Sunday, February 4, 2007

Paltrow and Martin Moving North

SELLER: Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow
LOCATION: Harrison Street, Tribeca, NY
PRICE: $13,650,000 (sale) / taxes and maintenance: $1,811 per month
SIZE: 8,442 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: (shortened from the listing agent's website:

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Perhaps Ms. Paltrow has decided to give up on the U-nited States altogether? No, not really. Apparently this couple is simply downsizing and moving from their large townhouse like property on Harrison Street to a single level penthouse at the new River Lofts building on Washington. As all the children probably know, this blond, Oscar winning ack-tress was mocked and pummeled in the press not so long ago for making what were seen as disparaging remarks about American politics. If you ask Your Mama, and of course, no one did, the gurl got a bad rap.

Listen, just because you were born American does not mean you are required to think America is the best place on earth to live nor does it mean you're not allowed to publicly criticize American culture or politics. Remember, being an American means having the freedom to speak your mind, even if it means speaking out about America itself. Sometimes Americans seem to forget this freedom is granted through the Constitution and can not be taken away by some gun toting hillbilly in a pickup truck who's never been out of the state he lives in let alone travelled outside of the United States. You might not like that, but really, that's what America is supposed to be, a place where the freedom to express your own mind is encouraged, supported and respected even if the ideas are different than your own.

We better get off our soapbox quick now before we start getting more hate mail. Yes children, Your Mama has started to get the hate mail. Most recently we received a vitriolic note from a gal named Adele who informed use we were "disgusting" because we spoke on Michael Jackson's pallor and plastic surgery in a previous posting. Well, that's fine. Our being "disgusting" does not change the notion Your Mama thinks Mister Jackson has turned himself into looking like a middle aged white woman. That is just our opinion.

Anyhoo we're here to talk about the Miss Paltrow, her Brit musician husband Chris Martin of Coldplay, and their babies Apple and Moses. Apple and Moses? Hunnies, those poor creatures can't help it they got named after a fruit and a Biblical soothsayer, but we're sure they're likely to be some inneresting kids with parents like these. And lucky kids they are to have been living up in a Tribeca townhouse like this one.

According to the New York Times, this A-list couple purchased this property just two years ago for just under $8,000,000. Their publicist Stephen Huvane says "considerable" work was done to the property which helps justify the huge gain on the investment, but Your Mama has to wonder how much work they did to justify a $6,000,000 profit in just two years.

Your Mama has always been a little mixed on the Tribeca area. It's full of extraordinary and fancy loft buildings, high end furniture shops, and certainly heaps of celebrities live down in this neck of the woods. But it always seems a little barren and lifeless to us. It's the kind of place you're more likely to see a black car not so discreetly idling in front of a discreetly luxurious building entrance waiting for it's wealthy back-seat rider, than to see a group of friends chattering as they walk down the street. Nothing wrong with town cars and drivers, but Your Mama prefers street culture to be a bit more vibrant the we feel it is here.

There are several parts to this townhouse set up that please Your Mama. We appreciate the private elevator, of course, because we'd have a coronary getting up and down all the stairs chasing after the fruity and Biblically named children. We also feel good about the casual open floor plan of the main living level. We do not usually like loft set ups that have no architectural space separations, and whomever it is that designed this place did a lovely job keeping it open and still providing enclosed spaces.

The bedroom situation is mixed. We always like to see two master suites for those times when the Mister and Missus can not get along well enough to share one. Of course, we see an exercise space in the back master where we assume Miss Paltrow does her at home Yoga instruction when she's not taking classes at Jivamukti where she and many other New York based celebs enjoy stretching and twisting their bodies into near impossible positions.

It's the secondary bedrooms that we're a little perplexed by as they seem rather small and oddly shaped. It's not the worst problem in a New York apartment, but we're wondering if it were possible to come up with a more advantageous plan.

In theory we are in love with the roof top terrace: open space, shaded space under the pergola and a fantastically rare soaking pool. Now hunnies, this pool is on the South end of the building which is nice, but as best as we can surmise, this pool does not have the sort of privacy we might want if we were to be stripping down on the roof. There appear to be a fair number of neighboring buildings that have visual access to this roof top and if you're famous and/or enjoy skinny dipping, this is not good.

According to Curbed, the Martin/Paltrow clan is moving North a few blocks to the new Tsao & McKown designed River Lofts complex where they have closed on a sixth floor penthouse unit with two terraces and views to the Hudson River. We're not 100% sure the floor plan below is the penthouse they've purchased, but we are 90% sure. This is the same complex Meryl Streep recently purchased a 13th floor $9,000,000 penthouse.
It's easy to see this penthouse does not have the same sort of outdoor space the townhouse like property they're leaving does, but given this family is spending the bulk of their time in London, this place is a logical choice. It's easier to maintain, more secure, and still in the neighborhood they've come to appreciate as their New York base.

Even though Your Mama is not a big fan of Miss Paltrow's acting, we are not concerned or bothered by her rather liberal leanings or her statements about the current state of American politics and we have zero issue with her living mostly in London and only a little in New York. We're looking forward to sitting out on the terrace watching the sun set while baby-sitting the babies in the new place next time their in town.

Sources: New York Times, Corcoran, Curbed


design snitch said...

Finally.... realty porn! It baffles me how you can be receiving hate mail for such outstanding work!

Just ran across your site by way of Luxist- dear God...real estate, celebrities, and interior design all in one place?! This is like a chocolate-covered orgasm on the terrace in Pacific Heights at sunset...

It's one a.m. and obvious that I'm gonna need to pop a recreational adderall to continue gawking at the entire of your site. I hope Mama doesn't mind the childrenz staying up WAY late tonight!

Keep the gayly-decorated homes coming- I ain't scared! (Well, except for that monstrosity of Cher-vomit with the repulsive pears- EEK.)

Much love to my Mama!

Anonymous said...

Mama, nice blog but you need to do your research on this one. Paltrow's comments were not about U.S. politics or America being the best. She made some rather rude generalizations about Americans not being as intelligent as the British. Nothing wrong with having an opinion but negatively generalizing an entire country is quite ignorant.

Your Mama said...

Hunny, I know she made that comment about intelligence, but she ALSO made comments about American foreign policy such as this one the the New York Daily News, "I just had a baby and thought, 'I don't want to live there.' Bush's anti-environment, pro-war policies are a (disgrace)."

Anonymous said...

Your idiotic little rant about free speech and, er, hillbillies or something, is completely off the mark. Nobody said she didn't have to the right to say what she thinks. So, please save the dopey lesson on the Constitution, thank you very much. Many people simply found what she said offensive, ignorant and hypocritical. Hypocrtical like your rant that seems to be chastising anyone with the audacicity to speak their mind that Gwynnie is a spoiled stupid beeotch. Even as you lecture your readers, you don't seem to grasp that people who criticize antiAmerican blather are simply exercising their right of free speech-a point you seem to miss way up on that soapbox. See, the Constitution applies to all Americans, even the hillbillies.

PS. Sorry, I have to do this-your stupidity demands it. Technically she made these comments outside the US, so the Constitution doesn't apply. See, the US's laws don't apply to other countries. It's very myopic, self-centered-world-revolves-around-the-US American of you to assume otherwise. In fact, it's downright hillbilly.