Saturday, September 8, 2007

The House Homer Simpson's Voice Built

SELLER: Dan Castellaneta
LOCATION: San Lorenzo Street, Santa Monica, CA
PRICE: $3,295,000
SIZE: 3,891 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Santa Monica Canyon near beach. Stunning contemporary with flexible floor plan, great media room, large formal dining room, breakfast area, separate master suite with adjoining library/office. Four additional bedrooms. Fab art studio. Walk-in wine cellar. Lovely private flat yard with room for pool.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Thanks to a tip by a gentleman we will call The Rolling Stone, Your Mama has learned that comedy great Dan Castellaneta has put his Santa Monica Canyon house on the market for $3,295,000. Although the Emmy winning Mister Castellaneta has appeared in loads of films and television programs such as the unfairly canceled Arrested Development, the Will Smith vehicle The Pursuit of Happyness, and a few episodes of Everyone Loves Raymond, the funny man is most famous for being the voice of Homer Simpson on the long running and phenomenally successful cartoon program The Simpsons.

Property records indicate that Mister Castellaneta and his writer wifey Deb Lacusta purchased this property way back in in August of 1993 for just $1,000,000. It's unclear to Your Mama if the couple built this house all new or if what we see is a result of an extensive renovation of an existing residence. Whatever the case, this Hollywood couple has stayed living in this location much longer than the average celebrity home owner who, by our rudimentary and not very scientific estimation, typically moves every 2-4 years.

Presenting a deliciously fortress like and wonderfully windowless facade on the street–who needs nosy neighbors peeping through the windows while you're doing an interpretive dance in the living room?–the interior of the "L" shaped house opens to the long, narrow and flat backyard that, bizarrely, does not include a heated swimming pool. Your Mama has said it before and today we will say it again, we are never going to be in the market for a house with an asking price in excess of $3,000,000 that does NOT include a lovely and serene backyard area where Mauritzio the masseur can come by on Mondays and Thursdays to rub our weary muscles pool side. Perhaps parents with pesky progeny find a swimming pool-less house desirable so they need not worry that the absent minded nanny (who really wants to be an ack-tress) will let the brats drown while she's running lines with her boyfriend. However, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter do not have, nor do we ev-er want any excessively loud children who would surely put a damper on our quiet and luxe pool-side lifestyle.

We are desperate to appreciate the possibly too contrived Mondrian theme in the media room. We can live with, and even like, the wall unit that houses the flat screen and the Emmys, but Your Mama can not get our tired brain to sort out or our lazy eyes to focus properly on that complicated shelf-thing on the back wall. A large and glossy Gary Hume or kooky Inka Essenhigh painting would be much preferable. Or perhaps a hugely scaled and bleak landscape like our friend The Chicken does. Anything but the weird shelving unit, please. Naturally we love the white sofas, we always do, but Your Mama would prefer to see a larger and more boldly colored rug to anchor the space.

Your Mama is indeed appreciating the large master suite which includes a bedroom, sitting room and a well appointed but still modest bathroom. This set up provides ample space to get away and ignore the tussles and frequent needs of children and guests who stay too long.

That third floor aerie is a quite lovely space with the peaked ceiling and generous use of glass–and again with the lovely white sofa, but unless there is an elevator servicing that sky high location, Your Mama would seldom be hauling our fat ass up to the large sun deck in order to bronze our acres of flesh. We expect that this room and terrace would be used almost exclusively by our new pussycat Sugar, who likes sunny, warm and high places that are beyond the reach of our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly. Also, be prepared to have to pay Helga the housekeeper extra for hauling the vacuum up to this level.

Your Mama has never met Mister Castellaneta, who by all accounts is a funny and warm gentleman, so we really haven't a clue where he and the wifey will be relocating. However, given the tremendous and enviable residuals that he is sure to earn from The Simpsons for the rest of his life, we imagine they will be moving to a more costly, private and gated location that includes a swimming pool and a maybe even a tennis court. Anyone?

Sources: Internet Movie Data Base

62 comments:

Anonymous said...

I believe the correct spelling is:

Dan Castellaneta

Little Miss Sunshine said...

