Monday, March 17, 2008

UPDATE: Michael Jackson

Hold on to your boots babies, because May 14 marks the day that the lights will finally go out on Neverland Ranch. Your Mama means the figurative lights, of course, because the Pacific Gas & Electric probably turned off most of the real lights at Neverland Ranch long ago.

Anyhoo, over the last few days the always spectacularly informed Mister Roger Friedman, who writes the fantabulous Fox 411 column, dished all kinds of dirt on the doings and the oh no they didn'ts concerning the foreclosure and re-fi fracas surrounding Neverland Ranch. If any of you kids have an unhealthy interest in The White Lady's real estate saga the way Your Mama (and apparently Mister Friedman) does, we strongly suggest you boogie your nosy booty over to Fox 411 to get the 411 on the situation (links above). In the event you don't have that kinda time or inclination, let Your Mama attempt to summarize the scandalous tidbits:

According to Mister Friedman, who is adamant on the matter, Mister Jackson's people were most definitely not able to come to terms with Fortress Investments Group, the angry as a hornet lender who holds the in default $24,500,000 loan secured against Neverland Ranch. Mister Jackson's people were, however, able to push back the foreclosure auction date to May 14 when this whole shenanigans will (hopefully) be resolved on the steps of the Santa Barbara County court house.

Also according to Mister Friedman, the last few weeks of financial finagling have not only been unsuccessful but utter chaos. A clutch of people, who claimed to represent Mister Jackson, sought a private investor to refinance the loan from Fortress. Much to Your Mama's surprise, these folks did somehow manage to find an L.A. based investor named Jason Castero who, all due respect, was foolish enough to put $46,000,000 into an escrow account. Castero's cash was meant to buy the loan from Fortress as well as to perhaps put a few pennies in Mister Jackson's threadbare pockets.

When the group who claimed to represent Mister Jackson informed Mister Castero that they would be skimming $4,600,000 off the top of the escrow account as compensation for their troubles and effort, the talks broke down. Why? Well, according to Mister Friedman, the deal fell apart because it seems Mister Jackson new nothing about the deal and indeed, the group was not representing Mister Jackson with his consent. Uh oh.

As wild as that shit is, the real kicker is–are you ready for this kids?–one of the people allegedly involved in this bit of attempted fraud is rumored and reported by Mister Friedman to be none other than that krazy talking Raymone Bain ladee, who is actually no longer employed as one of The White Lady's people. Naturally, Miz Bain, through her people, refutes the accusations and innuendo. Who knew Miz Bain even had people?

Here's something that Mister Friedman did not report but was reported here and there last week...Do the children recall that Your Mama's cuzzin' Lois used to drive that krazy train at the Neverland Ranch? Well, hand to Jeezis she did, and the other day Your Mama got a message from our precious cuzzin' Lois who told us that the improbably (but actually) named Billie Jean Jackson was recently arrested for trying to jump the fence at Neverland Ranch.

The not quite right in the head ladee has been going around for years claiming to be The White Lady's wife and as the real Billie Jean Jackson, the little lamb thinks she owns the damn place too. Poor Billie Jean Jackson. The 60 year old ladee has become a bit of a local legend around those parts due to her numerous arrests for trying to escape INTO Neverland Ranch. Not to mock her tenuous hold on reality, but what will Billie Jean Jackson do when the Neverland Ranch finally gets sold out from under her? Your Mama does not imagine that the new owners, whoever they may be, will tolerate the mentally blitzkrieged Billie Jean Jackson roaming around the ranch any better than Mister Jackson's bare bones security detail does.

Like Mister Friedman, Your Mama wonders how much of this crap Mister Jackson knows or cares about. He seems to be living in a vacuum over there in Las Vegas where he and his three children are reported to be shacking up in a suite at the neon encrusted gambling palace that is the Palms Hotel. Jeezis H. Christ, what a place to be raising up them kids.


Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

I echo the "Wow". That is all I can say.

bentley said...

Every time the bags come off their heads, they're in an amusement park. These kids are either totally fucked or the happiest little dudes on earth.


Who looks after those little people? Seriously, does anybody know?

pch said...

I rather suspect the South Park episode when Jackson and Blanket move to town (under the pseudonym Jefferson) isn't all that far from reality...this YouTube clip is a couple minutes long and splices several scenes together.

so_chic_darling said...

I always learn something new from Mama and today I learned that the White Lady's people have people.

lil' gay boy said...

Someone has to protect those kids.


I only hope that, whatever the outcome is, that one day they will be able to look back on this time of their lives and laugh with the innocence of the children they are.

Anonymous said...

buy the property and open an amusement park. just a thought.

lil' gay boy said...

Not to be judgmental, but where are these children's mothers?

sandpiper said...

I just read a pretty salacious Raymone Bain-ism.

Seem's MJ has lost faith in journalistic integrity, because a certain someone [cough...Roger Freeman...cough] is writing unsubstantiated, untrue reports with intent to create a frenzy and destroy his image. The "L"-bomb was also dropped, and they didn't mean LOVE. Uh-ooooo.

Seriously, Roger's good, but I think MJ is giving him way too much credit. LOL.

nowhereaz said...

May 14, Neverland Ranch, yee haw--hot on the heels of May 13th's Kaufmann House, which I am crazy obsessed about. For those who care, there's a nice new slideshow of that place at, and they're taking preorders on the catalog ($40).

Anonymous said...

Is it Cestaro or Castero? Fox 411 says Cestaro, Mama wrote Castero.

I found a Jason Cestaro in LA. Must not be the same one unless he has sold a lot of cars lately. He is listed on the Santa Monica Chamber of Commerce as sales manager at the Honda dealership. His name also appears on a 2004newsletter from the Calabasas Chamber of Commerce as the sales manager of a dealership out there.

bentley said...

Equal parts shudder inducing and very, very funny, PCH.

Anonymous said...

MJ must have burned every last bridge.

Anonymous said...

Mamma, many news outlets are reporting that Tiger Woods has purchased a $65 mil house on Gin Lane in the Hamptons.

Now stop reporting on this fuck'n Child Molester and get the Tiger Woods Estate up.

Move it Bitch.

Anonymous said...

anon 9:41,

You obviously aren't one of Mama's children since you don't spell her name right or have any RESPECT. Go wash your own mouth out with soap.

smiley said...

Anon 9:41,

Perhaps a friendly e-mail to mama would have been more effective.


Anonymous said...

Anon 11:16 - It's Jason Cestero, there's no "a" in the name. He lives at 126 Almont Drive in Beverly Hills and he's 83 years old.

Anonymous said...

Apparently Jermaine Jackson is the new Raymone Bain. TMZ has video of him saying Neverland is not in foreclosure and never has been.

Wouldn't it make more sense to just answer "no comment" rather than spout nonsense that public records prove to be false?

The Hollywood Mayor said...

Mama ---- this post was classic... so are you. I fell out of my chair laughing at your post about Billie Jean Jackson!!!

Keep up the comedy you sweet lady!