Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Where Scarlett Johansson Lays Her Head

BUYER: Scarlett Johansson
LOCATION: East 53rd Street, New York, NY
PRICE: $2,100,000
SIZE: 1,270 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Triple Mint Penthouse designed by architect/owner with the most discriminating taste! Elegant & simple with clean lines, top of line finishes and extraordinary chef's kitchen. In addition, both bathrooms are exceptionally renovated with stone and wood. The terrace s large and beautifully landscaped and features open city views. Additionally, there is a lovely greenhouse off the bedroom. Superb closets & much more!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Blond, bee-yoot-ee-full and bee stung lipped ack-tress Scarlett Johansson has been keeping her publicists bizzy as beavers lately. Not only did the buxom babe recently release a mostly well received album of Tom Waits covers (Anywhere I Lay My Head), she's got several films to promote and she's now speaking publicly about her betrothal to Canadian-born beau-hunk ack-tor (and Alanis Morrisette ex-fiancé) Ryan Reynolds. On top of all that she's been keeping the real estate gossips on their toes as well.

Although property records reveal that Miss Johansson still owns a 5th floor condominium at the Hollywood Versailles apartment tower in West Hollywood that she bought back in June of 2003 for $373,000, the 4-time Golden Globe nom-a-nee (always a bridesmaid...) spent $7,000,000 in May of 2007 for a 7 bedroom and 7 bathroom Mediterranean mini-manse on Senalda Road in the hills above Hollywood. About the same time all the gossips whispered and reported that Miss Johansson was on the prowl for a Manhattan penthouse because her New York neighbors were constantly complaining that her incessant cigarette smoking was a serious drag.

Fast forward to April of 2008 when Mister Max Abelson, who skillfully pens the New York Observer's Manhattan Transfers column, revealed that young Miss Johansson did what virtually no other New Yorker has done for many years...beehawtcha sold her TriBeCa loft at 66 Leonard Street for $52,000 less than the $1,950,000 she paid for the place in January of 2006. Less! Who does that in New York City? Someone in a hurry to unload a place, that's who.

Today Mister Abelson continues his ScarJo scoopage and reports that all signs point towards Miss Johansson forking over $2,100,000 for a 2 bedroom and 2 bathroom penthouse pied a terre in a non-descript full service post-war building on Midtown Manhattan's East 53rd Street. Although Miss Johansson's name does not appear on the deed, the purchasing trust is operated by her mother and shows a billing address in Hollywood identical to the one that appears on the deed for her old apartment on Leonard Street. So while we can't say that Miss Johansson is the buyer with 100% certitude, where there's real estate smoke, there's often fire, you know what we're sayin'?

According to listing information, the apartment measures 1,270 square feet and was designed an renovated by it's previous architect owner. The interiors are all creamy beige and chocolate brown with Carrara marble counter tops. All very smart and pulled together if a little lacking in color for our taste. And P.S. that gold framed mirror in the dining room isn't working.

What we do like is the terrace off the living room which makes a perfect spot for
whittling away long afternoons with a pitcher of gin and tonics and a stack of gossip glossies and later gazing at the glittering lights of the city. We imagine Miss Johansson will find it an excellent spot to quietly contemplate her success and suck down a cigarette or four or five, hopefully without her neighbors fretting over the effects of second hand smoke.

Listing information also indicates that there is a "lovely greenhouse" located off the master bedroom. This might sound like a nice feature to someone who has ever had the misfortune or extreme discomfort to sit in one of these all-glass hot boxes on a sticky hot August day. Listen puppies, you can air condition the shit out of these "greenhouses" and you can put up shades that thwart the stinging rays of the blistering sun, but they're still glass boxes that heat up like a damn oven in the summer and rarely climb to above cool on the thermostat in the winter. Your Mama says no thank you to terraces converted to "greenhouses." The only people Your Mama knows who actually appreciate their Manhattan "greenhouses" are people who own snakes and/or grow their own ganja. We don't know if Miss Johansson has an affinity for either of those things but if she doesn't Your Mama imagines that "greenhouse" will be nuthin' more than wasted square footage where she'll stash all the free shit celebrities are sent by designers desperate to have their stuff on photographed on famous folks.

Only time will tell if the soon to be Mrs. Reynolds will keep this modest Manhattan hideaway or if she and the huzband will soon be looking for a larger and more family friendly crib.

22 comments:

Alessandra said...

