Friday, September 21, 2007

Scary Spice Double Whammy

SELLER: Melanie Brown, aka Mel B, aka Scary Spice
LOCATION: 5656 Hill Oak Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,810,000 (sale price)
SIZE: 2,990 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: "The Oaks." Fabulous city and canyon views. Huge private deck plus pool. Remodeled with great cooks kitchen with BBQ and all Viking appliances. 3 bedroom suites, high ceiling living room and dining room area. Wood floors and security system.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: This morning Your Mama is going to piggy back on Mister Big Time's excellent scoop from earlier this week about Melanie Brown (aka Mel B, aka Scary Spice, aka Eddie Murphy's baby mama) buying and selling houses in Los Angeles.

First let's start with the property that Miz Scary Spice purchased back in June of 2003 for $1,495,000 and recently sold for $1,810,000. The property, nestled in the crook of the street with lovely views of the canyon, is located up in the desirable Los Feliz neighborhood called "The Oaks," which is of course the same neck of the woods that Mister Angelina Jolie has long owned a compound of properties on Valley Oak Drive and Briarcliff Road, and also the area where OCD house flipper Jeff Lewis often does bizness.

In April, the much in the news Miz Scary Spice pushed out a baby that recently engaged Eddie Murphy, who already fathered a half dozen children, has been reluctant to claim. Naturally, an epic, public, and bitter battle has ensued over child support and such. Then she up and married some music or movie producer dude named Stephen Belafonte, who she got with while she had Eddie Murphy's baby in her belly and appears to have paternity and child support issues of his own. The beleaguered tabloid queen and new mommy will soon be hitting the dance floor on the disturbing but fascinating Dancing With The Stars program. It has been reported that Victoria Beckham, the publicity hungriest Spice Girl of all, would like to design Miz Scary Spice's sequined and high-slitted outfits. Hmm.

Anyhoo, Your Mama is kinda digging the former House of Scary Spice. Yes, it does sit a little too close to the road for our liking, but we like the easy maintenance front garden which surely cuts down on the landscaping bills. Fortunately the front facade does not appear to have many windows because we do NOT need the dog walking neighbors peeping in the front windows trying to get a look at our furniture and artworks.

Once inside, we appreciate the high wood ceilings and the informal layout. The recently renovated kitchen looks both sleek and warm and of course Your Mama loves all the Viking appliances. We might have considered a nice tiled back splash behind the sink. Your Mama is feeling mixed on the baby blue master bathroom. Maybe it just needs a lovely photograph on the wall behind the tub? Or maybe it just looks devoid of life because there are no lotions and potions to be seen? Is it dark? Is there a window in here?

All the major rooms of this home spill out to the mammoth deck that stretches across the back of the house and provides an excellent location for our pussycat Sugar to stretch out in the sun. The deck leads to the lovely kidney shaped pool. Given that the South facing deck is drenched with the scorching sun most of the day, we are pleased and relieved to find a nice shady spot behind the swimming pool for afternoon naps.

We can't imagine why Miz Scary Spice would sell this seemingly well outfitted single story house and move to another, but she did. It can't be because she wanted more yard for the brat, or a more child friendly property, because the new house, as you'll note, does not have any more yard space than this house and is certainly no more children friendly. Your Mama is convinced that celebrities, even the "b" and "c" list celebrities, just like to move frequently.
BUYER: Melanie Brown, aka Mel B, aka Scary Spice
LOCATION: Mount Olympus Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $3,000,000 (sale price)
SIZE: 3,476 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Sophisticated vibe. Understated luxury! Ultra chic showpiece w/ commanding city to ocean views. This 4 BD, 3.5 BA contemporary has been recently redesigned to integrate a sexy vibe w/ an ambiance of understated luxury. Private entry leads to hip outdoor lounge, pool & spa. Spacious open floor plan features sleek stylized doors, gourmet kitchen, fire & ice F/P, walls of seamless glass, floating staircase, hot master suite w/ views, F/P and infinity spa bath. A Mecca for the ultra sophisticated.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Okay babies, although we are not fond of the Mount Olympus location (nice views and great central location, but too many horrendous and ugly houses to look at as you drive through the nabe), we like Miz Scary Spice's newly renovated new house, even if it is a little W Hotel in its interior appointments for our taste.

Keep in mind that the decor in the photographs is NOT that of Miz Scary Spice, so we can't knock her for that uber gay and frightening close up of Madonna's face on the dining room wall, which is so impossibly and heinously in error that it is almost not worth mentioning. Almost.

Naturally we would prefer a gated motor court in a house in this price range so that the neighbors aren't able to see what groceries we're buying or what celebrity we're squirreling into the house, but unfortunately for Miz Scary Spice, all that bizness will be played out in the tabloids.

One of the features that Your Mama likes about this house is that it both faces the interior courtyard where the swimming pool and spa are located, but it also faces the big views towards the ocean from the Southern side of the house.

As cliche and over-done as they are, Your Mama digs the espresso colored floors and the cabinetry in the kitchen. The juxtaposition of the white counter tops is lovely and even more lovely if it's Carrara marble.

