Monday, February 18, 2008

Mariah Carey Has Island Fever

BUYER: Mariah Carey
LOCATION: Island Road, Windermere Island, Bahamas
PRICE: $4,900,000 (last list)
SIZE: 4,000 square feet (approx.), 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Whistle register songstress Mariah Carey has become filthy rich writing and singing dumb ass pop songs in which she effortlessly rides the ear splitting and hackles raising roller coaster of her 4 octave vocal range. Don't get Your Mama wrong kids, it's not that we can not recognize the rare and obvious vocal talents of Miss Mariah. It is that Your Mama just does not care for that particular genre of saccharine pop music where two syllable words are gleefully stretched into 47 notes, including ones piercing enough to shatter glass and induce a damn migraine.

Anyhoo, in addition to her questionable acting talents, her many hit songs and immensely popular vocal stylings, Miss Mariah is also well known by all the gossip glossies as a ladee who likes to strap her mammoth mammaries into a teeny bikini and beeline for the beach. She's often been photographed in next to nothing in St. Barts, and last summer she was rumored to have coughed up somewhere in the neighborhood of $350,000 to rent Tommy Hilfiger's ocean front hideaway in East Hampton for just one month. Lately, however, the butterfly obsessed songbird has been spending a considerable amount of time in the Bahamas and the rumor is she's done bought herself a purdy pink palace on Windermere Island.

Well children, here's what Your Mama hears through the gossip grapevine. According to Chatty Charlie–who we suspect has a bit of a "thing" for Miss Mariah–and someone we'll call the Bahamian Bigmouth, the Long Island born babe did by a dee-luxe getaway on Windermere Island, a slim sliver of sand adjacent to Eleuthera. Windermere Island, connected to Eleuthera by a single, guard gated bridge, has long been a favorite vacation destination for rich people who desire and require exclusivity and privacy. Which of course is purr-fect for the wickedly famous Miss Carey who does not need any looky-loo fools strolling around behind her house with crappy digital cameras while she's baking her very voluptuous all together in the sunshine. You know what we're saying?

Windermere Island has long been known as a place where British royals go to put their pasty white bodies in bathing suits and cook their skin until they look like a damn lobster. It was widely reported that Windermere Island is where Prince Charles and Princess Diana honeymooned long before the shit hit the fan in their tawdry, complicated and public lives. However, fun and fascinating as it may be to consider the vomitalicious vision of Prince Charles collecting shells along the beach in a thong bathing suit, we are not here to yak about British royals, but rather to discuss the rumored real estate doings of one of America's pop music queens.

Your Mama has yet to figure out how to access public records in the Bahamas, so this particular discussion on Miss Mariah turns on the gossip and rumor provided by our sources and is not confirmed by property records. You got that kids? Just gossip and rumor here. We can not prove this house was purchased by Miss Mariah Carey, but our sources, one of whom plays the real estate game in the area, claim the property pictured above is the place where Miss Carey now bunks in the Bahamas.

According to listing information, the nearly 3-acre gated compound features four detached buildings painted a very light blush pink to match the color of the slightly pink sand on the beach out back. Is anyone surprised that Miss Mariah would buy a pink pile that overlooks a beach with pink sand? The four structures are connected by 3,500 square feet (approx.) of marble walkways and terraces and include an open air great room with living and dining areas overlooking the jewel toned water and two fireplaces that will take the edge off a sea breezy evening. Behind the open air great room is the "kitchen house" with it's fully updated and upgraded package of appliances where Miss Mariah's private chef can whip up whatever sort of fancy feast it is that she and her entourage like to eat. Also located in the kitchen house are a large storage area, laundry facilities, and a bedroom and marble bathroom.

Flanking the kitchen house are two cottages each with a large living room and attached bedroom and dee-luxe bathroom. Below the south cottage is a two care garage and below the north cottage is a separate apartment with kitchen, living area, bedroom and bathroom. Facing the Savannah Bay is a forty foot long infinity edged pool and a beach cabana offers shade for the sun weary.

Listing information reveals that the compound is entirely protected by computer operated camera security surveillance system. So a word or advice to any of you wing nuts with a passport, expect several angry police people to toss your stoopid ass in jail if you go any where near Mariah's mansion.

Island rumor is that Mariah is having some work done on the compound which likely includes some customizing of the buildings, possibly installing a recording studio, and Your Mama imagines she's got her team of nice gay decorators up in there painting the interiors pinks and stuffing it full of frilly pink furniture, because everyone knows that Miss Mariah luvs her some pink.

Although we have no way of sorting out how much Miss Mariah paid for the Bahamian compound, we understand from an island source that the property was last listed for sale at $4,900,000 and had previously been available for lease at $24,000 per week during the high season (staff gratuities additional, natch).

Now that Miss Mariah is rumored to have her own island getaway in the Bahamas, does this mean that St. Barts and East Hampton will no longer be graced by the presence of Madam Butterfly, her cute dog Jackson P. Muttley, and her big ass entourage?