Anon @ 8:59. Focus! This is a celebrity real estate web site and not one focusing on english grammar. I am a little afraid, no make that very afraid, of how you will react to "terlit."

Thank you. I needed to get that off my chest. I haven't finished my first cup of coffee yet.

I must say, I do like this house. Not typically a contemporary girl, but do like the layout and abundance of light. Mama has done a good job of nitpicking the interior, so I won't belabor. But I must comment on the hanging pots and pans in the kitchen. No cook worth their unsalted butter would leave their pots out like that. Just screaming for the dust and whatever other powders are floating around to check in and never leave.

Aunt Mary said...

The first photo of the streetside has a wonderful tree on the lawn. Can any of the California people identify the species? It's a beatifully sculptural speciman. Also shown off with nice up lighting. Love the dog. The dog says "This is where I pee and poop. isn't it nice."

Your Mama said...

oh dear, you are so correct on the spelling...at least we were consistent in our mispelling. The error has been fixed...thank you very much hunny.

Anonymous said...

Sorry about pointing out the spelling, Little Miss Sunshine. I wasn't trying to be an ass or anything. I just feel that when you are reporting something, it is important to get things correct or else it makes you look like you don't know what you are doing and have no point of reference about what you are talking about. You are correct, this is about real estate, not an English course, but I do believe you are the one that should chill and get your focus and try not to be so afraid of such things. It will be OK.

Anonymous said...

Again, not to be a jerk, but it is still incorrect under:

SELLER: Dan Castellanata

Anonymous said...

And as long as we're talking about spelling, I noticed and error in the reporting on a home posted on September 2nd.

The name is Adrianne Curry, not Adrienne Curry, who is married to Christopher Knight.

Anonymous said...

this place is getting too weird

Anonymous said...

with all his money, why do they have the same blanket as the Conners did on "Roseanne"....lmao

I agree about spelling- just b/c it is a gossipy site, does not mean we have to be stupid.

so_chic_darling said...

I would rather live here than at the Ross disaster!

Anonymous said...

copy editor type folks are strange birds, if you ask me.

the smallest of errors are glaring to them. much like a person who has extremely sensitive ears can be jarred by sounds others would simply ignore, they cannot help but react.

when hired to do what they do best, they're a formidable resource; when weighing in on newsboards or blogs unbidden, they can turn into pests!

SOUL POLE said...

Love,love,looove contemporary design.
A waay nicer place than that ROSS TRAIN WRECK...at a sliver of the price.A pool could fit out back.I'm guessin' they'd have to somewhat re-landscape to save on cleaning & maintenance.
Speaking of contemporary design MAMA...in one of my former business incarnations-I had a cleaning/clean-up svc.One of the coolest homes I ever tended to was on Mulholland about the 14900 to 15500 block.The home looks like a giant cruise ship sticking out of the side of a mountain.Four levels.Overlooks SFV...used for music videos often...changes ownership regularly.Anybody?

Anonymous said...

People like Anon @ 2:01 PM are the ones that call "copy editor" types pests and then when someone misspells THEIR name on something are the first ones to complain.

A person's name is their trademark (especially celebrities) and if you are going to be nosey and discuss their real estate business, even on a blog like this, you should at least get it right. It's called professionalism.

Anonymous said...

caveman sed...
omg anon 4;47, pleeze get lade soooooon you anal dipstik

Anonymous said...

White walls and pale wood usually scream IKEA.

Too white.

pch said...

San Lorenzo is a great street. And this house almost backs up to the swell Dolores Del Rio/Cedric Gibbons house on Kingman...might have a view of the rear facade from the upper floors.

Anonymous said...

Just got laid this morning, caveman, thank you very much. Whenever the idiots would like to shut up, we can move on. Anyone else like to add their 2 cents and be shot down?

Art v. Commerce said...

Golly, some people (like the anonymous grammer* freak who seems to think Your Mama's little gossip-celebrity-real estate blog provides the answer to all of journalisms vast ills and should be held to the same high** standards as those at the NY Post or the Inquirer...), need to get a life.

FUN!

Damnit! This stuff is supposed to be FUN! Don't muck it up by freaking out over a simple little messpilling*** or two Mister Anonymous Grammar Freak (and say, since you're so big on "grammar," where does "OK" fit into the lexicon of "grammar" anyway?)...