But hands down, our favorite feature of this property is the outdoor covered living room area near the front entry doors and the kidney shaped swimming pool (lowest right photo). This shady and cool location looks like an excellent spot to get out of the blazing sun and read all the glossy tabs. This space would be even better if it had a fireplace, but alas, the addition of that feature appears to have been overlooked.

Given that Miz Scary Spice just had a child, we're a little surprised that she would choose a residence with a floating (read: dangerous for children) staircase and acres of floor to ceiling seamless glass that she is going to have to pay the nanny extra to keep fingerprint free. Also, there is no yard here for a jungle gym or sand box, so we imagine Miz Scary Spice is going to have to pack it up and move again with the peanut is a toddler.

Your Mama wishes Miz Scary Spice luck on Dancing With the Stars. Everyone has high hopes for you gurl. You were a singing and dancing pop star at one time, after all. And we wish her some peace and quiet in her life, because hunny, you might get off on the drama and resulting publicity with Mister Eddie Murphy, but Your Mama assures you, that baby of yours will not.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is very funny, I bet Slutty Spice thought she had it all planned out.

Step 1. Stop taking birth control.
Step 2. Have Eddie's baby.
Step 3. Live in Beverly Park super mansion and feed off of Eddie's fame.
Step 4. Restart her career.

Too bad Eddie had a problem with Step 3. Good luck Slutty Spice.

I love how the Spice Girls preach girl power, when really their only talent is to get knocked up by wealthy men.

Go Girls!

Marc Jacobs' Other Ho said...

Okay... leaving the moralizing aside.

I like the second house a lot but it's a little cold and clinical for my personal taste. That Madonna picture has got to go. As a flaming homo myself, even I don't think I've sucked enough cock to be delusional enough to approve of that.

I absolutely LOVE the house she is selling. It's gorgeous.

I guess I am just hopelessly old-fashioned but this constant flipping and selling and moving is just not something I would find remotely appealing; give me that one space I fall in love with and call "home," and I'll be there till they cart my ass out in a coffin.

Anonymous said...

Anon1 -

I'm not a fan of hers by any means but I don't see her releasing albums etc.. so what would she use eddie murphys fame for? he's hardly an A lister himself - more a has-been! & he treated her pretty awfully ... Also, none of the spice girls have been 'knocked up' by 'wealthy men' ... Posh was far more famous & far wealthier than David Beckham when she met him 12 years ago or whatever - he was pretty much just a soccer player & she was in a huge world famous band ... I think a lot of ppl forget that it was Victoria that had the $$$ & the fame when they met...

Anyway, not keen on either of these houses ... she should move back to England to her huge tudor estate complete with boating lake, stables etc ... It's beautiful & nicer than Eddie's faux Beverly Park mansion.

Anonymous said...

Other residnents of The Oaks:

-Kelly Lynch and Mitch Glazer (badass house, btw)
-former home of Cary Grant
-Christina Ricci and Adam Golberg until recently
-Geena Davis (home is for sale)
-Danny Bonaduce (believe this one is on the market still, too.)

I love this neighborhood. Very eclectic and not too pretentious, despite the fact that it is drenched in celebs.

And as for Scary's homes, I love thi first one. Very comfortable looking, and certainly my kind of home.

Anonymous said...

Correction to my previous post:

Danny Bonaduce's place is a few blocks east of The Oaks.

bitterspinster said...

Love the first house though I would change the exterior colors and the bathroom. That pale blue is doing nothing for me.

Linda Hoof said...

The spice girls are nasty and cheap.How the hell did they get fucking green cards?

Anonymous said...

What is meant by a "fire and ice" fireplace? Why talk about things with no picture such as the floating staircase?

sugarhoneyicetea said...

I love both of these places. Modern and clean lines. No fussy details. I would change the baby blue in the bath in the first house. I LOVE the floor to ceiling glass in the dining room in second house, but please take that picture out. These places seem perfect for the rich and single or a couple with no children. But Scary has two children -- a baby and a pre-teen. Don't these kids deserve a little patch of grass and some soft edges in a house? And I'll be the first to say a swimming pool should be out with young children running around. These home purchases seem a little selfish for the parents to make. Okay I am off my mommy soap box for now.

Anonymous said...

I love the place Scary is selling, at least, the interior I love. The outside is ugly. It also seems well-priced.

Anonymous said...

The white house Scary is buying is lovely too. The Madonna must go, too. Also, I don't like the hardscape around the pool. Too patchworky.

I don't think Scary Spice needed Eddie Murphy to restart her career. Also, I fail to see how she is slutty. If so, what does that make Eddie Murphy?

Esoterik said...

Hey Mamma, I think the Mount Olympus section of the Hollywood Hills is pretty nice and often times you can get more house for your money. Those houses aren't ugly at all.

Anyway, I've been inside this house and I liked it alot. It's very "ultra chic'"

Layler said...

The house for sale is much nicer than the one she's buying! Also more baby friendly. Looks like you could fence off the spot between the pool and deck/patio.

The new house - not a contemporary fan, but it's nice. Need more kitchen cabinets, and definitely not a comfy home for a newborn. What's with "Sex in the City" showing on every tv shot?? LOL

Kathy T. said...

I love that I found your site when I googled Scary House. I am writing a Halloween feature for Shak & Jill (www.shakandjill.com) and your site is now my feautre. Hearts to you!

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