47 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mama, how much do you think Mariah's 12,000 s.f. PH on North Moore is worth?

Anonymous said...

pink is my favorite color but my house is brick and no I'm not going to paint it. That is color abuse! painting the outside pink. You know my art room is pink but I do not invite my peeps to come in and see it.

Anonymous said...

I did forget to say that even my huzband does not enter my room of pink....unless he is invited.

pch said...

While I like the idea of symmetrical seaside pavilions, these ones are way too cluttered with various elements...so much going on everywhere you look. The view over the pool to the facade, for instance, is a kaleidoscope of pedestals, urns, retaining walls, columns, windows, chimneys, pergolas and trees.

average joe said...

wow all I have to say is what an amazing place...

Anonymous said...

Well at least that "fog horn" will be far enough away from the states so that we don't have to shoot ourselves in the neck listening to her practicing the scales. You know the sharks over at the Atlantis are going to be jumping out of the tanks so they don't have to listen to that mess. The little Bahama Islands will be so fortunate having her spread her pink, butterfly, Fairy Dust all over the place..
Now I know this sounds harsh but really. She is to old and big for all this cute-c dute-c crap that she does.

Alessandra said...

That is my kind of beach livin'. I might worry about hurricanes, but for someone of Mariah Carey's means, a $4.5mm investment is not going to break her if a big wave comes and flattens the place. Plus, insurance.

Seriously, I like it. Though I'd need a storage room to hold the vats of SPF 500 I'd need to live there...

MsJane Hathaway said...

What a delightful little cottage, I would love to spend a romantic weekend with Mr. drysdale here, actually .. Mrs. drysdale... and elly may.. but my job selling real estate in hollywood now keeps me way too busy..

Anonymous said...

Out of all the Caribbean islands she chose the Bahamas? House o.k for a vacation place I guess. Don't the British royals favor Mustique? I know Princess Diana always took her kids to Barbuda each year as well.

Well, Bahamas gain is St Barts loss - Thankfully we now wont have to see her fat ass on Saline beach!

Average Joe said...

So sorry everyone. My Aunt Flow is visiting and the Midol hadn't kicked in. Now the whole world is a pretty shade of pink.

Anonymous said...

GORGEOUS house.

Mama, I do not think Mariah counts as "saccharine pop". THAT would be the Pussycat Dolls, Britney, Danity Shit, and many others- but NOT Mariah.

Virginia Girl said...

Seriously, she chose the Bahamas? Yuck! Of all the beautiful islands in the Carib to buy on, the Bahamas would have been on the bottom of my list.

Anonymous said...

To Virginia Girl- As a Bahamian, living in the Bahamas there is no better place to be! I have lived and travelled all over the U.S and Carribean and believe me our waters are clearer than a bottle of Evian. Our people are beautiful and kind and I'm sure that's why Miss Mariah, Oprah, Michael Jordan, Sean Connery, Nicolas Cage, Johnny Depp...etc (the list goes on) all choose to have homes here. It's better in the Bahamas baby!

starquisha said...

Not "saccharine pop" ??
Mariah's hits:Heartbreaker, Sweetheart, Butterfly, Honey, Forever, Fantasy, Hero, Emotions...
Yeah,real deep...gurl, please.

Anonymous said...

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little...

Anonymous said...

I agree with a couple others ... Bahamas would be bottom of my list - too american for it's own good ... Restaurants way better in St Barths, water & beaches nicer in Anguilla, scenery more spectacular in St Lucia ... Oh, & Sean Connery lives in Bahamas purely for tax reasons like everyone who lives at Lyford Cay ...

Anonymous said...

I'm not saying I love the Bahamas because I don't, but this Windermere Island sure sounds lovely.

Maybe Mariah doesn't care about restaurants and all that. I would imagine she wants a certain amount of privacy and seclusion and distance from the swarming photogs where she can be quiet and work. She can always helicopter or boat to st. barths for the weekend, right?

Barren Karen said...

Maybe money bags Mariah could use a place in the Bahamas for "tax reasons" too?

average joe said...

Average Joe said...

So sorry everyone. My Aunt Flow is visiting and the Midol hadn't kicked in. Now the whole world is a pretty shade of pink.


HEY DICKFACE !!!!!!

Find someone else to impersonate ASSHOLE !!!!!

average joe said...

That was for Average Joe at ....

February 18, 2008 10:20 AM

that whack comment was not me !!

Wendy said...

What IS wrong with average Joe?

Jane Hathaway said...

Windemere? lovely, I think that is the name I will give my little real estate office, yes, windemere.

Anonymous said...

HATERS, lay off the hatorade and go get something of your own, so that instead of hating on others someone might care enough to hate on you.

average joe said...

i have a friend with a mercedes who lives in a big house in the hills and he has trouble with the tax man.

Anonymous said...

Gee..I thought that was the best post average joe had made in months.

caveman said...

me too, i even came up with a new pet name for him, aunt flow-joe & even promoted him to aboveaverage joe.
i just demoted him back to avgjoe for those naughty words tho.

i think we better get ready for an overdue mama beat-down

sandpiper said...

