Monday, September 10, 2007

It's French Country for Britney Spears

BUYER: Britney Spears
LOCATION: Ramirez Canyon Road, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $9,350,000 (list)
SIZE: 8,500 square feet (approx.), 7 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Finest quality & custom details throughout this Ramirez Canyon estate nestled within towering sycamore trees & park like grounds. Remodel just completed! Spacious living areas including kitchen w/ Viking appliances, family room, dining room w/ fireplace, great room w/ fireplace, mater suite w/ dual bathrooms, walk-in closet, fireplace & balcony, private third level bonus room could be nursery/gym/office. Basement w/ media room & wine cellar. Guest house, pool, spa and room for horses.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Poor Britney Spears. The trashy, troubled, and fading pop star may not have done herself any professional favors with her lackluster lip synch performance at the MTV Video Music Awards last night, but she is still one very rich young gurl who likes to swap residences the way most people change their underwear.

Spears, who frequently stays in swanky hotels even though she currently owns a luxury Beverly Hills mansion that languishes on the market for $7,495,000, long ago put the Malee-boo mansion she shared with ex-huzband Kevin "The White Rapper" Federline on the market for $13,500,000 (later reduced to $11,999,000). Today, Mister Big Time reported that the Mediterranean style property has disappeared from the MLS and speculated that the house has either gone to contract for sale or that Miz Spears has elected to keep the house. Back in July, and on the tips of multiple sources, Your Mama, as well as a number of other gossips, reported that the Malee-boo mansion had indeed been sold to an anonymous buyer even though the listing remained active in the MLS.

However, Your Mama can now reveal that information provided to us by Our Fairy Godmother in Malee-boo indicates that the buyer, director/writer/producer Stephen Sommers, paid a flat $10,000,000 for the property. We're quite certain this will be reported widely within days, but remember children, you read it here first.

Your Mama also received some very good intelligence from Lucy Spillerguts, one of our most prolific and reliable sources, about where the nudity loving single mommy of two will soon be moving now that the Malee-boo manse has indeed been sold. Turns out it's just a few miles north to the Point Dume area where she will soon be relocating to an 8,500 square foot house that sits on a 5 acre parcel on gated Ramirez Canyon Road. Did you hear Your Mama? Gated. So don't even think of trying to get your mama to drive your teenage ass out to Malee-boo to watch the uncouth "singer" unpack her world class collection of Cheetos and cut off denim shorts that come thisclose to exposing her naughty bits.

As of today, Your Mama is unsure whether Miz Spears has leased or purchased this French Country style house. However, all signs point towards a purchase. The newly renovated house, which was recently listed at $9,350,000, includes 6 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms, a large living room with low ceilings, a dining room with high ceilings and a view of the heated pool, a master that includes a fireplace and dual bathrooms, one for her and one for her rotating cast of man friends, currently rumored to be Las Vegas illusionist Criss Angel. The square footage also includes a media room, wine cellar, family room, eat in kitchen and enough spare bedrooms for all her gays to head out to Malee-boot for a slumber party.

The 5 acre estate is accessed by a charming wooden bridge and the park-like grounds will give the Feder-tots plenty of privacy and room to play hide and seek. Remember Brit Brit hunny, if they hide, you are supposed to go seek them yourself, not send the manny sometime later in the afternoon. The rolling grounds include lush lawns, a heated swimming pool, guest house, and room for horses. But Your Mama sincerely hopes Miz Spears things twice about buying ponies for the boys.

On a serious note, Your Mama genuinely wishes this Britney Spears gurl and her bad weaves some peace and quiet in her life and in her new house. People, this out of control soul has children. Children! If even half the stories we hear about the one time princess of pop and that disastrous photo shoot with OK magazine are true, she's got a long road to health in front of her. Hunnies we can't even repeat what we heard happened up there. Suffice to say what we heard from an inside source was far more lurid, salacious, and disturbing than was printed in all the tabs. Way more.

