Thursday, September 27, 2007

Alexis Stewart Keeps it Clean in Tribeca


SELLER: Alexis Stewart
LOCATION: 27 N. Moore Street, New York, NY
PRICE: $12,400,000
SIZE: 3,884 square feet, 3 bedroom, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: WIth almost 4,000sf of space, the three bedroom, three and one-half bath loft has four exposures with incredible views overlooking Tribeca, the Hudson River and the city. There is a 14' x 34' terrace overlooking Tribeca, the City and the Hudson. The living area is solarium like with glass ceiling flooding the loft with wonderful light. The downstairs bedroom has a full bath and is now being used as a den/office with custom wood bookshelves and built in desk.

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: Children we have heard from Miz Stewart–and another person who seems to know a lot of things about a lot of people–and we're told the apartment is actually grey, a very pale grey rather, than stark white. So please substitute "very pale grey" everywhere we say "white" below. We have also been told that the apartment was decorated by big bad mama Martha's number one gay Kevin Sharkey (the interior designer, not the Irish artist). Apparently it was Kevin who called for and then swooned and gasped with glee over those seamless grey terrazzo floors. Alexis hunny, if we're wrong anywhere here, we'd love to have your sassy input. You can email Your Mama at realestalker@yahoo.com.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Continuing with the theme of Manhattan penthouse apartments that have been purchased by filthy rich parents for their lucky children, we head down to Tribeca (Triangle Below Canal for those unfamiliar with New York City) to the nearly colorless home of Alexis Stewart, daughter of big bad mama Martha Stewart.

Yesterday we received a nice email from a gentleman whom we'll call The Socks Luver, who kindly linked Your Mama over to a recent and wee article in New York Magazine about the downtown penthouse the younger Miz Stewart recently dumped on the market with the ear piercing asking price of $12,400,000.

Your Mama did a little digging and investigating of our own and it appears from the property records and deed information on file with the city that it was actually big bad mama Martha who purchased this condominium back in May of 1999. The purchase price is not revealed in the documents we perused, but mortgage information suggests big bad mama Martha spent close to $3,000,000 to provide her daughter Alexis a home. Naturally, the mortgage has already been satisfied and ownership has been transferred to an LLC with Alexis' name.

Earlier this year, there were scads of rumors and reports that Miz Alexis coughed up $35,000,000 to purchase three floors at one of the Richard Meier towers in the far West Village (165 Charles Street) with the intention of creating a colossal triplex overlooking the Hudson River. Subsequent reports stated that it was actually big bad mama Martha who purchased the trio of all glass apartments.

If history is any indication of the future, we might reasonably assume that big bad mama Martha is not so interested in actually living in the Meier towers, having already bought and sold a duplex at 173 Perry Street that she never actually occupied. History also tells us that big bad mama Martha has purchased multi-million dollar homes for her only child before. So perhaps all the rumors were indeed true and radio hostess Alexis will move into the 165 Charles Street triplex after all? We'll just have to wait and see on that one children.

We can appreciate Miz Alexis' penthouse with it's expansive layout, huge custom fitted walk in closet in the master bedroom, and the well equipped kitchen, but there are a number of issues that concern us here.

Your Mama appreciates a monochromatic color scheme as much as the next person, and we can dig all white rooms. But this place is just ridiculous children. There is so much sunlight and so many reflective white surfaces that surely one must wear their damn sunglasses inside this house during the daytime or run the risk of searing their retinas.

Another worry we have about Miz Alexis' very clean and all white penthouse is that it overlooks a very bizzy traffic circle that is often clotted up with cars exiting the Holland Tunnel. Not only does this mean the terrace is off limits during rush hour due to the excessive and annoying honking to which New York City commuters are unfortunately prone, but windows can never, ever be left open for any length of time lest every inch of that all white apartment be covered in a pesky and nearly impossible to clean layer of soot and car exhaust. Anyone who has ever lived in New York or any other traffic laden city knows just what we're talking about.

At the risk of sounding hostile, this place is practically devoid of the little objects and artworks that make a house a home, and while it's lovely in it's very spare and extremely clean way, it does not look friendly. So Your Mama is thrilled to see all the bookshelves stuffed full of books in this penthouse, because not only do they look great and add the only color to be seen in the place, but they're also the only personal and intimate items to be seen (poorly placed gym equipment does not count).

Given that the customized kitchen features two SubZero refrigerator/freezers and two dishwashers, Your Mama assumes that either Miz Alexis got the cooking bug for her mother, or big bad Martha wanted a well equipped kitchen so that when she visited she would have all the necessary equipment to whip up a chocolate cake with butter cream frosting on a moments notice. From scratch, natch.

