Friday, February 1, 2008

Grant Show's Somewhat Winning Abode

SELLER: Grant Show
LOCATION: Hollyridge, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,995,000
SIZE: 3,483 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathroms
DESCRIPTION: A stunning view of LA's skyline launches this gated Hollywood Hills retreat into the top tier of homes in the area. The 3BR/2.5BA home combines Moorish architectural elements with classic Spanish design featuring 20-foot ceilings, wrought-iron accents, gleaming wood floors, and walls of windows. A 3,483 sq. ft. floor plan provides perfect flow for large events or intimate nights lounging on expansive balconies. A gourmet kitchen and a massive master with a spa-like bathroom make this a winner.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The television viewing world first took note of Mister Grant Show when he paraded his bulging biceps and moody bad boy attitude around on the boob tube juggernaut that was Melrose Place. Since that golden nugget of television obsession ended in 1997, Mister Show has plied his sexy stuff on recurring roles on Six Feet Under, Strong Medicine, Point Pleasant, Dirt and some show in production called Swingtown, which given the current writer's strike prolly leaves Mister Show twiddling his hunky thumbs like most other working actors in Hollywood.

Your Mama imagines he occupies some of his unexpected spare time running his sorta newly opened Sunset Boulevard bar/restaurant called The Happy Ending, which looks like a real beer, hot wings, and vomiting gurls sort of place to Your Mama. He is also, according to tipster Tommy Talksalot, selling his Beachwood Canyon house. Property records indicate Mister Show purchased the three story, 3,483 square foot Mediterranean meets Moorish mish-mash in 1997 for just $560,000.

We like 1927 vintage of the 3 bedroom and 2.5 bathroom house, and it's nice that Mister and Missus Show, whose name is improbably Pollyanna, have updated the place with a new kitchen and baths. But what's the deal with the anemic decor? We realize that not every working actor has the interest or pocketbook to hire a nice gay decorator to overhaul their homes, but maybe they should anyway?

All the furniture, including the Gustav Stickley sofa in the living room and the too narrow dining room table feel under scaled for the generous room sizes. The children will also note with a significant and justified amount of consternation that beyond the beveled mirror in the master, the walls are entirely art free. Do Mister and Missus Show harbor some bizarre religious belief that forbids them from choosing a few nice pieces of art or family photographs to hang on the barren and lonely looking walls?

The kitchen walls and ceiling have been tiled up like a surgery suite (is all that stuff original?) and the the strange looking ceiling articulation with the slit down the middle is a little more abstractly vulgar then Your Mama would prefer in a room where we feed our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly, bake box cakes, and sliver carrots for Chinese chicken salad.

Because we try to find at least a couple of redeeming features in every property we discuss, Your Mama will confess that we rather enjoy the grape cluster-like chandelier in the dining room, we feel the master bath has been nicely done over, the view is magnificent, and there really are few things that Your Mama likes better than a protected courtyard entrance. And in the main, we are indeed digging Mister and Missus Show's front courtyard with it's raised panel antique gate and saltillo tiles laid at a soothing 45 degree angle to the house. But, and we regret to inform the children there is indeed a but about the courtyard, we are deeply disappointed Mister and Missus Show did not find a more suitable location for the barbecue pit. We like to barbecue as much as the next meat lover, however Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter have a not insignificant aversion to seeing a filthy barbecue pit every time we enter and exit a house. Perhaps there is a better spot for that hot coal contraption?

Although we sometimes give Staging Lady in a Pink Toyota sharp verbal stabs and jabs, it is our humble and meaningless opinion that the second rate decorating dynamo could work this place into something more attractive even on a fairly limited Pottery Barn budget.

The Show house overlooks the circular parcel estate formerly owned by Chuck Berry and recently purchased by Danny Masterson and bad gurl turned not so bad Bijou Phillips for $2,995,029. Next door, soap ack-tur-us Victoria Rowell lives in a 4,354 square foot house, and Tommy Talksalot says PETA spokesperson Eva Mendes lives up the street, or at least she did until she recently checked herself into Cirque Lodge in order to deal with some "not critical" "personal issues" which y'all surely remember is Little Lindsay Lohan's former rehab facility in Utah.

55 comments:

Staging lady with a Toyota said...

Yoooooo Hooooooo Mama I'm ready!

Hippie Canyon said...

