Sunday, May 25, 2008

Are Beyonce and Jay-Z Headed for the Burbs?

According to a report on gossip juggernaut TMZ, big bootied Beyoncé and her music mogul mate Jay-Z have purchased a 15,000 square foot mansion in Scarsdale, NY.

Scarsdale? For reals? Your Mama knows lots of rich and famous folks like Liza Minelli, Yoko Ono and soap sensation Susan Lucci once lived in and/or grew up in Scarsdale...but Beyoncé and Jay-Z?

Listen kids, Your Mama knows nuthin' about this unexpected real estate hoo-ha, property records do not yet reveal a sale of the Heathcote Road property, and if we're being honest, we simply don't care that much anyway. We may be lambasted, baked and fried like a tomato for saying this, but Your Mama finds Miss Bee-yon-say and her behemoth backside to be about as interesting as dirt. And don't even get Your Mama started on that ka-razy House of Deréon childrens clothing line that has little gurls tarted up like high-heeled sluts. Pleeze. What moe-ron came up with that sartorial nonsense?

Anyhoo, iffin one of you Westchester Wandas wanna get in touch with Your Mama and give us the low down on this house we'd be happy to pass it along. In the meantime, don't none of you pee-pole imagine for hot minute that Your Mama is going to chase down any 411 on this deal. We got better things to do, like clip our damn toenails.

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

I agree - she has zero personality & nothing interesting to say.

Parker said...

My sentiments exactly!

Anonymous said...

Their marriage license was applied foe with a Scarsdale address.

StPaulSnowman said...

The tar paper above the bay is a nice touch. Stop dissin' her butt......she has a beautiful face! She would look perfect on that green shiny sofa from the Malibu property. This house, presumably still under construction, is the essence of what realtors here call "the perfect executive home". To me that means superfically impressive but empty of soul and character. Something a diet doctor would own.

Alessandra said...

Love Beyonce's figure.

As for the house they're allegedly building, it's very proper looking. Ho-hum.

Anonymous said...

Doesn't everything in Scarsdale look 'proper'?

lil' gay boy said...

Crass.

Did You Know? said...

i agree !!!

Anonymous said...

u think bey picked Scarsdale because of the under 30 minute metro north commute to grand central?

Anonymous said...

What I can see of the place looks pretty nice actually. What some refer to as proper, I perceive as traditional architecture. It appears to have been designed with classically traditional design in mind, rather than the 'updated' traditional look of many new homes which I don't care much for. But why-oh-why anyone wants 15,000 feet of living space is beyond me. I'm with you Mama - Beyoncé and Jay-Z - so what, who cares, whatever.

Anonymous said...

Scarsdale - fabulous

Alessandra said...

For new construction it is well-proportioned and decent. The pitch of the roof could be a few degrees steeper, but that might be my personal preference.

However, it is just a rather ho-hum and proper house, as I said before. There's nothing wrong with it, but there's also nothing that makes me scream, "Oh, yes! Spectacular!"

Viva! said...

Susan Lucci was indeed born in Scarsdale...but she grew up (and still resides) in Garden City in an eleven room, seven bath 1929 Colonial (plus a place on Dune Road in Quogue).

The Beyonce/Jay Z residence is boring. Much like them. Beyonce ain't Tina Turner, no matter how hard she tries. Girlfriend's got no soul, no grit, no emotion. She's blank, much like this house.

Anonymous said...

Mediocrity sure pays well these days.

patty said...

Supposedly, they have a relatively new property in Alpine, NJ.

bentley said...

I'm a huge fan of windows, and the fenestration, while a bit busy on the facade, is striking.

Anonymous said...

Happy Memorial Day all!

A holiday real estate Quick Fix with few excellent photos of the $60 million Chateau Marival in the south of France that Brad & Angelina have reportedly purchased.

sandpiper said...

Bentley, you're such a glass-half-full guy. Always finding the good. I admire that.

As for my big meow...I always hope hope these grand plans do not fall short on fit, finish and attention to the small details. I remain optimistic!

eddie from pdx said...

....and her Momma dresses her funny.

Anonymous said...

I agree in not caring about B amd J. Whatevs. What I DO care about:

Deets on this $60 mil estate Brad and Ange purchased in France?

Did Brit It model Agyness Deyn really buy a place in Williamsburg Brooklyn as Perez and others reported?

Love you Mama! No one can do write ups like you can.

Anonymous said...

This home was pictured in the NYTimes last week as an example of bigger homes being built after older ones are being torn down...I think someone may be pulling Mama's leg.

Anonymous said...

you guys are so fucking stupid
not all of scarsdale is nice
you may laugh
but seriously
scarsdale is steroptyped
i live in scarsdale
and NO i dont live in a mansion
NO i dont have a maid or butler
NO i dont have a big back yard
NO i dont have a big house
i have a small house , with a small backyard in edgewood
some house in scarsdale are big and may have big backyards
but to assume that EVERYONE has that
is fucking disgusting
how about you actually visit ALL of scarsdale before you sterotype us
>,<

Anonymous said...

Wow, anon @3:07! I live in Scarsdale too, and truthfully, I saw the post and fully expected a full-blown ranking on our town, but....it didn't happen. Did you read the comments? Really not much criticizing or stereotyping the people or the town; it's mostly people just not digging the new construction.

But let's be honest - ALL of Scarsdale is "nice", but you're absolutely right - not all of it is giant homes on big lots. There are a lot of modest homes on smallish lots, that cost about 25% more than they would if they were in one of our neighboring towns that don't have our school system or recreation facilities, or cache for that matter. If you're willing to have a longer commute, you can get double the house just a bit farther out.

I hope your post doesn't lead people to think that you represent the majority of people in Scarsdale either.

For those of you that don't know Scarsdale, most of the town was developed in the 1920s, with a lot of great tudors and colonials, some really large and incredible, with a lot of character and great detail, and some quite modest. There's also a part of town developed later, in the 50s and 60s, which is generally where you'll find the teardowns, replaced by yes, too many McMansions. But a good number of the newer homes are, in fact, quite well done.

Anonymous said...

Anon 6:02 here again...

As for my post above, I meant "wow", as in, relax!!, not, "wow, we're neighbors!".

Anyway, I can't swear to it, but I've been told that Bejayzee are not buying in Scarsdale.

however, I have a feeling no one is reading this thread any more.

Anonymous said...

its nice... good for them.

Anonymous said...

this is not their house this is my friends house you guys are really stupid to believe this is their house. why would they live in scarsdale.

Anonymous said...

Who cares aout!!!!!