your way. Most people not in NYC full time don't want to be in a purely residential neighborhood - schools are not an issue, and peace and quiet are not what they're looking for here.

$15M still seems like a lot of dough though for this, but what do I know.

Carolina Aguilera said...

Holy molly. Honesty doesn't pay.

bentley said...

A luxury living space that looks like it was built on the prow of a ship. Far too many angles and pokey corridors, and I keep expecting someone to yell "cut" and the set to be taken apart - it feels very contrived.

For that money, get out of midtown, get into a pre-war condop with gracious rooms and a staff wing.

The garage, though...

Jay said...

For 15 million, someone could get a much nicer apt. at The Pierre, which has some FANTASTIC apartments, the Sherry Netherland, where you can order from Cipriani, or The Carlyle. Or 825 Fifth Avenue, another great address for out of towners.
However, people like this could never get past the boards!
The boards would never put up with the psychic hotline shit! lmao!!

lil" gay boy said...

Bentley,

Once again, you've hit the nail on the head.

Stage set, all the way.

Anonymous said...

Mentioned above but worth a repeat -- track lighting!!! Was this built in the '80s?

Recess those dogs.

Anonymous said...

There is no space above the ceiling (unless you count your upstairs neighbors apartment)

Anonymous said...

Thanks 12:51

I appreciate that you knowingly thought it was "worth a repeat" to become the 5th to comment on the track lighting.

I didn't take the first four track lighting mentions as seriously as I did the 5th. Sometimes that one extra overkill is pure magic.

I'm hoping to get into some lumination debates next.

Anonymous said...

Miss Cleo has come out as a lesbian.

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