Thursday, November 13, 2008

Martina Navratilova Moves On

SELLER: Martina Navratilova
LOCATION: Casey Key Road, Nokomis, FL
PRICE: $2,549,000
SIZE: 3,966 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Approximately 200' of bay frontage. Both homes have been meticulously renovated and exude warmth and charm. The wrap-around deck of the main home's upper level affords sweeping views of Little Sarasota Bay. Enjoy boating or fishing from the dock with 2 lifts, swim in the heated pool or enjoy walks through the garden.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Thanks to a covert communique from the Floridian Flapjaw, we've learned that Czech born tennis titan Martina Navratilova has sold her Nokomis, FL hideaway for $2,549,000. Don't worry, children, we had to locate Nokomis on a map too. Turns out it's a small gulf side town on the western edge of Florida just south of Sarasota.

Miz Navratilova, a gal with manly arms who served and volleyed her way to a stupefying 18 Grand Slam singles titles, 31 Grand Slam women's doubles titles and 10 Grand Slam mixed doubles titles, is unquestionably one of the finest female tennis players to ever pick up a racket. Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter were fortunate enough to see Miz Martina win her very last title at the 2006 U.S. Open with her mixed doubles partner Bob Bryan. We teared up during the awards ceremony, yes we did.

Anyhoo, the legendary Miz Martina has been living down Sarasota way for quite some time and, according to property records, in December of 2002 she and her ladee-mate Antoinette Layton picked up Bay Haven, a two lot estate on Casey Key Road for $1,650,000. Listing information reveals that one of the lots hosts the 3 bedroom and 3 bathroom main house and the second lot a 2 bedroom and 2 bathroom guest house. The combined square footage for both homes appears to be a relatively modest 3,966.

According to a recent report in the Herald Tribune, Miz Martina and Ladee Layton sold only one of the two lots, the one with the main house and the waterfront swimming pool, for $2,549,000. The remaining lot, the one with the guest house, is reported to be in contract with a different buyer. Do we even need to get out our bejeweled abacus to show that Miz Martina is going to make a million or more when she finally sells off both lots?

From what we can tell, Miz Navratilova's nest is located down a private drive, is surrounded by a white picket fence and faces the swampy looking inner bay of the Gulf of Mexico. The property with the main house includes a waterfront swimming pool, dock space for two small boats and lush gardens filled with, you got it, palm trees. The property with the guest house offers only oblique views of the bay and, as far as we can tell, has little or no frontage on the bay. But don't quote us on that children, because you know, we don't really know nuthin' from nuthin'.

From the photographs, it would appear to Your Mama that Miz Martina and Ladee Layton do not have much of a knack for doing the day-core. They do, however, seem to have a special attraction to and fondness for peach colored paint. We know there is a naughty joke in there children, but we're going to refrain from making it.

Listen children, we love us some Martina so much that we simply can't bear to discuss the day-core any further. Besides, it's like shooting a moose in a hen house to point out the indignity of having an electronic piano in the bedroom or to cackle about that disturbing "contempo" light fixture in the dining room. So, we'll move on with only one word of advice for the Mrs. Navratilovas: Gurls, you better call Your Mama when you buy another house so we can forward you a list of nice gay decorators who will help you make better choices in paint, tile, granite and, well, everything. We recognize that not everyone wants to live in a decorator done show palace, but Martina hunny, seriously, it is undignified for a woman of your stature to live up in a house done up and did over like it was a damn peach pie.

Records also indicate that Miz Martina and Ladee Layton also own a waterfront house on N. Manasota Key Road in Englewood, FL which was purchased in May of 2006 for $2,200,000. There are multiple reports of the tennis ace owning a seven million dollar home in Aspen, CO. Although we have no reason to believe she does not own a home in Aspen, our rather rudimentary research did not turn up any property record evidence of that.


Anonymous said...

Does Martina still have a place in Aspen?

Anonymous said...

This place looks like her face.....gross!

Madam Pince said...

So Martina can't decorate? Big deal. The house will sell based on its bay view. Not my cup of tea, as I'm terrified of hurricanes, but that's why she owns other houses.

All the lesbians I know can't decorate for shit, but they cook like Paula Deen. Fine by me, sweetie. In my neck of the woods, the gay men do the decorating and the lesbians do the cooking. Just invite me to the party.

Anonymous said...

What? No trophies on display.

Anonymous said...

Magnificent tennis player and human being first...then lesbian.

Anonymous said...

This is the address I come up with on her. Mamma, can you check it out and see if it's still hers:

8475 Castle Creek Rd
Aspen, CO 81611

Thank you, dear!

Anonymous said...

Looks like Martina is trying to sell the property in Engleoowd, FL, according to

Anonymous said...

Wonder what happened to all the carpets?

Anonymous said...

There is a small landing strip of rug in the bathing area.

Anonymous said...

Her girlfriend missed a patch?

Anonymous said...

The interior design is lacking. Mouthy Martina's cool, though.

Anonymous said...

hey hey look im bisexual n i think ur all being tite i luv martina navratilova she cool and a very very good tennis player to be honoust i think your all pussys because your anonymous.