Thursday, April 9, 2009

Rent the House of A Housewife

OWNERS: Mario and Ramona Singer
LOCATION: Pheasant Close S., Southampton, NY
PRICE: $295,000 (Memorial Day to Labor Day)
SIZE: 6 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...7,000sf Mediterranean Villa, six bedrooms & baths, designer decorated and mint condition. Grand over-sized rooms, soaring ceilings in 1000 sf living room and 10' ceilings throughout. Grand Master Suite with its own separate wing and a private balcony overlooking the water for spectacular sunsets. Make this your own hidden paradise, with very private backyard protected by trees, a bocce court, 25 x 50' heated pool, and a sunken har-tru tennis court concealed by rock gardens and endless flowering English gardens...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: There's really nothing like starting the morning with a little dee-lightful dirt like this about those catty and (publicity) crazy beehawtchas from The Housewives of New York City. However, more than the wonderful public bitchery and verbal beat downs that these women engage in with each other, we are most concerned with their real estate doings. The fine folks at City File did not disappoint yesterday when they reported that wild-eyed entrepreneur Ramona Singer and her handsome (but temperamental) huzband Mario have put their south of the highway Southampton estate up for lease with an asking price of $295,000 for the full summer season which runs from Memorial Day to Labor Day. The couple would also, according to listing information, be willing to rent the property in a more piecemeal fashion.

Property records show the intensely competitive couple, who make mounds of money selling religious doo-dads and gew-gaws to the faithful, purchased their so-called "Mediterranean Villa" on Pheasant Close South back in November of 1995 for $875,000. Records on file with Suffolk County show the house measures 5,280 square feet with 4 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms while listing information states the house measures 7,000 square feet and contains 6 bedrooms and 6 bathrooms.

Listing information for the allegedly "designer decorated" house indicates the living room–a not particularly successful decorative study in burgundy and white–measures a whopping 1,000 square feet and includes double height ceilings, a trio of French doors that open the the rear terrace and the sort of swagged drapery that Your Mama genuinely wishes were outlawed, particularly in houses at the beach.

The formal dining room, with its cane backed chairs and Home Despot "chandelier" is about as ordinary as a dining room can be and the best that we can muster about the 40-foot long kitchen and family room area is that it's forty feet long. The basement has been finished and fitted with a pool table and a gigantic 70-inch flat screen tee-vee which will surely appeal to all the sports fans and porn lovers.

The master suite, according to listing information, occupies a separate wing and includes a private terrace looking over the back yard and a large white bathroom with horrid gold accents and more of that shameful swagged drapery. Seriously people, what's with the swagged drapery? Is this sort of window treatment meant to be elegant? Sophisticated? Maybe in a over the top pile like Suzanne Saperstein's in the Holmby Hills but in a house like this, where there isn't even any damn moulding, these swagged things always look to Your Mama like someone tacked a taffeta prom dress from 1986 on the damn wall.

The grounds include an entertainment terrace off the family room, a large swimming pool, a properly oriented and sunken Har-tru tennis court, a Bocce court (which we love), views over a phallic shaped pond, and colorful ever-blooming gardens that while a bit fussy and English for our personal taste do look quite lovely and well tended.

When in Manhattan, Mister and Missus Singer reside in a 2,496 square foot condominium on the 16th floor of an undistinguised doorman building on East 80th Street which records indicate they purchased in August of 1997 for $1,420,500. According to the always informative StreetEasy, the Singers briefly listed their 4 bedroom and 3.5 bathroom apartment in the fall of 2007 with an asking price of $4,495,000.

32 comments:

I Heart Ramona said...

Ramona is the best housewife...she's totally bonkers and I love how she unapologetically speaks her mind even if she says something offensive,.

Anonymous said...

thank you Mama for continuing to keep us informed on the dirt of the Housewives! As far as the house goes, uninspiring!!

sandpiper said...

Mediterranean Villa?

I will hold my breath in anxious anticipation of PCH's reaction to that description.

Mama, I have never before challenged your flawless fact checking, but in this isolated case, are you sure this is not in fact a funeral home?

Anonymous said...

why are all the housewives leaving the Hamptons?

Georgica Pond said...

Great bones......just get a gay decorator in there ASAP!

Anonymous said...

Leaving the Hamptons? It's called attempting to cash in on celebrity. The only problem, and it's a very big one, is that their celebrity has peaked at exactly the worst possible moment (cashing-in-wise). Also, don't for a moment think they are above just listing for the press exposure. The majority of people reading even this blog didn't have a clue who Ramona until reading Mama this morning.

Anonymous said...

bite your tongue! the R.H.O.N.Y. (lmfao) are da bomb! and *everyone* knows them.

**now if i can just master this capacha**

angeleyes said...

Ha Mama. Love your comment re: drapery swags looking like dated taffeta prom dresses hung on a wall. Perfect description, and once again your keen knack for breezily nailing a decorating faux pas on it's ugly head amazes me. Speaking of moulding, this house could use some - in fact, lots of it - all over. The only remotely Mediterranean feature I detect is the tile floor in the kitchen/family room area. The rest, including the home's exterior, sure looks traditional to me. BTW, I luvs me sum Ramona. She's the only one that keeps you guessing, and me interested. The others are so predictable.

Anonymous said...

Does not that drawer in the bathroom close?

Anonymous said...

it may not be well decorated but i would much rather stay there for the summer than that mess owned by the hiltons, and it's 100 grand less.

