Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Call Me Crazy, Call Me Anne Heche...

SELLERS: Anne "Celestia" Heche and Coley Lafoon
LOCATION: S. Las Palmas Avenue, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $3,795,000
SIZE: 3,819 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: PAUL WILLIAMS, ARCHITECT. GORGEOUS 1929 COUNTRY ENGLISH W/ POOL, GSTHSE. Dramatic oversized LR opening to gardens & pool, handsome large DR, exceptional FamRm/eat-in kitchen w/superior appliances, adjoining ante-room& butlers pantry. Upstairs are 2 excellent bedroom suites & a sumptuous master suite with large terrace overlooking lovely rear lawns and gardens. Extensive entertaining areas. Above the garage is an updated guesthouse/bath. Great example of Paul Williams' work.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Lawhd, we do not even know where to begin discussing the trials and tribulations of ack-tress and hasbian Anne "Celestia" Heche and her stay at home daddy man Coley Lafoon. Do we begin when she dumped her lady lover Ellen Degeneres for her current and soon to be ex- huzband Coley Lafoon? Or do we begin on that fateful day in the year 2000 when Celestia was found wandering the farm fields of Fresno loaded on ecstasy, talking gibberish, and out of her ever loving mind? Or do we begin more recently with the stories and rumors of Miz Anne's alleged affair with James Tupper, a cast mate from her Men In Trees television program? Or what about her reported flirting with females in New York City? Ack!

Whatever way Celestia swings after her messy, bitter, and all too public dee-vorce, before all is said and done, the once happy house in the heart of Hancock Park will need to be sold off. Split up since February 2007, the couple, who have been at each others throats accusing each other of poor parenting skills, mental instability, obsessive masturbation, and stealing furniture, have both been using this house, and it is NOT a good idea for these two to be sharing anything anymore.

According to property records, the once loving heterosexual couple who met when Celestia was still attached to Ellen Degeneres, purchased this lovely Paul Williams designed Tudor in July of 2005 for $3,150,031. Records show the show the house at 3,819 squre feet with 4 bedrooms and 4.5 bathrooms. At it's current price of $3,795,000, Mister and Missus Lafoon won't be seeing much of a profit on their real estate investment. But we expect the myriad of reasons they're eager to sell have little to do with potential profits.

Say what you will about Celestia and her crazy ways, but Your Mama thinks the bonkers behatcha has some unexpectedly good taste. It's not all good, but who knew that a gal who wrote a book named Call me Crazy, could sort out the details to put a room together that even sane people would feel comfortable? We are loving the living room with the big white flokati rug and the hodge-podge upholstered pieces which have been unified and married by the white fabric creating a cohesive space that feels soothing and sane.

Sure, the room with all the patterned rugs is a bit whacko, but we expect this is where Celestia does her yoga, meditation, and communicating with the other side. And really, it does look comfy in a bohemian let's put on a black light, smoke some grass, and talk to the angels sort of way.

It's all good for Your Mama until you get to the kitchen where the breakfast area is unpleasantly graced with a colorful diagram of the digestive system. Now children, Your Mama is under no illusion about where food goes, the process it goes through, and where it comes out. But we do not need to eat our breakfast cereal being reminded that shortly, and if we're lucky, our rectum is going to pinch it out. We do, however, dig those orange chairs in there.

And into the bedroom. Is it just us, or do you see this place as strangely chaste and grandma-like? Hmm.

Your Mama is looking forward to the day these two sell this house, get dee-vorced and move on from their mudslinging and name calling. Sure it's fun for all of us gossip hounds, but frankly, Your Mama is getting tired of reading about Celestia and her haphazard romantic engtanglements.

Sources: Hollywood.com, Socialite Life, SF Chronicle, Celebrity Nation, The Insider Online

8 comments:

Phoenix said...

Ohhh.. so she was on Ecstasy when she was found lost and disoriented. It all makes sense now, and duh me for not reaching that realization myself. Regarding her subsequent behavior and accusations, Coley really should have expected something like this would eventually happen, poor guy.

Very lovely home.. I really like it alot.

Anonymous said...

Looks like 141 S. Las Palmas is the location. Anyone confirm?

Phoenix said...

That's it anonymous, in the 90004 zip code.

Anonymous said...

I like this house.

Anonymous said...

Yes, Mama! That's the now-infamous "yoga room" that was just mentioned in the last round of legal documents.

Great house - I agree, these two need to stop sharing the damn house and get their own and just move the kid. Either way, it's sad.

Anonymous said...

This place is lovely...I'm surprised.

Anonymous said...

Wow,

This Celestial Seasoning tastes good.

Anonymous said...

She still has the Moroccan chest of drawers. Where is the three legged side table the maid broke? The magazines follow her from apartment to house. I miss the floor to ceiling pink silk curtains and then there was the bathroom from the Walls Can Talk movie. She can decorate my house once I finally have one.