Friday, March 7, 2008

Nicole and Joel Do The Simple Life In Manhattan


BUYERS: Nicole Richie and Joel Madden
LOCATION: The Bowery, New York, NY
PRICE: $999,999
SIZE: 1,053 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Located in the heart of Nolita, where the Bowery meets Spring. Two bedroo, two bath apartment with lovely, sunny West views. The kitchen features stainless steel appliances, granite counters and Shaker style maple cabinetry. The baths are finished with marble floors, walls and vanity. Full service building with 24 hour attended lobby, live in superintendent, laundry facility and individual storage.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: New York City gossip juggernaut Page Six reported yesterday that still pin thin singer/actress/mommy/whatever Nicole Richie and her tattooed baby daddy Joel Madden have purchased a million dollar apartment on The Bowery in New York City, and as the children well know, a million clams does not stretch very far in the atrociously expensive Manhattan real estate market.

Unfortunately, Your Mama is too bizzy today to delve into and dissect the dee-lishus oxymoron of an Los Angeles celebicon like Nicole Richie shacking up on the still kinda seedy Bowery in New York City. While the Bowery does offer residents and visitors that special brand of New York chic where homeless hookers work the sidewalk with high heeled fashionistas, Miss Richie and her nanny will need to push the Bugaboo past all the disenfranchised and booze imbibing Vietnam vets who still live in the flophouses that line the Bowery in order to get to the new and huge Whole Foods Market around the corner on Houston Street. Fun.

There is not nearly enough time today for Your Mama to properly discuss the myriad of potential reasons why these two new parents, who should have big money in their designer pockets, would choose an itty bitty and perfectly ordinary two bedroom apartment on the 11th floor of a full service but entirely undistinguished building on a the bizzy Bowery. Couldn't they have asked Daddy Richie for a few more pennies so they could get something a little more celeb-ish?

It is unlikely the L.A based Richie/Maddens will occupy this apartment full time, but if the rumors are true, and all our hissing theater queen friends pray they are not, the somewhat vocally challenged celebutante is Broadway bound. The rumor is she's been offered the role of Roxie in Chicago. Which is a real problem in Your Mama's book when you consider tickets to Broadway productions cost well upwards of $100. Think about that for a minute. All due respect to her, but would you pay more than $100 to see Miss Richie, who is not a trained actor or singer, warble on Broadway?

Please note the photos and floor plan may not be exact representations of the unit purchased by the Richie/Maddens.

20 comments:

Alessandra said...

Except for the fact it is on the 11th floor, this is completely pedestrian.

Maybe Papa Richie isn't rolling in the $$ right now...???

Anonymous said...

Kelly Osbournes not a trained actor or singer but when she played Mama Morton in the westend she got great reviews by audiences & most of the media ... Perhaps Nicole will surprise us?

Anonymous said...

Will Paris be in the audience on opening night? And then stay in the spacious guest bedroom so she can trot across the living room and entry to get to the bathroom?

RLT said...

Actually, Mama, I think I did read somewhere that Nicole is a trained singer. It wouldn't be surprising, given who her father is, although I suppose it was when she was quite young, before she became a junkie. In any case, between drugs and eating disorders, she sure seems to have turned her life around. So maybe she's got something more for us to admire. If so, then good for her.

Neurophilly said...

Where, oh where, will the nanny/ies sleep??????? Is TatDaddy going to be home babysitting each night while his songbird warbles?

This apartment would suit my husband and I; we dream large but live in less than technicolour but I really cannot see it suiting this family at all.

Happy Weekend!

Bigdaddyj said...

If they are just looking for a permanent alternate to a hotel suite for when they visit NYC, this place is perfectly appropriate, but I agree not much space for a growing family if they are planning on spending any substantial amount of time in NYC...small apartment, but for Manhattan the price is actually very reasonable, IMO...

so_chic_darling said...

It's strange that you could say today that this is a good price for a two bedroom apartment in Manhattan right?In a more fashionable part of downtown,and most of it is more fashionable,two bedrooms go for up to two million and sometimes more.

lil' gay boy said...

Looks like it's just a convenient pied-a-terre for an out of town couple not looking to impress anyone but themselves.

Pedestrian, yes, but infinitely livable, and not the worst part of Manhattan.

East Village hold out said...

No,but one of the worst.Top 5

Anonymous said...

How is the Bowery around Spring street one of the worst areas of Manhattan? Oh yes a block from Whole ffods and the New Museum...ewww. In Nolita....EWWWWW. A 2 minute walk from Soho...EWWWWW!

lil' gay boy said...

Anon 1:58,

Would you rather be down by Wall Street, where even the rats won't come out at night?

Anonymous said...

Maybe they bought it for the servants ?

Viva! said...

I'm certain this place is just a crash pad/pied-a-terre/hotel suite alternative.

Papa Lionel would not have his baby (and his baby's baby) live in anything except the best. Totally livable, it'll do.

And good for Nicole Richie for not being a total mess!

Bigdaddyj said...

The way Manhattan has gentrified itself over the past 20 years or so (not going to opine if the changes have been for the better or for the worse...), give it another 10 years and ALL of Manhattan will be a swanky neighborhood, so they're probably making a good investment as well, even given the current state of flux in the markets...after all, think of some of the places people are paying multi-millions now and try and imagine convincing wealthy folks to buy in them 20 years ago, and they'd've laughed you into Jersey...Hell, even parts of Brooklyn are getting rather expensive and considered trendy nowadays...

lil' gay boy said...

Yeah, it's nice to see parts of Brooklyn come back; Nana grew up on Prospect Park West - I have a set of photos of the interior (they owned the whole house, which has since been broken up into apartments).

The photos are dated 1895 and the interiors are a fabulous conglomeration of late Victorian architecture and furniture; I just hope in the intervening years the intricate woodwork hasn't been lost - truly unique.

katie said...

Nothing too extraordinary, but a nice apartment. I like it. I'm pretty sure this won't be their permanent home. It's probably only for when they go visit Joel's family. He has a beautiful house in Glendale, CA, he wouldn't sell it.

sandpiper said...

Interpreted this post as Nicole saying, "We want to stay under a Mil."

She is grounded and doing well. I think it's great. No doubt they'll make this a special place. What we see in marketing pics is NOT what she'll transform it into. Go Nic! And, happy baby! Best!!

Anonymous said...

Mama is way off in her description of the Bowery. As a lifelong New Yorker I can tell you that in the past there were never any hookers over there, just bums. And there certainly aren't any left today. Mama has quite an imagination. That neighborhood is just like almost all the others in Manhattan these days: Quickly filling up with rich assholes (Hi Nicole!). Mama, I think you need to leave LaLa Land for a trip east, you're clearly overdue!

lil' gay boy said...

Anon 6:16,

While what you say is mostly true, New York magazine did a piece recently on one of the last remaining flophouses, "The White House" I believe it's called. As little as $6 a night for the "regulars", $24 or so for transients.

And there is still the YMCA there as well, but mostly these iconic New Yorkers are being pushed out by $500 a night hotels.

BSM said...

I own a place in this building--used to live there, but now rent it out. Best neighborhood downtown at the edge of very hip Nolita and close to SOHO, lower East Side, Village, etc. The buidling is fine--nothing special. There is a club on the first floor, which may have been part of the attraction. But the club is the least interesting thing in the hood, which is actually sophisticated and fun. A lot of young, good looking people. Not the most baby friendly area, I'll admit.