SELLER: Anne Heche and James Tupper
LOCATION: Inglewood Avenue, West Vancouver, Canada
PRICE: $2,450,00 (Canadian)
SIZE: 3,863 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Gorgeous private celebrity owned house, nestled in old growth forest with waterfall and pond...Completely renovated 4,000 square foot heritage log cabin designed by the builder of the Lions Gate Bridge in the 1930s. Manicured lawns with large private swimming pool and children's playground. Chef's kitchen including Aga stove, stainless steel appliances and cathedral ceilings. Living room, dining room, office with internet and master suite all with fire places, huge play den.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Poor Anne Heche. Back in 2000, the little lamb lost her mental marbles and wound up wandering around a rural area outside Fresno, CA. Remember that bit of bizness? Anyhoo, soon after that puzzling predicament (Or was it just before? We can't be bothered to recall) the ack-teruss went splitsville with her lezbeeun lover Ellen Degeneres and took up with camera man Coley Laffoon, a man with whom she produced a baby named Homer. That marriage went down in a blaze of bitterness, court room dramatics and high publicity and soon after she busted up with Mister Laffoon–and some scandalously say before–she started up with her Men In Trees co-star James Tupper while shooting on location in Vancouver, British Columbia.
Once Miss Heche gave Mister Laffoon the proverbial heave-ho, the on set lovebirds coupled quickly and together bought a new multi-million dollar nest in Western Vancouver faster than water boils on a high heat Wolf range. Yes they did children. Your Mama does not know how to access Canadian property records, but from previous reports, it appears that Miss Heche (a.k.a. Celestia) and Mister Tupper coughed up $2,200,000 for their Inglewood Avenue log cabin style house in May of 2007. They reportedly bought the property from Matthew Frenette, the drummer for the legendary Canadian band Loverboy.
At the time of the purchase, the living in sin couple thought their Men In Trees program was a shoe-in for another season, which would provide them both with fat paychecks that would easily service the reported $13,400 per month mortgage payments. But alas...as the children surely know, the television bizness is both brutal and ferociously fickle and Men In Trees was unceremoniously canceled leaving Miss Heche (and presumably Mister Tupper) with only a modest income from odd jobs and residuals that is much too minuscule to pay her Canadian mortgage, not to mention the nearly $15,000 per month child and spousal support she was obligated to pay Mister Laffoon. (Miss Heche's financial obligation to Mister Laffoon has since been reduced to a much more manageable and approximate $3,700 per month.)
Thanks to Clark the Canuck, Your Mama has learned that Miss Heche and Mister Tupper have reluctantly put their West Vancouver hoose on the market with an asking price of $2,450,000. We presume that is $2,450,000 Canadian dollars, which our bejeweled abacus informs us converts to $2,302,610 U.S. dollars at today's rates.
In a televised interview during which Miss Heche tours a news crew through her happy hoose, she explains–and we paraphrase, natch–that although the couple loves their little slice of Canadian real estate heaven, they no longer have jobs in Vancouver and so must sell their love shack and move back to Los Angeles where they'll have more opportunity to secure high paying acting jobs.
Listing information indicates house was designed in the 1930s by the builder of Vancouver's famed Lion's Gate Bridge, sits on nearly an acre of land and measures 3,863 square feet with 3 bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms. The interior spaces feature lots of high beamed ceilings and many of the rooms, including the double height stair hall and dining rooms, are swaddled in some kick ass country-style wood work. Other rooms include a long and narrow living room, an open plan gor-may kitchen with Aga brand range, a 400+ square foot family room, and an office/study with mauve colored carpeting. Listing information also indicates there are six fireplaces which are good for keeping the tootsies warm on cold Canadian winters, but not so good for forest preservation.
The children can say what they will and want about Miss Heche and her wild and wacky ways, but Your Mama is always impressed with the quality of her homes and their comfortable, quirky and inherently personal interior day-core which always seem appropriate for the location and style of house in which she's living. It's not that we agree with all the decorating choices (i.e. the above mentioned mauve carpeting and the speckled granite counter tops in the kitchen), but overall, Miss Heche's houses always feel like a home to Your Mama.
The outside spaces include a long driveway terminating at a 3-car garage, a small and pretty pond on the front of the property and a swimming pool at the rear. There are large expanses of lawn perfect for gin and tonic fueled croquet tournaments and Miss Heche has also installed a children's playground are for her son Homer, a feature that Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter would have ripped out five minutes after the closing. However, our deepest concern with this property is the possible road noise that might filter through the trees from the nearby Upper Levels Highway which runs about 50 yards from the backyard.
The children will recall that Miss Heche and Mister Laffoon sold their very pretty and nicely deco-rated Hancock Park house last year to television writer/executive producer Matt Olmstead and super producer Dawn Parouse for $3,660,000, and according to the always well informed Lucy Spillerguts, Miss Heche currently resides in a modest condo in Marina del Rey. Such is the life of an actor children. One day the money is rolling in and you're making mortgage payments on a multi-million dollar mansion and the next you're hauling your sofa and shit up two flights of stairs into a rented 2-bedroom condo.
Although we personally find Miss Heche to be a little erratic and a wee bit touched in the head in a way that's just not cute, Your Mama has no doubt this little ladee will soon find herself back up on her financial feet again. Mark Your Mama's word on this one children, Miss Heche is like a damn cockroach and we predict she'll be standing tall in Hollywood and living in a big house in Bev Hills long after some of these other young and hideously uninteresting starlets have injected, lifted and stretched their skin into entertainment industry oblivion.