Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Kenny Rogers Folding in Buckhead

SELLER: Kenny Rogers
LOCATION: Valley Road NW, Atlanta, GA
PRICE: $7,795,000 (furnishings included)
SIZE: 9,000 square feet (est. and approx.), 6 bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Absolutely spectacular home has been painstakingly renovated from top to bottom by owner Kenny Rogers. Wonderful layout, splendid finishes and materials throughout. Comfortable yet so elegant, this home is being offered complete with furnishings. Unbelievable landscape front to back. Elevator, pool.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Since it's already been discussed in the Wall Street Journal, The Atlanta Journal Constitution, and of course by the always on top of things Mister Big Time, Your Mama is obviously arriving way late to the rodeo on this wee bit of celebrity real estate gossip. But we couldn't resist. See children, Your Mama grew up on a musical diet of legendary country crooner Kenny Rogers who recently foisted his "Italian-style" suburban Atlanta mansion on to the market with an asking price of $7,950,000, furniture included.

Your Mama couldn't even begin count the number of times we sped around riding in the cubby of Big Daddy's Corvette Stingray with Sister Woman in the passenger seat and Kenny Rogers giving us gambling lessons from a well-worn 8-track tape. And children, we are not even remotely embarrassed to admit that our eclectic musical play list still includes several of Mister Roger's songs, most notably Islands in the Stream, his flaw-less duet with plastic surgery kindred spirit and fellow country music icon Dolly Parton.

Records and reports indicate that 69 year old Mister Rogers and his much younger wifey Wanda bought their Buckhead behemoth in March of 2006 for $2,800,000 and proceeded to remodel, raise the roof, replace the landscaping and fill the place with truckloads of champagne and beige colored furniture all to the tune of another $3,000,000.

Although property records show Mister Roger's residence measures in at 5,815 square feet, all the reports in the big newspapers say it's really around 9,000 square feet with 6 bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms. Other luxury amenities on the fenced and gated 1.5 acre spread include a screening room so aggressively and mono-chromatically beige it's difficult to discern the sofas from the floors, an in ground gunite swimming pool with an itty bitty spa, a home gym, an elevator, and African themed guest bedroom (oh dear!) and a double driveway that leads to a three car garage and loads of additional parking.

Clearly, much time, money and attention was spent on the interior day-core of this home. All the efforts by Mister Rogers and his team of nice gay decorators has certainly paid off if the idea was to get the place primed, pumped and prepared for a small army of picture snappers from Architectural Digest to get in there and take porno-style photos of the furniture and music memorabilia. However, the place is simply too, uhm, dramatic–and beige–for Your Mama's delicate sensibilities and tastes, and we are so completely fascinated and fixated on what message is meant to be transmitted by showing Republican presidential hopeful John McCain on the boob-toob over the fireplace in the family room that we're having trouble seeing, parsing or making sense of much else in the Rogers' residence.

The Wall Street Journal article mentioned that Mister Rogers and his wifey Miss Wanda are also selling a nearby parcel for $2,900,000. According to Mister Rogers, the couple bought the 5-acre parcel in June of 2007 because, "My boys needed a place to play." The couple spent buckets of bucks adding a playground, irrigation, a rock wall, landscaping and electricity all so their 4-year old twin boys would have a place to frolic. Yes children, Mister Rogers fathered children in his sixties when most men are preparing to be grandfathers.

Anyhoo, all reports say that Mister Rogers, his wifey Wanda and their toddler twins will soon be moving to a 150-acre estate in sleepy Nicholson, GA–just outside of Athens–where they are building a modest 3,000 square foot house with a pond, two guest bungalows and a barn. Mister Rogers told the the Atlanta Journal Constitution that their new spread will be, "kind of like Disneyland with animals." Oh lawhd have mercy on our snarky soul. What makes people with a lot of damn money think they need to provide their children with an amusement park in the back yard? Word to the wise, plenty of people raise up their children in less lavish surroundings and they turn out just fine. Pleeze.

Besides, Kenny-hun, iffin you wanted to raise up your kids in a damn amusement park slash zoo, you coulda just called The White Lady and offered him a good price on Neverland Ranch. All that Disneyland crap is already there.

Here's the question we have before we move on to bigger and better things...who would buy an eight million dollar house with all custom furnishings of the previous owner? Do rich people who really do this? Or is it more likely some pharmaceutical executive with a fat back account will buy the place and trash all the furniture so that his wife will have a "project?"

22 comments:

Alessandra said...

There aren't enough adjectives in the English language to cover the hideousness of this home. Does he have actual ivy growing in the kitchen over the island? I can't decide if it's real or fake, and I also can't decide which is more vile. But I know that I hate it either way.

I, too, grew up listening to Kenny Rogers. And I'm disappointed that he's gone beige and cream with stupid floral arrangements and tray ceilings. The place looks like a very expensive funeral parlor.

bentley said...

Islands in the Stream is quite a song. It gets a lot of playtime in these parts, too.

The facade looks like the Alamo crossed with an evangelical cathedral.

Interesting that in an all beige home the ceiling in the living room appears to be painted dark brown/grey!?

While I've never understood home theaters - "Hey gang, all 16 of you come on over to watch TV" - all the beige-ness notwithstanding, this is one of the better designs I've seen.

I'd sell the joint furnished, too. Surely they realized their egregious errors in decorating, and refuse to actually pay someone to move it.

grosse pointe brat said...

