Thursday, March 27, 2008

Enrique Murciano Above Hollywood Boulevard

SELLER: Enrique Murciano
LOCATION: Hillside Avenue, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,795,000
SIZE: 2,123 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Stunning gated house with Hotel Bel Air vibe. Grand living room with gorgeous high-beamed ceiling. Marvelous master with romantic sitting room-sized balcony great for reading the morning paper. Wonderful eat-in kitchen. Outdoor balcony awesome for dining. Two additional guest bedrooms plus office. Two fabulous patios open to the swimmer's pool and grassy area. Incredibly charming.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: If Your Mama is being honest, and we always are, we didn't know who this Enrique Murciano person is until we looked up his resume on the Internet Movie Data Base. Turns our he's a scruffy faced and squinty eyed Cuban-American hottie who landed several small film roles (Speed 2, Traffic, Black Hawk Down) before securing a regular role on television drama Without a Trace where he's been acting off his cute keister and earning a good living since 2002.

A little further research on the internets and we learn that good looking Mister Murciano has a thing for cooking, cars, motorcycles and moe-dells, natch. Super moe-dells to be more precise. Since his long term love affair with Miss Molly Sims went kaput in 2007 it's rumored and whispered that the Latino lover has been hooking up with Victoria's Secret panty princess Angela Lindvall, who still manages to look dy-no-mite marching her mannequin down the runway in her underwear even after popping out two babies.

Anyhoo, Property records reveal that Mister Murciano purchased his modestly sized 2,123 square foot house just above Hollywood Boulevard back in March of 2004 for $1,425,000. Listing information tells us the house has 3 bedrooms an 2.5 bathrooms as well as an office space. Very tall hedges and a sliding electric gate stretch across the front for maximum privacy and maximum privacy is a good thing in our real estate book even if you don't have the paps on your tail.

Your Mama recognizes this house could use a bit of curb appeal assistance (the white garage door is a bit of an eyesore, isn't it?). But children, Your Mama freely confesses that we are smitten with this house. Do we like the strange pattern made with the pavers in the driveway? Absolutely not. How do we feel about some of the dark paint colors? Icky but easily changed. Would we leave the glass block, brass fixtures and rose pink counter tops in the master bathroom? Oh hell no! But given that Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter prefer a home that does not require a terlit scrubber be up an in our bizness 27 hours a day and we swoon over shaded and covered out door terraces perfect for escaping the blistering Southern California sun, it should be no surprise that we're thinking we should be calling our man at Smith Barney.

We love the large and long living room with it's classic California peaked ceiling and cozy fireplace surrounded by bookshelves (not pictured) and although we would not make the same choices in counter tops and cabinetry, we can deal with the smallish kitchen until such time as it's time to rip it out and start anew. The secondary bedrooms appear to be on the wee side, but who wants to encourage guests to stay longer than a few nights with large comfortable guest suites? No offense friends and family, but not Your Mama.

But it's really the back yard and the outdoor spaces that have Your Mama considering a call to our banker and hunting for our checkbook in the bottom of our beat up Louis Vuitton document carrier. Yes children, we know the yard is small, particularly for all you real estate size queens who feel hemmed in unless there's an acre of lawn out back. However, there's just enough grass for our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly to piddle in peace, a petit pool perfect for plunging on warm days and a soothing spa in which the Dr. Cooter can camp out with a nice bottle of wine after a long time setting people heads right.

And let's not forget the three covered patios that provide perfect and quiet spots to lounge around in the shade sipping gine and tonics, flipping through the gossip glossies and re-reading David Foster Wallace short stories.

Normally Your Mama does not get into discussing the hard working real estate agents who list and sell all these celebrity homes in the finer zip codes across the country, but Mister Murciano's gal deserves a shout out. Her name is Sharona Alperin and you might recognize her name because in her dewy youth a band called The Knack recorded a hit song called My Sharona that was written about her. Yes puppies, turns out Sharona was indeed a living, breathing and very young gurl. Your Mama can't help but to love that sort of sideways celebrity...she's not really famous, yet how many children can still sing the refrain from that song? My Sharona was the single on the very first album that our Sister Woman ever purchased with chore money and between the two of us we played the damn song on her portable record player until the grooves in the record were done worn away.

Anyhoo, we wish Mister Murciano well as he moves on to bigger and better digs. Now leave us alone so Your Mama can call our man at Smith Barney.

22 comments:

Neurophilly said...

Gotta agree, Mama, the outdoor areas are sweet - and the indoor areas are workable.

