Friday, July 6, 2007

Rod Stewart's Brobdingnagian Beverly Park Behemoth

OWNER: Rod Stewart
LOCATION: Beverly Park Terrace, Beverly Hills, CA
SIZE: 4 acres, 18,794 square feet, 8 bedrooms, 13 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Settle down children, spiky haired and gravelly voiced singer Rod Steward is not selling his massive Beverly Hills house. But we have a few photos of the interior that we thought we'd share with ya'll so that you could see the lavish and opulent old world grandeur in which the aging rock star and his various children live.

The gargantuan estate occupies 4 acres in the uber swank, guard gated community of Beverly Park. Anyone who reads this blog already knows that Your Mama has an unhealthy obsession with Beverly Park. An obsession that goes so deep that we have compiled a comprehensive list of the occupants of every address in the development.

Mister Stewart and his third wifey, Penny Lancaster, live in one of the more celebrity heavy sections of Beverly Park, with neighbors such as reluctant baby daddy Eddie Murphy, Jami Gertz, Martin Lawrence, Sylvester Stallone, Paul Reiser, and mega rich octagenarian Sumner Redstone, who single handedly attempted to bring down the career of creepy Tom Crooz. If anyone were to ask Your Mama, and of course no one did, we think the Crooz family should live up in Beverly Park. Given Crooz's security concerns and need for significant square footage to house the family members, nannies, and Scientology minders that live with TomKat and TomKitten, a 20,000,000 square foot mega mansion in Bev Park might be just the thing.

Anyhoo, even though Mister Stewart often states he has six children, there are actually seven (Sarah, Kimberly, Sean, Ruby, Renée, Liam, and now Alastair) by five women. How rock star is that? The first born, Sarah Streeter, was given up for adoption 42 years ago and apparently father and daughter don't have very friendly relations. The newest Stewart, Alastair, was born in November 2006, which means that sixty-something year old Mister Stewart will need to be pushed in a wheelchair in order to attend the child's college graduation. Of wait, that's right, despite daddy's vast fortune and ability to pay for the most expensive schools, his children, none to wisely, have opted out of attending university in exchange for dating aging rock stars with large appendages and acting a complete fool on reality television programs.

Anyhoo, we're not here to discuss the total disregard for higher education of the Stewart clan, not to mention heaps and hordes of Hollywood scions who forgo a formal education, but rather Your Mama is here to discuss the tremendous house in Beverly Park where the Stewart children have grown up surrounded by gazillions of dollars worth of antiques. To be honest, Your Mama did not know what to expect from the interior decor of Mister Stewart's big yellow house in Beverly Hills. What we did not imagine was that he'd be living up in a house decorated like that of a old school Park Avenue doyenne or a rail thin, Chanel clad San Francisco society bitch.

Your Mama is breathless at the sheer drama and faux nobility of this distinctly American palace. Obviously Mister Stewart is a pretty cultured guy, or at the very least, his team of decorators are pretty cultured, but we can't help but wonder how it is that a man who places no expectations of higher education on his children desires to live around objects and artworks that clearly require a more educated and trained eye to appreciate.

Personally, we find the house a bit frightening and more like hotel than a home. We cringe at those regal red drapes in the room with the red furniture, we're puzzled by all the busts and statuary, and the complex carpet patterns strain our eyes and make us dizzy. Your Mama is totally freaked out by the painting in which a big scary bird seems to be swooping in on a nekkid baby as if to feed on it's nubile young flesh.

There appear to be so many living rooms in the house, we count four in the photos, that just choosing a room to enter and occupy must take enormous amounts of brain power. And quite frankly, none of them look like the sort of place one could sit around in worn out underpants eating ice cream and watching the distressing but strangely compelling Dancing With The Stars.

Deep in the recesses of our failing memory, Your Mama remembers watching an episode of MTV Cribs where they visited Kimberly, the Stewart daughter who is reportedly screwing around with Tommy Lee, and about whom we are shocked to learn is 28 years old. Twenty eight? Good grief, by her juvenile behavior we expected her to be 22. Max. Anyhoo, at the time Miss Kimberly was living in the guest house of the estate. Absent a steady income and ability to pay her own tab at Kitson and Fredricks of Hollywood, Your Mama imagines she's still there. Anyone know the scoop there?

Listen, Your Mama does not begrudge Mister Rod Stewart his big house in Beverly Park, or even the over the top decorating scheme. To each his own when it comes to spending money on housing and decor. But Rod, sweetie, you still have a few young children that you can instill with the responsibility of wealth and the importance of a solid education. If after college Ruby and Liam and the rest want to vomit on national television or expose their hoo hoos to the tabloid photographers, so be it. But at least they'll know a little something about the extensive collection of art and furniture you're one day going to leave behind.

Sources: NY Post, Female First, Socialite Life, D Listed

22 comments:

Phoenix said...