Anonymous said...

So let me get this straight.
They paid $875,000 and they want someone to rent it for $300,000 for the summer?
Are they out of their blazing minds?
What kind of retardos live in NY and why are they allowed to handle our money?
It is a nice house, the nicest of the housewives by far, but they just nuts.

StPaulSnowman said...

SUMMER RENTALS IN THE HAMPTONS=I NEED MONEY

PoHampton said...

The Hamptons summer rental market is off the hook with listings. Check out elliman and corcoran in new york. you won't believe it. With so many people having trouble affording their primary homes, who can afford a SECOND home?

Anonymous said...

David Patrick Columbia over at New York Social Diary wrote today about the housewives he knows. That would be Luann and Kelly. It's sort of the other side of Luann and Kelly. DPC seems to be a good guy, but when I read him I always remember what he's written about people I actually know. Sometimes completely inaccurate on just the basic facts of the particular life, the kind of revisionism that makes you laugh. Stuff on the order of you knew her when she was still making regular evening trips to the Waldorf Astoria, if you know what I mean. Not saying that's the case with any of those housewives, but his is a very benevolent view.

Anonymous said...

This hideously decorated house is actually in a nice location, with a view of a pond. The Hilton's place is very nearby with no water view and it's much more expensive. There's a guard house where the Hiltons are, though. Not worth 100 G more.
And poor David hasn't been reporting in a very accurate manner for quite a while. I don't know why- he doesn't seem to check even the most basic facts.

Anonymous said...

There are by far a lot of nicer homes in Southampton which are renting for half the price of this one.

Starck Mad said...

Yikes! Those goofy 'swag' drapes are like heat-seeking missiles to my eyes.
Granted, Ramona is near the top of the crazy-looney 'housewife' stars.....God love her, but this is just wrong.

OCjuice said...

This house is just plain BUSTED. I doubt anyone with the means to pay $100,000 a month would be able to stomach living in this Ethan Allen Craigslist palace. Busted.

Viva! said...

Ramona and Mario (who is the nicest and best looking Housewives Husband from Orange County to New York to Atlanta to New Jersey) have a decent Hamptons home.

It's much nicer than the Hilton shitbox and is renting for less. LOVE that big pool and I love the garden, I do so enjoy the fussy English gardens.

I wish Ramona and Mario well, competitive and temperamental as they may be, they're straightforward and seem fun. Not as pretentious as the rest (sans Jill, who might as well changed her name to Fran Drescher)...

Anonymous said...

Jill as Fran Drescher, that's a good one, lol

Anonymous said...

Once again Mama you done did your Chilrens proud today!!! I for one have always wanted a glimpse inside of this wackos house. In the show you just get to watch her sitting poolside and walking her Dog in that Daisy Duke outfit of hers...I realize that this place has probably not see a decorator since she purchased tha place back in the mid 90's but it is not all that bad minus the master bathroom... those fixtures, I love your comment about the 40-foot long kitchen and family room area is that it's forty feet long.
Again another train wreck on Ridalyn looking to cash in on her 15 minutes...As for that husband of hers I just know that any moment now some hussy will be surfacing about how she is his Mistress... Also did anyone else catch the news about Count De lessaps Ethiopian girlfriend and that she is Royalty too! so if she marries Count Dracula will they be referring to her as The Princess Countess... Enquiring minds need to know... Thanks Mama

Anonymous said...

offering prices for these hampton shitboxes are coming in at 35 cents on the dollar. trust me, nothing is renting out here for anywhere near asking.

OCjuice said...

Oh, and Ramona's husband is NOT cute.

Anonymous said...

ROFL 6:01am

Anonymous said...

I am positive that all of the positive comments about Ramona or her husband are written by Ramona herself. You know she googles herself every morning. She doesn't realize she is laughing stock. How pathetic.

Anonymous said...

What exactly makes this a "Mediterreanean Villa"? Ugh.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Mama! You don't disappoint. This property makes me sad because the potential is there but the execution is pure cheese. A reflection of Mrs. Singer to be sure. The decor is consistent with her tacky and inappropriate style of dress. It amuses me that Ms. FIT fashion authority can manage to make her decent bod and decent home look so low rent.

The location of the home in close proximity to town/beach/old estate section is appealing but I don't really like the hood. Too planned, too 80s, too little property like any generic suburb.

She's entertaining enough, but they are a remarkably obnoxious duo. He's so infantile that I can't really see him as good looking.

lil' gay boy said...

Anon 3:26, I don't know, especially since jerkin-head dormers come from, um, a little north of the Mediterranean, don't they?

Even the neighborhood has little to recommend it. It is so not what the Hamptons is about in any season.

McMansion Farms.

Melissa Enriquez Roy said...

All you need to know about the Hamptons RE Market.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/15/realestate/keymagazine/15Key-Hamptons-t.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&ref=keymagazine

Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree more about the swags. Atrocious. And whatever the look is--baronial bordello (?) does not to me evoke "beach". Tacky, tacky, tacky.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely hideous!

Anonymous said...

I don't follow the housewifes.. Cought a glimpse of that show once, all I needed is to see about a minute of it ;-) Came across Your Mama's post by chance. Ha ha ha. Awesome writing style! Great fact reporting! And thanks for pointing out the rediculousness of the Hamptons real estate situation!!! Your Mama you have style.