Source: Pacific Coast News (photo)


Anonymous said...

Please don't let us hungry children hanging. Please do share.

Anonymous said...


Now there is another house in greater Los Angeles that will stink like Funyons.

Oh well, at least the photogs will have a more difficult time capturing pics of Britney nearly burning nekkid babies with cigarettes. And the acoustics will probably be great for a bunch of "gimme gimme more."

Poor, poor Britney. I genuinely do wish you well, babe.

Anonymous said...

Everything about Ms Spears makes me feel nauseous. I can't even look at another expensive home that she has bought, probably to be put back on the market again by the new year.

She is such a wreck. Maybe if we all stop paying attention she'll scuttle back to the south and get a real life.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

Bee-utiful home. But, oh, Britney. Ugh!! You are a hot mess!! Stay home and love those babies.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the address, anonymous at 5:00.

That house was sold for $3.5 million a year ago and remodeled.

Whoever sold that to Brit made quite a profit.

lucy said...

How much did she pay for the Malibu house? $10,000,000 is a huge discount from the asking price...I wonder how trashed the house was?

Joan Crawford said...

During whatever happened to baby Jane I knitted a scarf from Hollywood to Malibu.

Anonymous said...

Someone asked how much she paid for the other Malibu house:

Spears purchased the Malibu house through her Love Shack Trust in 2004 for $6,300,000, according to public records. - Big Time Listings

Anonymous said...

The landscaping is to die for.
The lighting does not match the syle of the house. Way too dainty.

Anonymous said...

It seems like a perfectly lovely place for her children to be raised by an army of nannies and assistants while Britney is off at clubs smoking and neglecting her chillrun.

West Coastian said...

I like this house and the grounds. It also makes me glad that the pool area is already fenced off to keep the little boys out.

Hippie Canyon said...

JOAN DARLING... how I do miss you. Well I guess we all know what happened to Baby Spears. Such a sad story really. I mean, who would of thought a blond-to-the-bone Disney bred Whore who adored dancing with equally blond snakes and flashing her coochie would have ended up such a train wreck. I mean really! Well, as Joan & I know, the studio system ain't what it used to be. As for Malibu, the prices never make sense (witness 21000 PCH on the market for YEARS and still going up in price)... and the risk of fires is too terrifying for moi. I imagine it going down (so to speak) like this: her ebay purchased vintage plug-in vibrator overheats, she then grabs the asbestos glove from the babies mouth, yanks it out (the vibrator, that is), then tosses it from her CLK 350 as she speeds along PCH, and proudly starts another mega-acreage fire.

Anonymous said...


caveman said...

i actually like the house.
and hippie canyon, the fuzz will be needing more details on the next malibu burn.

Layler said...

Oh, mama,you are making me drool. How much worse could that OK! shoot have been?!?!?! If you type in a bunch of "allegedly"s here and there, you can blog it!!

The house is lovely. Very secluded, love the little bridge. The trees and landscaping are incredible.

It's not furnished in the photos, so I'm guessing this is NOT the house where she camped out for hours and ate on the owners' bed???

Anonymous said...

Everybody in the Summit will be thrilled when Brittany moves out!!!
Take the Paparazzi with you.

kat said...

These photos of the Ramirez Canyon home are copyrighted and must be removed from this site.

Anonymous said...

Nice grounds.

Bathroom needs to be redone.
Kitchen is stark, redo it.
Horrific lighting throughout.
Nice floors, but other than that needs to be remodelled.

Bette Davis said...

"The best time I ever had with Joan Crawford was when I pushed her down the stairs in whatever happened to baby jane"

Joan Crawford said...

What the hell is that giant room in the bigger building?

Anonymous said...

well, all i can say is that britney hit home run this time! "womanizer" is INSANE! have you all had a chance to check it out yet? it's her brand new track, and you can get all the details on kiis fm's web site at-