Tuesday, July 17, 2007

We Would Like to Aplogize to The Spice Gurl

RENTER: Victoria "The Spice Gurl" Beckham
LOCATION: Beverly Ranch Road, Beverly Hills, CA
SIZE: 7,000 square feet (approx.), 6 bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Incredible environment of approximately 7,000 sq. ft. that will resonate w/ anyone who appreciates great architecture. Situated on its own promontory of approximately 10 acres with incredible views. Soaring walls of glass, pool w/ double infinity edges that looks like it is hanging in space, must see to believe! Tremendous space to display art & extraordinary for entertaining. All the features you expect from a home of this caliber: large screening room, wine room, dual master suites, etc.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Children, we come to you this morning humbled. Last night, along with the Dr. Cooter, we watched The Spice Gurl's new reality show on the NBC called Victoria Beckham: Coming To America, and we've had a change of mind.

We'll be honest and say that Your Mama fully expected to dislike this skinny, unsmiling, and publicity hungry ex-pop star who drove us crazy looking at every damn mansion for sale in Beverly Hills and Bel Air. But we didn't. No hunnies, we didn't. We must confess, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter actually liked this skinny, unsmiling, and publicity hungry ex-pop star who came off as a funny, charming, self effacing, and somewhat ditzy gal who is toe-ta-lee and completely aware of how she is perceived by the world.

She totters around in absurdly high heels and can barely walk in her too tight pencil skirts. She makes dead pan, shallow, and yet somehow funny comments about how she'd rather die than be caught in a pair of ballet flats. She even goes so far as to wear stripper worthy patent leather spikes while sun bathing by the pool. And she clearly lives in a bubble and vacuum that is unique to the very rich and very famous. She's screwy, but she is no monster.

You can all skewer and lambaste Your Mama for saying so, and y'all prolly will, but we think the skinny bitch from Britain has done herself some serious good to her public image in the US with this television program. And VB gurl, the Dr. Cooter and Your Mama would have you, your ridiculously high heels, and your cartoon-like and bulging breasts to dinner any night of the week. Brava gurl!

But we're not really here to discuss our surprising and new found affection for The Spice Gurl. Rather we're here to discuss the real estate. And while watching The Spice Gurl's show last night, we realized that the house she rented for the filming of her show is currently on the market for sale at $8,995,000, which includes a large adjacent parcel. Without the adjacent parcel the price is $6,995,000. (Thanks reader!)

Located on the valley side of Mulholland Drive and occupying a ten acre parcel at the tip of a hair pin curve, the house is one of the many, many properties it was reported The Spice Gurl looked at in her exhaustive search for a Los Angeles home for her and her relocating family. Turns out, she only wanted to lease the place to film her show, because of course, even the children of Malawi and Mongolia know the couple purchased a $22,000,000 home on San Ysidro Drive in Beverly Hills.

The rental house, with 6 bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms, offered plenty of room for her and her staff to roam about and store her considerable collection of tiny little clothes. However, we're not sure or convinced that The Spice Gurl actually LIVED in this house or simply used it for filming her show. It was our understanding that she and the entourage were staying in a swank Beverly Hills hotel. Anyone?

The big modern house has huge walls of glass and a spectacular view, if you don't mind looking at the San Fernando Valley. Your Mama is not going to spend much time picking apart the furniture and art choices, because they do not belong to The Spice Gurl. And for the most part, we're not offended by the furniture. The obscenely bad art is another matter. What in the world is that four headed nightmare above the bed. Who could sleep with four demonic and decapitated faces staring down at you like that? Seriously, who?

Before we go, we'd like to add one program note on the television program...Did anyone else jump up and down with delight during that scene where The Spice Gurl was invited to freaky looking Herbalife widow/tycoon Suzan Hughes' crazy mansion for a luncheon? That was some priceless television. PRICELESS. Not only were every single one of these women of indeterminate age due to the vast amounts of plastic surgery and caked on make up that made them look like drag queens, they were nut jobs. Particularly after they had a few mid-day drinks in them. Did anyone else pass out laughing when the old lady in the powder blue suit made that freaky noise with her mouth? It's moments like that that make TiVo worth every penny.