This Grant Show gets a green light. Love this house, even if I'm not so sure about the back-side being visible from the street below... at least from what these pix suggest. Maybe I'll stalk the 'hood and see what's up. Now, while Beechwood is not exactly my ideal location, being East of the 101, for $2M what better home could one find? Any crap re-do by a not-so-wise gay decorator around Melrose & La Cienga is priced as much - without the view. Granted (yes I used it again) its always location that rules, but a view like this could make a buyer forgive the fact that its on the other side of the freeway rather than closer to, at least, Outpost or Nichols Canyon. I'm guessing it will go for something around $1.795 * BTW, just checked out the website for The Happy Ending. OMG - If that ain't tacky, it'll do until we can find it.

look at that dreadful chair said...

Not the bar stools

Alessandra said...

The bar stools are ALL kinds of wrong with that house and kitchen.

And the lack of knick-knacks or any artistic day-core is a bit strange. Plus, they have the yoooge bed and the teeeeny-tiny living room and dining room furniture. Obvious priorities, huh?!

lil' gay boy said...

If blandness were criminal, we're looking at the scene of a Class A felony . . .

Not to mention that the kitchen ceiling reminds me of the Canal Street subway stop.

But Mama, that tub? It looks like the "urinal" at the MINESHAFT.

pch said...

A classic Hollywood house -- no complaints from me.

so_chic_darling said...

A little interior demolition and you're ready to go.

Lugg Nutt said...

I totaly agree with Hippie. I think the old girl has potential. Like the house in general. Not crazy about the back-side being visible, and we are feeling the same about the view.
As for LGB and the tub, you are right, it does. Also if I were to ever sit in that tub I would have to chuck that plant out the window, because I would need a place to plunk down my drink. I am never in water without a cocktail.

Girl at the bar said...

Hey Lugg Nutt I'll drink to that.I like a floating tray myself.

pch said...

I doubt there's a privacy issue vis-à-vis the street below -- it's a steep downslope lot (evidenced by one story at street level, three at the rear) and backs to a steep upslope lot (beneath the retaining wall) fronting that section of Hollyridge. Lousy sight lines for nosey passersby, casual or otherwise.

Anonymous said...

If I was living with Grant Show the only stick of furniture in the whole damn house would be a king size bed.

lil' gay boy said...

The courtyard is classic, despite being greeted by burning meat every time you enter, without a doubt; but So_Chic, we're talking more than just a little interior demolition.

It's got good bones, but with its mismatched windows, outdated lighting, and dinky breakfast bar, I'd tear it down to the studs and start anew.

PCH, as for the rear facade, although there may not be any privacy issues, I don't think it takes enough advantage of the view. There are undoubtedly some issues with the lack of cohesiveness; that first floor projection looks like someone dumped a "Porta-Potty" on site.

sunny in sj said...

What is it with people and these bathtubs? I'm a bath taker myself (sorry Mama, I like to sit in my own swill) but why even bother to have one if it's that dinky?

Don't you think that perhaps they have moved on and just left the bare bones of furniture and art? Who would live in such bland except an anal-retentive who couldn't stand holes in the wall?

Sandpiper said...

I'm with Hippie C & PCH--and love that courtyard, Mama. Super staged...kitchen lemons...perfect bath towels...shitious wicker + foliage...but at least no freaking candle stick groupings...or (YEA!) dreaded draping throw blanket. I bet the kitchen’s sweet, ceiling and all. Staging Lady WPT, do your thang--and ditch that red valance in the living room! Go girl!

I wasn't sure who this guy was. With Mama's Six Feet Under mention, though he might be the adorable gay brother character, but isn't. This guy, according to ABC, has a dicey new series, Swingtown, delayed by writers strike.

lil' gay boy said...

Sandpiper, look him up on www.imdb.com; I'm with Anon 4:46 - talk about being a meat lover . . .

;-)

Sandpiper said...

Ooh! Little Buddy!

You posted while I was writing. I like your comments too, but am maybe a tiny bit more forgiving on some of this place's baggage. Do see your points too.

Sandpiper said...

Little Buddy,

Now you've caused me to post 3 times in as many minutes. Surely bitching will eventually follow by the crankies. Til then, I saw what he looks like--and see your point! (meow)

pch said...

