Friday, May 30, 2008

Phillip Bloch Double Whammy / Los Angeles

SELLER: Phillip Bloch
LOCATION: Hollywood Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA
SIZE: 1,500 square feet (approx.), 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
PRICE: $629,000
DESCRIPTION:R E D U C E D...NOTE H U G E (approx. 1500 square footage) 2 BR/2 BA corner unit. Light & bright w/AMAZING DOWNTOWN VIEWS from balcony, both BR & kitch; & CITY VIEWS. Unit is located on QUIET BACKSIDE of building & is very PRIVATE w/HUGE usable balcony, over sized LR w/den area, hardwood floors & wet-bar. Each BR w/walk-in closets & Mstr ste w/two add'l closets. Mstr BA w/window & spa tub. SxS parking & extra storage in garage. Laundry hook-ups

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: While celebrity super-stylist Phillip Bloch may have an uncanny and innate knack for knowing who should wear what, when and to where, Your Mama thinks the man might have a chip missing when it comes to real estate and interior day-core. Earlier today we discussed the hot mess of a Manhattan co-op that Mister Bloch has on the market for $1,500,000, and in the course of our "research" we also learned that the hat wearing and hair challenged purveyor of panache is also looking to unload his less than perfect west coast crib.

Property records show that the bizzy bi-coastal stylist to the stars purchased his Los Angeles condominium, located on a the residential west end of Hollywood Boulevard, in January of 2001. Your Mama recommends the children hold on to their wigs and britches when we tell them that records reveal Mister Bloch paid just $255,000 (gasps heard up and down Sunset and Hollywood Boulevards) for the 2 bedroom and 2 bathroom condo with lovely views down palm lined N. Sierra Bonita Avenue and over West Hollywood. Mister Bloch's building may be ass-uglee (trust Your Mama, we looked it up) and the kitchen and bathrooms in dire need of a re-do, but remember the good ol' days when living in Los Angeles was a real estate bargain compared to the other historically ungodly expensive major American cities like New York and San Francisco?

Listing information shows the current asking price has been reduced to $629,000 and for that number a buyer gets a genuinely large living room with den area, a "HUGE usable balcony" (with an eye popping and disturbing tile issue), a wet bar for all the booze hounds, laundry hook ups (an excellent feature) and side by side parking (another excellent and desirable feature).

Here's the thing kids. Your Mama suspects Mister Bloch, who has clearly moved out, perpetrated all sorts of upsetting interior design crimes on this place when he was in residence and we certainly understand that most people not familiar with Los Angeles can't fathom why anyone in LaLa Land would willingly live in an apartment rather than a house; Answer: cost, maintenance, security.

Despite being located in a considerably less than attractive building that looks like something built in Warsaw circa 1982, Your Mama is of the mind that the apartment itself, with the help of a nice gay decorator and a skilled contractor, could be wrested from it's current sad state of affairs and be a comfortable and affordable Hollywood hideaway. Because let's be honest kids, not every celeb or demi-celeb in Los Angeles can afford a massive multi-million dollar mansion or, quite frankly, even qualify for a sweet and modest Spanish style casa which could easily be well over a million clams in L.A. So here are eight reasons why Your Mama thinks this condo could work for a budget conscious buyer:

1. Size: It won't work for all the real estate size queens out there, but at (approx.) 1,500 square feet this is a generously sized 2 bedroom apartment with large living spaces.
2. Location: Hollywood Boulevard is not every one's cup of real estate tea, but the central location makes for easy access to most parts of Tinseltown.
3. Balcony: Yes children, we know the tile is a real and serious problem but, all things considered, this is a good sized terrace with just enough space to dine, lounge and give the illusion of indoor/outdoor living.
4. View: Living above the roof tops with a long view is, as Miz Martha Stewart says, a good thing. Your Mama thinks the palm trees are a pleasingly campy visual reminder of place.
5. Parking: Two cars, side by side. 'Nuff said.
6. Kitchen: The tile is terribly dated and the cabinets inexcusably putrid, but do you see the window? Do y'all know how many apartments do not have windows in the kitchen?
7. Bathrooms: There are two, which means the owner(s) can poop in private when there are guests.
8. Light: The unit is south facing for maximum sunlight harnessing.

Your Mama hasn't a clue where Mister Bloch intends to live once he sells both his east and west coast residences, but if he would like a little assistance selecting a new home and new day-core appropriate to his style station, we'd be happy to help. Seriously, call Your Mama Mister Bloch. We're eager to help you settle you into a new crib that represents your vaunted position in the fashion and style world.

24 comments:

Alessandra said...

Sorry. I can't see past all the damn aluminum framed windows.

pch said...