Geeeeez.

Pretty soon some nut job will start diagramming all of Your Moma's postings (not to mention the responses) and it won't be so much fun to read anymore.

*Yeah, I know it's spelled "grammar."

**Yep, spelled that one wrong too.

***Yep, another bad spelling error (wanna bet there are even more spelling/grammatical errors?)

Geeez. Here's a thought: I wonder if Dan even cares if Your Moma misspelled his name...

I'm betting on "no."

Anonymous said...

"Anonymous said...
Again, not to be a jerk, but it is still incorrect under:
SELLER: Dan Castellanata"


that freakin ship has sailed

Anonymous said...

No one is gonna start diagramming everything your momma does. Get real! I enjoy it here just as much as the next person. I should have emailed her separately to note the spelling errors rather than post it here. I realize now now I made a huge mistake and I apologize. The only reason this has went on like it has is because the bottom feeders from the peanut gallery can't let it go and felt they needed to make a big production out of me pointing out a few simple spelling errors because they obviously have no attention to detail. My guess is when it comes down to it, your momma would prefer to get it correct as well or she would not have edited the corrections already and actually thanked me for pointing it out. I never meant to start all this and I regret ever mentioning the errors in the first place. I was only trying to help get it straight. We all make mistakes and I wasn't trying to be over anal. So, does anyone else from the peanut gallery have anything to say?

Your Mama said...

Your Mama does not, and will not make a habit of interjecting into the increasingly high-larious comments sections of the blog...but let Your Mama set y'all straight about how we feel about being corrected on the spellings of celebrities we are discussing:

As long as you come correct and do not act like an asshole, we appreciate the check. We are certainly not the NY Times or the Wall Street Journal, but we do prefer to spell the names of our celebrities properly.

We thank the children for reading and making all your funny, sassy, and ever so entertaining comments.

Art v. Commerce said...

Meanwhile, has anyone noticed that Dan-I'm-not- even-going-try-to-spell-his-last-name, has taken his house off the market?

Turns out it was all a big mistake, he wanted to sell his horse instead.

Misspellings sure are a big deal.

poo said...

Who cares about the spelling Mama, just keep giving us all the juicy details. I love to read and love you!!! (and Dr. Cooter)

Anonymous said...

"No one is gonna (-5)(going to) start diagramming everything your momma does. Get real! I enjoy it here just as much as the next person. I should have emailed her separately to note the spelling errors rather than post it here. I realize (now now-10) I made a huge mistake and I apologize. The only reason this has went (-5) (gone on) on like it has is because the bottom feeders from the peanut gallery can't let it go and felt they needed to make a big production out of me pointing out a few simple spelling errors because they obviously have no attention to detail. My guess is when it comes down to it, your momma would prefer to get it correct as well or she would not have edited the corrections already and actually thanked me for pointing it out. I never meant to start all this and I regret ever mentioning the errors in the first place. I was only trying to help get it straight. We all make mistakes and I wasn't trying to be over anal(-5) (redundant phrase). So, does anyone else from the peanut gallery have anything to say?"

Caveman sed....
A grade of 75 is not going to cut it on this blog. We real estate conasewering bottom feeders (homo humor?) from the peanut gallery cannot be expected to read through a mess like this.
Please correct & resubmit.

Anonymous said...

"As long as you come correct and do not act like an asshole, we appreciate the check."

It's pretty much been established that those inclined to play blog police would do us all a favor by keeping their mouths shut. Can't believe you're actually encouraging it Mama. Your choice, and just my luck that I come here and only have a load of crap like this to read.

luke220 said...

I think that on a celebrity real estate blog it is appropriate to spell the celebrity's name correctly. Thank you for the attention to detail.

Anonymous said...

26 comments about a spelling error.
What fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tracy said...

I hope whoever buys this place likes to rise with the sun... I don't see any way to block the light in that bedroom, and it looks pretty open to the adjacent sitting room. Not a good choice for a night owl who wakes with a hangover!

so_chic_darling said...

