Sunday, November 18, 2007

Melissa Etheridge Unloads in the Hidden Hills

SELLER: Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels
LOCATION: Saddle Creek Road, Hidden Hills, CA
PRICE: $4,995,000
SIZE: 6,837 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Country estate up a long private drive to a secluded hilltop location. Total privacy and fabulous views highlight this celebrity home. Featuring a private tennis court, set among towering pines and generous pool yard with surrounding views. Apx. 6,837 sq. ft., 6 bedroom, 6.5 bah, with cozy granite center island kitchen, hardwood floors, high beam ceilings, downstairs master suite with stunning new bath, featuring travertine marbles, steam shower, freestanding tub, dry sauna, dual water closets, fireplace, and more.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Although Your Mama has a mess of messy relatives visiting, including a couple of keeidz who whose hands we gotta continually swat away from the computer, we endeavor to bring the children a little celebrity real estate gossip amidst the chaos that our usually quite quiet apartment has become.

Today we head back out to Hidden Hills to discuss the house on Saddle Creek Road that is being sold by two of the more famous lezbeeuns in the world of Hollywood, rockstar royal Melissa Etheridge and her ladee lover acturuss Tammy Lynn Michaels, who is probably most well known for playing a bitchy high school girl on the short lived and screamingly camp Popular, and before she became huge with babies in her belly, Miz Michaels did a short stint on the L Word too, natch.

Back in May, the Sapphic duo quietly paid $5,100,000 for a new single story Hidden Hills house on Round Meadow Road which property information shows measures 6,505 square feet with 5 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms. Which sounds comfortably commodious until you remember that these two are practically drowning in young children. Tammy Lynn (who doesn't love a gurl with two names?) recently birthed twin babies who will likely require a nanny or two, and Miz Etheridge shares custody of two other children from her previous lezbiahnic relationship with hasbian Julie Cypher who has since scandalously married a man. So that's a lot of people to be living up in one house.

Anyhoo
, a recent report in Ruth Ryon's Hot Properties column in the Los Angeles Times revealed that the May-December, well okay, May-September maybe, couple moved from one Hidden Hills house to the other because they wanted more space for the kiddies. But strangely, the old house on Saddle Creek Road was slightly larger at 6,837 square feet with 6 bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms. If you ask Your Mama, which of course no one did, the Saddle Creek Road property offered a better and more private location. Plus is has a tennis court which the new property in "the flats" section of Hidden Hills does not, despite its 1.4 acre lot.

Ever since Miz Ryon's little report, all the world's real estate gossips have waited on pins and needles for the ladees to put their Saddle Creek Road house on the market, and lo and behold, here it is. Sitting high on a looking over the rich denizens of this guard gated horse friendly community, the ivy covered house has an asking price of $4,995,000.

The family room is far too country for our personal taste, and we don't care one bit for that intricately detailed parquet flooring, but the cathedral-esque front entrance hall is stunning with it's high peaked ceiling and dee-voon raised wood paneled walls. The voluminous living room offers a warm fireplace and long views out over the hidden hills. Despite the troublesome floor, Your Mama imagines that a good gay decorator could really work this place into something smart and comfortable.

The kitchen, again not our personal sense of style, appears none the less to be well appointed and we are thrilled that Miz Etheridge's kitchen designer managed to find a proper spot for the microwave oven. Your Mama is just so tired of seeing all these multi-million dollar houses with $150,000 kitchens with a microwave oven right on the damn counter. Seriously, that is not okay. We also note the dreaded pot rack. Pot racks are another of those kitchen implements that we encourage all sensible people refuse when their fancy kitchen designer recommends one. Children, these things do not look cozy and charming, they look messy. AND they are lethal when swinging around during earthquakes.

The creamy colored glam bathroom is way too glam for Your Mama. But it probably worked well when these womyn had a team of hair gays and make up mavens over to the house to get them dolled up for a run down the red carpet.

The landscaper has unfortunately allowed the lawn in the backyard to get yellow and patchy, and for that he (or she) should be punished severely. But over all, Your Mama digs this backyard. It appears to be private, serene and not overly processed with fussy flowers or one of those obscene swimming pool fantasmagorias with a grotto and a water slide. And we love the old-fashioned charm of the swing, tire swing and knotted rope hanging from the gorgeous trees.

Property records show that Miz Ethridge paid $3,595,000 in September of 2004 for the Saddle Creek Road house which sits on a 3.42 acre parcel not far from the guard gated entrance to the exclusive suburban community which is home to heaps of celebs including but not limited to Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, Brad Garrett, Shaun Cassidy, Beau Bridges, Lisa Marie Presley, and let's not forget the troubled and tawdry dee-vorcee Denise Richards.

Your Mama wishes the lesbian ladees of Hidden Hills much happiness in their new home with their growing brood of loud children. Now Your Mama has to go deal with the loud children visiting us who are currently wreaking havoc on our kitchen and have our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly all bent out of shape.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think it's a beautiful home, but I tend to like country-style homes. I really need a tub like that.

so_chic_darling said...

"the lesbian ladees of Hidden Hills"
Mama that show could give the real housewives of Orange county a run for it's money!

Layler said...

The bathroom is horrendous - looks like something Wayne Newton would have in his home. There is such a thing as overdoing the marble, people!

Rest of the house and property is lovely, though.

so_chic_darling said...

Tell the brats to leave your long bodied bitches alone!

Glorgn said...

Your article seems to be just innocent fun, but in reality it is nothing of the sort.
Your article is homophobic, condesending and very disrespectful of Tammy and Melissa Etheridge and their family.
They are a great couple, devoted to each other and to their kids.
They don't deserve the shabby treatment you have given them here.
The house is beautiful.

