Thursday, January 24, 2008

Harvey Fierstein Takes a Loss in Putnam County.

SELLER: Harvey Fierstein
LOCATION: West Hollow Road, Brewster, NY
PRICE: $749,900
SIZE: 3,640 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Perfect Center Hall Colonial set on 4+ acres in private cul-de-sac. Home welcomes you with dramatic 2 story entry, which opens to great rm with fireplace. Lovely formal dining rm. Office, parlor, well appointed kitchen any gourmet would love. Full bath & laundry. 2nd level boasts lavish master bedroom suite + 3 add'l bedrooms, finished bonus rm & two full baths. Additional highlights include back staircase, full walkout basmt with high ceilings.

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: Although he does own it, it's very possible that Mister Harvey Fierstein does not actually occupy this house. Hence all the wacky statuettes and folk art figurines may in fact not belong to the big and bigger than life actor. If anyone would like to clear that up, please give us a shout. In the meantime, we leave the discussion unchanged.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We are running way behind so we are going to try to be brief today. Your Mama has learned from Westchester Willy that cross dressing Broadway icon Harvey Fierstein has put his Putnam County country pad on the market for $749,900. For the mapless few, Putnam County sits just north of swanky Westchester County, which is of course just north of New York City.

Property records indicate that gravel voiced Mister Fierstein purchased the 3,640 square foot house in December of 20o5. Records also reflect that the Tony and Emmy winning diva paid $790,000 for the 4.31 acre property on West Hollow Road, so it looks like Miss Thing will be losing some money on this transaction. A local realtor that Your Mama communicated with thinks the house and location are "fierce" and should sell quickly despite the "festive" decor.

Listing information indicates the house, which sits in a small development of like minded houses, has 4 bedroom, 4 bathrooms, a parlor (of course Miz Fierstein has a parlor!), dining room, office, eat in kitchen and a full walk out and windowed basement. A back staircase makes it easier for weekend guests to squirrel tricks in and out without disturbing the ladee of the house.

Harvey hunny, all due respect to you because Your Mama really does hold you in the highest esteem as an actor and an activist. However, Your Mama confesses that we are terribly disappointed with the interior decor of this house. We are certain that what we are looking is an extensive collection of folk and outsider art. However, all those figurines and doll like things standing, sitting, leaning and gesturing throughout the house give us the heebie jeebies. Seeing those crazy things lurking in the corners, with their strange faces, thrusting arm and legs all akimbo would scare the skin right off our body as we walked bleary eyed through a shadowed room after a long night reality television and a tall pitcher of gin and tonics. Seriously Harvey, how do you keep from coming through that front door without shrieking out your big lungs in fright because it looks like there is a skinny scarecrow burglar sitting in wait with his legs though the rails on the balcony thing in the entrance hall?

Don't misunderstand, we like folk and outsider art as much as the next art appreciator, and there are indeed a good number of pieces in there that we like quite a bit, such as the big colored light bulb arrow in the front hall and the kooky Magritte-ish painting in the parlor where you've installed a vintage jukebox perfect for Saturday night singalongs. We also enjoy that mod plastic dinette set in the kitchen, however it's unpleasantly and unhappily juxtaposed with an oil painting of President Abraham Lincoln. We can just about tolerate the red faux suede sectional (due in part to the fact that it looks comfortable), and we can even get behind the collection of oil portraits and gold gilded frames. But those dancer dolls are a real problem for us and we are deeply concerned those red and white flowers on the coffee table might be plastic, or even worse, silk. And the bed spread. Oh, Harvey. Hunny. Please. No. How about swapping that overly bizzy thing out with a nice, simple navy duvet?

Here's the thing dollies, we love that the decor of this house has a personality and a point of view even if the middle brow architecture does not. And we love that Mister Fierstein collects. Collections are fantastic. However, Your Mama would gently and respectfully suggest to Mister Fierstein that he do a little bit of editing. He's a tip for Mister Fierstein and all the childen, it's simply not necessary dto show everything in a collection at the same time, particularly if it's a large collection.

No word on why Mister Fierstein has decided to unload this place at a huge loss, however property records show he owns another house in nearby Ridgefield, CT. as well as a duplex apartment on a high floor of a West 83rd Street building in New York City that records suggest he has owned since at least November of 1987.

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

That thing in the dining room literally made me jump.

pch said...

I suppose this is what happens when a few of your nice gay decorator's multiple personalities include Beetlejuice and Dolly Madison.

Added bonus: Who needs friends with so many "people" standing around?

look at that dreadful chair said...

Get me my smelling salts!

luke220 said...

Where is the staging lady when we need her?

luke220 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alessandra said...

Never in a million years would this be the house I'd imagine Harvey Fierstein buying, living in or selling.

so_chic_darling said...

Hello Dolly

lil" gay boy said...