Anyhoo, Your Mama would like to publicly apologize to The Spice Gurl for all our bad thoughts and words. Because hunny, we think you're major.

Sources: Crap Filter, NBC,

37 comments:

Phoenix said...

Mama, I know exactly what you mean about Posh. Based on just the photos I'd seen of her previously, I wasn't expecting to like her at all. In fact, I expected to resent her very presence invading an American TV timeslot. But, lo and behold, even though I missed last night's show, I did see an interview with her a few days ago, and she struck me as being genuinely warm, sweet, and funny.. utterly charming. The clips I've seen of David speaking recently evoked a similiar impression of him, and I immediately began to understand why these two got together, and why they've managed to stay together.

Love the architecture of this house, and the platform bed.

Anonymous said...

I had a change of heart, too! I thought she was kooky, but very personable and likeable. How could anyone not be totally charmed by watching her try to throw a baseball in spiked heels? She is funny!

Anonymous said...

She looks miserable in photos b/c for the past 10 years she's been followed continously by packs of paparazzi & her life has been played out in the press ... Yeah, I'm sure part of her craved that but I'm also sure it can be overbearing at times - She's a sweet girl & the most charming thing is she can laugh at herself - & the most important thing to her is her husband & kids.

alex the sea turtle said...

I can't agree with you more. I really didn't want to like her but couldn't help it. I loved her comment about the knickers.

OMG I wish there were more photos of the herbalife woman's house. That was some crazy shit.

Kimmie said...

Hi Mama,

Call me crazy, but I've ALWAYS loved the Posh. I cheered when she got married to the Sexy, loved her even more with the over the top pammie anderson-esque barbed wire bustier, and always found her quite charming as the ever so lovely spice gurl! Loved, loved the show last night and good lord those women were funny!!!!! And of course, the house where she filmed, lovely, lovely, lovely...especially the back yard and pool. I always swoon for those...

Anonymous said...

I'm not trying to preach to the choir, but I also was surprised at how much I like her!

I thought she was funny, sincere and lovable, too bad the ratings were bad, i would love to see her regularly on a reality show (even though I normally HATE reality shows)

she's totally entertaining. and i want to see more of her hot husband.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, too bad there wasn't more David to watch. Probably a good thing cuz I would have had to lay on the sofa fanning myself.
Lordie,he is one beautiful man.

Anonymous said...

How come they didn't show the house she actually bought!?

Anonymous said...

$6,995,000 - "Also available w/ adjacent legal parcel for $8,995,000"

Dodi said...

OK, this is from a couple of years ago - - but she is PRECIOUS, isn't she?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32K-pmd3WEU

(cut and paste this)

Anonymous said...

Mama

I know she was back & forward a few times but I did see her & her pack of bodyguards leaving L'Ermitage ... I'm pretty sure on each occasion she'd be camped up there.

Regarding the ratings - I read earlier that 14 million tuned into her show last night which is pretty good ... higher ratings than Lost etc ... I think the critics / media didn't like the show therefore a lot of rubbish been in news today regading it ... the hting about it is ... the whole thing was tongue in cheek - come of it was acting but entertaining nonetheless

Anonymous said...

Ignore my typos ; )

Anonymous said...

didn't see the show but was pleasantly surprised when i saw her on a recent interview, kind of charming

luke220 said...

She was delightful last night. Great PR for her, for him and the team. Maybe some of us will even know which team it is once he starts playing for them.

Anonymous said...

The plastic old bitties sound completely embalmed... have a former in-law like that. Any way to see clips of the woman making the weird noise with her mouth?

God love the Beverly Hills broads. Golddiggers at heart, every one of 'em.

Anonymous said...

Beckham has the best body ever, and I am a straight male. Posh did come out alright. I also thought I was going to hate her, but i was wrong. Maybe its great editing!

