Monday, March 10, 2008

Your Mama Hears...

...That the itty bitty and banal 2 bedroom apartment that all the gossips (including Your Mama) reported that itty bitty Nicole Richie and her improbably baby daddy Joel Madden recently purchased will soon be back on the market. Our source didn't know why the newly babied couple decided against shacking up in their $999,999 condo next door to a flop house on the Bowery, but maybe they realized they might need a bit more than 1000 square feet to house the nanny and Auntie Paris when she comes to visit. Or maybe Nicole came to her senses and realized pushing a Bugaboo baby buggy up and down the Bowery wouldn't be nearly as glamorous as it first sounded.

Now kids, we don't want to hear it...we know this neighborhood is well located and definitely on the upswing with the New Museum recently pioneering the area and several mid-priced condo developments opening up. However, all the cash rich carpet baggers moving into the hood will indeed still be stepping their Jimmy Choos over the homeless people who live in the SROs that line the Bowery. At least for the time being.

19 comments:

so_chic_darling said...

It's a crap part of Manhattan and it doesn't matter how many new buildings go up or how many handbag girls are out on the town at night.It's UGLY!

Anonymous said...

We love YOU, Mama, but nicole and paris, etc, are BORING, and so is this little condo. Moving on ....

sandpiper said...

This place was nothing to get excited about. I'm sure after daddy spent a few nights on the couch -- Nicole won!

Now it's just a bad memory.

Anonymous said...

But what does Zillow think it is worth?

Anonymous said...

Thank God! Keep us posted on where they end up! I was surprised when you reported this not because of the price just because of the location. Not exactly a place where you want to raise children, couldn't they have found something at least a block west of Bowery?

lil' gay boy said...

It's not the ninth circle of hell . . . but at any price, it's prettydamnclose.

Bette Davis said...

What a dump!

so_chic_darling said...

If the market does crash in Manhattan,and I doubt that it will for many reasons,the first places to lose value will be the new "faux Luxe", yes that's my name for it,neighborhoods of which the Bowery is the crowning example.Throw up a few glass towers and some boutiques that sell little wispy dresses,oh and don't forget to add a museum that nobody cares about and voila!
Don't forget to kick the homeless out of the way with your pointy Jimmy Choos.

Alessandra said...

It was too small, kittens. No way Nicole, Joel, baby and nanny all cram themselves into that itty-bitty space.

Plus, perhaps the bucolic root of the word "Bowery" swayed Nicole into thinking that the area might be stroller-friendly, but the reality? Not so much.

lil' gay boy said...

Unless one's "family money" leaves you living life in the stratosphere, let's face it - Manhattan is not an easy place to raise a child, especially in a too small apartment.

Bigdaddyj said...

Hey Mama, ever think that Nicole reads your little blog and after this place was pretty roundly trashed here they changed their mind? LOL - just a thought...maybe you're more influential than you realize ;-)

Anonymous said...

^

doubtful

bentley said...

The last time I was in the Bowery I got food poisoning, my wife broke her heel and someone stole my tires. We have not returned.

I did find it refreshing that they didn't feel the need to buy a giant, showy condo that will remain empty most of the time (I assume they are LA based? I know nothing about these people.) Seems a very level-headed, sensible move. That, I applaud.

lil' gay boy said...

Bentley,

Are you prone to the "Planes, Trains, & Automobiles" syndrome?

;-)

sandpiper said...

Bentley,

I sense the same thing about her level-headedness. But even at that, this place was really bor-rring!

Nicole's place in LA that Mama covered some time back ended up renting, I think, so maybe that equity is still tied up?

PS: Your Bowery story couldn't get much sadder. At least is wasn't raining...or was it? :)

bentley said...

LGB, it would seem so!

Sandpiper - It was actually sort of funny once we were in a cab and before the poisoning took hold. We turned the corner, saw the car, my wife gasped, stumbled and broke her shoe. We just stood there, not altogether sure how to proceed. If we were famous, it would have been a "Punk'd" sort of moment. Instead we were suckers standing in the dark, dank Bowery wondering what the hell to do:) Shit happens, right? At least they left the car!!

It was a real New York moment, though, in a stereotypical "life in the big, bad city" way.

sandpiper said...

Oh gosh, that's too funny! Only you, Bentley, could only happen to you!

lil' gay boy said...

As it was said, at least it wasn't raining; the cab would've taken off, splashing you on its way . . .

;-)

Anonymous said...

lmao they don't have a nanny. someone needs to read a certain interview.