Oh my goodness children,all this spelling nonsense!
This the point where Aunt Mary steps in dressed as Miss Jean Brodie smacking a cane on her palm!
By the way not sure of the spelling of "Brodie"so if I'm wrong I just don't want to hear it.

Team said...

I am solidly unsure about the tree, Aunt Mary, but my guts says a small scale eucalyptus or Carrotwood.

Little Miss Sunshine said...

I apologize for starting this.

I reacted because I thought the comment was nitpicking Mama. It is Mama's job to nitpick the house and it is our job to read, enjoy and build on the nitpicking...on the house, the furnishings and/or its former or soon-to-be owner.

That being said, I understand and now agree that the bloggee's name should be spelled correctly. Looking ahead, I just hope that we don't pick on Mama for small non-bloggee name typos, especially those that make the blogs all the more amusing.

Again, I am so sorry for causing this thread.

Anonymous said...

It wasn't your fault sunshine. You're not the first to lose it over this nonsense, and probably won't be the last.

Anonymous said...

You bottom feeders can over analyze my writing all you want, but I'm not the one presenting the information in the first place. However, people who know they are wrong and don't have a case always resort to the road that was obviously taken.

So, a big f*ck you goes out to all the human wastes of space and moral defectives in the peanut gallery. It has been a pleasure exposing just how much of a piece of sh*t you all are.

Anonymous said...

caveman sed...
oooooohhhhhh, wait until mama gets home, i'm telling.

Anonymous said...

caveman sed...
cerealously tho, yore making no cents, please have a drink, smok a dube & get lade and pleeze don't take it out on the dog, thats what wives are for.
enough of this nonsense.

Anonymous said...

Caveman, I'm with u. Our new Mr aanonymuos is filled with negotive energee. (8:59, 10:35, 10:37, 4:47, 8:11, 2:49)
I wish HE would leave and Phoenix would return. I miss the lack of personal attacks and intelligent commentary.
Hugs+Kisses

Anonymous said...

Aunt Mary - I believe the tree is a Coral tree - there are miles of them lining San Vicente.

Anonymous said...

Geez! Please! Once you get a bunch of caddy, homo, pole smokers fired up, they just won't shut up. I actually agree with both parties to some extent. I think you should get the spelling correct if you are going to report something (proofreading isn't that tough), but for christsake, the poster who pointed it out needs to shut up. It's gotten way past ignorant already. I'm not seeing a lot of integrity from either side here. My first grader is more mature than all you folks. Don't feed the troll.

Anonymous said...

No one picked on Momma in the first place. I found no instance where the blogee who pointed it out was picking on anyone. That is until people jumped on their case. Momma doesn't need you all to defend her. She can defend herself just fine. Did she not correct the mistakes? It must be of some importance to her to get it correct or she would not have. Let's move on.

luke220 said...

Just watch your comments about homos, please. Totally irrellevant to this blog.

Aunt Mary said...

Thanks to the posters who responded to my tree query. I'm interested in plants and will be looking for more info on this one. I'm ignorant about the flora of that region beyond palm trees which I don't like. A palm tree says: "I live in an easy climate suitable for a dissolute lifestyle. Come sit under me and fritter your life away". I know it's not fair, but that's what i hear them say. (I don't know if it's correct to use quotation marks after a colon. One worries about those things now.) Sideways smiley faces all around. :)

Anonymous said...

Actually, there should be 2 spaces after a period and a colon, Aunt Mary. Just kidding..now don't you all start on me.

Dr. Correcto said...

Hey Caveman,

FYI (in the spirit of good fellowship), you can just check the "other" box and type in "Caveman" until you remember your password. Save you having to type "caveman sed" every time.

:-)

Anonymous said...

Wait...there are caddy homos? Can they do something about upping the fashion quotient on the course, please?

Oh, and nothing signifies "maturity" like using the term "pole smokers".

Re: the house. It's ok, but I agree with Mama here about the pool. Maybe Dan and family belong to one of the beach clubs or have a house on the sand, but still. Then again, the new owners might be happy to put one in that fits their vision of the place.

The kitchen cabinets look like those "European" type that were so hot in the 80s...

Anonymous said...

Lawd, chillrens....does anyone even know who this Dan Canasta person is, let alone know how to spell his name?

nice gay decorator said...

