Friday, February 29, 2008

Kylie Minogue Moves On

SELLER: Kylie Minogue
LOCATION: Mount Wellington Road, French Island, Australia
PRICE: $1,800,000-2,000,000 AUD
SIZE: 221 acres, 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Thanks to a leg up from Lovely Luiza from Down Under, Your Mama is pleased to present our first ever discussion about a property in Australia. Hoots and hollers all around. Your Mama apologizes in advance that we simply don't know very much about the Australian property market, so at times we're bound to sound like one of those moe-rons who insist on talking about things they know nothing about.

Princess Luiza linked Your Mama over to an Australian news item which announced that Australian singing superstar and cancer survivor Kylie Minogue has put her French Island hideaway on the market "for tender," which Your Mama thinks is Australian for a sealed bid but very well may just mean "for sale." See kids, we're already sounding like an ignoramus, but try to give us a bit of leeway because Your Mama not wise to the real estate lingo particular to that part of the world.

Listing information indicates the toothy pop phenom is asking between $1,800,000 and $2,000,000 Aussie dollars for the 221 acre property, which translates to roughly to about $1,700,000-1,885,000 US dollars. Since Your Mama has no idea how to look up property records in remote regions of Australia, or any part of Australia for that matter, we'll have to rely on recent press reports in which "insiders" whispered to reporters that Miss Minogue and her then beau-friend, the hotsy totsy Parisian born ack-tor Oliver Martinez, bought the property three years ago for just 400,000 Aussie. The big spread, which they called Beauciel, sits on a high point of of the island with long, wide, and serene bay views over the virtually untouched terrain of French Island.

Naturally, Your Mama had never even heard of French Island, but a little research on the internets and we discover that the virtually unspoiled island is an eco-traveler's paradise sitting smack in the middle of Western Port Bay just 60 kilometers from Melbourne. The island, accessible only by ferry, was once home to the somewhat famous and cushy Mcleod Prison Farm, but now claims just 80 permanent residents as well as scads of potoroos (rat kangaroos) and the largest Koala population in Australia.

After purchasing the two parcel property, the now split couple are said to have dumped another million (or so) Aussie dollars on house renovations, landscaping, and the addition of solar and wind power, something that Your Mama is quite surprised not to see more rich and famous people doing since they are in fact the ones with the pockets deep enough to forge an environmentally friendly path in a world with increasingly decreasing non-renewable resources.

In the after math of her successful battle to beat breast cancer three years ago, Miss Minogue and Mister Martinez retreated to this remote hideaway to recooperate without having to deal with long and unforgiving lenses of the paps being shoved in their faces every time they tried to go to the post office or the grocery market. However, it seems pretty obvious from the lack of personal objects in the residence that the Aussie superstar has already packed her Louis Vuitton cases and decamped from French Island in favor of another secluded getaway that does not remind her of Mister Martinez or The Big "C." Who could blame her?

According to listing information, in addition to the 4 bedroom and 2 bathroom main house, the recently fenced and mostly self sufficient property contains organic fruit and vegetable gardens, plenty of room to run sheep and cattle, a walled garden made from corrugated iron and reclaimed century-old timber that protects a small grove of fruit trees, large rainwater storage tanks, and a restored chicory kiln that houses a back up diesel generator.

Although Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter would have to ferry in all sorts of furniture because, all due respect Miss Minogue, what's currently in the house hurts our eyes and offends our delicate sensibilities, we could happily whittle away a few isolated months every year at Beauciel puttering around the organic gardens and sitting on the large bay view decks with a stack of books and a big pitcher of gin and tonics. The only question for us is would the Australian government allow us to fly in our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly as well as our sour tempered pussycat Sugar? Because even though that cat is a real bitch, we couldn't go anywhere for that long without him.

16 comments:

bentley said...

Egads. The kitchen makes me feel slightly deranged.

Yo Mama, the bitches and the kitty would have to be quarantined for 6 months. My terribly obsessive but wonderful Lab/Border Collie CharlieDog would certainly never forgive us.

Beauciel = Beautiful Sky. Nice name.

pch said...