We understand that Miz Alexis' biological clock is ticking loud and she wants a baby. In fact, she wants a baby really bad and reports say she's spending a fortune trying to get one. Perhaps that is why she wants to move out of her stark white penthouse apartment that would surely be destroyed by a toddler who can't help but put their grimy hands on the white walls and spill grape juice on every white sofa in the place.

Although $10,000,000+ residences are a dime a dozen in celebrity and Wall Street tycoon friendly Tribeca, Your Mama has to wonder if there's any real possibility of Miz Alexis' penthouse fetching anywhere near the asking price. A little digging reveals that in August of 2006, another similar but much larger penthouse unit in the same building sold for just $7,850,000. Is Alexis being optimistic or just plain foolish? You decide.

The website for Miz Alexis' radio program actually has a few photos of the penthouse and reveals that Miz Alexis is every bit as organized and tidy as her mama, which is, of course, a good thing. She also has a lot of bras. A lot.

One of our lovely readers also provided a link to a funny little YouTube video that will give everyone a sense of who Alexis is and her orderly lifestyle. She's a lot like her mother, isn't she? Honestly, she seems like someone opinionated and outspoken and very sure of herself. We like her, despite her too white penthouse.

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'd kill myself if I had to live in a house like that - devoid of anything including color, character, style or personality.

Anonymous said...

I spotted this listing last week - I really like the space ... I'd change the floors b/c they're not very nice & probably rip out the kitchen but overall it's the perfect Tribeca loft ... one of the best blocks, good building, outdoor space, f/t doorman, lots of light ... Just a few tweaks here & there & it could be stunning.

Also, the icing on the cake - an underground garage space exclusive to the building - rare, rare, rare in Manhattan & even rarer in Tribeca ...

Alexis has not been spotted around 165 so who knows whats going on with their multiple units - I don't even think work has started to combine them.

Layler said...

Oh my goodness. That white is just blinding and WRONG. It does look ridiculous.

In fact, when I saw the kitchen shot with the stainless countertops, I immediately was reminded of an operating room. It looks clinical and sterile.

NOT white done right.

The space itself has lots of potential with tons of light. I hope someone buys it and warms it up with a little color. With that much natural light, you don't need to go all white. Ick.

I don't think she's get near the asking price, but hearing that there is a 24 hr doorman and dedicated underground parking... I'm swayed to think someone will shell out the bucks.

Anonymous said...

Mama, the link you posted with the pics of her apt - well a couple are from 165 so I guess she is moving in / moved in ... I still don't think they've been combined though ...

Anonymous said...

A cold and unfriendly looking place, yes. After the eyes, I look to a person's home for a window into their soul. In this case.. echo.. echo.. echo..

Anonymous said...

the listing says 14x34 terrace--and that extra outdoor space may just cinch the deal!

tracy said...

I'd keep the floor and get roller skates. Maybe a Segway.

Looking at that floorplan, there's an odd space in the master bath by the tub. The floorplan indicates solid walls rather than cabinets or a closet. What is this? A built-in safe? A "safe room"? I find it had to believe that it is simply dead space.

Anonymous said...

Maybe all the white is a rebellion against Martha's carefully studied color. Plus, if you're buying the 10 million dollar pad, you don't necessarily want a Stewart dictating your taste, do you? Maybe you do. I don't know. Needless to say, I just bought a little house and find myself purchasing Martha's products left and right. And speaking of buttercream frosting--her recipe is better than the one in the Joy of Cooking if you have a kitchenaid mixer.

Oh God, what has my life come to?

Anonymous said...

It's not as bright as those doctored photos in the listing make it look. And N. Moore is a great street, I used to live on that very street. But too many of the "my parents are billionaires but I want to have an edge so I moved downtown" people moved on the block. Wannabe JFK Jrs I suppose. Annoying. And don't even get me started on some of the most annoying celebrities ever who live on or have lived on N. Moore.

As far as Alexis' lair, I love it. And yes, mama, she does have a lot of tit holders aka bras.

Anonymous said...

I like Alexis. She's refreshing & her own person & thankfully didn't become one of those detestable Manhattan socialites like Tinsley Mortimer & her ilk who crave fame so badly - Ugh!

sugarhoneyicetea said...

TOO MUCH WHITE. It looks like I imagine a old school sanitarium would. I love an all white decor also, but I need punches of color and personality. But oh to be the child of a multimillionaire.

Anonymous said...

an interview featuring this apartment -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLNf0ObMuM8&mode=related&search=

so_chic_darling said...

Rip out the custom grey terrazzo floors,are you mad?
It's one of the fabulously expensive things that I like about this place.BUT being by the outlet for the Holland tunnel from New Jersey is just awful.12 mil she'll never get it!

so_chic_darling said...

Hello everyboby it's GREY!

so_chic_darling said...

Tribeca is a special kind hell full of a special kind of hellish rich people.At one time,like much of downtown it was cool.Now nothing but stroller nazis,so get out of the way!