Hey LGB, it's sort of a wonky camera angle, but the rear facade looks like a fairly well sorted '20s design to me. Of course, unless I'm facing an extraordinary landscape or a body of water, I'm pretty much indifferent to views except in their value as a nice-enough backdrop...

lil' gay boy said...

PCH,

Since you know the area so well, I'll take your word for it that it's the camera angle; but it still looks like a "Porta-Potty" on the ground floor to me - perhaps a later addition?

Sandpiper, post away! He's delicious.

Anonymous said...

look at the photo for the living room closer! that is not a red valance, but the bottom edge of an awning outside that window that can be seen in one of the exterior photos.

lil' gay boy said...

Sorry gentlemen, but for us ladies:

I must be getting old because I just figured it out; with him to look at all day, who the f**k needs art on the walls?

;-)

Anonymous said...

Ahh. LGB.

Princess Perfect said...

No,not really.

Princess Perfect said...

The only time we go to east LA is to eat in that authentic Mexican restaurant with the Mariachis,otherwise I'm not getting out of the car.

pch said...

Have at it, LGB. Lust is good.

Pure speculation, but I'd be very surprised if the projection/balcony weren't part of the original design...very much in line with the era's sensibilities. Not a particularly outstanding execution of the element, and I can see why it seems wrong to you, but it wouldn't bug me.

The Hollywood Mayor said...

Princess Perfect- if this house is in East LA then West Hollywood is South Central.

Beachwood is a very desireable area that doesn't get the press of the "bird streets" but has equally great views if not better in my opinion (not as much gleam from the sun off the ocean, but sometimes you can see to Long Beach)..

lil' gay boy said...

PCH, maybe it is the crappy photography but the scale and lack of complimentary architectural accents just makes it look alien to me.

That reminds me, I'm running a contest; the first person who comes up with the best bon mot (I will be sole judge, natch) regarding crazy ass Cruise I will send my copy of his unauthorized biography postage paid, anywhere in the world.

(Truth be told, after reading it i kind of feel dirty having it in the house.)

So get cracking chilruns, and give it your best shot; we'll work out the privacy issues of where to send it, etc. when I announce the winner.

Claws out - ready, set, shred!

Tired Of LGB said...

Oh good, we're back to LGB capitalizing the comments and turning it into his own little play space. That's six out of 27 comments in this thread so far.

Seriously LGB, a contest for a book? Where are your friends to reign you in and say, uh, LGB you're embarrassing yourself?

Your like a wickedly drunk sorority girl who doesn't have the good sense to stop drinking because she thinks slurring her words and falling down is charming.

You know that girl, the one everyone tolerates because she's loud but everyone secretly thinks is annoying and desperate?

I do try to just read over your comments and I do try to let you have your space to pontificate, jerk yourself off, and try to impress the guests with your wide and arcane array of knowledge. But I can't. Unfortunately I don't suffer fools gladly and I get angry when one person suck all the air out of a room.

Look! I can be as wordy and long winded as LGB.

Anonymous said...

Dear Tired of LGB;
If you don't "suffer fools gladly" you must find it difficult to listen to yourself talk.
Your angry, petty little tirade says much more about you than it does about LGB.
Let's keep it civil, shall we? Mama likes it that way and this is Mama's blog, not anyone else's.

Polly said...

Hey tired of LGB shut the fuck up and don't read his FUNNY comments them you prick.

Barren Karen said...

I have to say--kindly, politely, gently, and quietly--I'm with Tired of LGB. Reading the comments section has become too much like reading LGB's own private blog. Just my 2 cents.

Staging lady with a Toyota said...

LGB I can tell you that there are alot of mean people out there,but I just pick up my pillows,scented candles and yards of white chiffon and just keep trucking in my pink Toyota.
Do it your way baby!

hell-or-highwater said...

i like it when the chilrun get all cranky and screamy!

i ain't seen aunt mary round these parts lately -where she be?

i like the new faces chiming in.

nothing's gonna ever stop LGB from dominating the convo, he's just one of those pricks, err, i mean folks who rubs some people the wrong way by yakkin' ALL the time.

now to the house, when did zebra skin become such a go-to item for stagers? that's gotta be like the 5th such display i've seen on here in the last month or two.

Anonymous said...

More zebra skins please!

PETA bitch said...

Any more Zebra skins and there's going to be a burnt out shell of a pink Toyota in Culver City!

Alessandra said...

What's the pay scale for counting comments from individual posters? I thought those who had the job were part of the WGA, so it must be scabs crossing the line.

