Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Anne Heche and James Tupper Say Bye-bye to Vancouver, B.C.

SELLER: Anne Heche and James Tupper
LOCATION: Inglewood Avenue, West Vancouver, Canada
PRICE: $2,450,00 (Canadian)
SIZE: 3,863 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Gorgeous private celebrity owned house, nestled in old growth forest with waterfall and pond...Completely renovated 4,000 square foot heritage log cabin designed by the builder of the Lions Gate Bridge in the 1930s. Manicured lawns with large private swimming pool and children's playground. Chef's kitchen including Aga stove, stainless steel appliances and cathedral ceilings. Living room, dining room, office with internet and master suite all with fire places, huge play den.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Poor Anne Heche. Back in 2000, the little lamb lost her mental marbles and wound up wandering around a rural area outside Fresno, CA. Remember that bit of bizness? Anyhoo, soon after that puzzling predicament (Or was it just before? We can't be bothered to recall) the ack-teruss went splitsville with her lezbeeun lover Ellen Degeneres and took up with camera man Coley Laffoon, a man with whom she produced a baby named Homer. That marriage went down in a blaze of bitterness, court room dramatics and high publicity and soon after she busted up with Mister Laffoon–and some scandalously say before–she started up with her Men In Trees co-star James Tupper while shooting on location in Vancouver, British Columbia.

Once Miss Heche gave Mister Laffoon the proverbial heave-ho, the on set lovebirds coupled quickly and together bought a new multi-million dollar nest in Western Vancouver faster than water boils on a high heat Wolf range. Yes they did children. Your Mama does not know how to access Canadian property records, but from previous reports, it appears that Miss Heche (a.k.a. Celestia) and Mister Tupper coughed up $2,200,000 for their Inglewood Avenue log cabin style house in May of 2007. They reportedly bought the property from Matthew Frenette, the drummer for the legendary Canadian band Loverboy.

At the time of the purchase, the living in sin couple thought their Men In Trees program was a shoe-in for another season, which would provide them both with fat paychecks that would easily service the reported $13,400 per month mortgage payments. But alas...as the children surely know, the television bizness is both brutal and ferociously fickle and Men In Trees was unceremoniously canceled leaving Miss Heche (and presumably Mister Tupper) with only a modest income from odd jobs and residuals that is much too minuscule to pay her Canadian mortgage, not to mention the nearly $15,000 per month child and spousal support she was obligated to pay Mister Laffoon. (Miss Heche's financial obligation to Mister Laffoon has since been reduced to a much more manageable and approximate $3,700 per month.)

Thanks to Clark the Canuck, Your Mama has learned that Miss Heche and Mister Tupper have reluctantly put their West Vancouver hoose on the market with an asking price of $2,450,000. We presume that is $2,450,000 Canadian dollars, which our bejeweled abacus informs us converts to $2,302,610 U.S. dollars at today's rates.

In a televised interview during which Miss Heche tours a news crew through her happy hoose, she explains–and we paraphrase, natch–that although the couple loves their little slice of Canadian real estate heaven, they no longer have jobs in Vancouver and so must sell their love shack and move back to Los Angeles where they'll have more opportunity to secure high paying acting jobs.

Listing information indicates house was designed in the 1930s by the builder of Vancouver's famed Lion's Gate Bridge, sits on nearly an acre of land and measures 3,863 square feet with 3 bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms. The interior spaces feature lots of high beamed ceilings and many of the rooms, including the double height stair hall and dining rooms, are swaddled in some kick ass country-style wood work. Other rooms include a long and narrow living room, an open plan gor-may kitchen with Aga brand range, a 400+ square foot family room, and an office/study with mauve colored carpeting. Listing information also indicates there are six fireplaces which are good for keeping the tootsies warm on cold Canadian winters, but not so good for forest preservation.

The children can say what they will and want about Miss Heche and her wild and wacky ways, but Your Mama is always impressed with the quality of her homes and their comfortable, quirky and inherently personal interior day-core which always seem appropriate for the location and style of house in which she's living. It's not that we agree with all the decorating choices (i.e. the above mentioned mauve carpeting and the speckled granite counter tops in the kitchen), but overall, Miss Heche's houses always feel like a home to Your Mama.

