Thursday, April 23, 2009

Tim Gunn Takes the A Train


BUYER: Tim Gunn
LOCATION: West 90th Street, New York, NY
PRICE: $1,500,000
SIZE: 1,765 square feet (approx.), 2 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: This triple mine 1,765+ sqa ft 2br/2.5 bath condo with a 527 sq ft terrace feels like a private home in the sky yet it is in a full service bldg with a gym on the Upper West Side. This apt is a bright corner duplex with 3 exposures, a separate windowed dining room that has a Sub-Zero wine cooler and a wet bar, a top-of-the-line windowed kitchen with a granite counter that has seating and floor to ceiling windowns in the spacious corner living room and both bedrooms.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Model slash baby factory Heidi Klum may be the hostess of the reality tee-vee program Project Runway, but the show's real star is the prissy, prim and dee-lightfully proper Tim Gunn. Your Mama confesses that we have a sweet spot in our cold and dark heart for Mister Gunn because not only do we love his mincing ways on the boob-toob but also because Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter used to live in the very same New York City building as Mister Gunn and would frequently find him in clogs (yes, children, clogs) and a perfectly pressed white t-shirt placidly gliding up and down the funky aisles of the grungy grocery store located on the ground floor of the building. We found him to be oddly entrancing in that he never looked left or right, just straight ahead, perhaps uncomfortable with his new found fame and just a little bit concerned he might be spotted and outed in an article on Page Six about buying up a couple of Lean Cuisines for dinner.

Anyhoo, according to Miz Keil who now pens the Gimme Shelter column for the NY Post–and confirmed with property records–Mister Gunn has moved out of his West 24th Street rental and to the Upper West Side where he recently forked over $1,500,000 for a doo-plex condo apartment on West 90th Street.

According to listing information the two-floor, 2 bedroom and 2.5 bathroom unit has approximately 1,765 square feet of interior space and a heavenly 527 square feet of outdoor space. The front door opens to a small entrance hall which leads directly into the dining room which is, of course not optimal but also not so terribly unusual in smaller New York City apartments. The dining room includes a wet bar with SubZero fridge so Mister Gunn's dinner guests can get liquored up before, during and after dinner. An adjacent guest terlit does double duty as the laundry room and opens directly into the dining room, a potentially disastrous set up for obvious reasons.

At the opposite end of the apartment from the dining room is a corner living room with gigantic floor to ceiling windows, wood floors and custom built cabintry fitted for the flat screen tee-vee. In between the living and dining rooms sits the unfortunately countrified kitchen with white cabinets, wood floors, sand colored granite counter tops and one of those horrid Fisher & Paykel double drawer dishwashers. Those things might be expensive, trendy and perhaps even energy efficient but it is Your Mama's personal experience with the contraption that they are also unrealiable and too small for washing oversized dishes. In fact, this coming Monday a muscular man named Juan is coming by to swap out the not-functioning Fisher & Paykel dishwashing lemon in our kitchen for another, hopefully more reliable model with just one door. Halle-damn-lujuh!

But we digress...The floor plan for the unit shows one of the bedrooms on the first floor which includes a private pooper and large windows facing both south and east. Upstairs a small landing leads to the master bedroom which includes a windowed bathroom and three closets for Miss Gunn's large collection of slim and conservative suits. A large built in unit in the bedroom can be used for sweater storage, electronics and stashing porn.

When Your Mama lived in New York City we would have gladly given the Dr. Cooter's left leg for a terrace. Mister Gunn, fortunately, will not have to sacrifice a limb for his commodious outdoor space where he can watch the sun rise over the Upper East Side and discreetly sunbathe his slender and girlish body should he choose to do so.

Your Mama begs the children to keep in mind that the current day-core is that of the seller and not that of Mister Gunn. So let's not get all wacky yakking about that obscene wall to wall white carpeting in the upstairs bathroom, the painfully purple walls in the dining room, or any of that crap in the living room because it's all going to be removed and reworked by, we hope, by Mister Gunn's nice gay decorator.

If Your Mama is being honest, and we always are, we are deeply concerned about the overwhelming architectural banality of this apartment and worry that it will take nothing short of a massive overhaul to bring the place up to snuff. So, like Mister Gunn, we're just going to hold our chin between our thumb forefinger, squint our eyes and tell him to, "Make it work," and hope for the best. Your Mama sincerely wishes Mister Gunn a happy new home and many congratulations on his recent television successes and encourage him to let us know if he needs a list of nice gay decorators to help him pull his new crib into shape.

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

i have looked at this apartment because I can't live in NY with out a terrace but the funky layout and the lack of any architecural details left me cold. I can't believe Mr. Gunn bought this. There are better terrace apartments on the market right now. But I suppose he'll do a makeover. Mama, that "girlish" body comment - you are so off the chain! Love it.

Anonymous said...

oh, and just simply moving that terlit door over to the kitchen side might help!

Anonymous said...

also, and then i will leave, i did not like walking right into the dining room and the fact that although the master bedroom has three free standing walls, there is only one window. Just on space and price and terrace alone, it is not a bad value, but I've seen 2 bedrooms with terraces in gramercy and sutton that are better for the price. I'm surprised La Gunn wants to live in the west 90's. And Mama, bless you for all the recent NYC tid bits. Are you missng NY, just a little? hehehehee......

Deschanel said...

God, I guess someone's Gammy died..but enough about the day-core. I'm sure he'll fix it up nicely.