I'm all for apartments as non-primary residences -- for all the reasons Mama gives. But it's not like Hollywood is devoid of great buildings. This bad 80s (please tell me it's not 90s) refugee ain't one of them. You could fix it up, but it'd be like throwing some expensive 20s on a Hyundai. Nicer than it was before, but still a Hyundai.

sugarhoneyicetea said...

This place is terrible. The kitchen, the bathroom and is that painted brick in one of the bedrooms? I can't imagine this guy living there.

eddie from pdx said...

This guy is a realestate mess.

Hot Tranny Mess (sorry, I just had to....um, can we retire that phrase yet?)

Anyways... what is with the aluminum framed windows? It looks like my first apartment out of college... and that is not a good thing.

Because it was straight up G=H=E=T=T=O!

that girl said...

If you want to know the truth, Mr. Bloch's fashion style is no better than his decorating style. I once interviewed him and I've seen his work - very dated and garish! But hey, if he can get insecure stars to pay him lots of money, I say more power to him. We all have to make a living.

lil' gay boy said...

Horrid. Just, well, horrid.

It looks like an overnight stop for illegals from south of the border on their way to the fields . . . to pick God knows what.

And aluminum windows frames? Sordid.

I wouldn't let the man festoon me with a wife beater.

sandpiper said...

I think this guy is moving a million miles a minute and probably couldn't break long enough to think through either of these places before buying. Unless his next purchase is spectacular, I'm betting he has precious little priority or interest in where he hangs his hat. Obviously.

Todd said...

Mama... your comments are right on. My first look at the photos made me gasp and nearly choke on my morning lah-tay. But the great location coupled with a nice sized unit, a great balcony and some excellent views could make this a steal for somebody like me, who continues to slave for the man but would find this price somewhat affordable. Even in this down economy, perhaps it could go for less than $600k, if Mr. Bloch decided to throw in some hammers to remove that ugg-lee tile. My only question: What are the monthly HOA fees, bee-cuz I'm sure they are duly outrageous.

Anonymous said...

One complete gut-job later and this would be a great Hollywood hide-away. Not sure if a $100,000 renovation would do it, but maybe a cut in the purchase price would make it worth it. The HOA fees might be a deal killer, though.

so_chic_darling said...

Children I know you've been waiting for me to say something but Phillip is a friend of mine so I'm going to zip it!

Anonymous said...

HOA's are $364, not as bad as I thought. This place has been on the market for 317 DAYS. Yes, almost a year. Since he only paid $255k for it it seems stoooooopid to have it sit on the market that long. Oh and the "reduced" price? It was nipped from $639k to $629k, LAST NOVEMBER! A whopping $10k reduction in this market?!?! Looks like a certain real estate agent needs to be FIRED!

Alessandra said...

Or a certain client needs a major reality (realty!) check...

Agents suggest prices; clients approve them and have the final word.

Anonymous said...

Which is difficult because your house is NEVER worth as much to someone else as it is to you...a tough lesson for sellers!

Anonymous said...

"I wouldn't let the man festoon me with a wife beater."

I've been feeling a little sad today since I found out Harvey Korman had passed, but this sentence made me laugh out loud.

Thanks LGB, from the windy Midwest.

StPaulSnowman said...

Does anyone have any suggestions for houses to see in Chicago besides the Robie House and the Glessner House? Suggestions would be appreciated.

Anonymous said...

My friend lives in the building, apparently they sued Bloch because he had legions of assistants in high heels tippy-tappimg around on those hardwood floors rolling racks of designer clothes here and there. The place isn't zoned for commercial business. He was complained about over and over by various residents, and ignored them all. It ended in a lawsuit.

Also, Mr Bloch was once a male model in Tokyo where he did quite well despite being somewhat challenged in the height department.

Anonymous said...

A model? This guy has the face of a hemorrhoid based on the blue link in Mama's post. Perhaps a rough trade "model" in kinky Tokyo

sandpiper said...

Hi Snowman,
The Chicago Architecture Foundation offers a variety of tours. They also have a retail shop on Michigan Ave that I love for Christmas presents.

StPaulSnowman said...

Thanks Sandpiper, I will check it out.

Anonymous said...

anon 10:08 - I think you are looking at the photo of Steven Cojocaru. Not that Mr. Bloch is anyone I'd be attracted to. But I can see where he would have been able to get modeling work.

Anonymous said...

Not even worthy of renting.

JMO

Anonymous said...

How about not even worthy of comment?

Anonymous said...

$629K ... you can get a house now in the Fairfax Melrose Crescent Height SM Blvd quadrangle area for that price. Did I say yuk?

Mike said...

good post