The outside spaces include a long driveway terminating at a 3-car garage, a small and pretty pond on the front of the property and a swimming pool at the rear. There are large expanses of lawn perfect for gin and tonic fueled croquet tournaments and Miss Heche has also installed a children's playground are for her son Homer, a feature that Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter would have ripped out five minutes after the closing. However, our deepest concern with this property is the possible road noise that might filter through the trees from the nearby Upper Levels Highway which runs about 50 yards from the backyard.

The children will recall that Miss Heche and Mister Laffoon sold their very pretty and nicely deco-rated Hancock Park house last year to television writer/executive producer Matt Olmstead and super producer Dawn Parouse for $3,660,000, and according to the always well informed Lucy Spillerguts, Miss Heche currently resides in a modest condo in Marina del Rey. Such is the life of an actor children. One day the money is rolling in and you're making mortgage payments on a multi-million dollar mansion and the next you're hauling your sofa and shit up two flights of stairs into a rented 2-bedroom condo.

Although we personally find Miss Heche to be a little erratic and a wee bit touched in the head in a way that's just not cute, Your Mama has no doubt this little ladee will soon find herself back up on her financial feet again. Mark Your Mama's word on this one children, Miss Heche is like a damn cockroach and we predict she'll be standing tall in Hollywood and living in a big house in Bev Hills long after some of these other young and hideously uninteresting starlets have injected, lifted and stretched their skin into entertainment industry oblivion.

31 comments:

pch said...

Not digging the mix-and-match Festival 'o Woodwork. I suppose it's fine for a vacation house that hasn't been touched since someone added the family room in 1950. But for a primary residence I'd need to do some editing.

Anonymous said...

Animal carcasses are NEVER to be used as decoration.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Celeste or was it Celestial, will buy it.

Anonymous said...

This house certainly is not my cup of tea, but West Vancouver holds a special spot in my heart! Amid all the gaudy McMansions, there are quite a few beautiful gems...and the setting of West Vancouver is simply beautiful in a very authentic sense.

Anonymous said...

what a creepy house. Freddy Kruger stuff!

Anonymous said...

have you pictures of the 11-13 east 64th street, new york?
this house was sell on 14th july of 2008 and i don't find pictures of the house.can you help me

sorry for my english (i'm french)

Anonymous said...

This lodge is cute. Some redecoration is in order, though. I don't even mind the horns, but they and all those paintings have to go. Love the desk in that one room with the fireplace. They should sell it to me with the house for a lot less money. I hope there is no residual crazy in there, though.

Anonymous said...

remember when the canadian dollar was worth 25 cents us ?

I wonder what happened ?

so_chic_darling said...

Wood wood everywhere oh the horror of it all! Pine just looks so 70s in the worst way.

Anonymous said...

Good luck!

caveman said...

i usually like rustic & vancouver sounds great, but this one doesn't do it for me, i dunno what it is, pch would probably have to explain it to me.

lil' gay boy said...

Caveman,

Despite its "provenance" as a home built in the '30s, there is just something inauthentic, no downright faux about its rusticity.

It's kinda like the worst combination of sauna-meets-gatelodge mixed with a touch of bunkhouse-cum-log-kit-home.

But Mama's right about one thing; as loony as Heche is, she manages to always make her cuckoo's nest a home.

Kanani said...

"One day the money is rolling in and you're making mortgage payments on a multi-million dollar mansion and the next you're hauling your sofa and shit up two flights of stairs into a rented 2-bedroom condo."

Oh Mama, You make me laugh. Rock it, Mama, shift and sway!

StPaulSnowman said...

Now I understand Ms. Heche's odd behavior in the past. Judging from this house, she really enjoys stripping, sanding, staining and varnishing woodwork. From the size of this job, we can expect her to be staggering around in some back yard trying to blow off the methyl chloride vapors. I just hope she doesn't take up woodburning next.