Lmao, extremely funny and entertaining piece today Mama. Your "breathless at the sheer drama and faux nobility of this distinctly American palace" pretty much says it all. I will say that the double staircase, grand entry front hall is only one I've ever seen of it's type that dosen't register like a cavernous forboding entrance to an oversized tomb, al la the Taj Mahal. It's scale, proportion, and design are actually quite pleasing, something I never thought I'd say about an entrance like this. The rest of the house is a veritable museum, if living in a museum is what floats your boat.

Anonymous said...

I saw that cribs too. And as I remember the yard is pretty fabulous. There is a stone staircase with water running down it. Good post Mama.

weesis2 said...

My first thought is.. how cluttered is that place? I prefer the "more is less" look myself. I have grave reservations about a young Alistair running around that place...as a childcare proffessional of 20 years i am more than willing to come over to LA and make it more child friendly, Rod if you are reading this... lol
The house is just way too fussy for me... i have a hankering that there is probably a couple of rooms that no one sees that is full of comfy sofas that the family actually live in, leaving the museum for the visitors.

Anonymous said...

Denzel is 29 Beverly Park. Sumner Redstone is at 31 Beverly Park. Rod Stewart is at 23 Beverly Park. Jami Gertz is at 21 Beverly Park. Eddie Murphy is at 19 Beverly Park. Norm Zeda is at 72 Beverly Park. Kelsey Grammer used to own 80 Beverly Park. Avi Arad is between 2505 Summitridge and 2591 Summitridge.

Is Barry Bonds is at 44 Beverly Park? Is Rocky at 32 Beverly Park?
Where is Paul Reiser? Where is Reba? Where is Martin Lawrence?

Anonymous said...

Great post, Mama!

Considering the rest of the house, I can only imagine what the master bedroom looks like!!

D2 said...

I need to put cucumber on my eyes and just rest for a bit...

I always thought the exterior of Mr. Stewart's house was really sunny, calm and cheerful, so by contrast, the interior is even more shocking. For my money, there's nothing "cultured" about the "sheer drama and faux nobility" on display inside that poor house. I could never walk into that foyer or face all the black & white and gold color-schemed "busts and statuary" trinkets with a straight face.

Obviously Mr. Stewart is surrounded by people that smile and nod a lot, which is common and sad. I find the whole of the interior to be a huge embarrassment.

Anonymous said...

Thanks to anonymous for some address recaps, although I'd also like to know the remaining we-never-see-certain-ones-do-we! addresses as Mama's obsession with Beverly Park is suffered not in solitude, but cheerfully with her children!

Anonymous said...

Everyone is entitled to their fantasy of perfection I suppose. Why Rod's vision is a richer version of the Addams Family mansion is anyone's guess.

Anonymous said...

d2 I believe you misinterpreted the comments you critiqued. Just sayin..

Anonymous said...

Where does the Sultan sleep?

Anonymous said...

Very Victorian museum. The baby painting is amusing and very scary. The black and gold gets old.

Anonymous said...

I think that the Clampetts would fit right in with the neighborhood.

Anonymous said...

Rocky is at 32 and Paul Riser is at 36.

nancypants said...

Yeah...a cross between a museum and a pricey whorehouse. That's 'bout right.

Anonymous said...

most of those objects are knock-off reproductions that have no historical signifigance. no need for a trained, educated eye in that home.

Anonymous said...

Ok I'm liking it even if it is "fake" and overdone. I dont know about the scary painting but it's deffinatly not sutable for a lot of kids. but over all how else would you decorate a home with a double staircase like Tarah?shg

Anonymous said...

I'll bet that almost everything in the house is brand new, made to look old.

Anonymous said...

tmz.com has an odd side bar campaign about Kimberly Stewart. This quote from this morning's blurb.

"Kim Cuts to Copter Chase
Posted Jul 17th 2007 3:00PM by TMZ Staff
Filed under: Late Night Adventures, Kimberly Stewart

Hey Everyone!!!

So, you may have read already about the "helicopter fiasco."

Basically, I was going to San Diego with a friend. He tried to pick me up from my house by helicopter. My manager, David Weintraub, called and tried to clear the landing with security for Beverly Park, where I live. They said no way, so we dropped it."

I can only draw two conclusions.

1. Kim still lives at home with daddy
2. The neighbors must absolutely love, love, love her.

Anonymous said...

Another address update: Rocky lives at 30 Beverly Park.

http://www.tmz.com/photos/celebrity-homes/206352/

Anonymous said...

Kim still does live at home with Daddy, except not in the main house. I just caught a bit of her touring the property on an episode of "MTV Cribs: Most Expensive Cribs Countdown" this past weekend. Not sure what the original air date was.

HM said...

Stallone is in the Tuscan mansion (No 30) He has a Stallion head statue at his front gates.Sumner Redstone is next to Stallone (No 31). Paul Resiener is No 32. Denzel Washinghton is at No 41 (One of the largest homes a French Chateau design) not 29 (29 is Avi Arid). Rod is No 23, opposite Martin Lawrence No 24.
Eddie Murphy is in the recently built no 19. Larry Cohen is at 51.

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