Anonymous said...

Sterile and devoid of warmth, save for the books. It's not a home - it's a lab at Merck.
The only thing more sad than letting your parents completely define you and your life, is defining yourself through rebellion against them.
Ah, well. We've all got our own special issues, huh?

Anonymous said...

Ugh, looks like a perfect place to perform an autopsy. Cold, sterile, dreary despite the brightness.

lucy said...

Note to self: check out Martha Stewart's buttercream frosting recipe.

Seriously, that is simply too much white, but the floors are to die for.

Linda Hoof said...

I think Martha's a bull dyke.

Anonymous said...

Looks like they are hiding money, Jan Horn must be the agent He usually handles the under the table deals. Does Joe B. need a cell mate.

alexis stewart said...

the place is grey, not white...it is incredibly quiet, even the terrace...i keep the solar shades down to keep that nasty natural light to a minimum...and, go figure, if you don't like the way it's decorated, you can change it after you buy it!!!

happy snooping!

alexis stewart

pch said...

I like it. A lot.

classymac said...

For the $35M pad(s), that's like $275,000 per month for the mortgage alone. With 275 friends going in on it, I think we can do it. Then, we stick anyone without a great grasp of the English language with the maint and doorman bribes. Who's game?

Aunt Mary said...

The only thing it needs is a little color. Shades of warm greys, some texture on the furniture. The floors are wonderful. Zero maintanence. Oh and how about 6 or 7 large paintings by Jennifer Barlett on the walls. I also want to see a little wood here and there. Like the library. Even so that doesn't add up to cozy.

John Stevenson said...

the rich are different. something inside of them dies. they throw out barely expressive terms like, "it needs a complete gut," as if they were tossing off witticisms and sharing a real moment with a friend.

martha's kid reminds me of Miss Haversham's ward (or was it daughter) in great expectations ... who yielded so much pleasure in fronting ma's disappointment in the world.

i like how martha IS, and especially admired her post prison appearance in a poncho in front of her home, but in reality she appears to be as cold, driven and personally maimed as any industrialist icon from the 20s. she's like Henry Ford or something.

one imagines Martha at a dinner party talking ABOUT dinner parties, as opposed to making a memorable moment.

ingmar bergman could really work with her world, i think.

as for the daughter's public need to procreate ... it feels like a belabored PR effort to establish a new cologne-based revenue stream from the Martha Stewart collection called, "Fallopian Unicorn"

alexis stewart said...

of course i have one last thing to say: the plaza underneath the terrace is the EXIT from the tunnel...there is, kids, no traffic coming OUT of the tunnel...only going into it. so instead of the noise and exhaust some of you want me to be suffering through, it is actually very pleasant, with a guaranteed open view. true, there is sometimes traffic on hudson st, but it is infrequent and because of the way sight and sound travel, it is essentially invisible and inaudible to me...

Anonymous said...

Huh? In my book "EXIT" means "OUT" and "entrance" means "in". Perhaps it is different for the wealthy (and queens pretending to be wealthy straight women).

While on the subject, who is "Jan Horn" and what did he do to the anon who has now mentioned him in a negative manner in two threads? Sounds like someone is jilted or jealous.

Anonymous said...

[FAKE] Alexis :

'only going into it' - Traffic doesn't enter the tunnel at that point - the entrance is several blocks North across Canal ...

Anonymous said...

I love the terrazzo.

A little color is nice.

I cannot even fathom how some people have so much money. Life, it sucks.

Anonymous said...

The library room is nice. Still seems steeply priced.

Jennifer said...

Who would've guessed that by posting Alexis' home it would incite such anger filled comments from a few Freud wannabe's. The name calling & the horrible amateurish attempts @ psychoanalysis in this case can only be reciprocated in one way...by hunting down where a select few of you live & throwing eggs at your trailers hehe.

Anonymous said...

My trailer has beautiful terrazzo floors and Viking appliances. It's also a gated community, so no egg-tossers allowed, unless they live within.

Anonymous said...

I love this penthouse loft and its minimalist and refined style.
Fot those who said it lacks character or personality, I'd suggest to read this essay by John Pawson in order to judge it with a different point of view:

http://www.johnpawson.com/essays/minimalism/

Anonymous said...

John Pawson...hmmm...wasn't he involved in something house related with either Alexis or Martha?

Anonymous said...

I lived down the hall from Alexis in school - boarding school - hippie Vermont boarding school to be precise. She was straight and square and boring back then, before she had a famous mama to help her capitalize on her uber type A squareness.

Anyhoo, she also has many tiny neurotic dogs (not pictured here) and a neurotic personality to match. That, in my opinion, is what the apartment is reflective of.

Control issues...my 10 cent psychoanalysis.

Anonymous said...

Martha said...

I think Linda Hoof is a bull dyke.