Though have to say, methinks the pink car driving stagin' lady's younger and blonder sister did this job. She lined up all them magazines on the outdoor table just like she was taught by big sis but didn't bother to straighten all those pictures Mr. M has hanging in his rooms. Thank goodness she resisted the temptation to 'throw' - but I wonder if she'll tell her sister?

Anonymous said...

The brass framed shower door has got to go. Paint, landscaping, and a good gay decorator would work wonders. Sorry SLWAT's little sis.

pch said...

I saw this house when it came on the market a couple days ago, and have to say it's incredibly tempting. I'm in complete agreement with Mama...needs some re-tooling, obviously, but it's exactly the kind of house I like for myself.

lucy said...

See, now I'm wondering if Mama started her blog just because she's been on the hunt for a new home...

This is not a house for a growing family, but I'd be happy to live here all by my lonesome. Beautiful yard.

Anonymous said...

where's he moving to Mama? ps he's also Andy Garcia's Nephew.

sandpiper said...

This is such a "guy" place, and not in a bad way. Sort of sweet, actually. I can tell he's his own decorator. Not a deal breaker by any stretch. And, do I see a bird cage in the corner? He just won me over if he likes our feathered friends.

If this one doesn't get a lot of early interest, I'd get a bucket of nice hot suds and a garage broom to clean up the driveway, steps and short walls -- then wait for the sun and upload a new curb shot.

Ruby Jackson said...

Ooof. I think it's awful.... low ceilings, long, narrow rooms (although that could just be the photography), isolated spaces. And a g-d awful bathroom. No thanks. Sorry, Mama.

parissucksliterally said...

If you have to look up who the person is, should we care about their house?

(wink)

Alessandra said...

The veranda and back lawn are quite appealing. The actual house is a little small for my needs, with a toddler's room, a home office and a guest room all being necessities, so three bedrooms is not enough anymore. It probably lives quite nicely, especially for a single guy or a couple.

The master bath is not attractive, and the kitchen is cramped, but that's why you make nice with a good contractor.

aunt mary said...

Oh, Mama, you truly are a kindred spirit! David Foster Wallace!Love his writing. I discovered his writing by accident in essays in Harper's or New Republic or something like that. He wrote one about taking a cruise and one about going to the state fair. After that I was hooked. I bought Infinite Jest when it came out and try as I might, have not been able to complete it. But I will try again. Thank you again Mama for the pleasure of reading your highly entertaining commentary. By the way, what has Falsetta been up to lately?

aunt mary said...

My Sharona, (I remember it well) was also a song that influenced a very young Kurt Cobain when he was trying to find his thang, back when he had a band before it was called Nirvana.

sandpiper said...

Oh Aunt Mary,
You never fail to amaze me.

Rock on.

Anonymous said...

That pink and gold bathroom is wretched. How did he stand it.

aunt mary said...

Sandpiper, I've yet to hear a single candidate voice concern over the present state of rock and roll in this country. I'm staying on the fence until I hear what they propose. When the average age of the best rockers is over 60 I'm afraid we are facing a bleak future. Global warming may be a threat, but it will never get hot enough to thaw the grave of the last best bass player once they are all gone.

Parker said...

I'm ready to move into that living room! That is fantastic! That shower door is so horrifying but it's these quick, easy fixes that will keep the highest-paying picky people at bay. I am surprised by the price though, it seems a bit low to me.

Anonymous said...

"Stunning"? Gotta' love those listing agents. It's a very blah house, nothing special - but love those outdoor spaces.

Anonymous said...

Ruby Jackson got it oh so right!!! I saw this house on broker's Caravan 2 days ago and it is awful. Low ceilings, narrow meandering hallways, no dining room, powder room the size of a coffin, master bedroom oddly placed adjacent to the kitchen. Not very good at all. While the pics capture the yard for the better, even these spaces aren't that great. Trust me, Mama... this one is a C-

realdoozy said...

There is a virtual tour available at themls.com. The homes mls number is 08-265471, and can also be found in the Sunset Strip listings, just input the current asking price. Actually not a bad home at all, once you see the whole package.

Anonymous said...

Got any 411 on Tom Arnolds supposed "on the market" home previously owned by Randy Jackson?

Anonymous said...

4704 Caritina, Tarzana... for the Tom Arnold house on market with ex-wifey as the listing agent.

so_chic_darling said...

Aunt Mary I will never forget that David Foster Wallace story in Harpers from a few years ago about going on a cruise.It was one of the funniest things I have ever read.

Anonymous said...

Place is awful, but the price is good. Gut it.