The zebra skin rugs scream SEXY!

That is all. ;)

BoxersVsBriefs said...

hey, tired of LGB -

points for architecting the words pontificating, arcane and jerking off + the metaphor of a drunk sorority girl into a single post.

now, if folks don't mind, i'm gonna go find me some zebra print boxers

Anonymous said...

Grant Show is a hottie whose BIG chest I'd like to suckle.

I like this house. The view is really pretty and I love Beachwood Canyon.

P.S. LGB, you got good stuff to say, just maybe limit yourself a little, let other voices rise to the surface?

Anonymous said...

On a blog filled with great names attached to comments, "Hippie Canyon, Caveman, so chic, Aunt Mary, peta bitch, Aquaman, Bentley" etc., etc., the moniker "Barren Karen" reaches a new level of hi-larity!

sandpiper said...

I’m tired of …

One sock getting lost in the washer
Paying for extra salad dressing
Heavy stemmed asparagus
Forgetting to buy garbage tags
Owners that mistreat their pets
My ex’s opinions on everything
People that cut down pretty trees

We’re all tired of something.
Group Hug!

CheekyChops said...

EEEEEKKKK! SHREEEEAK! HORROR!!! The bathroom looks like something found in a scene from One Flew Over The Coocoo's Nest! Mental health facility ter-lit. Ick.

Im tired of said...

George Bush

E.J. said...

Now the everyone's panties are hopefully less in a bunch, let's talk about someone who thinks this house is in "East L.A..." That complaint was really funny and only earned one reply/comment from the group. I'm so disappointed in everyone. Stop spending so much time on personal attacks and start attacking comments. Then you can attack the person. In fact then you should.

lil' gay boy said...

Ooops, I did it again! It's like Night Of The Living Dead.

Seriously, anyone who wants the book can have it; I simply don't have room for it and think it's a crime to throw a book away. In the cold light of dawn, (it is daylight out there, isn't it?), perhaps the idea of a "contest" is not so funny to some.

But know this: I am NOT trying to dominate this blog; due to the nature of my work I'm in front of a computer sometimes 24/7; it relieves the stress to come visit with Mama and her chilruns. I simply have more opportunity, (which I cherish) to come and play.

As for the book, let me know and it's yours.

To those I may have somehow offended, at least you have the advantage of knowing I'm not hiding behind an anon ID, so when you see my name, just scroll on by. Problem solved.

Peace, love, and all that other warm, fuzzy stuff I've heard so much about . . .

Princess Perfect said...

E.J. Daahhhhhling when you live in Beverly Hills and have a driver everything else IS East LA!

sunny in sj said...

LGB, you keep right on rockin and rollin, the haters hate, and the rest of us enjoy. I look for your posts to read them. LGB is right, just scroll on by if you don't like it. I love my Mama's family and if you don't then move on. You know our moniker's, so you know what to do.

How about Grant on the Zebra rug???? Yum.

Anonymous said...

Less than perfect princess, where does that put the pacific ocean, Brentwood, Santa Monica, Malibu.....

Yawn... Leave the witty comments to LGB.

less than Perfect Princess said...

Oh somewhere over there I guess.

sunny in sj said...

Oh, and LGB, now I feel under pressure to think of a bon mot and I'm blanking....except to say Cruise is the most serious whack-job to come out of Hollywood in a long time and I, for one, do not plan on putting a dime in pocket to further his cause. And, I find him scary! So no bon mot's but more off-topic. Whopeeee!

lil' gay boy said...

Oh, Sunny, you tickle me!

I just have one worry; did he borrow that rug from Suzanne Somers?

;-)

boxersVsBriefs said...

i swear to kee-rist i just went to a clothing store here in SF's rainy mission district, and what was on the floor but a ZEBRA SKIN RUG.

i kid you not.

it's like a plot point in a horror flick or something

lil' gay boy said...

Sunny;

YOU"VE WON!

email me at:

mamas_haters@live.com

to let me know where you want it sent (a PO box, friend's house, wherever) and I'll send it out ASAP.

Congratulations & enjoy!

SigourneyBeaver said...

I adore lil' gay boy too!

Anonymous said...

Looks like this one will be open on Sunday.

Anonymous said...

This one's off the market now. Withdrawn after only two weeks. I wonder: is this a comment on the market, or mr. show's mercurial nature?