Monday, September 10, 2007

Janice Dickinson's New Temporary Home

RENTER: Janice Dickinson
LOCATION: Skyline Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $5,250 / month
SIZE: 3,034 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Dramatic architectural home with gated courtyard entry! Soaring wood-beam ceilings and walls of glass capture sweeping canyon views from every room and fill the home with an abundance of natural light. Glossy hdwd floors grace the public rooms upstairs, which open out to a deck spanning the entire back of the home–perfect for outdoor relaxation/entertaining. Gourmet ktchn, sprawling master suite w/ deck access, updated baths, new sisal floors dnstairs, patio and front yard.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama always imagined that Janice Dickinson, the self proclaimed world's first supermodel lived in a big Bev Hills house she bought years ago with modeling money, dee-vorce settlements, and the gifts of generous gentlemen. We pictured a living room worthy of the Studio 54 crowd with lots of mirrors and dusty portraits of herself hanging over the fireplaces. Sort of Paris Hilton-esque, only from the disco generation. But alas. Turns out that Miz Janice Dickenson, once a judge on America's Next Top Model and now the owner of an Los Angeles based modeling agency that is featured on yet another trashy reality show called The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, rents like all the common folk. RENTS!

Back in February, the thrice married mother of two packed up her cardboard boxes at the modest 1,824 square foot house she rented on Westwanda Drive way up in the Hills of Beverly, and decamped for a new, larger, and more glamorous rental house high in the Hills of Hollywood.

The notoriously foul mouthed and sharp tongued Miz Dickinson's new digs feature 3,034 square feet of post modern house that hang over the canyon below. The house is approached through a walled and gated courtyard which is a perfect and protected from coyotes location for Linda and Beverly to bathe their long bodies in the morning sun.

The living room, a light and bright space with a vaulted ceiling, could use some spice and a rug, but we suspect Miz Dickinson, a fully loaded spice rack herself, has outfitted this place with more style and zip than we see here with the dark leather club chair style furniture and Pier 1 coffee tables.

Although Your Mama is not down with the lemon yellow wall color in the kitchen and dining area, we do like the pared down simplicity of the glossy white cabinets and stone floor. Too many kitchens try too hard to be examples of new-fangled and forward thinking design, and this one is, refreshingly and deliciously just a nicely renovated kitchen with a great view of the tree tops through the floor to ceiling windows. We suspect that in an effort to stay super model thin, Miz Dickinson won't do much more than boil water for green tea and peel a banana in this kitchen, but just in case she ever gets the the undeniable urge for a chili dog the way Your Mama does, at least she's equipped to deal with the craving.

The view from the terrace that runs the length of the back of the house is verdant if not dramatic, and Your Mama pictures Miz Dickinson entertaining the small army of men (and women) that flock to her like white on rice on this terrace. While being interviewed on the tawdry and disturbing Howard Stern Show, the 52 year old ex-mannequin claimed to have slept with more than 1,000 men, and we imagine this terrace is as good a place for Miz Dickinson to woo a man out of his pants as any.

Now children, don't any of you wannabe models, fake titty fanatics, or M.I.L.F. lovers get the not very wise idea of driving up to Skyline Drive in order to catch a glimpse of Miz Dickinson in all her boobed glory. First of all, the streets are dangerously narrow and not equipped to deal with a fleet of 1988 Toyota Camrys, not to mention that Miz Dickinson will not think twice about running out of her damn house in her birthday suit to give you a beat down for disturbing her morning ablutions. If you think Britney Spears was out of control with that umbrella, well then you've never seen Miz Dickinson wield a tube of mascara and a five inch Manolo Blahnik she pilfered from a photo shoot. (Just kidding Miz Dickinson, just kidding. About the pilfering part anyway.)

Sources: The Gilded Moose

15 comments:

Art v. Commerce said...

...the 52 year old ex-mannequin claimed to have slept with more than 1,000 men...


And that was just in one cocaine binged weekend, too.

Ahhhhh drugs, sweet drugs. Where does the money go?

sugarhoneyicetea said...

Blah. I like the red doors and the trees.

smiley said...

a very refreshing post mama..

the day off must have been good indeed.

:)

Anonymous said...

DID YOU SEE BRITNEY'S "PERFORMANCE" AT THE VMAs?! I ACTUALLY FEEL BAD FOR HER. I REALLY HOPE SHE CAN STILL PULL IT TOGETHER EVEN THAT SEEMS LIKE A VERY SLIM CHANCE.

Anonymous said...

Hi Mama, Strapping Hunk reporting in. Does anyone know the name of her Modeling Agency? I think I might put the Strapping Hunk back on the market and on the Covers of the Leading Men's Magazines. That way I can report from the sets. Strapping Hunk out.

luke220 said...

So has Louella skipped town?? The blog has vanished.

Anonymous said...

Strapping Hunk

http://myspace.com/janicedickinsonmodels

Hippie Canyon said...

Dear Ms Dick-in-Son, Once again, welcome to the neighborhood. Unfortunately, there is a bit of negative press as it were. I must request that you re-send your Hippie Canyon association fees. I have re-sent your check four times now, and frankly I'm tired of seeing NSF stamped acrossed it. Secondly, I am enclosing yet another copy of our CC&R's that clearly state expectations for sundeck usage. As a courtesy, I have highlighted rule number 7, which would suggest to nearly anyone, although obviously not everyone, that one's use of the sundeck on one's own property (albeit RENTED!), does not mean that a sunbather may expose her "self" to passersby nor to utility workers clinging to dear life on the telephone pole. I am also enclosing a letter sent to the association from Adelphia Cable in which Polaroid photos are mentioned. Apparently the cable guy, while clinging to said telephone pole, was taking picture of some of our less scrupulous neighbors who have stolen cable service, when he witnessed you "airing out the pink poodle." This is Los Angeles - not St.Tropez or the set of one of those horrid "reality" shows that are the obsession of every has-been. Please behave as someone of your stature would be expected.

Art v. Commerce said...

Hippie:

Please behave as someone of your stature is expected.


Ummmmm...

You mean Jan-not-so-nice isn't behaving as expected? Hmmmmm...I guess you expect better from such trailer trash.

Anonymous said...

wtf has this forum turned into?

Dr. Correcto said...

The house is nice. I guess I would have pictured Dickinson to live either over in the bird streets or in Sierra Towers.

I'm a little let down by the *caddy* (LOL!) children. I read Ms. Dickinson's name and expected a hurricane of comments about her. I needed a good laugh for my Monday.

Anonymous said...

I guess if you love Legoland exterior, no yard, no pool, youre gonna love this place.

Not me.

Anonymous said...

The house is pretty nice and as far as rentals go it's great. Although Skyline is hell to navigate it offers really pretty views. I do wonder though why Janice can't afford to buy a house? She's been renting for years and has gone through a few husbands...you'd figure she'd have gotten a house out of at least one of them!

Anonymous said...

You know, she's a member of the PTA.

Anonymous said...

plastic tata association?