Monday, April 27, 2009

Gwyneth Paltrow Has Rats?

RENTER: Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin
LOCATION: Mandeville Canyon Road, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: We have no idea
SIZE: 5,706 square feet, 8 bedrooms and 8.5 bathrooms total
DESCRIPTION: Classic architect designed Monterey Colonial on 5+ park like acres. A true gentlemen's Country Ranch Estate in town that is gated and completely private. Main house entry w/ curved staircase opens to spacious liv rm, paneled pub/game rm. Galleria opens to patio & gazebo. Din rm w/ butler pantry & Jr. Din rm off gourmet kt w/ break area. Master suite w/ FP down & 4 beds up. Pool, sp, guesthouse, tennis court, 6 stall barn, rm for riding ring, foaling barn/GH, spectacular playground & meadows.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Over the weekend Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter went hiking in Mandeville Canyon with Sister Cooter and her pal H.R. Huffandpuff. As we we screaming down Sunset Boulevard in Sister Cooter's overheated Saab sedan on our way trail head, H.R. asked Your Mama what dish we knew about all the recent reports that wishes she were British Oscar winning actress Gywneth Paltrow was having a problem with rats in her L.A. home.

Well children, we are not embarrassed to tell y'all that we knew nothing. Not. A. Thing. At least not about this rat bizness.

When we arrived home, legs exhausted and a-trembling from exertion, we took to the internets where we read that poor Miss Paltrow recently rang up the pest control people after she discovered her new (leased) Los Angeles residence was swarming with the vermin. Vermin! The article went on to say that the rat-infested residence is a luxury apartment near where her soo-blime mother Blythe Danner shacks up. (As far as we know, and of course we don't know nuthin', Mizz Danner lives in an ocean view condominium in Santa Monica.)

This mention of an apartment sorta didn't make sense to Your Mama because, according to Glinda the Good Witch, a gal with her finger on the pulse of current celebrity real estate doings, Miss Paltrow and her rock star huzband Chris Martin recently leased an impressive and sprawling estate in the Mandeville Canyon area of Brentwood that was on the market earlier this year for a knee knocking $28,500,000 and is most definitely not an apartment.

Property records show the 5.3 acre estate sits on multiple parcels with a main house that measures 5,706 square feet (it seems bigger to Your Mama). Listing information shows that between the Monterey Colonial style main house and the guest house there are a total of 8 bedrooms and 8.5 bathrooms which should be just about enough space for the family and their retinue of of nannies, macrobiotic chefs, yoga instructors, exercise gurus and ass wipers.

According to listing information the main house features four fireplaces and includes a curving staircase in the entrance hall that opens to the living room, a formal dining room and a junior dining room (whatever that is), a gore-may kitchen with yet another dining area, an office, paneled pub/game room, family room, library/study, loft and lanai.

Outdoor amenities on the celebrity style estate include a tremendous terrace where Gwyny and Madge will have plenty of space to contort their bodies during sunrise yoga sessions, a swimming pool and spa surrounded by a big brick terrace, a properly oriented north/south tennis court, parking for a dozen or more automobiles, a 6 stall horse barn, meadows for pony rides, one of those over sized chess games boards on the back lawn, a play ground and a play house for Miss Paltrow and Mister Martin's oddly named offspring.

Now children, we do not know if this is the rat infested property about which has been reported or if the Paltrow/Martin clan were bedding down in a different rat-infested residence prior to moving to their temporary Mandeville Canyon crib where they're planning to stay a few months while Miss Paltrow gets paid big bucks film the action sequel to Iron Man 2.

Miss Paltrow and Mister Martin live primarily in London where they are reported to own two adjacent townhouses in the Belsize Park area (how very Madonna of them). Stateside, the outrageously rich and successful couple own 3,892 square foot penthouse apartment at the River Lofts building in New York City as well as a 6,800 square foot spread on Old Montauk Highway in Amagansett, NY (which is the Hamptons, dahlinks).

38 comments:

Anonymous said...

Rats? Pretty gross. She must be a dirty gurl.

bentley said...

What an incredibly dull and uninspired house.

Those giant chess boards are really fucking tacky, too. I have a serious hate-on for them.

Gwyneth I quite like.

Anonymous said...

my ex-boss lived on Chalon Road in bel Air. she had rats in her attic sometimes. And she had a maid, so her place was spotless. Those rats know where the good stuff is, I guess! I hear the flats in BH are also swarming with them. I do know they love to nest in palm trees. Creepy.

Anonymous said...

Believe it or not, rats are very common in all parts of Calif.

Anonymous said...

I can only imagine how the decor of this house terribly offends Ms. Paltrow's modern sensibilities. It looks a bit shabby to me.

angeleyes said...

Very nice estate although I could do without the Harry Potter chess board. The house itself on the other hand, is sorely in need of some wizardly magic.

Charlee said...

This house looks totally staged - and not a good staging to be frank. Compare these interiors to the interiors of their Hampton's home, there is no comparison.

Anonymous said...

They were probably fruit rats. They thrive in California due to the climate and abundance of citrus trees. Not the same as sewer rats, more like squirrels without the fuzzy tail.