I love the terrace. The kitchen is quite large, for a NYC 2/2, and it looks functional. A window over the sink is a pleasant feature.

Other than that, it kind of leaves me cold, but if it works for Scarlett, good on her.

StPaulSnowman said...

Mama, I beg to differ over the greenhouse. As someone whose hobby has been bonsai for many years, a greenhouse can be a wonderful thing....a secure place to enjoy eighty year maple trees, a meditation retreat while watering, pruning and repotting. Ventilation with quiet fans and open ceiling vents can keep things comfortable and allow plant loving that would otherwise be impossible in the city. But in the end, celebrities probably don't have the time to devote to these types of activities so she could always soap up the windows and jump nude into the hot tub. It does seem, though, that in space sparse NYC having a greenhouse would make a real statement.

pch said...

Looks like a nice joint.

lil' gay boy said...

All in all not offensive; one of the better skyline views in Manhattan, I must say.

Not great for an expanding family, but we're not expecting . . .

;-)

Anonymous said...

Apparently SJ likes a more peaceful neighborhood. Not a bad idea, really. Brooke Shields also lives in the vicinity.

Anonymous said...

That mirror is meant to stand on the floor and lean against the wall. There's usually an ottoman in front with a strung-out, but bitter goth chick crouching down to complete the look.

In this case the ceilings are too low. Hopefully, SJ will be too busy licking the sculpted abs of Ryan Reynolds to notice.

Anonymous said...

Looks a tad cramped for the money, but I guess that's NYC for ya.

Anonymous said...

This isn't cramped compared to your average Manhattan apartment.

Not really a neighborhood for a twenty-something, she'll be back downtown within the year. The thought of living uptown makes me nauseous.

sandpiper said...

For me(ow) anyway, the larger issue is ... What exactly is she going to do with a book wall?

Anonymous said...

Probably the same thing Keira Knightly did in the movie Atonement.

luke220 said...

The built-ins look like IKEA to me. I find the interior quite ordinary.

Max got one thing wrong in his piece. In Mame, the house in the country was "Upson Downs" not "Upson Pines".

Anonymous said...

I thought Brooke Shields lives in Soho and just bought a house in the village?

Why would someone in their 20's choose to live here???

Anonymous said...

Maybe it's for the mother (parents?) to live? 20-somethings don't live on East 53rd near Sutton.

Anonymous said...

because Niketown is in the neighbourhood,bloomingdales and the waldorf salad ah good times

bentley said...

Ahh, yes, only in Manhattan does living uptown make you irrelevant.

That's cool, though. It gets tiresome to see downtown devotees burping and gagging their way around the Upper East Side.

Nice place, I guess.

Anonymous said...

There's so much anti-uptown sentiment, that it's only a matter of time before it's the hippest place to be again.

Anonymous said...

Very generic hotel room style. It's fine. I hope she gets a good designer to give it some life.

StPaulSnowman said...

I can't believe it ......didn't you mean a good "gay" designer. The absence of that linkage is a first for this site. There may be good designers who are straight but they are all over at the HGTV site and are not nearly as entertaining.

Anonymous said...

Let's get it on with some Design on a Dime. Have some old fence posts we can make into candle sticks? Coffee table out of orange crates.

StPaulSnowman said...

Curb Appeal is also fun............thirty minutes of tarting up mediocre properties and then the inevitable, and ever timely owner statement..........."we've had lots of interest and are expecting an offer soon" These delusional home selling shows are, at once, amusing and depressing. Paint a few horizontal stripes in the dining room and the place will sell in a jiffy!

Nick said...

She needs to sell her place in West Hollywood or at least re design it. Its tiny and dark with wood panel walls...The reason she keeps it though is her parents have a place on the 11th floor...at least her dad lives there, so she has a place to stay when she visits, mainly a place to leave her dog too I would say

sergal said...

Hello dear ladies and gentlemen!
I would like inform you that Scarlett Johansson (actress) actually is a clone from original person, who has nothing with acting career. That clone was created illegally by using stolen biological material. Original person is very nice (not d**n sexy), most important - CHRISTIAN young lady!
I'll tell you guys more, those clones (it's not only one) made in GERMANY - world leader manufacturer of humans clones, it is in Ludwigshafen am Rhein, North Bavaria, Mr. Helmut Kohl home town.original family did not authorize any activity with stolen biological materials, no matter what form it was created, it all need to be return back to original family control to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.
Original Scarlett is not engage!