Interesting she used it during her rehabilitation. Because it looks a lot like one of those small-scale institutional centers that's trying hard to look like a real house so people don't feel like they're in a hospital.

bentley said...

Nailed it.

Anonymous said...

Kylie lives & has lived in London for the past 20 years or so ... I'd imagine this property is rarely visited b/c from London, Oz is literally the other side of the world & you can only sit on a plane for 24 hours there & 24 hours back so many times each year!

She's usually found at her super-deluxe apartment in Chelsea that was designed by the one & only 'Candy & Candy' of 1 Hyde Park fame.

Anonymous said...

OH FRENCH ISLAND IS AS THE NAME SUGGESTS A LITTLE ISLAND IN MLEBOURNE AUSTRALIA. TO BE HONEST ITS NOT EXACTLY RATED AS THE BEST PART OF THE CITY FOR HAVING A FARM OR HOLIDAY HOUSE AS NO ONE GOES THERE; YET AS A CELEBRITY I COULD SEE THE PERKS OF HAVING A PLACE THERE. BASICALLY AN AREA CALLED PORTSEA IS THE HAMPTONS OF MELBOURNE. IN TERMS OF PRICING, THATS CONSIDERED CHEAP IN AUSTRALIAN TERMS, PRICES HAVE TRIPLED IN THE LAST 6 YEARS, LIKE THE REST OF THE WORLD I GUESS. PORTSEA ON THE OTHER HAND, PROPERTY SELLS FOR 10 MILL SOMETIMES. HOPE THAT SHEDS SOME LIGHT?
~MR

Little Miss Sunshine said...

I really like this place! Obviously, the interior needs some furniture and knick knacks with personality but I love the light filled house and the location.

More importantly, Sugar is a dude??? Would have never guessed.

Para What? said...

Has Quentin Terentino seen this property? I think it's perfect for horror to happen and later have some wannabe paranormal psychics "feel" high energy while you chew on your chiklets to calm you down.

Anonymous said...

Love it - for a hideaway. Perhaps I'm just homesick as an Aussie long marooned in Canada?

The couches have to go. No question. The long fluorescent tubes have to go. No question. The rest I can live with.

Bargain price for an Aussie getaway like this seeing as the median house price for any old shack in Sydney is now over half a mill.

Bummer about the quarantine although you can cheat and do 30 days in New Zealand and then fly to Oz and do no quarantine at all. Just a thought.

Have a fresh and fab weekend, Mama and Dr. Cooter.

Neurophilly

sandpiper said...

Now where did I misplace that basket?

real average joe said...

If this place was in Palm Springs, it may worth 35 MM, btw the wall street guys have a new slogan

"we are bumping along at the bottom"

question are we at bottom level 1 or level 2 and how many more levels do we have to go down....

real average joe

Alessandra said...

Love the views.

Agree that pch nailed it with the small-scale institutional feel. Maybe she wanted it to feel uncluttered while she recuperated, but I don't care for impersonal decor. And I actively loathe the kitchen.

But for those views, I might forgive...

Parker said...

I concur with pch, however, I do love those wood floors.

lil" gay boy said...

It does have that Eric Clapton "Crossroads Rehab" feel to it, but it is a lovely spot.

Would love to be out on the porch with the rain beating down on the tin roofs - one of my favorite sounds in the world.

Anonymous said...

This is a great area. You'd be very suprised to know of the 6 other BIG name folks that live out here. Recoup from cancer and smoke cannibis without the worry of getting arrested - imagine that.

KC said...

This is the perfect getaway from the public clamor, but maybe you have to lay low to avoid attracting other houseguests like coyotes and koalas beating down your door. Organic doesn't necessarily go with shabby, so I wonder why the perpetually secondhand interior look. Would be more healthy for pets, though.

Anonymous said...

she did venture to the "retreat" to recoup from her cancer without being razzed by the media, but the reports lately have said that her family has been staying/vacationing there more than she has. And something about, "with all of the family doing more overseas travels" they were going to see the place.

Im sure thats an excuse, i mean really, travelling to where? No one cares, its just a good reason to get rid of such a f***ed up looking house. Makes me want to vomit.