When I see a stark, bare terrace like that, drab buildings in the distance, I daydream of some nice evergreen shrubs- and then the problems of how to get those big boys up there.

I.5 mil..I suppose that's not bad, the terrace adds a lot. Mr. Gunn is famously a solitary bachelor- he's through with love!- so for a single man, he's got a bi-level space, room for an office, a little outdoors.. And West 90's isn't so bad. You know, sometimes people don't want to live in superhip, happening neighborhoods, esp. after a certain age. I wish him the best with the place.

angeleyes said...

Mama, I hear you about those drawer style dishwashers. Not only are they unable to accomodate larger items, they don't do nearly as good a job washing as conventional models, so good on you for electing to rip them out rather than have them repaired.

I'm betting that Mr. Gunn has a major overhaul planned, including restructuring the interior spaces. His unit could be a knockout, and I don't sense the perfectionist in him will be able to truly rest until it meets his exacting standards. Loving that high in the sky outdoor terrace, even though I have a problem with heights, and would have to refrain from looking over the side to avoid losing my lunch, lol.

luke220 said...

The master bedroom has two windows, one looks out to the terrace.

billy d said...

Hey y'all. Don't be so harsh on the two-drawers. Fisher Paykel's not my favorite brand - although I did have to buy their ice box 'cause it was the only damn thing that would fit in my condo kitchen other than a Sub Zero which would have required an additional 4k out of pocket. Kitchen Aid makes a sweet two-drawer that works fine for entertaining. Mama's china goes in the top, the grungy pots go in the bottom - and you go to bed!

Anonymous said...

you mean watch the sunrise over the UWS?

outsmoker said...

Thank God for the terraces. Or is it illegal to smoke outside in NYC now? Makes sense though, given the shit they have to breathe without the enjoyment of lighting up. Do people actually jog in that polluted environment?

Anonymous said...

All you NYC, LA, insert place here haters just need to crawl back under your trailer in Wausau WI and die.

White Chocolate Mess said...

very cool to see some more New York properties, mama! funny - my word verification happened to be "macho"....just coincidental after reading about Tim Gunn?????

Anonymous said...

Considering in an interview recently, he says that he is always busy, I don't know how much of an overall he would do. He may not put too much into it if it just a place to lay his head at night and won't do a lot of entertaining. Tim said in the same interview that he enjoys his solitude.

Anonymous said...

The kitchen wall cabinets kiss, but don't touch the ceiling. That's creepy - I'd keep my eyes peeled for bats or mice late at night.

I'd fill that 'island' hole with wall cabinets and move dining/study back into the current living room.

I'd return the current dining room to it's original function - reception area. I'd throw my arty uncomfortable furniture in there and stock the mini-bar with soda water and stale crackers just to discourage lengthy visits.

I wouldn't ebonize the floors, but I would go crazy with rugs by Amy Helfand or that other Liz woman.

Anonymous said...

"According to listing information the two-floor, 2 bedroom and 2.5 bathroom unit has approximately 1,765 square feet of interior space and a heavenly 527 square feet of outdoor space."

That info is wrong. The 1765 square feet INCLUDES the terrace. Interior space is no more than 1200 square feet.

Babe Parish said...

sweet jesus, i need glasses. i thought mr. gunn was selling this place, so when i saw that wretched li'l kitchen and that teeny tiny chandelier over the bed, i was losing it. thank god mr. gunn is purchasing this habitrail in the sky--- we all know he will turn this mutha out!

sandpiper said...

Good for him. I was hoping this would happen. Mama, as one of your children that care about the architecture rather than the inhabitants, Mr. Gunn is a delightful exception. I adore him.

He's been renting for ages, got discovered, made it and now owns his first place. On the heels of his most recent and very tiny Chelsea rental, he must be on cloud nine -- and rightfully earned.

Anonymous said...

anon 6:19

The kitchen cabinets are done that way on purpose - it's a 'shadow' space. Usually there's a crown moulding too so it doesn't look so much like a bad installation. However these cabinets are so ugly that all the moulding in the world can't help.

I don't know about bats, but here in Hawaii that void space would be full of gecko shit in a few months.

Lilithcat said...

As to the dishwasher, I'm sure Tim doesn't care WHAT kind it is! In a recent interview, he said, "I have a dishwasher I never use because I can’t stand the thought of dishes that aren’t washed. I wash them after every meal."

Anonymous said...

the monthlies on this are good - under $2K including tax and maint.

Anonymous said...

Drawer dishwashers are for show and do not work

Was he living in London terrace?
This place is gross. Who moves from Chelsea to the west 90s in a buyers market?

Starck Mad said...

I'm sure massive renovation will ensue.
The eggplant walls? The 'granny' curtains in the kitchen? YIKES

Anonymous said...

eggplant..............that's funny

Anonymous said...

mr. Gunn momma will have to the C not A train and will cost him 103 unlimited starting may 31st.

Anonymous said...

I agree with an earlier poster that Gunn probably doesn't spend a lot of time at home. He has Project Runway, his own makeover show, and then his bigwigitude at Liz Claiborne. He'll make it tasteful and livable, but probably doesn't care about having a showplace.

pudenda shenanigans said...

Is this, at least, a good price? hope so.

young sally said...

Well -- he's spending his Saturday mornings at home...and looking fabulous at 9AM, I might add.

Warning to the women of the UWS....do not walk your dog wearing standard UWS dog walking wear (ie pajamas) Tim is watching.

C. said...

Ew...horrible interior. I'm disappointed in Tim. He certainly didn't make it work.