This has got to be one of the most butt ugly messes I've ever seen. It just goes to show you that money can not buy you class nor taste...Crass, crass, crass...it looks like an Italian roccoco courtesan crossed with an early 21st century arab oil monger with more bucks than brains vomited all over the place and then got run over by a herd of incontinent elephants...just saying...

Anonymous said...

Ick. The exterior facade of this home is the architectural equivalent of a wedding cake, the interior is mind numbingly boring, and the landscaping is so rigid it makes me want to kick a shrub over or something just to add some unexpected interest. In short, he's done to this place what he's done to his face, and it looks 100% plastic.

pch said...

Hahaha -- Bentley, the facade does remind me a little of the Alamo, now that you say it.

I've always gotten a kick out of the soft-rock faux angst of a weird trio Rogers did with Kim Carnes and James Ingram: What About Me.

I like Kenny Rogers. But. It reminds me of those awful furniture showrooms that look, basically, like an upscale Levitz with supersized everything -- I always wonder how they stay in business, and now I know. Mrs Rogers bought it all.

Anonymous said...

Yes Mama, occasionally rich people buy homes already furnished. I visited this home in Virginia several times in the early 90s and the furniture shown in this ad is the same as it was back then:

http://www.frankhardy.com/propertylisting/detail.php?mls_acct=442673&datasource=FH+CAAR+MLS

Look at that dreadful chair said...

Everywhere!

lil' gay boy said...

Mama and I are in accord on two major points:

1) My very first impression was that the exterior photo was of the train station in Neverland; who in God's name wants to live in an amusement park, even if they have a hundred kids (listening, Brangelina?) and . . .

2) This place is so unrelenting beige that the ugly, oversized furniture just recedes into the background; I'd be afraid to take a seat for fear I'd miss my chosen perch and wind up ass-over-teakettle lost in the pile of the also too beige carpeting.

I always liked Kenny too; the man came by an honest buck the honest way, but it certainly didn't buy him any taste along the road.

Macabre.

Anonymous said...

...You got to know when to fold 'em!

sandpiper said...

If this is what gives him a sense of reward for his still-crazy tour schedule, so be it. Doesn't need to make a lick of sense to me.

However, he has lost some serious points with me over the two chenille throws on the couch. :)

Bentley & PCH, hysterical that you guys speculate the Alamo tone of the entry. Turns out Kenny's a big box photographer too, and a very good one. This is one of his pics...could it be the inspiration?!

fairfield girl said...

You do know that when kr and dp sang, it was more than just a song don't you Mama? Now I'm off to go u tube Islands in the Stream.

eddie from pdx said...

two things....

1) I have 7th row Dolly tickets on Aug. 7th. (Yes, I joined the damn fan club to get the good seats... it even includes passes to the meet and greet)

2) This house is like The Sopranos moved to Georgia. UGLY UGLY UGLY.

that girl said...

It looks like Costco furniture to me - supersized beige-on-beige pieces with lots of Italianite flouishes. But the landscaping is actually quite nice.

Anonymous said...

Where is Doug and Peggy Rich?

Cuddles said...

Oh Bushie! Lookie here..What a fabulous place for us after we get out of this musty old house.

There is plenty of room for Jenna and Henry with the grandchildren. Condi would be just peachy happy in that African room..just like she was back in her old country. I see some bushes I could sneak behind for a ciggie and martini when your mother is visiting. And the locals couldn't possibly mind your drinkin' and drivin'...Isn't this near Whitney and Bobby's old place?

Please..please..Bushie?

StPaulSnowman said...

Indeed, beigeorrhea reigns here. There are some interesting architectural elements in the finishes but they are ruined by the disproportionately low ceilings. This house would have been better served by using some of the nine thousand feet in the vertical dimension. Big time American residential architecture is often overly preoccupied by square footage. Some of these designs would benefit from revisiting the golden mean.

StPaulSnowman said...

Make that the golden ratio

Anonymous said...

Look, Kenny has bad taste (period) Except in music (period). If you see his other montroseties (sic) over the years you will see. He mostly loses bundles of hard earned dough--he's like the country Ed McMahon--he'll put his name on anything for a buck. His taste is over the top, bold, and grandious--just like his personality.

But, some older rich grey hair might like it. Lot's of house and furniture for the $$. Love your music Kenny--FYI he has some GREAT music in the last 5 years too--not a fan of that over tight Dolly Duet of a face lift though--It will loosen up a bit in 5 or so years and it will look great.

Mama's black sheep in West Hollywood--still playing nice for now.

$2 Cocktail said...

Mama, Kenny himself is responsible for the abomnation of a decor! He and a friend have an Atlanta-based decorating firm called "Kenji" (for Kenny and Jim) and they do all of Kenny's homes. How quaint. They also are reportedly the in-house decorators for the planned, but currently delayed, Trump Towers Atlanta.

I've seen this house. It's a relatively recent, crap-tastic stucco construction on other-wise beautiful and fabulous Valley Rd. Too many HUGE, oversized and poorly designed houses are being built on this street. It used to be lined with beautifully sited, appropriately sized mansions on 5+ acre lots.

Anonymous said...

Blecch!

sean mcnamara said...

Lighten up. Dolly and kenny's operations have largely funded my retirement account. They spend more on facial spackel than most of you cretins spend on heating your puny homes.

Anonymous said...

The interior shots actually remind me of a tour bus.

Julia