Runaround Sue said...

Homophobic? You're kidding, right?

I didn't read anything homophobic here. and I'm a lesbian so at least in theory I'd know homophobic.

Anonymous said...

I think Mama's article was well written and in no way disrespected these ladies.

Me thinks another sh*t stirrer has gotten in through the doggie door.

Anonymous said...

Oh Greenland, give it up. You're not scoring any points with the Etheridges for protecting them from your perceived boogiemen.

Mama wrote nothing here that was disrespectful of Melissa and/or Tammy.

Relax. It is reactions like yours that make us all look bad.

glorgn said...

I think this arcticle IS deregatory towards ALL lesbians and it really doesnt matter that the object of the article is the Etheridges. It would have been just as bad if it had been about Ellen & Portia or the O'Donnells or any other famous or non-famous lesbian couple.
Would Mama have spoken that way about a het couple? Calling an ex a hasbian? I dont think so.
Besides as someone else pointed out elsewhere, printing the name of the street they live on is not cool at all.
Mama's eagerness to be "smart" and "witty" may have placed the E's in a lot of danger from unpleasent people.
Odd, that the "anonymous" people in here so brave at taking pot shots at me haven't picked up on that fact.

Runaround Sue said...

Glorgn,

Just about every lesbian and gay man I know and a fair number of my gay friendly straight friends uses the term hasbian. It's a snarky and descriptive term for a fomerly lesbian woman, but it hardly crosses the line of homophobic in my book.

As a lesbian woman myself, for the record, I don't think there's anything homophobic or derogatory towards lesbians here at all.

Thanks for your righteous anger on the subject, but this lesbian doesn't need your outdated political morality to protect her.

Iceland said...

I am a lesbian, and I take great offense to your statements, Glorgn. I agree with anonymous, you see things that aren't there. By calling this homophobia, you put your irrational fears on all of us.

Hasbian homophobic? HA! Has been a lesbian. Julie once identified as lesbian, and apparently, no longer does as she is married to a man. That's a hasbian if I've ever met one.

Glorgn said...

Sorry to disappoint you,runaround sue, but I wasn't trying to protect anybody here. I felt the tone of the article was wrong and disrespectful, not only towards the E's but to all lesbians in general and that includes ME.
Since I dont know who you are, and I assume you dont know me, I'm wondering how you can claim that I have an "outdated political morality" based on what I have written in this thread?? It's all too easy to label people one does not agree with.
I'm not afraid to stand up for what I believe to be decent and right. It doesn't make my opinions better than yours or yours better than mine. The least we can do is agree to disagree. We dont need to verbally kill each other in the process. :-)

Iceland said...

Glorgn,
I would believe that RunAroundSue thought you morality was outdated, by the simple fact that you are offended by the most innocuous things.

Learn a lesson from our President's mistakes ... don't base your war on WMD's that exist only in your own mind.

glorgn said...

Iceland: Please dont presume to know what I am. You were the one talking about being offended by my comments.
Objecting to the contents of an article and being offended are two very different things.
And I dont believe this article is as innocuous as it seems at first glance.

One problem with the world is that too many people have no moral values at all. Decency is never outdated.

Anonymous: about me scoring points with the E's.
I dont think the E's care shit one way or another about what I write. Thousands of people have all kinds of opinions about them. I think they have better things to do than read some stupid thread on an insignificant web site.

glorgn said...

PS! Iceland:
Don't insult me by comparing me to your current president, and dont be pretentious enough to assume you know what's on my mind. You dont!
and what the f... is WMD anyway? Something you can't spell and therefore have to abbreviate???

Anonymous said...

It appears the Etheridge's property has sold.

Any gossip on who the lucky buyer was and how much they purchased the property for?

BTW there is a much better view on the virtual tour.

Link below, hope it works.

http://www.californiamoves.com/property/propertydetails.aspx?propertyguid=edeb03f7-3c8d-4ed8-a3e2-e23f74dcca14&sqft=0&mls=&CityIDList=c2382&MaxPrice=999999000&CountyIDList=207&MinBed=0&sort2=city&PType=SFAM&sortord=D&Street=&CommunityIDList=&thumbs=1&Zip=&MinPrice=0&sort1=listprice&PropSearch=0&rpp=10&MinBath=0&page=3

Anonymous said...

Oops

Virtual tour link below.

http://www.visualtour.com/applets/flashviewer2/viewer.asp?t=1427535&sk=13

StPaulSnowman said...

If Mama had written anything derogatory, I am sure she would be hanging from the kitchen pot rack. As far as I can tell, the rack be naked. Homophobophobia is treatable at the institution formerly owned by that basketball player......the one with the picture of a bunch of men in dresses having dinner.

Anonymous said...

I think some of you need a lesson in linguistics. Homophobia is a fear of homosexuals. Mama doesn't seem to fear them at all; to the contrary, I believe she's referred to gay friends before. This term was also created by homosexuals, from what I know. My gay friends do it a lot (play with words like that, I mean). Also Glorgn, I can tell you why Mama wouldn't call a heterosexual a hasbian: because going from one heterosexual to another doesn't fit the description. Kind of getting offended that she's not calling an apple an orange. Also, as long as we're playing the "I'm offended" game, I'm heterosexual and I don't like being called "het," whatever that is. It connotes something "other," something to be feared. Perhaps you're a heterophobe? I'm a person, my sexuality is incidental to the rest of me.

a-ware said...

Boy, if you people think Mama is a straight female, you sure ain't been payin' attention. There are some dense people 'round here.

Anonymous said...

Is there any electricity or running water on this property?

Is there even a TV in the house?

What's the address? I can't seem to find it.