Anonymous said...

Didn't watch the show. Don't care. Don't care for the Posh or her spice sisters. However, I do love this house. If only the Posh & Becks hype would flame out quickly. I'm as sick of hearing about she/he as I am about Brangelina.

Gorgeous views from this house, though.

Phoenix said...

Luke, the same of the team is the LA Galaxy.

Phoenix said...

Geeze.. NAME of the team even.

Anonymous said...

I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON WITH PARIS'S HOUSE MAMA! PLEASE WRITE SOMETHING, ANYTHING, JUST LET ME KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT I WANT TO KNOW!!!!!

Anonymous said...

That's not their house. It is a Moroccan Villa off Benedict Canyon in Beverly Hills.

Anonymous said...

You got it wrong Mama. Their house is on San Yisdro in 90210.

Anonymous said...

at the beverly hills luncheon did anyone else notice marla maples (a former mrs. donald trump) amongst the group of surgically beautified ladies?

Your Mama said...

Children, we know the Beckhams purchased on San Ysidro in 90210.

This house was LEASED for VBs reality show.

Did you read the damn post, because it's all in there.

Anonymous said...

You tell em Mama - Idiots!

Anonymous said...

Vicky Chickie's one night stand had 4 million viewers not 14. It ranked worse than some reruns.

I was too busy to watch. I had to re-arrange my fridge magnets.

Phoenix said...

...sigh... thank gawd us country bumpkin time wasters have counterparts with neatly arranged and oh-so-chic refrigerator magnets :)

Anonymous said...

Mama,

This post was major.

sincerely,

major major

Ms.Hardy said...

OMG..the dolphin imitation was priceless!!! Thousands of dollars of plastic surgery in that room. Posh looked so uncomfortable until she had a few shots!! LOL
and Yes, I did notice Marla Maples!!!
My advice to Victoria, smile darling in public, you're a doll opps..I mean MAJOR!

Anonymous said...

There's a reason stainless is non magnetic. No one with taste has refrigerator magnets.

SMILEY said...

MAY-JAH! POST MAMMA

:)

Phoenix said...

re: "There's a reason stainless is non magnetic." Good catch, Anon @ 11:12 AM. Gotta love how those who put on airs for no reason give themselves away, i.e. a kitchen stuck in the last millenium.. hehe.

luke220 said...

The show is hitting Bravo repeats now. I watched it again last night and picked up a few things I missed the first time.

I hope that they do more segments.

Anonymous said...

Like everyone else, I was all prepared to hate her and now I love her after watching the show.

The dolphin lady needs to get her own reality show, that would be MAJOR!!!

And I love Mama

With An E said...

No 1: ditto on all the Beverly Hills plastic, it was one of the most accurate portrayals of that zip code that I've seen on tv- down to that ugly faux-med-mcmansion that just screams Doheny and Osbourne (both in bad ways).
Secondly, and more to my point: I feel the need to play devil's advocate on their purchase house San Ysidro location (cuz goodness knows its THAT important). The house at XXXX San Ysidro has a very different layout: the pool placement, lawn/cement surrounding it, driveway, planting, hill perspective, neighboring properties and so on, compared to photos- including those posted here. I hoped to surprise my bf (who dreams of Becks- yeah I do too of course) but I can't say with any confidence that the house actually at that address looks anything like the one commonly shown. I really think either the location or pictures must be wrong.

With An E said...

Sorry for the double posting y'all- and especially you, Mama, who may have to read both posts in your position as administrator, but I want to clarify that I hoped to surprise my bf in a silly atmosphere. I think it'd be funny/ campy to take a photo in front of the house. So if you hate me for anything I said in the previous post, please let it be that you disagree with my opinion, not an incorrect presumption of my intentions.

With An E said...

Ok last time Mama I swear! Anyway, I finally get it, duhr! Above responses just mean I was a little too slow to figure it out. Happy Weekend!