Love Miss Fierstein but I'm afraid, Mama, that we're going to have to ask him to turn in his gay card.

This would be a great collection for one of those converted 18th century barns that dot the countryside in this neck of the woods, but this late 20th century tract home is simply NOT the backdrop for it; the only advantage to having it is it makes it confusing to figure out just which room is the most bland.

They scare me.

sandpiper said...

Why is the Antiques Roadshow theme song ringing in my ears.

I'm overwhelmed, and it takes a lot to put me in that state. Great collection; I'm not knocking it. Put two-thirds in storage and what's left would add personality to this one--if over-the-top is the goal. I think Harvey is charming. Don't have a bad thing to say about him. But...(uh-ooo) if you want to squeeze the last possible dime out of this place, strip it of anything that could confuse and deter the potential Buffy and Muffy buyers. It’s a pragmatic observation, not criticism.

Anonymous said...

Why the fuck would you show us this piece of dog shit?

Anonymous said...

I actually like all his folk art. The house, not so much.

fairfield girl said...

Mama please take us back to the.......Hamptons or even M V there is no place like home, no place like home, no place like home.

Bigdaddyj said...

Ignoring the decor for a moment, I'm just shocked that Harvey would buy or live in such a pedestrian, typically suburban McMansion looking place, personally...if it weren't for the decor, I'd assume some mild-mannered Republican professional, his wife, two kids and golden retriever lived in this house...

lil" gay boy said...

Even if Harvey bought it for a "friend," no self-respecting boy toy would be caught dead on those grounds . . .

It is a kooky, kitschy collection of art that has great charm; just not in this setting.

When you consider that the awful kitchen is the BEST room in the house, well . . .

lucy said...

Wow, that's cheap. Even in Chicagoland where I live, that's pocket change. 4+ acres for $750? Pfft.

I love the Colonial style; I owned a similar house in my previous life. (Very similar..scary.) It's very livable with kids and a labrador and a cat and hockey bags and playstation 3's and all that.

I have to say, however, that's a bad example of the style and I'm curious about the juxtaposition of the crappy chandeliers and the folk art. The kitchen is worse than bland (even colonial tract home owners can and do have a baby viking and a sub-zero. Or two.) and the ceramic tile is builder's grade.

Boring landscaping, too.

Surely there are better examples of this style of house up in Putnam Co., an area with which I am not familiar?

the cleaner said...

LITTLE GAY BORING, I aspire to your wisdom (lol). Tell me m...o...r...e... I form no opinions until you synthesize comments made by others (news to you) in past posts. Oh, shallow one, speak to me.

the cleaner said...

LITTLE GAY BORING, I aspire to your wisdom (lol). Tell me m...o...r...e... I form no opinions until you synthesize comments made by others (news to you) in past posts. Oh, shallow one, speak to me.

Polly said...

Cat fight

lil' gay boy said...

Polly, you kill me . . . can't you see the poor thing has the hiccups?

Friend of lil Gay Boy said...

Cleaner my toilet is blocked,can you see to it please?

Anonymous said...

right away, so_chic.

Anonymous said...

Are those windows really vinyl?

bentley said...

Anybody having "Deliverance" flashbacks from that little gangly guy in the upstairs hall?

bentley said...

Hey gang,

On a side note, a couple of folks have joined forces. If you're feeling particularly sanguine, swing by:

realestateforsanctimoniouspricks.com

Anonymous said...

putnam county is trash.

Viva! said...

Well there goes one gay stereotype. He can't decorate. At All.

lil' gay boy said...

Viva, I couldn't agree more - I'm filled with shame.

Anonymous said...

Harvey is a neighbor of mine in Ridgefield CT. He bought this property for an ex BF. The ex BF has met someone new and is now unloading the home.. Trust me Harvey DID NOT decorate this house!!

caveman said...

harvey, come out of the closet already, hetero isn't so bad, actually a small majority in some states.
so put on a flannel shirt, come on over & watch some football while sippin suds on my triple recliner with the built in fridge...ya baby.
I'll show you my velvet elvis collection, just don't bump your head on my new potrack.

lil" gay boy said...

Caveman, as long as the shirt is Ralph Lauren, the football has some closeups of the tight ends, the and the suds are in a pilsner glass, you stand a good chance of a visit from ol' Harv.

Velvet Elvis is always a good icebreaker, but since Harv is rather tall, I'd stay out of the kitchen with him if I were you. No pot deserves that . . .

caveman said...

flannel shirts, football & beer???
is nothing sacred? i do own some pilsner glasses that my grandmother gave me, love that old broad. i'm starting to question my manhood.
I have a sudden urge to jump in my f150 & hit the shooting range.

Anonymous said...

Mr. H bought this house to live in temporarily while he tore down and built a new fabulous house. Hence why the wacky stuff doesn't fit here. Look out for his new digs!