Thursday, November 29, 2007

UPDATE: 50 Cent

Surely by now all the children know that 50 Cent, the smack talking rapper who was once shot full of holes and lived to tell about it, has been trying to sell his freakishly huge 50,000 square foot mega mansion in Connecticut that he bought from girly voiced boxer Mike Tyson's ex-wifey Monica for $4,100,000.

The super successful musician is asking a whopping $18,500,000 for his poorly decorated pile that features such amenities and a private disco, a movie thee-ay-ter, four kitchens, a racquetball court (which we can't imagine Mister 50 uses much), heli-pad, tennis courts, a private logoo with spitting fountains, an indoor shooting range, indoor and outdoor swimming pools, 19 bedrooms and nearly 40 damn terlits. Yes children nearly 40 terlits. If yer house needs this many terlits, there is entirely too much crapping going on by the guests who have come over to bbq and shoot pistols.

Just in case you can't stay up until 10:30 tonight when the show airs on MTV Cribs, and lahwd knows Your Mama cain't, here's a little teaser where the surprisingly soft spoken and subdued Mister Fifty shows us his tacky $80,000 dining room chandelier, his impressive hat and shoe closet which will make any shoe queen drool with envy, and his bumble bee yellow million dollar Ferrari. For a million bucks Your Mama would rather own a crazy ass Tara Donovan sculpture, but who are we to question the reasons some men need to own powerful and grotesquely expensive sports cars? Back off car enthusiasts, we know yer going to tell us a Ferrari is a work of art. Fine. You say toemaytoe, we say toemahtoe. We'd still rather have an undulating sculpture made of Styrofoam cups.

Now that I've shamelessly plugged MTV Cribs, Your Mama hopes they'll get smart and buy some damn advertising.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mama, it looks more like a Four Seasons Hotel than a home. Sometimes excess is just excess.

caveman said...

50,000 sq ft of baseball caps, jeans, sneakers, & 10 overpriced cars that look the same except for the color.
i got the sense through his commentary that he was wising up though, i hope.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, are there an rappers out there with taste? I really doubt it. The cars probably aren't his, there was an article a couple years ago about MTV cribs & how the rappers all get a loan of cars to sit in their driveway for the show ... They singled out Wyclef Jean [If memory serves me right!] whos front driveway was like a parking lot, he had 1 car in his garage then about 20 sitting blocking up his little cramped driveway!

Anonymous said...

Can someone explain to me why Tyson built this house in Farmington? It's not close to the city, it's a suburb of Hartford. Why the hell did 50 cent even buy it? Floors me completely.

happy face said...

-he bought it b/c it was "mike tyson's" house.

-he does own his cars...
he just made $400 mil from sale of smart water (he invested $4 mil at the start a few years back).

-his house makes kls's house look nice.

michael said...

Just to make it known: 50 does NOT own all of those cars pictured, the yellow Enzo Ferrari was a loaner for sure (1 registered in CT and belonging to a hedge fund manager). The others are suspicious as well. I know he has more than enough pocket change to afford them, but why lie about what you really own?

Anonymous said...

animali!

Anonymous said...

Ever wonder who will be the next MC Hammer?

Auctioneer

First on the block today we have a lovely chandelier with a starting bid of $2,000

50c

WTF!!! 2K...F*** that...thats sh8t's mother F-in Baccarat bitch! Look...look...you see that red thing on it...you see? That's an 80 THOUSAND DOLLAR lamp!

Auctioneer

no bids?

back to the bank

Anonymous said...

A man who is worth 400-500 million dollars doesnt need to rent cars for show. On Cribs, he told you why he buys those cars. He starts them once a month, drives them around the block, and then parks them, and the value goes up every year. To hell with taste, if i can buy a house for $4 million and sell it at a 300% profit, you can rag on the decor until you're blue in the face

average joe said...

he is most likely going to take a loss on it, he spent MILLIONS in remodeling, reconstruction, materials, there are no views, it is very very expensive to maintain, who knows but I think he may get 5MM for it, that is all it is worth given the location and who ever buys it will have to spend a 500k a year just to keep it looking good.