StPaulSnowman said...

Oh yes! Nice Aga......great in that climate and it looks like the English Racing Green from what I can see in the photo. We have and love an Aga but it can be a liability when selling a house. People not familiar with them are suspicious and worry about relearning how to cook. I hope that won't be a problem for her in selling this home.

caveman said...

i think you nailed it lgb

Viva! said...

Pity it has no view, that's what living in West Vancouver is all about. Too much wood for my liking, in fact I hate the style of the house, but she shouldn't have a problem offloading it for around the asking price.

chicago girl said...

As someone who knows a little bit about the Heche family, I can offer up a couple of insights: Years ago my father-in-law was engaged to Anne's mother, whom he really liked, but called it off when he began to worry she might be after his money. I have no idea if that was really the case.

As far as Anne's mental health problems, in many ways it's understandable: she grew up on Chicago's priviledged North Shore with a father who was secretly gay and later died of AIDS, her brother died tragically in an accident, and several years ago, her sister - a mother of young children - died of a brain tumor.

On top of all that, Anne was struggling with her own sexuality and coming out in a big way with Ellen, not to mention dealing with the pressures of her own career. Is it any surprise that she cracked up?

She's a wonderful actress and I wish her the best.

Anonymous said...

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

Anonymous said...

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

Anonymous said...

The place looks like an unfinished furniture store or the lumber aisle at Home Depot. It's a termite party waiting to happen.

jbeebs said...

She named her son Homer Laffoon.

Thats just mean.

Anonymous said...

"Hmmm, I'm on a barely moderately successful show, by no means a hit, shot up in Vancouver. I think I'll commit myself to buying an expensive house, even though there's absolutely nothing to indicate that we'll definitely be up here for a long time (you know, like if I was on a CSI or something)."

Excellent planning.

Anonymous said...

How did she end up roaming the streets of Fresno? Did she take some ROFFIES or get GHB in her system or what? How the hell do you end up in Fresno Ca.?

Ellen said...

^^ She's just a total loon!

Anonymous said...

I don't know what everybody's bitching about. The house looks quite charming.

so_chic_darling said...

Well charming is not always tasteful is my dear?

luke220 said...

Bet she wishes she stayed with Ellen.

Sacramonius_Gwitchan said...

Kitsch par-excellence, this log behemoth on Inglewood doth both annoy and cloy, with its pine-infested "oh-so-Greenpeace" phoniness. Yep, a real gem ... if you like to play John-Boy Walton next to a 6-lane freeway.

I agree so much w/lil' gay boy on the gatelodge viz bunkhouse viz (roll your eyes) sauna references.

The listing can be found here: http://www.mls.ca/propertyDetails.aspx?&propertyId=7240641
(quick, download it now before this baby sells, it'll go like hotcakes!)

Bird-dog it here, fellow peons:
http://maps.live.com/default.aspx?v=2&FORM=LMLTCC&cp=s6p64w4r5g7q&style=o&lvl=2&tilt=-90&dir=0&alt=-1000&scene=29216004&phx=0&phy=0&phscl=1&where1=419%20INGLEWOOD%20AV%2C%20West%20Vancouver%2C%20BC&encType=1

Note, fair children, the agent's reference to "celebrity-owned house" -- ah, anything to make a buck. That's supposed to sell it? Hmm..

Perhaps she can convince the 2 studs in her life ('Coley' Laffoon and the 'hunkster-that-is-Tupper') to patch up their differences, grab some adzes a-la This Old House and hew and draw quarters to ..... oh shucks, forget it, she just marries these guys for their looks, not their carpentorial (sp?) prowess.

Vancouver realtor said...

I always like to see a movie with Anne Heche starring in it. Don't know why exactly but her films cheer me up or give me a good laugh. :)
Looking at the house by a skillful eye of a Vancouver realtor I dare say that Anne really got style. She must have surely been looking for a home looking house with peaceful surroundings and comfortable atmosphere. Hopefully, she was given what she wanted...

terminal said...

That log house was demolished and replaced with a new mansion in 2013.