I could love it more if half as elaborate. Love the detached living concept, especially the separate kitchen.

I say good for her. She built her brand and earned its rewards all on her own.

And ... Hi C-B! Grrrrr.

so_chic_darling said...

So true Sandpiper,I don't care for her music but the girl has made a fortune in the shark filled music industry that at one time thought she was washed up,well just look where she washed up,not bad despite her criminal dress sense and I love her for that.

Anonymous said...

Mamas love all their children but have to think even Mama can see AverageAuntFlowJoe is touched in the head.

Queen Victoria said...

We are not amused.

Anonymous said...

Girl at the bar, I need a double.

Anonymous said...

Workin' on it...a double it is.

Anonymous said...

Miss Jane, someone beat you to it. There is already a Windemere Realty. Sorry. How about RED (real estate dykes)?

Anonymous said...

Girl At The Bar, Gimme a whole bottle. I got some catching up to do.

PJ said...

Eleuthera? I'm there! Very hip place to be. Yeah Mon!

Anonymous said...

I love it, so pretty, anyone have a link to better or more pictures?

Anonymous said...

I know Windermere and the general consensus is that no one's pleased about Mariah's purchase. It's a fairly "old money", very geriatric, very small, and very quiet island; everyone is hoping she's not going to attract any unwanted attention. The most celebrity the island has seen previously was a few visits from Di and Charles in the 80s, and Lady Bird Johnson vacationed there for a while. Oh, the Cousteau family has a house there, if they still count.

I've looked at the house she bought (it was owned by a very talented Palm Beach designer) and it's mostly tastefully done; it does NOT look pink in the sunshine. The lion's heads spouting into the pool are a little tacky, but inside the "pods" are decorated in a very lovely old-Bahamian manner. The basement needs work though. I'll be down in a few days... I'm curious to see if any of my visits coincide with Mariah's - the last time I was there she was arriving the day I was leaving.

Anonymous said...

i'm astonished.

someone described the bahamas as "hip". funniest thing i've heard so far this year. when i think of the atlantis, "hip" is the last word that comes to mind.

so_chic_darling said...

I go out of my way to avoid anything that anyone called hip.

PJ said...

Yo Girlfriend!

Welcome to Eleuthera!

How cool would it be for you to hook up with Lenny Kravitz for a jam session at Elvina's?

PJ said...

Hey so_chic!

You're challenged with the use of the word "hip?" Here's some help:

1. Keenly aware of or knowledgeable about the latest trends or developments.

2. Very fashionable or stylish.

Are you from the two-word vocabulary crew where every other word is "like" and "amazing?"

I didn't realize I was in the company of such literary coolness. My apologies. Allow me to translate to MTV dialect:

"Yeah, dude! Like Eleuthera is like sooo amazing!"

Anonymous said...

i'm from eleuthera. she just got married there.

lilkunta said...

@starQuisha(what a horrible name) u mentioned just 8 of MC's 18 #1. o & 'sweetheart' didnt hit #1.

so what her #1 songs r love songs? Love is something we all can relate to.

What about her songs "Make it Happen" which is affirming, "Hero" & "1 sweet day"..if those rnt deep then u have a problem!
__
February 18, 2008 1:05 PM
starquisha said...
Not "saccharine pop" ??
Mariah's hits:Heartbreaker, Sweetheart, Butterfly, Honey, Forever, Fantasy, Hero, Emotions...
Yeah,real deep...gurl, please.

Anonymous said...

Well to "Mama" and to everyone else who has made a sorry comment about Mariah, that is why they call them "opinions". You know I've heard it said that opinions are like part of our anatomy that we all have, everyone has one and everyone's stinks but your own, right? There are many people out there who have different tastes in music. Evidently quite a few million people like her music. It's your right not to like a certain style of music, but why down Mariah so much? It's obvious that jealousy is a factor, but who can blame anyone for being jealous of Mariah. She has an awesome voice- a '5' octave range, she writes AND produces her own songs...yes ALL of them. And as far as her songs being "deep", that would be a great word for it. She speaks to many people and has been an inspiration to millions. To top that off, she's beautiful. She has earned every bit of what she has...don't be a HATER. I know it's hard not to be jealous of such an awesome person who has it all, but maybe you should pray about it. Just a thought, try to stop focusing so much on hating her because she has it all and instead, maybe listen to her message by finding out what a great person YOU are, work as hard as she has and do something with your talents. Thanks for reading my comment and hearing my opinion.

Anonymous said...

I also know Windermere, a very private beautiful place, as is Eleuthera where the people are among the friendliest on the planet, tourists who do the cruise ship bit in Nassau or visit Atlantis do not see the REAL Bahamas, before you knock it try it!!

Anonymous said...

I love Windermere...My house is right next to hers, she rides around the island like a diva with 50 personal assistents and huge black windowed cars..its ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

can you give me the adress of mariah carey?