Anonymous said...

even the rats in LA are fruits....................just a joke, dahlings!

Viva! said...

I hate Gwyneth Paltrow. I hate this house. I hate rats. Her website offends me...leave the lifestyle guru mantle to Martha Stewart and Suzanne Somers. Paltrow is a gaunt bitch!

But I love Blythe Danner and I love an ocean view condo in Santa Monica. So at least one member of that family I like.

Anonymous said...

You hate someone you don't actually know? How mature.

Anonymous said...

How do these folks maintain these huge, lush green lawns with water rationing in Southern California?

Anonymous said...

I hate Paltrow too. She thinks she's better than everyone else. Yahoo wrote a great article last year on why it's so fun to hate her.

StPaulSnowman said...

Well, she probably is better looking than everyone else but I don't hold that against her. As for the rats.....I suspect that they are not fruit rats, but rather Landry Rats with varnished nails, festooned French silk coats and most certainly are oversized and gaudy.......not like the picturesque little rats from Wind in the Willows.

Justin said...

Paltrow is quite average looking for a movie star. I would hardly call her better looking than everyone else, but to each his own. As far as the house goes, the set up isn't spectacular but the size is nice.

Anonymous said...

Paltrow is really more of a joke than a movie star these days, isn't she? I think Madge taught her how to throw around her big bag of bullshit. Anyway, she was certainly nobody's favorite here when she was in the 'hood (I speak of her former NY 'hood, that is, W 4th St).

StPaulSnowman said...

Come on guys.........she was truly radiant in Shakespeare in Love........wasn't she? I would like to know why she was so unpopular in New York.

Princess Shotsavodka said...

rats! oh my god, i thought it said crabs!

Anonymous said...

Only rat in that place is Gwenyth Paltrow.

Anonymous said...

Cruel yet hysterical! I thought Ms. Danner lived in a house on Georgina at 21st but spent most her time on the East Coast? And I heard the house on Georgina is a "silent listing"?? At least that what my sister says that lives down the street...but what does she know, life is hard between lattes, yoga, kids, and hair color appts. I joke, she doesn't drink lattes. As for Foultrow...bless her heart. NOT PRETTY, make up does wonders. Thank god for talent (as and actress).

Gorgonzola Jones said...

why do they call her fishsticks on d-list?

Anonymous said...

As for her NY reputation--she was an attitudinous twat as far back as Spence--insecure about her entertainment-industry roots among actual WASPs.... Might I also add that I hated Shakespeare in Love.

Judi Dench said...

You attitudinous twat......typically Anon......6:01

Anonymous said...

I've heard of rats nesting in those mansion attics in Beverly Hills, Lots of palms and fruit trees.

NewYorkQueer said...

More Pottery Barn derived bland, even stultifying "taste". Perfect for this fear bound actress. As to rats, isn't this L.A., rats walk here on four legs and two and the uneducated can barely tell the difference.

Alessandra said...

Attic rats are common, if you don't properly close off roof access points. The rats go inside at nigh and sleep in palm trees during the day.

House is boring, as is Gwyneth.

Anonymous said...

Bite me, Miss Dench. I'm almost as sick of you as I am of Paltrow. Retire already.

Judi Dench said...

Anon 8:44.......I know who you are and where you live. I will be sending 007 over to take care of you later this afternoon. You have been warned.

Judi Dench said...

By the way........it's DAME Judi to you!

Baby Jane Hudson said...

Oh, gwynnie, we have rats in the basement.........................

Anonymous said...

Well, I am waiting, Dame Judi, admittedly all atremble, to be taken care of by 007. I would prefer early Connery--even pre-007 Connery (i.e., Marnie-era)--but since that model is no longer available, Craig will certainly do. But absolutely do not waste anyone's time by sending wimpy Brosnan. Hopelessly unsexy.

Judi Dench said...

You should tremble..........I have decided to send Odd Job instead!

Avg Joe :{] said...

Story is false! I climbed over the fence to try and catch some of the rats. They taste like chicken. I can't afford chicken anymore since the bank called my line of credit, froze my secured mastercard, and the city hauled away my box & shopping cart.

Then the Bel Air Patrol tasered me. Don't they know I used to be someone?????

Gabriel B. said...

You sound too well adjusted to be the real Avjo.....or is it that you are sticking with your therapy?

Avg Joe :{] said...

What do you mean???

Ever since I got tasered people keep saying I am a changed man!!!

Anonymous said...

It's pretty common knowledge around here that rats are all over Beverly Hills and surrounding areas. I live in the hills in Trousdale Estates and we had rats for 2 years. Hired 5 companies. tried everything. It was terrifying. One jumped at me and hit me on the shoulder- jumped out of a drawer in my kitchen.

We finally got rid of them but I am still traumatized.
they are all over the shops and alleys around Rodeo Dr and it really has nothing to do with cleanliness. They get into the house from small openings. it is horrible

Anonymous said...

the house and its furnishings are dull.

Anonymous said...

Goodness, a lot of people here envious of Paltrow and letting their claws show.

Rats are very common in California in all neighborhoods, I'm surprised the Mama does not know that.