You'd better calm down honey!

Bette Davis said...

Gay liberation?I've got nothing against it,it's just that there's nothing in it for me.

Anonymous said...

I know who he is, but I have way too much useless information of that type in this ole' head of mine.

Do I think he would care if his name was misspelled? Probably just as much as the next guy. We tend not to see the importance of such things until it affects us. If they had misspelled your name on your high school or college diploma, would it have bothered you? If they had misspelled your name on the name plate on your office door at work the first day you started, would that bother you? Would you complain if they had misspelled you mother's name on an obituary in your local paper had she passed away? These are just random examples, but my guess is we would all complain about it. I know I would. So, let's take a step back and not be so quick to judge someone pointing out a mistake in helping to get it right. There's nothing wrong with getting your facts straight. We all make mistakes, but I have noticed over time that there are inconsistencies on this blog quite often concerning such matters. And in my best Forrest Gump voice..."that is all I got to say about that". Peace.

The Queen Mother said...

Would one of you old Queens get this old Queen a drink?

Mark Twain said...

I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way.

Anonymous said...

OMG! Has this battle actually went into Sunday night? You've got to be shitting me. I think the words I have read like "caddy" and "immature" explain this discussion to a tee. And that goes for all parties.

Aunt Mary said...

We're just killing time waiting for Mama to get home with more candy. There's only so much you can say about this house. It's modern, it's white, there's a nice tree outside. It's fun to get to know the different personalities. People reveal themselves a little at a time as they get comfortable. I know that we play roles to add to the fun, for example no one would guess that I'm really Karl Rove.! So, kick back, chill and enjoy the play.

lucy said...

Oh, dear, I didn't realize you had to be gay to read this blog...

Correcting the spelling of a name is one thing; making rude and snarky comments is quite another. Let's all remember our good manners, shall we?

so_chic_darling said...

No Lucy you don't have to be gay to read this blog you just have to not be a homophobe that's all.

caveman said...

how does that work? because i thought homophobes were gay.

Aunt Mary said...

Caveman, honey, get a dictionary.

caveman said...

i'm serious, like senator craig & other champions of "family values"

unreal estate from here on out, promise.

also,thanks for the heads up dr. correcto, genious!

BlowHarder said...

Aunt Mary, if you're interested in the flora of coastal Southern California, then forget the eucalyptus, carrotwoods, and coral trees. They've all been imported from far, far away.

Even our famous palms are non-native (and on many streets, quietly being removed because they can be quite a hazard and also a hassle). The only semi-local palm tree is the California fan palm, which comes from way out in the Mojave.

The native live oaks are (or should be) more symbolic of the region. I'd also recommend the foothill pine (aka gray pine aka digger pine), the sycamore, various cottonwoods and willows, and the California bay laurel. And don't even get me started on shrubs.

Also, FYI to many, Your Mama is a man.

Aunt Mary said...

Blowharder, I did discover that the coral tree was not native and can only be grown in the most southern edges of the country. Where I live, we have become quite keen on weeding out non-native species. The new-comers are sometime so aggressive they overtake native species. The coral tree seems unlikely to become a nuisance since it doesn't seed itself and is only propagated by cuttings. Am I correct? Still, it makes a handsome speciman when pruned artfully. Thanks for your post.

P.S. Mama may be a man, but she's Mama to us.

Anonymous said...

D'oh!

BlowHarder said...

Aunt Mary,

Yes, invasive species are a big problem. Eucalyptus trees in California are basically giant weeds that poison the ground for nearby natives. And introduced grasses have choked out the local plants and entirely transformed the state from what it looked like 150 years ago.

For landscaping a home in Southern California, though, an equally great concern should be water. Putting in a lawn is basically flipping the bird to our natural state of drought. Landscaping with native plants that are already adapted to the climate is an easy solution that is too often overlooked by the other non-natives (the ones from Ohio) who want their yards as green as the ones they remember back where they came from.

Anonymous said...

The Voice of Homer lives here: http://www.housefront.com/PropertyDetail.aspx?qry=419807&propertyID=821061
Dan Castellaneta.

Here is more property info on Homer